Why Polygamy Is the Right Choice For You, Second Husband

Photo credit (before my professional-quality annotation): playbill.com

In preparation for January 7th, when I shall have my opportunity to see Second Husband, Darren Criss, in the flesh (in his Broadway debut: “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying“), I’ve been diligently working on my Why Polygamy is the Right Choice for You presentation. (As a project manager by trade*, I think I have a gift for expressing myself in animated clip art. I’m sure you’ll agree.)

Take a look!

So, what do you think? If you were a brilliant actor with the voice of an angel and a face that could turn a heart of stone to unicorn tears, would this win you over? (Be honest. This is important.)

*Lover of cheese by choice.

69 responses to “Why Polygamy Is the Right Choice For You, Second Husband

  1. OHMYGOD. I almost never watch videos people post. I am too busy creating world peace and thinking about whether coffee Haagen Dazs is the best proof we have that god exists. But I watched this and it is HILARIOUS. May you go viral on youtube. Or something.

    • What Renee said! I very, very seldom watch videos, but I’m glad I watched this one . . . even though I did so as the horrible mom who let her son sit in bed an extra few minutes to do so! *cough*

      SO FABULOUS. I’m on a Facebook hiatus this weekend, but when I come back, I am posting this with so much glee.

      (Get it? Get it? Hee.)

      “Like sitting on a cloud.” *giggle*

  2. Second comment, this one to the Freshly Pressed Gods: Here she is! I just realized I have used the word “god” 3 times now (4, if you could this sentence). That’s my quota for the year.

    • Renee, can I just say I totally love you right now?? You are definitely helping me combat the feelings of shame I have about posting this (since it’s 10am and I’m not sure I can start drinking yet). Maybe I can turn this around: pride over achieving a new level of shamelessness! Yes.

      Thank you thank you thank you :)

  3. Sooooo moving. Sooooo inspirational! Ha ha. Seriously I loved it! First thing I checked out this morning. I agree with Life in the Boomer Lane, it should definitely go viral. It also makes me ashamed that I can barely figure out how to add pictures to my posts and here you are creating Oscar-worthy videos to yours. I’m excited for your upcoming Broadway night and I can’t wait to read all about it!

    • Thank you so much times a kagillion (and maybe one more)!!! You know there will definitely be a post after the play! That is, if Second Husband will stop smooching me long enough to let me type it.

  4. Bravo!! Let us know how it works out – I’ve been wanting a Second Husband too! (but first I need a First Husband)

  5. Perfect. The best part is that I had to watch it without sound because my sound card is broken (oh, the irony) and I was still totally moved. If he is not moved likewise, then he’s a robot.

    PS: You can totally start drinking now.

    • Jules… I am speechless. I’m with JM Randolph here: you can start drinking now. I think I will even if you don’t.

    • The only audio is Glee’s version of “Blackbird,” so I’d like to say you didn’t miss much, but it IS “Blackbird”…and fairly well timed, if I do say so myself ;)

      Thank you so much for a) the Tweet and b) the drinking before noon advocacy. Mostly the latter. ;)

  6. ROFLMAO! I’m still laughing. . . . I’ll leave . . . a comment . . . When I . . . can breathe . . . again. *falls off chair*

  7. Seriously – get this on YouTube before this weekend.

  8. That was brilliant. Oh my lord!!! LOVED it! (of course I also have to mention your clever use of the PB cups…)

  9. Very impressive. As someone who possesses all 3 of those qualities in incredible amounts: Yes, totally won me over.

  10. I don’t know if I am more amazed with the actual video or your power point abilities. You should come do a “seminar” for my 6th graders!

  11. This video is so professional, so persuasive, so moving..I’m ready to sign up to be husband #2!! But I can’t because, basically, I’m not a guy. You have AV skills I can only dream about.

    BTW, Renee called the Freshly Pressed gods down on my post, and it happened. She has powers – just sayin’.

    • And it only took me 10 days to get the f%#%%&^ thing posted properly! (The timing is still messed up in the first few seconds.) LOL!!

      Sweet. I’m ready, FP overlords.

  12. How can he resist? (either becoming 2nd husband or filing a restraining order… but i’m sure he’ll immediately fo for the 2nd hubby thing) Good luck!

  13. If I was him I’d be interested just on effort put into the presentation alone; which shows real commitment. I also think you missed an opportunity in pointing out to him that polygamy would mean he’d have someone to share his male incomprehension at the winding, twisty and complicated female psyche as summed up by him being able to ask Husband ‘A’ ‘Do you know why she just got OTT angry about me accidentally buying 2 jars of pickled betroot?’

    • Right?? Nothing says love like learning to use new software (this is Mac’s version of PowerPoint, and once I actually figured it out, it was pretty dang awesome…but that might be the project manager in me talking!)!

      Also, I think it speaks highly of my general appeal that I’ve already managed to convince one man to marry me.

      Thanks so much for reading and (hilariously) commenting, but most of all, for your support of polyamorous relationships. :)

  14. I feel like I have been waiting with anticipation for this power point for a good two months, and finally its happened! i love it. I love the arrows. I think letting him have the booth seat is a bit much though Jules, are you sure you can commit to that? marriage is one thing but the booth seat? come on now xx

    • I love it! But you’re right, I might have spoken too soon about the booth seat (that was my favorite part of the presentation, I think)… Well, I didn’t say anything about sharing my champagne, so that’s good.

  15. Saw your soon to be second husband on Kelly Ripa show (whatever it is now) this morning. Pretty sure my daughter would fight you for Darren. Your post is brilliant.

    • Ooh I can’t wait to see it – you know I DVR’d it!

      Thank you so much, and thank you for the follow! That makes my day.

      Do you think I could distract your daughter with a shiny pink GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet?

    • Thank you so much, Rach! This was a blast to do (until I got to the part where I realized I’d have to re-do it on my Mac because PowerPoint doesn’t let you convert to video, and YouTube doesn’t let you upload PowerPoints, ACK! Unless, of course, you want to drop $50 on special software, grrr).

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  20. That was AWESOME. I wish I knew how to do that! But maybe I would never do anything else. But would that be so bad?
    A funny and very compelling argument. You have to find a way to make sure he sees this.

    • Just for saying that I totally need to send you a slap bracelet. (Seriously – if you’re interested, you can email me at JKSchnedeker@yahoo.com! I’m going to start posting people’s pictures of their slap bracelets this week. Yay!! I’ve gotten some great pics!)

      Wouldn’t that be WILD (and potentially mortifying) if he ever saw it??? LOL

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  22. Saw you on the WordPress page, and now I can’t stop reading. I totally rock the side pony at least twice a week! Love it.

    • Thank you so much – what a compliment!! And that warms the darkest corners of my guilty pleasure heart to hear that about the side pony. I love wearing one, too, and raise my side pony in salute to yours (I think it’s time to one-up the high five)!

  23. Can all of your posts PLEASE be about Second Husband? It would make the world an infinitely better place.

    PS- this is random, but I just remembered on my facebook, under my religion, it says I am a Darren Criss-tian. :D

  24. I loved this – brilliant! Currently the argument against gay marriage in Australia is that if we allow it we’ll have to allow polygamy… funnily enough the argument works vice versa… that is their entire “official” argument for not allowing either… I think we should send them your video! I already have a hubby, but I am definitely on the 2nd hubby train now hahaha. Damn that boy can sing!!!

  25. Shared this on FB BTW

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  27. Since you asked and since I cannot tell a lie except for how dresses and such look at night, it’s you who’s face can turn a heart of stone to unicorn tears so “Yes!” I am already won over :) (It is really true) BTW how far from me do you live? I’m not sure I can constantly remember your husband’s face so as to be on the alert…
    And can you maybe get the powers that be to move this darn reply box up to the top of the list? Ok. Thank you!

    • Ha ha! Thanks so much, Steve! This bodes very well for my chances with Second Husband… he grows more popular by the day. I fear I must act swiftly. LOL

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