Category Archives: Uncategorized

Cleanse Your Palette In 3 Easy Steps

Posted on January 18, 2013 | 50 Comments

So maybe a little deer carcass wasn’t what you were expecting when you so kindly sailed over to Go Jules Go this past Wednesday.

Fair enough.

I thought I’d make it up to you with a few nuggets of undeniable hilarity / adorable-ness.

You’re welcome.

3 Step Palette Cleanser

Step 1 – Read the email I just got from my mom (click to enlarge).

Screen Shot 2013-01-17 at 6.02.29 PM

Step 2 – Look at this picture.

funny-bear-talking-phone

Step 3 – Know that I’m hanging out with Rachel’s Table again on Monday, and Will share her hotness with you forthwith.

Rache-Jules-RiverHorse-empties

Want beer. Like beer. Beer good.

What websites do you frequent when you need a little pick-me-up?

About these ads

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For My Sister: Canvas Print Giveaway!

Posted on October 11, 2012 | 88 Comments

Dear Sis,

Who made you that cake, Sis? Not some g.d. slouch, I’ll tell you that much.

Today you turn thirty…something. But don’t worry – you don’t look a day over 18!  Must be all of that running and biking and swimming and not drinking and how are we related again?

Being the kind, compassionate sibling I am, I thought this was the perfect opportunity to remind you of my forthcoming inheritance. I mean, ha ha, the family’s not getting any younger, are they? (Are we? Are you? Is that what’s going on here? Families don’t keep secrets, Sis.)

Anyway, like I was saying. My inheritance: Babs’ photo albums.

Oh yes. Remember when I staked my claim long, long ago? As a kid, younger than you as ever, I’d creep into Mom’s craft area (by the way, nice of you to share part of your room for that), sit on the floor, and flip through her photo albums for hours.

Even before scrapbooking was ‘in,’ Babs created masterpieces. I’ve yet to see photo albums that rival hers. Oh, except yours, of course.

And one day? They’re mine. All mine.

Don’t worry, Sis, I’ll take pictures of the pages any time you want.

Of course, Uncle Jesse will be in all of them.

To soothe any hard feelings, I got you this lovely 11 x 14-inch canvas print from Printcopia.

There you are, right in the middle. I’d have competed too, but, you know. Don’t want to spill the drink.

Well. Technically they gave it to me. For free.

But it’s the thought that counts, right?

What’s more, Printcopia said I could give one away to a lucky reader! Yeah! Doesn’t that make you happy, too, Sis? To give something to one of my blog readers?

Happy Birthday! You’re welcome.

Love,

Jul

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Let’s just say Babs is better with scrapbooking than she is with haircuts.

You heard correctly, Chipmunks – and all you have to do for a chance to win a free 11 x 14-inch canvas print like mine (but, you know, with your own pic… No you can’t use this one. Don’t be weird. Weird was so three days ago. Now we’re being satirical) from Printcopia is leave a comment below telling me a sibling rivalry story. If you don’t have any siblings, what ridiculous rules did your parents have when you were growing up? 

Deadline: 8am EST, SUNDAY, OCTOBER 14th.

I will announce a favorite answer at 6am EST on Monday, October 15, 2012. The winner will receive a promotional code from Printcopia via email and can order their free print online, just like I did (it’s easy peasy)! Cool beans, Printcopia! Thanks!

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BlogHer ’12: Built-In Blog Fodder

Posted on August 6, 2012 | 141 Comments

L to R: Misty’s Laws, Accidental Stepmom, Thoughts Appear and Go Jules Go.

Right now I’m imagining all of you charming little chipmunks scurrying around, cursing the copy machine, looking for your red staplers and hating The Man.

Meanwhile, I’m kicking off my first two-week vacation in a thousand years. Instead of doing this yesterday and scheduling it to publish at 6am EST today, I decided to write this post when I got up and see what happens.

Wow. I feel so daring.

In case you missed my fancy sidebar widget and my last post: I attended my first blogging conference, BlogHer ’12, on Saturday. I left bright and early to take the train from New Jersey into Manhattan, armed with ‘stache glasses and a lightness of heart only vacation time can bring. By 7am, it was already as hot as Hades, so I went to that special place in my mind. You know the place – it’s normally reserved for Second Husband and talking animals.

The ONLY way to make JM any more awesome is with ‘stache glasses.

I was more excited than nervous. I’d met JM from Accidental Stepmom twice before, but was meeting Thoughtsy from Thoughts Appear and Misty from Misty’s Laws for the first time. Of course I worried I wouldn’t match up to their expectations (and maaaaybe stressed about all of the unflattering pictures they’d take and post on their blogs), but we’d

Misty gives THE coolest gifts (that’s a phone case!). Even if they make you feel old.

already established a bond online, and had the bloggy business in common.

At the Hilton, I registered and waited for Misty and JM to find me. Misty is anonymous on her blog, so I had no idea what to look for. A purple-clad vision of loveliness suddenly accosted me. Thank gawd for Misty.

Thoughtsy makes me think happy thoughtsies.

She’d been there since Wednesday night and knew all the ins and outs. There were several sessions throughout the day, in different ’break out’ conference rooms, as well as tons of expo centers where you could stock up on free swag.

After the gorgeous and altogether badass, JM, showed up, Misty said we should

skedattle to make sure we got seats in our lectures of choice. We split up and I went to a session on ‘branding your blog.’ Thoughtsy joined me there, and let me tell you she’s one sweet li’l chipmunk. First of all, she gave me these:

The eyebrows and mustache MOVE. Did you hear me? They MOVE.

And THEN she gave me this:

It’s like people think I drink a lot or something.

I love you, Thoughtsy. Look how happy we are (we’re even happier later. In the bar):

I didn’t learn anything new in the lecture, except that I really need to start a Go Jules Go Facebook account. Apparently Facebook is the number one way bloggers get traffic and buzz. The other advice will probably sound familiar to you, too:

  • Be consistent both in voice and lay-out
  • Use the same name across all social media sites (if only that Mexican dude would give up his @gojulesgo Twitter handle! Por favor?). In other words, make it easy for people to find you
  • Keep your design/lay-out simple and fresh (no colored font on black backgrounds, I’m afraid, and no music playing!)
  • Post regularly
  • Don’t be self-depricating; believe people want to read what you have to say
  • You don’t have to be serious to take your blog seriously (ah, that advice sounds familiar…)

The second lecture I attended was about when to spend money marketing your blog. The advice can be boiled down to:

  • Consider your time as money
  • When you find yourself spending more hours on marketing your blog than you can ‘afford’ to, it might be time to invest in someone to help you (if you don’t think you market, remember that every time you read and comment on another blog, you’re advertising yourself)
  • If you’re on a self-hosted platform (like WordPress.org), hire a web designer (it sounds like it’s a few hundred bucks)

After that it was time for lunch and guest speaker, Katie Couric. Katie defies the laws of nature; she is ageless. We were all the way in the back, so I didn’t hear much, but got to meet some other wonderful bloggers at our table (this is where the business cards came in handy!).

Thoughtsy, JM, Misty and I weren’t really interested in the next panel of ‘celebrity’ speakers, so we loaded up on swag instead.

This was my favorite swag piece. Uncle Jesse immediately claimed it as his own:

My favorite part of the day was hitting the hotel bar to chat (why do you assume I suggested this? Well… you’re right). We plopped down in a circle of comfy chairs around a low table; it was mellow and quiet – the perfect atmosphere for caring and sharing.

This was exactly why I came to BlogHer; not to network or take frantic notes, but to meet JM, Thoughtsy, Misty and a few of their bloggy friends. It was divine.

That’s a Long Island Iced Tea smile.

JM and Thoughtsy had to leave in the early evening, so I crashed a sushi dinner with Misty and the beautiful and hilarious Johi of Confessions of a Cornfed Girl. It was the perfect end to an altogether satisfying outing.

I am going to dream about this sushi.

In fact, I even saw Michelle Williams on the walk back to the train station! We made eye contact and I should have said hello. We have history.

And now, as promised, I’m about to stalk the shiz out of you and your blogs. I love you. (I really do. Well, some of you. Some of you I just like a lot and we’re not there yet. But I bet we’ll get there if you compliment me enough.)

P.S. – I apologize on behalf of both NJ and NY to any out-of-towners visiting lately. Yes, it really IS this humid and NO, you are not inside someone’s mouth.

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Dear BlogHer ’12 Conference: Are You Ready for Me?

Posted on August 4, 2012 | 75 Comments

Dear BlogHer ’12 Conference,

Right after I send this, I’ll be en route to Manhattan for you, my first blogging conference.

I must confess: Every time I say that, my inner nerd pushes up her taped-together glasses and giggle-snorts in anticipation. Then the other part of me rolls her eyes and goes, “Blogging conference? There are conferences? For blogging? Really?”

You can undress, I mean, address me ANY time, Mr. President.

How many conferences do you know of, Jules, that get the President of the free world to speak? I can almost hear you saying.

That’s right. On Thursday, Barack Obama addressed the BlogHer ’12 crowd!

Today, thanks to you, I will see Katie Couric, Soledad O’Brien, Christy Turlington Burns and Malaak Compton-Rock. Not too shabby, but *pssst*, not nearly as cool as seeing JM, Misty and Thoughtsy.

Did I ever tell you Misty runs a “Weekly Whacked” series displaying greater Baltimore’s finest fashion faux pas? In her honor, I’m wearing her favorite clothing pet peeve: Stretch pants! (I’m sure you remember my see-through stretch pants disaster from a previous trip to New York to see JM? I’m an old pro here.)

And thanks to my beloved Chipmunks, I’m armed with the most kick-tail business cards a blogger could hope for:

Do you think I should promise a follow-up post tomorrow, or will you be so full of awesomesauce that it’ll take me until Monday to get a post up?  …Okay. Fine. Let’s say Monday.

Love,

Jules

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Have you been to any type of conference or convention for your passion? If not, have you ever met a pen pal or online pal? How did it go? 

Photo Credit (Obama)

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Because Therapy is Too Expensive

Posted on June 27, 2012 | 105 Comments

I read a couple of exceptional blog posts yesterday, by two of my favorite writers:

Truth and Cake: Select Truth and Social Media: TMI or Not Enough?

Kristen Lamb: Making Heroes Heroic-Why Flaws are Important

These posts talk about flaws and sharing those flaws, whether they’re the flaws of your fictional characters or yourself. Please don’t mistake this, however, for the social media ‘over share’ disease. The intent behind this movement is to allow yourself (or your characters) to connect on a more real level.

As someone who swims in the memoir genre pool, I’ve stuck to the shallow end a lot. Deliberately so. After reading these wonderful posts, I thought, “You know what? Sure I’m shameless about sharing my silliest guilty pleasures, but I’ve never even used the word sex on my blog, and my memoir’s working title is Virgin!”

Aw cruddy stink nuggets, you’re probably thinking. It’s like someone just told me Danny Tanner is totally raunchy during his stand-up routines.

I know exactly how you feel (c’mon, Bob Saget), and I promise, I won’t get too inappropriate on you. Or too sullen-like-Edward-Cullen.

In Virgin, I wrote about things that made me uncomfortable, that could even get me in some hot water. It’s no Shades of Grey, but it’s not rated G, either. I wanted it to be raw and honest; I’ve never cried harder than I did writing that first draft. I called it Virgin not to sensationalize, but to capture the heart of the story. Being a virgin influenced almost every event the book covered, something I couldn’t have realized until looking back.

Ultimately, I wanted to write the kind of book I love to read.

While I worry I hold my feet too close to the ‘over share’ fire in Virgin (and in this post!), I’m willing to take that risk. I’m Go Jules Go now, and I want to tell you about the ugly awkward stuff, too. Awkward stuff like flaws. Like the flaws below.

That’s right, Chipmunks – here is some major, major ammunition if you ever want to hit me below the belt (like Babs). At least you’ll be prepared if Virgin ever sees the light of day.

I have massive (pun intended) weight issues. I’ve lost and gained over 100 lbs multiple times in my life. I (voluntarily) went on my first diet when I was 9, and it’s been a hot, gooey, cheese-covered mess ever since. Food is my ultimate vice. Speaking of vices…

I worry I drink too much. But that usually goes away after a couple of drinks.

I married my one and only boyfriend. I made the first move. If you don’t think that’s a flaw, well, just know that my chronic singlehood wasn’t for lack of trying, heaven vodka knows. I have enough rejection stories to, well, fill a book. I’m still shocked when the male species says anything nice about me, but…

I think I’m pretty. In clothing. With the right make-up. From the right angle. With good lighting. All of the pictures and videos on this blog are very carefully selected and/or executed to make you think I look a lot better than I do (read: I’m vain). Except for that one time when I was high on those heroin cough suppressants.

I want everyone to like me, and sometimes keep opinions to myself and agree just so they will. But you know what? I don’t like everyone. I don’t like a lot people! (…Did that make you paranoid? I’m sorry; I totally wasn’t talking about you. You still like me, right?)

I used to have panic attacks. I assume they stemmed from either abandonment issues or bullying. Or both. They were so bad I missed a year of middle school, and…

I never went to high school. I got my GED, took the SATs, and went to college, but I never got to wear an embarrassing prom dress still feel very intellectually inferior. Don’t ask me about chemistry unless it’s the kind between Jim and Pam from The Office.

Well there now. Don’t we all feel better? …No? Just me?

Zest and Zeal, my life coaches.

How do you feel about sharing flaws in a public forum (yourself and reading others’)? Do you think it’s necessary for honest writing? If you’re uncomfortable with all of this, who’s your favorite character on The Office (mine’s Jim. Duh.)?

Photo Credit (“It’s all your fault”): stickerchick.com.

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Posted in I'm Going To Chop My Ear Off Any Day Now, Uncategorized

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Ask Me About My ‘Stache…And Win Your Own!

Posted on June 20, 2012 | 113 Comments

So, I think it’s pretty clear I’m an addict.

I’m not even talking about the chipmunk thing.

They’ve been quiet lately. This concerns me.

Or the Second Husband fixation.

Quite frankly, committing to one husband is just plain near-sighted.

Or the vodka dependency.

They cancel each other out.

I’m talking about giveaways.

Now that my slap bracelet giveaway/comeback campaign has wound down, I feel a little empty inside. Or I did, until I realized something.

‘Stache Glasses.

No caption could do these glasses justice.

Those amazing glasses in my header and profile picture! Why did I not buy them when I had the chance?! Back in April, I simply tried ‘em on, took that picture, and moved on. While I loved them, the price tag seemed steep. I had no idea they’d become the new me.

Last week, I realized I had to rectify this grave error in judgment. Immediately. So I went hunting for that same pair of mustache-y goodness.

I was deeply moved to find there is an entire ARRAY of ‘stache glasses to tickle your follicle fancy. (Note: I am in no way associated with this company, but am happy to sell out at the first opportunity, so please. Email me.)

Now that I’m marvelously mustachioed once more…

…I am going to share my bacon with you.

That’s right. I want to send you a pair of mustache glasses! So, in the comments section below, ask me a juicy, probing question (PG-13 or safer please, Chipmunks; Babs [my mom] reads this blog).

I’ll  choose a favorite and answer the question in a post on Friday, June 22, 2012. This winner can pick a pair of ‘stache glasses (by browsing here), and I’ll have them shipped as a gift, from my guilty pleasure-full heart to theirs. 

Deadline: 12pm noon EST, Thursday, June 21, 2012.

…I love you.

Print that’s as fine as that Liam guy from “90210″: This giveaway is open to anyone who is willing and able to ask a kick-chipmunk-tail question, and to email me their address in the event that they’re the winner. If you have any trouble leaving a question in the comments section below, you can ask your question via email: Julie (dot) Davidoski (at) yahoo (dot) com. Multiple submissions are acceptable.

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Posted in Just For Fun, Uncategorized

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My Dad Saved My Life. And Then We Went to Burger King.

Posted on June 14, 2012 | 349 Comments

Recently, I may have suggested my dad was only one of the great things to come out of Long Island. The truth is, not a lot of people can do the things my dad does. Like, he can read in the car without getting sick. And he makes really good steak. Not at the same time; don’t be ridiculous.

Oh and when I was 2, I was way ahead of my time and awesome I saw a swimming pool and was like, “Deep end, here I COME!” Bam, I jumped in to join my older brother and sister, and my chubby bum sunk straight to the bottom. Without a second thought, my dad lept in to save me, breaking his glasses along the way.

I think that’s why we get along so well. I could have been all, “Well, you brought me into this world, it’s your job to keep me here,” but instead I was like, “Thanks for that, Pop. One day I’ll join the swim team and make you proud stay afloat.”

As if that wasn’t enough, he used to take me on father-daughter trips to Bowcraft, this tiny, creepy amusement park next to a highway, and then across the street to Burger King. Those were the days, back when trans fat was what was for dinner, and winning enough tickets to get chinese finger cuffs was all you needed.

My dad is also a genius. I mean, yeah, okay, the real kind with a doctorate and Ivy League-y things, but whatever. I mean the practical kind of genius. Street smarts. Case in point: We used to go on long road trips in a small car, with all three kids crammed in the backseat. It was a recipe for disaster. So he came up with something called the Points System. We earned points for being good, and got them taken away when we were bad.

If we didn’t have enough points by the time we got to Burger King, we weren’t eating.

I know, right? Genius.

Happy Father’s Day, Pop! (Does this post win me any bonus points?)

He still has his hair. And I can easily get more barrettes…

What stories about your dad make you laugh?

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Posted in Family Ties, Just For Fun, Uncategorized

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New Name. Same Beloved Blog.

Posted on June 12, 2012 | 91 Comments

Ay caramba, Chipmunks! What do you think?

That’s right.

I am now officially:

Go Jules Go

As I explain in my updated About page, the reason for saying goodbye to the “Go Guilty Pleasures” blog name can be boiled down to:  I got tired of search engines sending people here after they sought ‘naked gypsy girls’ and ‘strippers covered in ketchup.’

Other than that, you’re gonna find the same ol’ side pony-sportin’ Jules with the same ol’ stories about the guilty pleasure-ful life. Except better. Because I have so many hilarious tales that don’t involve guilty pleasures. …That may be a lie. I’m pretty sure every story I have involves a guilty pleasure of some kind. And I haven’t even realized it yet.

Maybe I’ve made a huge mistake here.

A Few Notes:

  1. A big thank you to anyone who’s ever mentioned my blog on your site. I still own goguiltypleasures.com, so folks using the old link will be redirected here.
  2. I am retiring my fledgling GoGuiltyPleasures Facebook account and focusing my attention on Chipmunks-4-President this exceptional blog and Twitter (@JulieDavidoski). For now. 
  3. I have some ideas about how to upgrade your GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelets to version 2.0 slap bracelets. Because I’m a visionary like that. Stay tuned.
A question to bloggers – have you made any tough blog-related decisions? Do you think you have a ‘brand’? To non-bloggers – if you had a blog, what would it be about?

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Posted in Chipmunks Forever, Uncategorized

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Snakes Aren’t Scary (Except When They Are)

Posted on June 6, 2012 | 99 Comments

So you’re probably thinking I’m going to start this post like I always do, by greeting you as my fuzzy, wuzzy, li’l Chipmunks. Well, I would, but Peppermeister (First Husband) told me snakes eat chipmunks. And I just don’t want to take that kind of chance here.

You see, on Saturday, amidst hour number 8,002 of yard work, I went over to the pool filter and lifted the cover so I could clean it out. We had just had a big storm, so I knew it would be full of crud.

Oh, I was right about that.

Yup. THAT just happened.

I’d like to take this time to remind you that I live in New Jersey. The reason I stay here is simple: NO SCARY CREATURES (unless you count our politicians). No scorpions, no box jellyfish, no dementors, and no grizzlies (I don’t think. Don’t burst my bubble).

Now, okay, this snake was probably only 18 inches long, and a harmless garter at that, but that didn’t stop me from letting out a strangled cry and jumping back 5 feet.

I made Peppemeister repeat the process when he got home, so he too might have something to blog about. Which is when we discovered it was still very much alive.

Now that I’ve had a few days to recover, I’ve decided I’ve given this snake far too much power. And I know I’m not alone; so many people are terrified of snakes.

I’m going to take care of all that for you, right here, right now. It’s the least I can do considering you’re probably still pissed from hearing that I have a pool and haven’t invited you over.

Allow me to present to you:

BOB, the Worst Stand-Up Comic Snake of All-Time

And so you see, snakes are nothing to be afraid of. Until they start telling jokes.

Have you ever encountered any unwanted critters in your dwelling?

***SUPER IMPORTANT ALERT THAT YOUR HAPPINESS PROBABLY DEPENDS ON: I’m wrapping up the Go Guilty Pleasures slap bracelet extravaganza, so if you have any unseen slap bracelet pictures, the deadline is TODAY, JUNE 6th. I hope you’ll send them to me at Julie.Davidoski@yahoo.com. Oh and I think you’re swell. Even if you don’t have a slap bracelet.***

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Posted in Animals, New Jersey is breathtaking, Uncategorized

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Second Husband & Go Jules Go: Our First Conversation

Posted on June 4, 2012 | 80 Comments

So, I maybe had a little too much to drink the other night, and started having an imaginary conversation with Second Husband, Darren Criss (of “Glee” fame). This is that conversation.

Honestly, I’m surprised this doesn’t happen more often.

GO JULES GO: I love you so much. I don’t even care if that makes you uncomfortable.

SECOND HUSBAND: Um…

GO JULES GO: It’s funny you say that. When I was about to molest First Husband, he had a similar reaction.

SECOND HUSBAND: Um…

GO JULES GO: Yes! Exactly like that. I was all, “Do you think I’m pretty?” and he was all, “Um…” and I was like, “How would you feel if I did something stupid right now?” and he was like, “Um…” and then I attacked him.

SECOND HUSBAND: …Attacked?

GO JULES GO: Well, you know. Kissed. Geesh. Didn’t you read my guest post for Laughter is Catching?

SECOND HUSBAND: Guest…post? Is that like when you fill in for someone on security duty?

GO JULES GO: Ha ha! There is so much I can teach you, Second Husband! Let us start with the rules of plural marriage.

SECOND HUSBAND: I don’t like where this is going.

GO JULES GO: Oh, don’t be coy. You know I saved the best for last.

SECOND HUSBAND: So you’re stopping at two husbands? How am I supposed to believe that?

GO JULES GO: Well, if you’d just grow a handlebar mustache I’d feel a lot better about making this official.

SECOND HUSBAND: I would rock the shiz out of a handlebar mustache.

GO JULES GO: I know you would. And you just said shiz.

SECOND HUSBAND: So?

GO JULES GO: So I love you.

THE END

Who are you having imaginary conversations with?

***SUPER IMPORTANT ALERT THAT YOUR HAPPINESS PROBABLY DEPENDS ON: I’m wrapping up the Go Guilty Pleasures slap bracelet extravaganza, so if you have any unseen slap bracelet pictures, the deadline is THIS WEDNESDAY, JUNE 6th. I hope you’ll send them to me at Julie.Davidoski@yahoo.com. Oh and I think you’re swell. Even if you don’t have a slap bracelet.***

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Posted in Marriage, Uncategorized, Wipe the Drool

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