Monthly Archives: July 2011

It’s Official. I Rule.

Okay, there’s a lot of things I’m not.

Like cool.

But guess what I AM?

A Project Management Professional (PMP)-certified project manager! Yes siree Bob. Today I passed the dreaded 200-question, 4-hour Project Management Institute (PMI) exam and join the ~400,000 PMP holders worldwide.

Yeah. I'll manage the CRAP out of your projects.

I’ve never been so happy to be called “moderately proficient” in all my life. And this also means…I finally get to add some credentials after my name!

Are you taking me more seriously now?

You should, because I’m going to be far too busy and important to post things like that anymore. Or this:

Or this:

P.S. – It’s also my wonderful husband’s 30th birthday. He’s the greatest, but I’ll always be younger. Wow. Maybe I am a lot of things.

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Holy Sh*t, That’s My Dog!

Long Introduction

Have Mercy

As you might recall, one of Uncle Jesse’s first tricks was, “Watch the hair, huh!” (An homage to his Full House namesake.) My jaw-droppingly expensive multi-generational Australian Labradoodle was 9-10 weeks old when he mastered this delightful ditty, immediately justifying his price tag.

Since then, I’ve come up with all kinds of ways to amuse myself at his expense. Mostly in the form of nicknames, which change on at least a biweekly basis*. (Current nickname: Schnoodle. Because he looks like a noodle, it rhymes with poodle, and he’s just so darn…schnoodly. Don’t you think?)

We also call him a ‘man’ instead of a ‘boy’. He’s a good man. A smart man. “Come here,

A Schnoodly man

man.” Along with his name, it tends to confuse people, so we keep doing it.

I also like replacing dog-related phrases and commands with things that are ticklier to my fancy. “Fetch,” for example, has become an appreciative, “Thank you.” As in, “Thank you in advance for bringing me that toy. It was so very kind of you.” Works like a charm.

Short Introduction

My favorite canine comic relief comes from what we say instead of, “Wanna go for a walk?” Instead we simply shout, with appropriate fervor, “Holy shit!” No explanation necessary. Just watch:


*P.S. – For the record, yes, he does answer to “Uncle Jesse”. No one ever believes me!

P.P.S. – We plan on dressing him up as a wedge of cheese this Halloween. Get it? A Cheese DOODLE! Also works for an Uncle Sam costume: A Yankee DOODLE!

The Girls Next Door versus…The Girl Next Door?

Photo credit: nydailynews.com

I’m watching “Hef’s Runaway Bride” on Lifetime.

Because why, you ask?

Because I love this stuff! I’m obsessed with the Playboy mansion. I’ve seen every episode of “The Girls Next Door” at least once. It’s strange though, you see, because I’m the real girl next door. The giggly, innocent one who’s made so many fashion mistakes Anna Wintour would stroke out, and had so many embarrassing moments it’s a wonder MTV never got ahold of me for a primetime show. But also the one who’s occasionally stepped outside of her shell long enough to sober-sing karaoke (“Walkaway Joe” by Trisha Yearwood, in case you were wondering) and make the first move on the boy she was (is!) in love with.

The Hef. Photo credit: muinvestmentclub.com

So what is it about The Hef and his bevy of beautiful bombshells that draws me in? Is it just because I’m fascinated with the Grand Canyon-sized gap between my life and this one? Probably. And also because I love men that love women. Hugh Hefner loves women. I mean, really loves them. He’s smart, funny, charming and successful and does it all without being smarmy. My favorite kind of man. He pulls it off like only the great ones can!

Luckily for me, I’ve got one of the great ones, and I can sit back and enjoy these shows for the entertainment that they are.

What do you think of Hugh and the Playboy mansion? Does it gross you out? And if it does, do you still watch?

How ’bout Trisha Yearwood (I love her too, by the way)? Any good karaoke stories??

Two Things You Have to See Today

#1 – Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon performing History of Rap PART 2 (!!!) on Monday’s Late Night with Jimmy Fallon:

#2 – This parking sign I saw outside of Kohl’s yesterday:

Did they know I was coming? Seriously, what’s the deal with this?? (I did a little homework, but I’m still not sure what the credentials are.)

What Happens in Your Head, Stays in Your Head

What’s a fantasy summer fling amongst guilty pleasure friends?

That’s right – it’s time to play: Name Your Top 5!

You know, it’s the game where you get to pick 5 celebrities you can hook up with -no strings attached- should you ever get the chance. Freebies!

Here’s my current Top 5!

#5 – Mila Kunis

#4 – Brody Jenner

This stand-by is purely physical. Photo credit: http://www.mtv.co.uk

#3 – Emma Watson

Photo credit: the-best-top-desktop-wallpapers.blogspot.com

#2 – Robert Pattinson

Yum. I think I'll need a bib, too.

#1 – Darren Criss

Photo credit: Out magazine

Now it’s your turn! Post your Top 5 in the Comments section below! …Pretty please, with lots and lots of whipped cream on top (or wherever you want it)?

…Wait, wait. A picture for #1 just wasn’t enough, was it? Duh. Here you go (a little piano, a little guitar, a whole lotta hot):

Wilfred: A Doggone Hoot, Don’tcha Think?

You might laugh when you read this, but when it comes to television and movies, I’m pretty picky. I usually go in with low expectations, and it takes a lot to impress me. There’s a new show on FX that has, surprisingly, hit the mark. And that show is a little 30-minute comedy called Wilfred.

Sure, it’s quirky, even a little weird and mysterious, but haven’t we been prepped for that with shows like Ally McBeal and Lost?

I love it. 

And I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I had a GI-NORMOUS crush on Elijah Wood when I was 12. In a strange turn of events, though, my affable, will-watch-anything-as-long-as-it’s-not-TOO-girly husband, refuses to get on board.

This makes me a little worried. About the Fate of the show, I mean, not my impeccable taste.

Because of the disparate opinions in my own household, I’m dying to know, what do YOU think of Wilfred?? And if you’re feeling really deep, who/what do you think Wilfred represents?

The Anti-Guilty Pleasure

The gloriously talented Charlene Kaye. (Photo credit: http://4.bp.blogspot.com)

I’ve been mulling this topic over for a while. I’m sure, given that you’ve memorized all of my posts, you can recall my first (and only) Public Service Announcement. “Is that the anti-guilty pleasure?” I’ve wondered. “Charitable acts? Something you feel good about liking/doing? Or is it something that brings you displeasure? Like dieting.”

I’m pretty sure it’s the former. (And as a [self-proclaimed] subject matter expert, let’s just go with what I think.)

To that end, I’d like to talk about Kickstarter! It’s kind of the coolest thing ever. I had no idea what it was until a musician I adore, Charlene Kaye, started sending out Tweets about backing her next album. Kickstarter, according to their home page, is ‘a new way to fund and follow creativity.’ It’s very similar to how you might support someone in a charity walk, minus the depressing statistics and self-righteousness. Each artist has their own page where they can include background info, videos and details about what you’ll receive depending on how much you donate to their next/current project.

This week, thanks to 342 backers, Charlene reached her 30k goal (she hit her original 20k goal so quickly she upped the ante) and I’m going to make out like a bandit! I get an advanced autographed copy of that album I helped fund, for starters, along with a host of other goodies, like an exclusive mp3 and sticker/button set, the value of which certainly exceeds the $35 I donated.

The greatest reward, of course, is knowing I helped a struggling/up-and-coming artist get by without having to resort to things like prostitution. Or waitressing. And when they hit it big, I can take some of the credit! (Okay, so maybe there’s a little self-righteousness in this after all.)

I’d love to hear about any of your Kickstarter (or similar) experiences, as well as your thoughts on the anti-guilty pleasure!

Now please, enjoy a live performance of the title track of Charlene Kaye’s next album, Animal Love:

I’ve Been Waiting For You to Ask Me, But I Can’t Wait Forever

You guys are so cool. I love everything about you. Especially the way you furrow your eyebrows and tilt your head when you read my blog. It’s so cute. What I’m trying to say is… I want this to work out. I really do. But I don’t know how much longer I can wait.

Why aren’t we talking about my blog banner photo?!

Venice Beach, circa 2004

I really hope seeing it didn’t make you think I was more sensitive or introspective or beautiful than I really am. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am all of those things, but that wasn’t the point.

It’s the epitome of guilty pleasure, in all its glorious, self-serving cheesiness! 

#1 Sunset.

#2 Beach.

#3 Over the shoulder.

What are some of your favorite guilty pleasure pics?? Any from your own blog? (Remember the chipmunk eating Dunkaroos? Or the animals dressed as other animals?) Yes, 7-year-old MySpace headshots TOTALLY count!

Here are some recent favs, for your viewing pleasure:

Photo credit: strangenature.com

Photo credit: strangenature.com

Photo credit: humor-in-photos-and-pictures.blogspot.com

Photo credit: designyourway.net

I’ve Really Outdone Myself This Time. Thanks, Harry Potter.

I won. Everyone, I won. That contest you didn’t know was happening? The one where I try to top my own guiltiest pleasure geek out? Well, I won it. Last night.

Let me take you back in time. To last night, I mean.

I decided to order tickets to “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2” for next Saturday – the first showing, at 11:30am, like the old lady I am. Normally I enjoy ridin’ solo to the movies, but since they’re all now dine-in theaters around these parts, I feel a little awkward going alone. Thus, I told my sweet manly husband he had to accompany me.

“But I’ve never seen any of the movies,” he argued.

I merely grinned. “You have time to watch them all before next Saturday!”

“I haven’t read the books,” he reminded me.

His protests fell on deaf ears, but then he, like most married folk will eventually do, wizened up and busted out the Big C. No, no, geesh, the other one. Compromise. Condescension.

“How about you make a 5-minute presentation so I’m prepared?” he smirked.

“Yes! I would love to do that!” I exclaimed gleefully. I wasn’t about to let his sarcasm stand in the way of this incredible opportunity to not only write about Harry Potter in bulleted format, but also to use my knock-off PowerPoint software (thanks, Macintosh).

I got cracking right away, and at 10:30pm last night (well past my bedtime), it was ready. “It” being…

The most SPELLBINDING [less-than-]5-minute Harry Potter presentation you’ll ever see, sure to get any HP half-wit ready for the final installment!!!!! 

…I really should get out more.

HP-Presentation-for-Ed_Jul2011v2

Everyone’s a Winner with WordPress’s “Surprise Me” Mode

Those wee gerbils running WordPress.com  The amazing staff of WordPress, who I’m certain are soon going to put me on Freshly Pressed (i.e., the home page of WordPress), sure do have a sense of humor.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? Try updating your settings. Go to Users > Personal, and check off the first box (“Fun: Surprise Me”):

The first thing I noticed about ‘Surprise Me’ mode was a new check box when I went to add a Post:

What differentiates a regular post from a super-awesome one, you ask? In my case, nothing.

The second thing I noticed was on the Site Stats page, a tab to “Humanize” the numbers (click on picture to enlarge):

Sadly, I don’t think I’ll ever know what fun facts they have for numbers greater than 178 (and 178 heartfelt thank you’s to “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding”, by the way).

Then, today, in the ‘Track My Comments’ section, I saw this:

My guilty pleasure hat fascinator goes off to you, WordPress!

P.S. – To read the hilarious post referenced in the above Comments, click here.