No Way I Was Missing My Reservation at Rachel’s Table: THE PREQUEL

Come with me, Chipmunks, on a little trip…

A little trip to Maryland for a family retirement party. Pretend it’s this past Saturday and your friend Jules is looking very cute overdressed in her lacy black dress…

Peppermeister (Husband Number Uno) and I headed down to Maryland in the morning and made great time – under 4 hours from western New Jersey.

We were staying overnight, but didn’t have time to check into the hotel first. No matter, because once at the party, I got to do one of my favorite things:

Drink Color.

I had to keep a safe distance from my other adorable nephew, who brought just one toy. Yes. A scorpion. The only thing I fear more than a world without cheese.

Everyone’s a comedian.

After the party, Peppermeister and I headed a little over 20 miles north to Baltimore to check into our hotel. We paid to park, and dragged our luggage (complete with cooler full of beer, natch) a long distance through the parking deck. We anticipated issues at the front desk, because Peppermeister and his dad have the same name.

Sure enough, they didn’t have us on record. Peppermeister called his parents, who had somehow gotten to the hotel before us, despite having left the party after us.

It all soon made sense, though.

Because we were at the wrong hotel.

We’d driven 20+ miles away from the party and the correct hotel because, like Peppermeister and his dad, both hotels had the same name.

We hauled everything all the way back to the parking deck, where this happened:

Thirty minutes later, when we walked into the RIGHT hotel lobby, Peppermeister’s family members greeted us with snickers.

“How was Baltimore?” they all chortled, one by one, as we passed. (“A gauntlet of chop-busting,” Peppermeister would later call it.) I shook my head warningly in Peppermeister’s general direction, and wondered how Second Husband would have handled this situation. Probably with a sense of humor. And a song and dance routine.

I made a mental note to recommit to finding Second Husband’s cell phone number.

We got to our room and changed into casual clothes. Where were we headed for dinner?

Baltimore! A few blocks from the “wrong” hotel!

Yes, I was still laughing. And no, Peppermeister was still not. Okay. Maybe a little.

In the end, we both had a lovely time, but I called it a night after dinner and drinks.

Peppermeister and I were sound asleep by 12:30.

Annnnd…

That’s when the fire alarm went off in our room and throughout the hotel.

We stumbled to get dressed and evacuate, but found out it was a false alarm (literally). Sound asleep once more, the alarm went off again, accompanied by a seizure-inducing strobe light.

By now it was clear the alarm system had gone Charlie Sheen. If we weren’t totally sure, we would be by 5:30am. Because the alarm would go on and off for the next five hours.

“This never would have happened if we’d stayed at the wrong hotel,” I said for the hundredth time, still finding it funny.

Rachel the Magnificent.

We would have been tempted to just pack up and drive home (as some people did), except we were both drunk meeting my bloggy friend, Rache, from Rachel’s Table on the way home. There was no way I was missing out on the woman who pulled off one of the greatest slap bracelet coups of all time.

Click here to read the outcome!

Any vacations-gone-awry stories? When don’t you and your significant other see eye to eye?

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57 responses to “No Way I Was Missing My Reservation at Rachel’s Table: THE PREQUEL

  1. I love reading your posts – they are like little vacations I am glad I did not take

  2. Wouldn’t vacations be boring if nothing like that happened? Thanks for sharing, that’s hilarious. :lol: And kudos for making it through the night. I couldn’t have with the alarms blazing…I hate that sound with a passion.

    Btw, your puppy dog face in the pics was priceless.

    • Exactly, Lilykins, exactly. You see, I was able to step back and see the big picture (*cough* potential blog post *cough*), but Peppermeister was too caught up in the moment.

      He has so much to learn from me.

  3. I’m going to try that drinking-while-coloring thing. I think it would make coloring infinitely more fun.

  4. Ha, your photos/captions cracked me up!

    What IS it about hotels and late night alarms? I swear to God, every single time I stay at a hotel the alarm goes off at least once. Jim was a hotel manager for years and he told me a secret: it’s probably the front desk person pulling the alarm just for this sh*ts and giggles.

    Well, at least you got to color and drink at the same time. Something I try to do daily. Keeps my sanity.

    • Thanks, D-Pants! REALLY? Peppermeister and I were saying that we feel like this NEVER happens, but yet he’s had it happen twice (which we thought was weird). I had no idea this might be a common occurrence.

      Given that the disgruntled hotel guests made the girl at the front desk CRY, I don’t think she was behind it. (Poor thing!)

  5. You…you…were in Maryland? And didn’t stop by to say hi? Sniffle.

    • Thoughtsy! I was actually going to email you and Misty to explain myself. The party started at lunchtime on Sat, and from there it was all family stuff. I wrangled the Rache meeting because she was RIGHT on the way home, and Peppermeister agreed to stop for lunch (then, of course, he had a fab time, too!).

      You know I love you. So much. In fact, it should make you uncomfortable.

  6. But you brought the peppers, right? ;-)

    By the way, TechSupport just had to memorize all 50 states, so he now knows where Maryland is. He says it is shaped like a T, kind of. And Jesus died on the cross, which is shaped like a T and Mary was Jesus’ mother. And that’s how he remembers Mary-land.

    This from the boy who just had his bar mitzvah. ;-)

    I’m glad you eventually had fun.

    • Heh! B just said the same thing about the peppers. Peppermeister totally had it coming. It’s good to know you two have my back. Jenn just threw me under the bus (siding with Pep)! My own BFF!

      That is a HILARIOUS memorization technique; of course, I expect no less from T.S. I can’t wait until he has his own blog.

  7. I SECOND THOUGHTSY!!! This is a very funny post and I so want to comment on the hilarity of those pictures and the hotel shuffle . . . but I can’t get past the fact that you were IN BALTIMORE!! And . . . Annapolis? I’m trying to guess based on where is 20 miles south of B-more.

    Now I am very peeved at you. Put out, even. You very well know that if you had informed Thoughtsy and me about your pending B-more visit, we would have cordinated around your schedule to make a meeting happen. Do you know what I did on Saturday? Do you? I sat in my house all day in my PJs . . . without any Jules or Thoughtsy present!!

    This is almost unforgivable. I’m just gonna be way over here in a huff. Hmpphhh!!!

    • Oh Misty. How I envy your pajama’d Saturday! And by the way, I see now why you needed to install a weekly feature to cover the glorious fashions of Baltimore. I saw a a guy in a Star Trek costume and another gaggle in some sort of anime-type gear, and that’s just for starters. It reminded me: when I was in Baltimore 3-4 years ago, I saw the SAME shiz. What is UP with that??

      • Well, I COULD be wrong (I mean, it has happened before. Once), but I believe you happened upon Baltimore’s ComicCon weekend, so that might explain some of the crazies. Or, it could have just been regular everyday Baltimorons walking around the city. It can go either way.

        And maybe you come on the same weekend every time? That would be a pretty good coincidence, huh?

        Still sulking over here, btw! :p

        • Oh and you know what ELSE is weird? Of ALL the restaurants we could have gone to for dinner, his family picked the EXACT SAME Irish pub Peppermeister had gone to during that last trip (the only place we went during our one-night stay)!

          Don’t worry, the next time we’re in MD, I will make it up to you. Have you ever heard of a thing called Irish nachos?!

  8. Did you remember the peppers, though?

    Another way for him to think about it: if this had been the west coast, and you were in the wrong state, you’d be about 9 hours away from your destination. So… there’s that…

    And of course the restaurant was where you’d just come from. Of course it was.

    • Ha! I would not have lived to write another post if I’d forgotten the peppers.

      I think it’s good of us to give Peppermeister a chance to redeem his sense of humor by taking this post/these comments lightly, don’t you?

  9. I know your laughing-in-my-general-direction thing all too well, so I’m with Peppermeister. Except for the fact that the blog makes it all worthwhile (for me!!)

  10. I feel like I might need to take some of the blame here. If it were not for me, you would have driven home in the middle of the night to your own bed, free from strobe lights. Meeting me was worth it…right??…?

    • Oh Rache Rache Rache. You are the only thing that kept me from killing Peppermeister in his sleep. I didn’t want to dine with blood on my hands. There was enough guilt at the non-local table as it was. (Wow. The local food jokes. Never going to get old. I’m warning you right now.)

      SO WORTH IT.

      • I’m so glad it was worth it. I would have choked on the avocado I’m pretending I’m eating if you had said otherwise.

        I am the queen of local jokes. You don’t know how many times I’ve been at someone’s house for dinner and said, “Is this local?” followed by a guffaw at my own private joke. No one else thinks I’m funny. Maybe you could give me some pointers.

  11. Oh, oh, oh! This was the perfect way to start my day! It not only made me laugh, it reminded me not to take stuff so darn seriously. By which I mean, “I’m imagining everyone with a Viking helmet today, and it really works for keeping my humor close at hand.” Hee.

  12. I’m so glad that Pep used that helm from our last cosplay weekend…

    The shots work perfectly, conveying your journey from genuine, well-meaning, amusement to world-crashing-around-your-cleavage pain.

    • Only my cleavage and my ‘stache know the kind of crushing pain I endure as a result of First Husband.

      I’m glad he has someone to cosplay with. (Confession: I’ve never heard that term before, so I’m making what I can only assume are very accurate, albeit uneducated, guesses.)

  13. Can I just say you have the cutest stick-out-your-bottom-lip-and-pouty face? Seriously. Adorbs.

    And I think vacations or trips in general, especially ones that you are really looking forward to, are destined to have something truly spectacular go wrong. We’ve had many a vacation misadventure, but I don’t think anything (at least in the near future) has the potential to top our trip to Japan. It’s not every day a 9.0 earthquake effs up your stay two days into your vacation.

    I’d still go back though.

  14. What a nightmare!
    The worst night sleep I ever got was at the Stanley Hotel. There was more than one bump in the night!

  15. Pingback: No Way I Was Missing My Reservation at Rachel’s Table | Go Jules Go

  16. Did Peppermeister than proceed to sulk through at least one hour of dinner? (My husband totally would have.) I am the one who laughs at everything at our house. I’m constantly laughing when I’m supposed to be disciplining my children. So I have to turn my back and regain my composure a lot. And my middle kid usually realizes I’m laughing too…

    • Fortunately, he saved all of his sulking for me, so by the time we got in the car with his parents (for the 10th trip to Baltimore) he was over it!

      I’m surprised any of your kids are paying attention to you laughing; I would have thought they’d be too busy trying to figure out which one is the favorite ;)

  17. Every single time I read your blog, my girl crush on you grows. Any chance that after Second Husband there may be a First Wife? Because I know a really tall Canadian who would totally dig it.

    • How YOU doin’? I cannot WAIT for your ‘stache glasses to arrive. When you wear them, only then will you know…

      I feel the same way.

      • I am stalking the mailbox like a crazy person. It’s a good thing I’m getting a year off work because my bucket list for 2013 has ONE item on it:

        1. Put myself into bizarro situations for the sole purpose of mustachioed goodness.

        My 2012 bucket list also had one item:

        1. Use the word “mustachioed.”

        • Being associated with your bucket list makes me as happy as when I saw Second Husband in the flesh.

          And use of the word “mustachioed” should be on EVERYONE’S bucket list. Well done.

  18. We probably passed one another on one of those 95-ish roads coming into Baltimore that night! I was the one in the rental car turning the air blue with my foul cursings at the fact that the something-or-other skyway or beltway or parkway or whatever coming out of Washington DC to Baltimore NEVER SHOWED AN ACTUAL HIGHWAY NUMBER, so you could see where you were on a map. It only said “Baltimore Beltway or Parkway or Byway or whatever-way” with no number. No…numbers…ever. We can’t have street numbers on those signs, that would make it too easy on the stupid traveler trying to get somewhere in the dark and the rain.

    Anyway, I can’t understand how Peppermeister could lose his sense of humor about the hotel mix-up. Jeesh – some people are too uptight!

  19. Colouring (sorry, Canadian – lol!) AND drinking?! Why has this never dawned on me before? My little buddy Felicity is always asking me to colour and I will have this epic brain battle of “Do I go colour or do I go drink with everyone else?!” decisions decisions – but now I guess I can just go grab and beer AND break out the markers, you are always so enlightening, THANK YOU :)

  20. This was just too awesome. I have had way too many travel-from-hell stories. One of them was when my husband and I, newly engaged, drove to Texas to visit my family and my windshield wipers went all Gumby on us during a massive downpour on the interstate. When my husband tried to get under the hood and tighten them, his umbrella actually turned inside out in the wind. Think Looney Tunes. Good times.

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