Having a pool sounds great, doesn’t it? Especially this time of year, when it’s nearing 90-degrees Fahrenheit (and 1,000% humidity) in New Jersey.
Hub #1, Peppermeister, and I were thrilled when we purchased our first home in 2010 – there was an in-ground pool in the backyard! We knew nothing about pools, and weren’t sure what lay beneath the forest green tarp, but hoped it was salvageable. We scraped together our last hopes, dreams, blood, sweat and pennies to open the pool that summer. We assumed things would get easier after that.
Here’s a brief recount of the last month.
EXT. GO JULES GO’S HOUSE – DAY 1
JULES: We need to do all of the shrubbery trimming BEFORE we take off the pool cover this year.
INT. GO JULES GO’S HOUSE – DAYS 2-5
JULES: I just dumped another $100 of shock in, and emptied the vacuum 12 times, but it’s not going to get clean if we can’t keep the filter running.
PEPPERMEISTER: I’ll replace the <blah blah whosiwhatsit widget gauge thingamajig blah blah>. For the third time.
EXT. GO JULES GO’S HOUSE – DAY 6
PEPPERMEISTER: Filter still not working. I called Pool Company #1.
EXT. GO JULES GO’S HOUSE – DAY 12
PEPPERMEISTER: Did Pool Company #2 come? You made sure to ask them what they did this time, right?
JULES: Yes, they think we need to replace the handle thingy? And you need to call Hector.
EXT. GO JULES GO’S HOUSE – DAY 20
PEPPERMEISTER: So it turns out all of those problems with the filter were because…we needed a new filter.
EXT. GO JULES GO’S HOUSE – DAY 27
JULES: I got the backwash to work, but can’t get the filter back on.
PEPPERMEISTER: Where did you put the DE powder?
JULES: In the skimmer basket by the pump.
PEPPERMEISTER: That’s not where it’s supposed to go.
JULES: But I watched three YouTube videos! THREE!
PEPPERMEISTER (dialing Pool Company #2): Yeah… uh-huh…okay… yeah… we’ll try that. (adjusts black knobby thing by one of the pipes) Well, now it’s working. But clearly it wasn’t a problem with the filter.
JULES: You’ll have to show me how to do that.
INT. POOL STORE – DAY 29
CLERK: Can I help you?
JULES: Yes… I need alkaline.
CLERK: How low is it?
JULES: Umm… 6.8?
CLERK: That would be your PH, not your alkaline.
JULES: Oh right, right, of course! The alkaline is like a greenish-yellow on the test strip. Maybe more like a baby puke.
CLERK: How many gallons is your pool?
JULES: Does 50,000 sound like WAY too much?
CLERK: Well just how big is your pool?
CLERK: You probably have 20,000. You’re going to need to balance the alkalinity first, then the pH. You’ll need 1 lb of this for every 10,000 gallons.
JULES (to self): Well played, math and science. Well played.
CLERK: You’re gonna wanna add half this bag, then wait an hour, then the other half, wait an hour. Then add half of the second bag, wait an hour, then the other half, wait an hour. Keep the filter running the whole time. Tomorrow morning, test the water, then add half of this pH. So you won’t be swimming today.
EXT. GO JULES GO’S HOUSE – TODAY
JULES: I tested the water. The alkaline is baby puke color again.
PEPPERMEISTER: I think I’m done with the pool.
What are your summer peeves and/or pay-offs?