Hi Chipmunks! I went to the zoo on Saturday.
Jealous? You should be. Here’s what happened.
Hi Chipmunks! I went to the zoo on Saturday.
Jealous? You should be. Here’s what happened.
DISCLAIMER: Animals were hurt during the making of this post. Really hurt. Like Bambi’s mother hurt.
This weekend, Babs, my mom, sent an email with two troubling pictures attached. The email was entitled, He Finally Snagged One.
She was quite put out, because her neighbors recently constructed what she called The Gallows in their backyard. Every time Babs set foot on her porch, this monstrosity was in plain sight.
Before I show you these pictures, you need to understand that my parents live in suburban New Jersey, in a town full of white-collar yuppies who take the local train into Manhattan for work. They shop at Pottery Barn. They buy artisanal bread. Their kids play lacrosse.
In my parents’ world, the world in which I grew up, people have graduation parties and swing sets in their back yards. They do not have…well. This:
I’m sorry, Babs. If it makes you feel any better, now that Peppermeister and I are out in western New Jersey, we have deer in our backyard every day, too.
Of course, they’re still alive…
Do you have any neighbor horror stories? No? Any good venison recipes?
So you’re probably thinking I’m going to start this post like I always do, by greeting you as my fuzzy, wuzzy, li’l Chipmunks. Well, I would, but Peppermeister (First Husband) told me snakes eat chipmunks. And I just don’t want to take that kind of chance here.
You see, on Saturday, amidst hour number 8,002 of yard work, I went over to the pool filter and lifted the cover so I could clean it out. We had just had a big storm, so I knew it would be full of crud.
Oh, I was right about that.
I’d like to take this time to remind you that I live in New Jersey. The reason I stay here is simple: NO SCARY CREATURES (unless you count our politicians). No scorpions, no box jellyfish, no dementors, and no grizzlies (I don’t think. Don’t burst my bubble).
Now, okay, this snake was probably only 18 inches long, and a harmless garter at that, but that didn’t stop me from letting out a strangled cry and jumping back 5 feet.
I made Peppemeister repeat the process when he got home, so he too might have something to blog about. Which is when we discovered it was still very much alive.
Now that I’ve had a few days to recover, I’ve decided I’ve given this snake far too much power. And I know I’m not alone; so many people are terrified of snakes.
I’m going to take care of all that for you, right here, right now. It’s the least I can do considering you’re probably still pissed from hearing that I have a pool and haven’t invited you over.
Allow me to present to you:
And so you see, snakes are nothing to be afraid of. Until they start telling jokes.
Have you ever encountered any unwanted critters in your dwelling?
***SUPER IMPORTANT ALERT THAT YOUR HAPPINESS PROBABLY DEPENDS ON: I’m wrapping up the Go Guilty Pleasures slap bracelet extravaganza, so if you have any unseen slap bracelet pictures, the deadline is TODAY, JUNE 6th. I hope you’ll send them to me at Julie.Davidoski@yahoo.com. Oh and I think you’re swell. Even if you don’t have a slap bracelet.***
Chipmunks. I’m so excited I could just pee.
But I won’t.
I don’t think.
I now have enough GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet photos to do not one, but two Slap Bracelet Comeback posts! So, continuing on in the order in which they were received…
Olivia and I are new buds. I was excited to hear from her a few weeks ago, requesting a slap bracelet and bloggy feedback. She reminded me of the best part of blogging – connecting with other writers.
Misty really wants everyone to put their best foot forward, especially her family. She reminds people to stay on track (and out of stretch pants) in her always-amusing Friday fashion disaster feature, Weekly Whacked. For even more hilarity, check out this recent post that is as humorous as it is horrifying.
You may remember Erin from her recent victory as a runner-up in the GoGuiltyPleasures gift basket giveaway. Her guilty pleasure submission, along with her AMAZING photo accompaniment, were simply breathtaking. She is a true chipmunk.
And her cat, Alex, may just be one of the cutest pets I’ve ever seen. Even if he is trying to mangle the greatest fashion look since side-ponies.
More slap bracelet pics to come next week! By the way, I still have some slap bracelets left, so email me ASAP., a.k.a., As Soon As Perfection-interests-you.
For more Slap Bracelet Comeback pics, click here.
What kind of guilty pleasures are you engaging in this weekend?
P.S. – I didn’t pee. …Yet. I think we’re safe.
As my idol, Ross Mathews, would say: It’s a good day.
There are a few things kicking around that I really want to share with you, and try as I might, I can’t find a common theme (other than awesomesauciness), so here they are in all their random glory:
1.) My pal, madtante (over at opinions expressed may not be correct), made two absolutely hilarious videos: This one featuring her TALKING DOG wearing a GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet, and this one singing “Hey Jude” for me. How cool is she?!
2.) Paul Johnson over at The Good Greatsby has
finally recognized my caption writing prowess. If you’re so inclined, please vote for your, ah hem, favorite caption (ends April 15th).
3.) I have some really
phat fly dope excellent posts coming to you very soon. I want to tell you more, but where’s the my fun in that? Let’s just say a guest post and a giveaway are involved. You don’t want to miss it.
4.) Thanks for being so nice and attractive. I really do love you.
What’s making you smile today? If you haven’t found anything, perhaps Henri, the existential cat, can help you come to terms with that:
You thought this post was going to be about my labradoodle, Uncle Jesse, didn’t you?
Well, you’re wrong. Okay. Half wrong.
Uncle Jesse DID celebrate his 2nd birthday yesterday, after all:
I’m pretty sure he’s a contender for Happiest Animal in the World. We got him as a puppy, from an extremely reputable breeder, after doing months of research to find a breed that would be compatible with my husband’s allergies. (I am a huge supporter of animal adoption, which you can read about over on JM Randolph’s amazing blog, Accidental Stepmom.)
When Uncle Jesse licks his lips, sometimes the hair on one side gets a little caught up, and it looks like he’s smirking.
When his mouth is open, the sides of his mouth are upturned, resembling a smile.
All in all, he’s one content-looking pooch.
Yup. It would seem Uncle Jesse has the Happiest Animal in the World contest in the bag.
Nay, Chipmunks. My best friend, Jenn, just shared the following link with me (and if this doesn’t prove why we’re sisters from another mister, I don’t know what will):
Here’s a sneak peek. Even the captions are priceless. You can thank me in animal crackers. Or vodka.
Photo and caption credit (sloth): http://www.buzzfeed.com.
Do you have a favorite animal? Can you (please) send me pictures?
I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me until yesterday morning to blog on Valentine’s Day.
What’s more of a guilty pleasure than an over-hyped, commercialized, pink-frosted holiday?!
Stuffed animals (dressed as other animals).
So, will you be my (guilty pleasure) Valentine?
Hmm. You’re not convinced. Tell you what. If you don’t feel like the ooey, gooey, warm and fuzzy Sir Schmoopie Bear of Snuggleton to my Madame Chocolate Bon-Bon of Cuddlesworth by the time you’re through reading this post, I will eat my weight in candy hearts (and everyone knows candy hearts blow).
Here’s a sneak peek:
So, what do you say? Still no?! What the deuce is your real Valentine doing that’s better than that kitten video? I love you a nine!
#1 (chipmunks) – http://sodahead.com
#2 (cats) – http://roflmouse.com
#3 (candy heart) – made at http://acme.com/heartmaker/
(All other photos are mine! Just like you want to be! Admit it!)
Yo yo yo flying
squirrels chipmunks! I have an exceptional bundle of GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet pics for you today! You are VERY welcome.
If you missed the first and second installments, they too are worth your time, in my completely conceited and biased opinion. Renée from Lessons from Teachers and Twits also just incorporated her slap bracelets into this dazzling post.
Continuing on in the order in which these pictures were received, here we go!!!
It would really, REALLY help you to know something before I post Katy’s pictures, and I’m soooo tempted to keep it to myself.
Okay. I give.
Katy teaches at a nursing college, and should earn many high-falutin’ credentials after her name just for her creativity in the following pictures. Oh, and, if you don’t already know: her blog is delightful, with smatterings of (humorous) poetry and recipes! What more could a guilty pleasure blogger ask for?
I put the slap bracelet to use on my drinking utensils…
…on a mannequin…
…on a poster for the nursing students (about ID bracelets)…
…on an IV…
… Then I took it home where Shelby modeled it (reluctantly) on her ankle and on her tail, and drooled when I put it around her favorite guilty pleasure – Milkbones…
…Finally, I slipped it on my husband’s (Sweet Cheeks) skinny little ankle and snapped a picture before he could figure out what was going on…
Deb is a very special person, choosing to focus on positivity and gratitude even in the darkest moments. She manages to make everyone feel divine with each heart-warming comment and every beautifully moving post. She is an accomplished writer (check out “The Monster’s Daughter“!) and a Buffy fan. What more do you need to know?
Oh, speaking of Buffy, she totally kicked chipmunk tail in my first video blogging contest with a hilarious video about Buffy, earning this super-duper homemade prize. (I have to mention that post every chance I get because I love it, and Deb, so much.)
Deb’s been keeping me up-to-date on all of the slap bracelet goings-on in her home, which center around her adorable toddler, Li’l D. Just look:
While Li’l D was flexing his muscles, someone else was snuggling his My Little Pony…
I heard from Sandy for the first time about a month ago, requesting a slap bracelet. She said she’d stumbled across my blog, and I like to think it was via one of the following search engine terms (yes, these are real search terms that led people to my blog):
I’ve been having lots of fun reading Sandy’s blog, because she shares personal anecdotes that are as endearing as they are amusing. She is also the first person I know who actually does those INSANITY and P90X work-out videos. So be nice to her; she may be made entirely of muscle and the forgotten dreams of [P90X's] Tony Horton, who clearly was never held as a child.
I found Cappy a while back through one of my favorite bloggers, Girl on the Contrary. There’s definitely a common theme between these two gorgeous gals, and that theme is hilarity. She’s the perfect blend of silly and sarcastic. Every post of Cappy’s makes me burst out laughing, and I’m SO excited that she’s come over to the
dark light side.
Thank you Katy, Deb, Sandy and Cappy! Consider yourselves cordially invited to the Chipmunk Ball.
You STILL don’t have a slap bracelet to call your own? Stop your tears -and mine- by emailing me at JKSchnedeker@yahoo.com!
Ohhhh myyyyyy goodnesssss. That’s how I feel right now, Chipper Chipmunks. Like Kristen Wiig in one of those surprise party skits on Saturday Night Live.
I can’t even stand it.
For anyone stumbling across this blog for the first time, what you’re about to see are some pictures of my
adoring fans beloved readers wearing GoGuiltyPleasure slap bracelets. I’m posting the pictures in installments (here’s the first round), based on when they were received.
These photos are going to blow your mind. There’s a bulldog, CHIPMUNKS, an adorable child AND…a big reveal!!! Holy stromboli. I hope you’re sitting down.
You hear me talk about my bestie, Jenn, now and then, but you’ve never heard about Jenn’s brother’s dog, Mickey, which is a real shame. Mickey knows all about how to embrace the guilty pleasure-ful life. For starters, he dines on gourmet meals and usually gets the best seat in the house. (Sounds like another dog I know…) You’re my hero, Mickey!
I know I just said my best friend’s name is Jenn, but The Byronic Man and I are totally B.F.F.s too. It might be that we get along so well because I know where he lives and he has to be nice to me, or maybe it’s simply because he’s just so g.d. hilarious. If you haven’t read his recent post written from the perspective of Gary the bee,
stop right now and as soon as you’re done reading MY blog, click here.
Now, if you have been following The Byronic Man’s blog, you know his gravatar (profile image) and blog header photos are mysterious, showing only half of his face. Well, Byronic Man has GIVEN ME PERMISSION to post his ENTIRE, CRACKERJACK KISSER in one slap bracelet photo, and it is QUITE scandalous.
First, a teaser:
Seriously, brace yourself…
MEET BYRONIC MAN (and his…lady….friend)!!!
I know. …I know! I know. It’s great.
Darla rules my guilty pleasure school. Her blog posts are thoughtful, funny and beautifully written. Darla is also incredibly supportive of her fellow bloggers; back in October, she got my video blogging contest off the ground, and by vlogging about Reese’s peanut butter cups and Golden Girls, she proved that she is the most chipmunky of chipmunks.
Speaking of chipmunks…I’m so excited to share Darla’s ADORABLY AWESOME photos (and captions!)!
I searched high and low for the slap bracelets and was startled to come upon this scene:
Apparently, even those crazy spastic helium-sucking Chipmunks can rock Julie’s fab bracelets:I managed to steal the bracelets away long enough to put them to good use…
THANK YOU Jenn (and Jen and Mickey!), Byronic Man and Darla! You can now let your loved ones know you have achieved the coveted Cherub Chipmunk status.
Stay tuned for the next installment!
I’ll be honest. I sensed in my heart of hearts that chipmunks young and old, or in that strange in-between age where you know you should stop making PowerPoint presentations about a certain “Glee” cast member but you just can’t seem to help yourself, and you genuinely wonder if maybe you never really embraced your childhood and you’re a victim of this unstoppable regression and pretty soon you’re going to start sucking your thumb and eating cake while smearing icing all over your face because you think it’ll get a laugh…wait….what was I saying? Oh, right: I knew bringing back slap bracelets was a shoo-in.
So I wasn’t surprised to hear from many of you once I announced my slap bracelet giveaway. After shipping out several dozen, I waited patiently for you to hold up your end of the deal – to send me a picture of you/your loved ones/pets wearing the slap bracelet(s) so I could post it on this very blog.
I was not disappointed. The pictures I’ve gotten so far are…well, you’ll see. I’m going to share the photos in installments, to ensure that you, and your blogs (where applicable), receive the adoration they deserve. To be fair, I’m posting them in the order in which they were received.
Now enough of me. On to you!
After you see this picture, I don’t think I’ll have to say much else to convince you Renee is a true
guinea pig chipmunk, but you should also know that Renee is co-author of “Saving the Best for Last” and “Invisible No More,” which you can learn more about here. Not only is she an accomplished writer, but she is funny as all get-out, and much like slap bracelets, her humor transcends age.
I first spotted Peg commenting on The Good Greatsby‘s blog; she was always coming up with captions for his caption contest that were better than mine, as evidenced by her constant ‘winner’ and ‘runner-up’ status. It took me a little while to shove my ego aside and drink the Peg-o-Leg Kool-Aid. After witnessing a lively, and hilarious, competition between Darla and Peg over said caption contest, I poured myself a nice, tall glass. Peg’s blog always makes me laugh out loud. She really understands the power of illustrating a joke, which you need to see for yourself.
Here’s the message that Peg sent along with these fab pictures. Bottoms up!:
The slap bracelets arrived, and were a GODsend over the New Year’s holiday. Here are just some of the things that happened because of them.
1) My normally feeble morning coffee was definitely more robust and richer tasting when I was wearing the bracelet.
2) Its secret powers inbued me with the strength of will needed to tackle the dreaded post-Christmas task of tree put-awaying.
3) When my GPS went out on the highway, the magnetized core of the slap bracelet drew my hand to true north, thereby allowing me to make it to my destination safely.
4) No less than 3 college-age hipsters fought for the privilege of wearing the uber-cool slap bracelets of style.
I am new to Thoughtsy’s blog, but I can tell you right now I am falling in love. For one thing, she currently has a picture of a kitten inside a box of Pop Tarts on her Facebook widget; for another, one of her recent posts was dedicated to dessert-flavored vodka. I am really excited to learn about what else we have in common, and to find out more about her relationship with Kiefer Sutherland.
Thank you SO much, Renee, Peg and Thoughtsy! You have officially been upgraded to Chief Chipmunk status.
And believe me when I say – you are NOT going to want to miss the next installment(s)!