Monthly Archives: September 2011

Blog, Blog, Blog Your Sillies Out

Hi cutie-patootie critters! You’re probably gonna want to play this while you read:

There is definitely something in the air today. Fridays usually bring out a certain level of giddiness, it’s true, but today takes the [ooey, gooey, chocolate-filled, cream cheese icing-topped, chipmunk-decorated] cake.

Not only was I positively thrilled to see (literally, see!) three of my favorite bloggers, Darla from She’s a MaineiacDeb from The Monster in Your Closet and Renée from Lessons From Teachers and Twits, participate in GOGP’s first video blogging contest, but some of my other favorite bloggers also seem to have caught their own case of the sillies in the past 24 hours. Love it! <–Understatement of the year.

“People who don’t know me think I’m amazing” from An Attempt At Humor

“If I Didn’t Work” from Lost and Forgotten

“Guess What?” from Girl on the Contrary (the comments on this one are priceless)

And now, I leave you with a fact that’s never before wormed its way into this blog: Ten years ago (!!), I met The Peppermeister while working at a special needs elementary school. We plan to leverage our combined awesomeness expertise, and barn, into an enchanting special ed summer camp within the next year or two (for realsies). Anyhoo, “Shake Your Sillies Out” was the best song I learned in those two years working at the school. Maybe the best song I’ve ever learned, well, period. What’s your favorite silly song? (Doesn’t have to be a kid song. I’m sure you guys remember this one from Ace of Base.)

P.S. – Why, yes, yes I did actually shake my sillies out before posting this. So enthusiastically that I forgot I let the dog out (…crud, don’t tell Peppermeister).

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WordPressure and How it Relates to Spontaneous Combustion

Is it hot in here, or is it just you?

Lofty post title, if I do say so myself. But it’s only fitting for one who has Merriam-Webster on speed dial. They’re currently reviewing my latest submission, and I have high hopes:

WordPressure (verb) – to peer pressure people who read your [Wordpress] blog into doing something they might otherwise never consider. (Though they should. Because you’ve given them a chance to win a truly spectacular prize, which you would gladly award yourself, but think it’s finally time someone else feel the amazing glow of victory.)

That, ‘munks (as in chipmunks), is WordPressure. WordPressure reminds me of another knock-your-flaming-socks-off kind of pressure* (annnnnd that’s how it relates, in case this post title was still bothering you):

If you see this guy, RUN.

Spontaneous Combustion.

Much like guillotines, this is one of my more…eccentric…guilty pleasures. (I blame Buffy. I’m sure you remember that dance-til-you-die episode.) Rumor has it, this week, a man in Ireland died of spontaneous combustion.

Do you buy it? Or are you too busy thinking about your own weird guilty pleasure (ya’ll better DIVULGE!)?

*And by pressure, apparently I mean: a buildup of static electricity inside the body or from an external geomagnetic force exerted on the body (thanks, science.howstuffworks.com).

The Next Big Thing: GOGP’s Video Blogging Craze!

My sweet, striped, forest-dwelling critters, I am about to harness the guilty pleasure god energy that was recently made available to me. Also steal borrow divine inspiration from the current vlogging trend about accents.

That’s right!

New vlogging phenomenon!

Starting right here, right now, courtesy of goguiltypleasures.com!

The Rules

#1 – Tell everyone who you are, why we should care, and what your silliest guilty pleasure is.

#2 – Incorporate my favorite word: heinous.

#3 – Oh yeah, you only have 30 seconds.  (Because every game is funnier when the clock is ticking.)

The Prize

It’s a surprise. I don’t want to alarm you, but let’s just say my pumpkin-carving skills rival my vlogging creativity.

Now, let’s kick this shizzle up to the next level and get started! And yes, this is my FIRST. EVER. VLOG!

YOUR TURN! (If you’d like to participate, but don’t have a blog or don’t want to post on your blog, feel free to submit videos on YouTube or directly to me at: JKSchnedeker@yahoo.com.)

DEADLINE: Pumpkin Season (a.k.a. October 22, 2011). …The contest might be over, but you can check out the winner and the AWESOME prize here!

The Guilty Pleasure Gods Are Smiling – Here’s Proof!

Alvin, Theodore, Simon. All my awesome little chipmunks. I don’t even know where to begin.

Since my last post, so many amazing things have happened. I think it’s because the guilty pleasure gods finally realized they have wi-fi, and have subsequently read my blog, and are letting me know they’ve heard me.

I know. My, I mean the gods', best work yet.

(SPOILER ALERT IF YOU DIDN’T WATCH THE “GLEE” PREMIERE YET! BUT SERIOUSLY. GET ON THAT SHIZ!)

PROOF #1: Blaine. Is. In. New Directions!!!!

That’s right. Like with any husband of mine, soaring instantly to success is inevitable. Darren Criss, a.k.a. Blaine Anderson on “Glee”, a.k.a my Second Husband, has left Dalton Academy to join the rest of the cast at McKinley High. That is no easy feat (except for the 10,000 people they let win “The Glee Project” this summer). I sure do hope they keep The Dalton Academy Warblers around, though.

Side note: Second Husband is coming to Broadway in January for 3 weeks, to replace Third Husband Candidate, Daniel Radcliffe, in “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.” I mention this because it means I have approximately 3 1/2 months to work on my “Why Polygamy Is The Right Choice for You” presentation. Powerpoint tips and public speaking pointers are welcome.

PROOF #2. The Good Greatsby imparted his timeless words of wisdom upon me today.

I plan on putting his advice into action immediately. You can check out the post here.

 

PROOF #3. I discovered a wickedly funny blog recently: Not Quite Old.

If you haven’t already read Nancy’s blog, head on over now! She was just given a Versatile Blogger Award, but I think she is better suited for the Wear-A-Diaper-Before-You-Read-This-Cause-It’s-That-Funny Blogger Award (though she certainly does show versatility in the subject matter she manages to turn into comedy gold – who knew orphans could be so chuckle-worthy?). In that way we are strikingly similar.

That’s all for now. Don’t forget to say your prayers tonight*.

*I should explain. The guilty pleasure gods are not all about genuflections and formality, if you catch my drift. They prefer you pass out on the couch after eating too many E.L. Fudge cookies, and you really, really need to make sure you leave the TV on. Well, I mean, only if you want to show your true devotion, that is.

I Have a Barn. How the F#%* Did That Happen?

I was raised 20 miles southwest of New York City, in a suburban New Jersey town where today city commuters still reign supreme and real estate is precious. I grew up thinking anyone with more than half an acre of land was a millionaire. Or crazy. I hated country music, horseback riding and wide open spaces. At 20, I transferred to college in Manhattan and became one of those commuters myself. I was sure I’d grow up to be an urban-dwelling writer/cat lady. Gladly so.

Now look at me. 29. Married. Project Manager. Labradoodle. Barn.

WTF.

I have a barn. What the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is a girl like me supposed to do with a barn? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately from a guilty pleasure perspective (duh, what other perspective is there?) and I have some ideas. I’m not dead-set on any, so I’d really appreciate your suggestions. (I know how creative you are when you’re supposed to be doing boring serious things. ;))

There’s the obvious:

  • Vodka Distillery.

  • Animals Dressed as Other Animals: An Aww-Inspiring Exhibit.

  • Sexy Secret Hiding Place for Second Husband, Darren Criss.

And the slightly less obvious:

  • Clubhouse for My Very First Cult. (Alert: Currently recruiting. Must love deep-fried Oreos and puppies. Serious inquiries only.)

  • Storage Room for guillotine, life-sized Twilight dolls, barrels of wine, aged cheeses and fireworks*.

  • Goat. You know. Maybe. Like one cute, little goat. And some chickens. Just 1 or 2 or 50. And the goat probably needs a friend, now that I think about it.

Admit it. You want some g.d. extraordinary chickens, too. (Side note: My bestie actually bought this calendar for someone once.) Photo credit: bumblebeeblog.com

*This might sound more impressive if you knew fireworks were illegal [for residents to own/set off] in New Jersey. …No? Still not impressed? Did you see that chicken?

What about THESE chickens? Boo-ya. Photo credit: mytakeonlife.com

 How has life surprised you??

Two Awesome Announcements From Your Favorite Blogging Power Couple

Let’s get right down to it, chipmunks.

Announcement Numero Uno

Hubster’s Peppermeister blog was Freshly Pressed (featured on the homepage of WordPress) today! I’m doing a mediocre job pretending not to be jealous that he was Freshly Pressed so shortly after starting a blog. You can read his now-famous post here.

Have you heard? He likes peppers.

Announcement Numero Dos

I’ve been contributing to a nifty new website, iheardin.com. I thought I’d point out a couple posts in case you’re looking for some new tunes! If you like reggae and cool things, Echo Movement released their latest album this week, and the overly-talented Hugh Laurie (of “House” fame) also released an album.

I like hats. And booze.

Magic is in the Air (and it smells just like fall TV season)

O.M.G.

I was just scrolling through my Facebook wall (which usually only results in me feeling like a terrible friend/daughter/sister/wife/person…seriously, who can keep track of all this shiz?), and I saw a reminder that 90210 is coming back tomorrow! (Aren’t we so glad they’re actually premiering stuff in early[ish] September again? That October nonsense had to go.)

I don’t know why I love this show as much as I do. It doesn’t make any sense, except that I fell in love with the original series when I was 9, and I guess that did something to me. Actually, it explains a lot.

Has Annie dealt with the demons of her drunk-driving past? Has Dixon finally moved on from his you’re-carrying-my-baby-just-kidding ex-girlfriend? Will Silver go off her meds again?  So many questions, so little time. I can’t wait.

Scrolling forward on my DVR, I had the purest, most beautiful-est GOGP moment of all time.

This almost replaces vodka. Almost.

Oh yes, chipmunks. It. Is. ON.

What show(s) are you frothing at the mouth for?? Any new ones (tomorrow night is going to be a good one for me – Ms. Buffy herself comes back to the small screen in “Ringer“!)?

You Say Tomato, I Say Thank You

So, in the days since I posted that I had green hair from swimming, I’ve imagined that you’ve spent many sleepless nights wondering how I’ve coped with my follicle foible. (Have I ever told you alliterations are a gargantuan guilty pleasure for gojulesgo?)

Well, I gave Mr. Heinz another go, this time on dry hair for a longer period (almost a full hour), and that, combined with a fresh dose of Clairol’s finest, seems to have done the trick.

I’m so overjoyed. My emotions, coupled with the extreme guilty pleasure pride I take in being a bottled blonde, have led me to celebrate the only way I know how.

With Hanson.

P.S. – Deb Bryan, I think we’re even now. ;)

One Steamy Relationship, Coming Up!

Photo credit (before amazing annotation): geekisland.com

“You are trying to kill me.”

This is the quote [of mine] that Hubster, the one and only Peppermeister, used for his latest blog post*. The other night he made guacamole and salsa containing twelve Serrano peppers and one lethal jalapeno. I don’t know where these jalepenos come from (oh, who am I kidding? I’m married to the Peppermeister – they’re called Biker Billy jalapenos and the plant came from Cross Country Nurseries), but let me assure you they throw the whole Scoville scale off. They’re the hottest mother loving thing I’ve ever eaten. One seedless, spineless, centimeter-long sliver has me researching ways to exact my revenge chugging milk.

The perfect accomplice.

I’m tentatively willing to let this one slide, because otherwise I’ll get stuck on dinner duty. My husband is a great cook, and takes no small amount of guilty pleasure pride in measuring his peppers, insisting I take daily tours of his organic pepper garden, and trolling pepper-related websites. He’s helped me build an impressive heat tolerance, but on Sunday night, he went too far.

If I suddenly stop blogging, please alert the Spice Authorities. I’m pretty sure they can still be reached at 1-800-DIE-WIFE.

*If it seems like I’m shamelessly promoting my spouse’s new-ish blog even though he just tried to snuff me, I’m sorry. On a totally unrelated note, I have really high hopes for my Christmas present this year.

Let’s Go…Glamping!!!

"Hey guys and gals, it's time to ditch this lame-ass scene!" Photo credit: stuff-and-nonsense.net

Are you tired of sleeping under the stars, of being totally at one with nature? Are you feeling a little too granola-y after a night on the ground? Or perhaps you have a few thousand dollars you don’t know what to do with? Well, have I ever got the answer for you!

Glamorous + Camping = GLAMPING!!!

Yeah, that’s right! 5 star wilderness retreats! A real bed! Plumbing! Classy meals! A butler! …Wait, you’re thinking, this sounds kind of like staying at an actual hotel. Nay, friends. Look, you’re still kind of in a tent:

Photo credit: Trendhunter

And you’re still kind of in nature:

Photo credit: goglamourcamping.com

And there are still meals around the fire…kind of:

Photo credit: pawsup.com

You didn’t really want to chop your own firewood and roast your own marshmallows anyway, did you?

For anything ranging from (cough, choke, sputter) $200-$2,000 a night (…per person…) one of these glamorous tents could be your own. The glamping trend is rapidly catching amongst the conflicted elite, and you can now find glamping resorts on nearly every continent.

So, what do you think? Are you having the maid tell your assistant to call your travel agent to book your trip right now?

P.S. – Okay, you caught me. I’d totally go glamping if I didn’t have to pay for it. (Especially here.)