Oh, Snap

This is a post I wrote many moons ago and never published. Its alternate title is Filler Post #198 So Jules Can Get To Her 200th Blog Post This Week. I respect you too much to lie about this.

There is something endlessly appealing about the rock star dream. The thing is, we can’t all be Justin Biebers and Selena Gomezes. The rest of us get to pay $12 a month to secretly screech ourselves hoarse on SingSnap, playing back the audio as we bemoan the injustice of our pitchiness and lackluster tone.

Yes. I’m talking about a karaoke website. And it’s one of my all-time favorite guilty pleasures. I’ve subscribed for several years, and show no signs of stopping. In fact, they recently ran a great deal and I signed up for a whole year.

I’ve always had the good sense to keep this hobby to myself, but often wonder how many skills and blessings I would gladly give up for the gift of the golden voice. Oh, to successfully sing a run, or master Whitney Houston!

First Husband getting his sing on.

It’s no surprise, then, that both my best friend and First Husband are talented musicians/singers, and that I’ve religiously watched American Idol since its inception. I’ve seen Glee live in concert. Twice. I even have my favorite amateur singers on YouTube. (I totally own the bragging rights of, “I subscribed to Alyssa Bernal when she was still just hchsknights08.”)

Because it doesn’t really matter how much you practice, or how badly you want it, I’ve set my sights on other goals. Like getting maintaining my Project Management Professional (PMP) certification. And baking. You should try my carrot cake, it’s really filling.

I mean, fulfilling.

I made this. It’s carrot cake.

What’s your rock star dream? You know, the thing you wish you could do but are pretty sure unicorns would cry if you did?

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111 responses to “Oh, Snap

  1. Many moons ago I was totally groupy-ing on a band after a bad break up (It helped me get over it, I swear). My BFF would spend every weekend in the City at their home club dancing and cheering them on. We became friends with the band (I ended up dating the bass player – REALLY helped heal that broken heart!) and on New Year’s Eve I was drunk….I mean lucky enough to sing “I Will Survive” onstage with the band. That was my rock star dream. :)

  2. Well, since you’ve asked. I wanted to be Selena Gomez until I read this. Thanks for dashing my hopes. ;-)

  3. Do you mean you actually put carrots in something and called it *dessert*? My kids are too smart for that.

    My rock star dream is to get my blackbelt in kickboxing and my fitness certificate so I can teach little kids how to kickbox. Then when they sign up for class, I will sing until they knock me out, thereby ensuring their success in keeping the world a place where only the best singers can remain conscious. Or something like that. But to be honest it’s going to take a few years before I get there.

  4. Ahh, in my head I’m an amazing singer. Yup, there’s lots of BS in my head. Um the cake, genius! ;)

  5. I can actually say I made it, just over ten years ago in Boston: put out a couple of EPs produced by Boston punk legend Dave Minehan (The Neighborhoods, Aerosmith), tons of major shows and airplay (had to turn down Nada Surf because we were already booked, and got un-booked for Jennifer Love Hewitt, the bitch), got featured as background music on a couple of MTV shows…not at all glamorous, but it was a great run.

  6. No rock star dreams here, unless you count finally being an actual writer.

  7. I’m related to a rock star, does that count? LOL! Jules, your blogs are so fun to read. Soooooo, you’ve just been awarded the “Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award”. I’m sure you’ve received many and will receive many more. Congrats on your awesome blogging! Please go see the details: http://mylifeisapictureshow.wordpress.com Liza

  8. i almost chocked on my ice cream, did you say rock stars like selena and justin b? saw glee twice in concert. it’s almost like we don’t know each other. and i was so looking forward to that vodka ice cream concoction… damn.

    • Selena and Justin aren’t old enough to drink, so we don’t have to worry about them crashing our party, at least?

      I was trying to think of the least ‘rock and roll’ singers I could, but I can’t lie. I don’t hate on the Biebs and his gal pal. I can’t hide from my guilty pleasure-ful life. I love Glee (Byronic Man and I went head-to-head on that in a blog post deal-io a while back). And pop music. And I may have had ‘NSync bobblehead dolls on my car dashboard when I was 19. They were disturbingly lifelike and somehow I feel that that makes it okay.

  9. nightsinguatemala

    Extra cream please :P

  10. First the coloring and now this! If I could magically have anything I wanted – just one thing – I would ask for a beautiful singing voice. I love, love, love to sing! It brings me so much joy. Unfortunately, it brings others to tears. Oh, well.

  11. I used to want to be on Broadway. But then I decided I needed a more steady job so as to not be completely and utterly poor if I didn’t make it big.

    So I decided to be a journalist. Turns out, they’re poor, too.

    • Emily!! Look at your new gravatar! My, what a perfect choice! ;)

      I hear you. I went into publishing for a bit and then left for the same reason… I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. They keep telling me blogging doesn’t count. BUT I BEG TO DIFFER.

  12. Yeah, there’s the “being an actual writer” dream, and I have had my singing fantasies, but really, I would be a dancer. I actually can dance pretty well to Latin and swing music, and I learned a bit about belly dancing when I was in Turkey. But in my fantasies, I’m amazing.

    Oh, and I would totally be Buffy the Vampire Slayer if I could. Or Linda Hamilton from Terminator 2. Or basically any badass female who can handle scary weapons and kill demons and evil robots. :)

    • Oh. Leonore. You rock. And I bet you can cut a rug into smithereens.

      I think about being Buffy ALL the time. No one believes me when I claim I’m grace under life-threatening pressure (’cause I sweat the small stuff). Just give me ONE zombie apocalypse or vampire invasion to finally prove myself once and for all.

      If nothing else, I can distract them with cream cheese icing.

  13. Don’t really have anything against JB and S, It’d be like hating on cute puppies. plus, i have my own guilty pleasures as well – shout out to the housewives! – so who am i to judge. so we’re ok. i’ll still bring the cream to the party. i do think you should read one of my posts, for all you know i could be someone with a weird fettish for chipmunks with mustaches. it’s a strange world my friend.

  14. My singing is so bad that I am not even allowed to sing in church where other voices could, possibly, drown me out. But I would give almost anything to have one-half of the musical talent of my relatives who seem to have grabbed all the musical genes. So I sing away in the shower, in the car, and sometimes to Shelby (she howls along with me).

    I would love to be a stand-up comedienne. I mean other than the little routine I do in front of the classroom. That’s fun – for me, anyway.

    But the writer dream – that’s the one…

    • I would love to be in your class, Katy! Your wordplay alone… man. So yeah. I think the writer thing is more a ‘reality’ and less of a ‘rock star dream’ for you.

  15. Richard Wiseman

    I’m musically backward,seriously. However this youtube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fne7FSVU43c of my son last year doing his very first stage performance with his band, a band that he has left to go solo already because ‘they’re not taking it seriously dad!’ shows that dreams become ambitions when we work at them. Oh and he’s improved his singing voice by himself dramatically in a year and the guitar work is much improved. (The bad guitar solo on this video is his one time friend,the guy hiding in a hoodie, whom he decided wasn’t good enough). Rock on Jules, give me a good baker over a good singer any day. Singing is all very well, but cake…well it’s cake!

    • How cool is that?! You must be so proud. That is truly impressive for his age! (I love Green Day.)

      If only you burned more calories baking. And eating the fruits of your labor. Then. Well. There’d be no stopping me.

      • Richard Wiseman

        Get a pick up truck, put the cake plate on the back and give chase! You can have your exercise and eat! Hey great Olympic sport. People would have to cycle and grab cakes instead of bottles as they passed! “I’m afraid he’s out of the medal stakes there Jim, disqualified for testing positive for indigestion remedies.It’s that sort of thing that gives professional cake eating & bike riding a bad name.Now over to Karen with news on the two hundred metres freestyle tomato soup swimming…”

        • Ha! Wait — is it too late to enter this into B Man’s Weekly Question of the Week contest? Crud. That Olympics question is long gone. Maybe I can distract him with carrot cake.

  16. I wish I could be paid writing comments on your blog.

  17. I sing well in the shower – – anywhere else, not so much! LOL

  18. I wish I could sing like I used to.

    Because I was Stevie Nicks on stage.

    And Whitney Houston, too.

    In my car.

    When I was alone.

  19. Man! I am shamefully behind on your posts. i have read them and will comment probably tomorrow when i am doing a whole lot of nothing on my day off :D I’m glad you posted that youtuber because i am totally a nerd for online musicians but haven’t found her yet!
    If I could do anything really well it would be dance! i feel like i have buttloads of the passion for dance and none of the talent that is needed to go along with it

    • Erin! Good to see you my friend :) And please don’t EVER feel like you need to catch up here; I think I’ve given up on the concept of catching up on blogs at this point! I *am* hoping to feature your Harry Potter gifting awesomeness in an upcoming post – I’ve been saving it for a ‘Summer is Hot’ issue ;)

      I would love to boogie down with you. Guarantee you would feel better about your skillz.

  20. Have you heard of Matty B raps? You should YouTube him. I think you might get a kick out of/be equal parts appalled and unable to look away from it.

  21. I don’t know what you all are talking about. When I was a kid I dreamed about becoming a mid-management office drone in a large company. With a lot of drinking in college, er I mean, “hard work and dedication” I got to live my dreams. Second choice would definitely be porn star.

    • They even let me have my own cubicle – and coffee’s only 25 cents! Sometimes I stand at the printer that’s all the way on the other side of the floor and pinch myself.

  22. Look at your hubs up there in that photo rockin’ it out! yeah!

    what’s my rock star dream? To be a rock star. Duh. You’ve heard me sing (granted I was practically whispering…)

    My dream is to sing a duet with a digital halogram image of John Lennon. Think you can make that happen for me, Julesy?

    • Shrinky Dinks! You CAN really sing. I feel like you should be exempt from this question. It’s not fair to the rest of us.

      Hmm. You know how I like to make things happen… ;)

  23. Dancing. I mean, So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance kind of CRUMPING. God I would love that.

    But in reality, I can\’t even look semi-unembarassing unless I\’ve had 2 drinks.

    • Thank you for using the word ‘crumping.’ I’ve felt for so long like something was missing from my blog, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

      Just for that, I will buy you THREE drinks.

  24. I’m with you. I would love to have a great voice and be able to sing. Sadly, my singing voice sounds like a bag of cats being beaten against a rock. Ask my hubs. He will confirm. Which saddens me greatly, because I love music and once I hear a song once or twice, usually can sing all the words and harmonies. So sad that I cannot share this skill with the world.

    I would also love to act, but we’ve obviously seen what happens when I get up on a stage, so um, thinking Hollywood isn’t in my immediate future. Sigh. To have such aspirations yet none of the talent to back it up. Sadness.

  25. I can belt out a good lullaby but that’s about it. Anything after that would just be a disaster and someone would end up calling me one crazy lady. In my hometown though, karaoke is the bomb! Once you give someone a microphone, it would be a sing-song all night long. Great post Jules, as always. :-) (on a side note, alcohol always made me think I could sing like Whitney before. LOL)

  26. And thank you for supporting my singing career.
    My more serious work, “Merry Christmas from the Family.” http://youtu.be/gdU-3__DcH4
    And the less serious. “Old Man” (I wrote whilst driving behind an old man–you can hear me driving in the background, really). http://youtu.be/9JHTdiyqSIQ
    And “Can’t Flush Poo,” which I composed over the course of seeing a coworker’s poo multiple times in ONE DAY. http://youtu.be/2QEp2wPX3Vo
    Have your life coaches warmed up yet? I need some help on vocals.

    Yes. I SPAMMED your comments. I’m that way. In my defense, Bobby told me to.

    • Oooh L you DID spam it up, but I rescued you! I would tease you about slumming it in the comments, but given your genuine musical talent, I’d have to say WordPress is totally at fault here.

      Bobby, Zest and Zeal would be a dangerous combination. That I’d pay money to witness. I can afford it as soon as my first single drops.

  27. So when you go on a karaoke website, do you just load up the song and sing along in front of your webcam, filming yourself doing your best Biebster/Gomez imitation? Does the program have one of those Breathalyzer gizmos like they put on the cars of people who have been convicted of drunk driving? Except you have to blow twice the legal limit to use it?

    • Peggles, if there was a breathalyzer on this lap top you’d never hear from me again.

      Methinks you’re very curious about this, and should sign up right now. It’s amazing. Actually, you can totally do it for free, but paying gives you access to a gazillion awesome songs.

      Did I just take wordpressuring to a new level?

      • No Jules, I man a Breathalyzer where you HAVE to be drunk to use the equipment – like the Anti-Breathalyzer.

        I think we should all karaoke the same song and put together a video montage of the result. It would be epic if someone (who would not be me) had the video skills to make that happen.

        • Ahh duh – of course. Yes. Sober karaoke is maybe kind of sad. I’ve neeeever done that. Nope…

          Apparently we need to get a John Lennon hologram in there for D Pants, too.

  28. My rock star dream? To see my book in an end cap at King Soopers!

  29. I’d write a book that heals people. In fact, I’m writing it right now, Check it out if you like: http://www.textnovel.com/story/Girl-Who-Rises-Sun/9540/

  30. I’m aiming to get my PMP soon as well! But do you know what the worst thing EVER is? Reading the PMBOK. I’d rather have seagulls eat my eyeballs.

  31. Ahahaha. I love that you wrote carrot cake on it. I really wish I could be a singer, but every time I try… people ask me if I am ok or if they should call 911 because they don’t know if I am dying. It definitely boosts your esteem when it is your parents saying that. haha For my “rock star” dream, I really want to be a kick ass nutritionist and help inspire people to live healthy and happy lives! If I can do that successfully, I will feel like a million bucks.

  32. When I was 15 I had the coolest post-punk band in the Harford-Baltimore-Anne Arundel tri-county area area. Sadly, we chose to call ourselves “Springsteen Sucks” which was not a wise career move while “Born in the USA” was shifting 15 million units worldwide. However, even with such dreams long behind me, we still have our weekly guitar circle down here where we sit and pick and tells lies about how cool our post-punk bands were. My one remaining rock star dream is to learn to play the banjo in a key other than G.

  33. I can’t think about big dreams right now, because I am busy thinking about HOW MUCH I WANT CARROT CAKE.

    Okay, I lied. A little. I’d like to eat carrot cake while riding a unicorn. But there’s definitely carrot cake involved.

  34. My rock star dream: to be Britney Spears, the dancer. Not the singer, only the dancer. I used to watch her perform on award shows and be in absolute awe (mind you, I wasn’t 13 at the time, I was a young 26 though). Nowadays I THINK I look like Britney when I get my groove on, but that’s only because I’ve drank at least three vodka cranberries with a vodka water chaser (to prevent a hangover, of course).

    • But her love of dancing is what led her to K-Fed. And we all know what happened there. I want more for you, Rache. And your hair is so pretty.

      Vodka water chaser. Please explain. Also you’re my hero.

      • Okay, I’ll just stick to dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld.

        Mix vodka and water after you’ve already drank several vodka drinks (or nonvodka, whatever your preference). Drink two of “vodka water chasers” and voila! No hangover.

        Yes, I believed that load of bunk when my friend encouraged me to order it at a bar one Saturday night. The next morning, I counseled a young teen before church with a vodka water chaser hangover. :/

        Still your hero?

        • Ha! Okay. Well I’m glad I’m not totally in the dark then for not knowing about this alleged trick. BUT, I have found that drinking a whole glass of straight water for everyone alcoholic beverage usually does the trick. As long as you have constant access to a bathroom…

  35. I would be really ok with being paid to write and take pictures for a living but some how I can’t see that paying as well as my current day job, I mean it COULD some day – just not in the immediate future ;)

  36. My rock star dream was to be a SNL cast member. I live vicariously through Amy Poehler.

  37. My rock star career was amazingly rich and thorough. The one in my mind, anyway. It was really impressive.

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