Choose Your Own Adventure Friday

To protect the innocent devilishly awesome, let’s just say a friend of a friend of a monkey’s uncle knows someone who’s been posting really interesting things on Facebook lately.

Now I know I just talked about the social media ‘over share’ disease in my last post. Normally I have an allergic reaction to my Facebook wall, and simply just try to remember to wish people a happy birthday, but hearing this tale unfold like an episode of 90210, well… I’m riveted.

This FOAFOAFOAMU (Friend Of A Friend Of A Friend Of A Monkey’s Uncle, geesh, try to keep up) has been posting about their newly lavish lifestyle. There are expensive houses (okay, just one. THAT I KNOW OF), vacations, big parties, pricey day trips, you name it. Something new on the daily.

You see, it just doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t add up. I mean, literally. The money. It doesn’t add up. Where is it coming from? My first thought was: Well, they probably just inherited dough from a relative.

Zeal thinks they stole it. Of course he does.

But where’s the fun in that? Here are other options I’ve come up with:

They…

  • founded a covert but obviously successful Mail Order Second Husband business. …Dang. Why didn’t I think of that? Oh wait, I did. Score
  • developed a frozen margarita that doesn’t cause brain freeze or bad decisions
  • figured out a way to make cars punch people when they don’t use their blinkers
  • discovered bacon that doesn’t splatter molten hot grease when you fry it
  • invaded Gayle’s mind via her dreams (a la Inception) and got the number to Oprah’s Swiss bank account. The one they were using to pay for their secret wedding and deserted island
  • are murder-for-hire assassins, but that’s not how they made their fortune. While they were hunting down terrorists in really awesome disguises and black leather pants, they stumbled across a fountain of youth in a remote part of the Australian outback, and now sell each drop for anywhere from 100k-1 million, depending on how old rich you are. By the by, did anyone else love the book Tuck Everlasting when they were kids? Why didn’t they make all these awesome books into movies when I was the appropriate age to enjoy them?

I’d keep going, but I’ve got to go catch a train…

…because…

Peppermeister (Husband Numero Uno) and I are going to see a taping of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon!

Now there’s something I didn’t make up today.

Me too, Zest. Me too.

I hope you Chipmunks have a wonderful weekend, full of Facebook fantasies and fascinating friendships. (And alliteration. But I’ve got you covered there. No, no. It’s my pleasure.)

Are you captivated by any particular person’s social media over shares? Tell me everything.

64 responses to “Choose Your Own Adventure Friday

  1. I have never found anybody else who read Tuck Everlasting! I loved that book, and was always wondering what happened to the frog at the end….. ribbit ribbit! Enjoy Jimmy Fallon (quickly googles who he is)….. Have an awesome sauce time! xxxxxxxxxxx

    • Kate! Why am I not surprised?! Did you ever read Bridge to Terabithia? That was my all-time fav, and they finally made it into a movie a few years ago. It’s actually a GREAT movie, too. And I just found out the author does YA writing contests. Too bad I don’t write YA, LOL

      I was wondering if Jimmy’s awesomesauciness had made it across the pond yet… He used to be on Saturday Night Live, and now he has his own talk show. He is the cat’s meow!!

      • That is one of my Mum’s favourite books that she would read to her school class! :-) x (And ‘The Weirdstone of Brisingamen’) Must try and catch this Jimmy man…. I better go home and watch my Mum’s wealth of sky channels :-D

  2. All that to get o Jimmy Fallon? *swoon* Damn, girl. You funny. And I’m jealous. I want to know everything. He is so freaking cute. He would be my Husband #2. Totally.

    • Oooh, really, Renee?? You have FABULOUS taste, but I guess we knew that already. I will let you know when my mail order Second Husband (I was going to say Second Groom, but it just doesn’t have the same ring to it) business is up and running.

      P.S. – I like to consider this post a twofer. ;)

  3. Have a super awesome chipmunky wknd! I think its so cool that you live close to NY to go to shows and tapings,,have fun.

    • Thank you so much, Nikki! I am so behind on blog reading, but I figured Jimmy counts as sort of a hall pass, LOL

      This is an early birthday present for Peppermeister (I had to up the ante since he got me a hot air balloon ride), because he’s never been to a show taping before! And I haven’t been since we met, but I’ve been to this same studio, when Conan O’Brien was the host. I think I still have a cue card somewhere. That was…14 years ago! GAHHHH!

  4. oh and pls ask husband #1 to update his blog,,or I am going to have to start sling shooting peppers across the border at him!!

    • LOL! I almost didn’t link to his blog here because he hasn’t posted in so long! Rest assured, though, that his pepper garden is alive and well. He is going hog wild. I don’t know how he does it, but everything thrives and is organic. It’s awesome.

  5. I’d go with the assassins for hire scenario. Just because.

    Oh, and stop being so damn critical of my FB statuses, would ya? Your jealousy’s peeking. ;)

    Have fun at the taping!! That’s so awesome. I’ve always wanted to do that. Maybe we can try to do something like that in NY when you come for BlogHer!! :)

    • Ha ha! I think I know why, Misty. That’s the scenario with the leather pants!

      Speaking of leather pants… I can’t wait for my dose of weekly whacked.

      That WOULD be awesome, but could be tricky, since most shows have more of a lottery type deal where it’s hard to get a specific date (you have to be flexible), and you have book in advance (and they tape when we’d probably be at the conference). On the upside, it’s free! :)

  6. I want all your options to be true. I will invest. . . wait, do you need money to invest? Can I invest glow-in-the-dark rubber duckies? I have lots of those.

    • I will gladly barter if you throw Hugo in the mix, but something tells me he’ll keep popping back up in your life. And he won’t be happy when he hears you tried to give him away…

  7. Hey, I toured Jimmy Fallon’s set when I was in New York last year. You’ll be tromping over the same ground I walked on, so it’s like we’re in the same place but different time dimensions and finally meeting. Charmed, I’m sure.

    Have a great weekend!

    • You did, Peg? I AM charmed, for sure! That’s awesome. Rockefeller Plaza is pretty nifty. Even Peppermeister, who really doesn’t care for the city, was impressed (he’d never been inside the building before! Sad but typical tale of someone who grew up 12 miles from the city, LOL).

      I hope you have a wonderful weekend, too (free of slow lines)! We’re just trying to keep cool – it’s steamy in Jersey. As steamy as Jimmy’s smile. Whew.

  8. Hope you enjoy the show!

    Maybe they’ve just decided to throw in the towel and rack up lots of debt?

  9. I have definitely stayed friends with people on FB just so I could laugh at them. I’d worry about my being a bad person but I just don’t care.

    My friend’s father actually came up with a very complex system involving multicolored darts and tracking devices to deal with cars that don’t use their turn signals. Car-punching, however, sounds like it would be much easier to use. And more gratifying.

    • ha ha Hannah, thank you for your honesty! I feel like certain people are just asking for it. If they can’t control themselves on their walls, why should we in taking joy from their ridiculousness? ;)

  10. Richard Wiseman

    No I’m not captivated by people’s Facebook overshares, but I’d love to link with the pages of people I don’t know at all, but without them seeing my page. That way I’d get to see some interesting stuff that I didn’t know about, plus it’d be like digital people watching, which would be cool. Now a friendly warning for you Mrs Go, Go, GO – No random behaviour at the Jimmy Fallon recording; you know what I’m talking about… don’t do it!

    • LOL A social media voyeur! I think everyone wishes they could do that.

      It almost got rowdy over at Fallon’s studio – it was the Friday before a week-long vacation for the cast and crew! But they have some top-notch security. Le sigh.

  11. When a punching car is developed, I am buying one! Dang drivers that don’t use blinkers… :)
    Not really interested in what people are doing during every minute of every day… I find the flaunting especially aggravating. “Going to fancy restaurant!” “Am at fancy restaurant with tagged friends” “Hahaha you aren’t with us!”

    • Oh, Susie, AMEN! I don’t understand people who post, like, 50 pictures every time they go out to some bar. It’s the same pictures every weekend, new outfit.

      BTW how are you doing?? I just saw another report about the fires. Are you/your friends okay??

      • We are okay thanks! The Flagstaff (Boulder) and High Park (Ft. Collins) fires are supposed to be contained by tomorrow. The Colorado Springs (Waldo Canyon) fire was the worst. 347 homes burned down. That one is 2 hours away, but no less devastating. Obama visited yesterday and was in shock. It is only 30% contained. It is supposed to be 100 degrees and dry again today…

  12. Has the person remotely mentioned how they’ve somehow come into all this loot? You got to imagine that you’re not the only one wondering. I bet their making up the whole thing and just posting pictures off people’s pinterest fantasy boards.

    Or you know they used Breaking Bad for inspiration and started their own Meth business?

    • NO, they haven’t! That’s what makes it so riveting! I know enough to know that there’s no earthly way they can be MAKING it from their day jobs, so it has to be coming from somewhere else… And you’d think they wouldn’t want people to know, no matter how they got it.

      ha ha the fantasy boards idea is brilliant. I can’t BELIEVE I didn’t think of a meth lab. Meth labs are my favorite. Along with beheadings and outbreaks. (I know. I have problems.)

  13. Jimmy Fallon. He’s so great on Castle! All those quick quips.

    Oh, that’s Nathan Fillion, you say??

    Hmm, never mind then.

  14. If you get a picture touching Quest-Love’s afro I will write you a poem… or write a poem to your chipmunks… your choice.

    • Oh man. I so wish I could have; they are SO strict about pictures with these things. They literally have a security person who just stands there the WHOLE show and scans the audience, making sure no one is too loud, etc.

      You know how they say people and studios look smaller in person (and they almost ALWAYS do)? Not the case with Questlove and his ‘fro! The Roots were in HIGH spirits (har har) – I think because it was Friday before a week-long vacation for everyone on the show! The Roots are so unbelievable.

  15. That final picture! THAT PICTURE! I’m so glad you blogged today. More to the point, I am so glad you blogged that, so that’s the image in my mind instead of my son’s noseblood as he waved bye-bye a few minutes ago.

    Wait, wait. I’m NOT going there again. Chipmunk-Jimmy Fallon love! THAT is where I am going!

    • Ha ha! Aw, Deb, I saw this comment after the taping and it really made me smile :) I’ll definitely have to do a post about the show on Monday. No crazy stories to tell, but it was totally awesome, and I love Jimmy even more now!

      Although the part that didn’t make me smile – hearing about Li’l D’s nosebleed! I hope he’s okay now?

  16. I love Jimmy Fallon’s “story.” How he went from the doofus on SNL who couldn’t stay in character and giggled his way through every sketch, to everyone being baffled that he got a talk show, to stumbling through that, to emerging as immensely earnest and likable and skilled. It’s the feel-good story of the year.

    • Me too! I read a long article about him (I think it was Rolling Stone?) a while back that made me like him even more. According to the reporter, he really is as nice and enthusiastic as he comes across. Yesterday he was great, but you could tell how seriously he takes his show; between shooting he was mouthing the cue cards or talking to ‘suits,’ etc. I wasn’t surprised at all; you’ve got to be SO GOOD to pull off that job and have a show of that caliber riding on your shoulders.

      P.S. – Your latest post was the only thing that made the last 10 minutes of waiting to get into the studio more tolerable (read it on my phone). “We’re sorry, we know it’s ridiculous, but you can’t stand here! Come back in THREE MINUTES. It’s a fire hazard!”

  17. I sometimes wonder “what are we doing wrong” when everyone else is living in big house & driving new car……now I know, they are secret genius with crazy fabulous money making scheme on the down low…Brilliant really Brilliant. That Gayle probably knows all kinds of juicey stuff.

    • LOL! I am so glad I could shed some light on this mystery. I, too, had been trying to figure it out for ages, and then finally I realized, Gayle! Yes. She has all the answers.

  18. Hey, maybe they are the people who introduced the Facebook-alternative between two people (was it Path?), and have decided to cash in before people figure out that it is only email (or sms).

  19. Once upon a time there was a place called the AOL chatroom. A land of perfect and beautiful people (hey I was just visiting and I like only dated two or three women I met on line – so stop judging me okay). It seemed on these weekend evenings that so many “chatters” were packing for some big trip, or dressing for a great party, or off to some important job. Of course there was the obvious…how is one doing that while typing 40 words per minute? Today, we have FB. Far less stressful than making up a life “on the fly,” as it provides the opportunity to really think about how we want to frame our fame. How we want to “spin” our activities and of course, which song lyrics best serve as a secret message to that love-hate relationship we have fulfilling our lives. I do however, love Face Book because I no longer have to send birthday cards or make holiday phone calls…responsibility fulfillment is just one wall post away :)

    • Hi Raymond! Full disclosure – I totally went on a few ‘online match-up’ dates myself! That was 10 years ago, but Match.com was already overshadowing chat rooms by then. Although…I was no stranger to the chat rooms either, LOL

      “…which song lyrics best serve as a secret message to that love-hate relationship” made me crack up! I have a few suspects in mind with that one…

  20. I had a friend who posted minute by minute details of his wife’s labor and delivery saga on FB. (“She’s 7 centimeters!”)

    I say “had a friend” for a reason, if you know what I mean.

  21. Oh, Facebook. You little so-and-so, you. My newest Facebook overshare incident involved some woman my husband is “friends” with (I was on his iPhone during a long drive home from Kansas City this weekend). I’m sure she’s perfectly nice — but she felt the need to post a profile photo she took of herself in a bikini: “I’m 9 weeks pregnant today!” Seriously, not even the tiniest noticeable bump. Nothing. Which was the point I suppose. Awwww, cute!

    So was Jimmy everything you hoped for and more?!

    The Disney movie version of Tuck Everlasting disturbed me! I can only remember parts of it and there’s a small chance I’m mixing it up with Something Wicked This Way Comes.

    • Ooh, Angie, I’m way late in responding to this! I was too distracted by that picture of JP.

      It sounds like this “friend” was showing off in every way possible. And oh yes, Jimmy was what peanut butter is to chocolate, what Pink is to Glee covers, what peppers are to First Husband, what…okay. Stopping.

      LOL Tuck Everlasting is a little disturbing. Just the way I like my Disney.

  22. Pingback: Monday Mash-Up feat. Hot Things | Go Jules Go

  23. Sadly, I think all of my posts are the bomb. Delusions of grandeur (giggle).

    Really, my favorite posts might just be I Want a Dumpster’s Baby or If only I Had Applied Myself–short, simple, funny, sweet, irreverent.

  24. Options for where they found the dough? Please, do go on…..!!! :)

  25. 1. So, so jealous of the Jimmy Fallon taping. I hardly ever get a chance to watch his show, but I totally love it when I do.

    2. Maybe the FB oversharers are part of an underground trafficking unit and are about to get nabbed by the FBI! Maybe they are too daft to realize that their status updates are leading the feds right to their (lavish) front door! Drama! Intrigue!

    Can’t wait to read the follow-ups to both (i.e. Fallon and FB).

    • Hiya Dana! I always love ‘seeing’ you up in this piece :)

      We NEVER stay awake long enough to actually watch Jimmy (not even on Friday night to try to see ourselves) – thank chipmunks for DVR!

      I am so glad you appreciate the FB intrigue. And you’re so right. They’re leading the feds RIGHT to their fancy, gilded door!

  26. I’m glad i’m not the only one who has those thoughts when i see someone is going for their 5th vacation in what seems like weeks. It really started most when I first started on facebook. I would always be like, “how the heck is that person doing all of these things?”. I have to say i never came up with the great ideas that you did. I just told myself they were in terrible amounts of debt XD.
    The weirdest thing i saw on facebook today was someone who took a picture of their baby in a highchair and then went on to describe how he didn’t like cawliflower and all the things she mixed in with it to finally make him eat it. I was like, why the heck do i care? And then i reminded myself of the many cat pictures i’ve posted on my facebook and felt hypocritical and ashamed heh ;)

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