Oh Chipmunks. Right now my head is spinning from your well wishes, and what can only be called a Birthday Symphony over at Rachel’s Table. While I pour another glass of champagne in my own your honor, I offer a humble serenade.
I know I promised I’d never do this again, but then, er, I promised myself I would.
Thanks for indulging me. Again. I love you.
Do you have any wild and crazy birthday tales?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dear Peppermeister (a.k.a. First Husband),
***Spoiler Alert***
I found the most perfect Valentine’s Day card for you. In fact, words cannot express how perfect it is (other than the words in this card), so, I made you this video. (Sorry about the swearing; I’m just so damn passionate about our relationship.)
I know you remember how I feel about greeting cards.
You can thank me in champagne chocolates cheese champagne, chocolates and cheese.
Love,
Go Jules Go
~*~*~*~*~
So, what kind of greeting cards do you go for to express your deepest sentiments?
Well, cherry-nosed Chipmunks. Last year Second Husband, Darren Criss, regaled you with We Wish You A Merry Christmas.
This year, I wanted to kick things up a notch. But where do you go from Second Husband and my favorite holiday tune?
Cue First Husband, Peppermeister. You may recall he’s a musician, and the former guitarist for the awesome reggae band, Echo Movement. He agreed to perform a song for ya’ll, on one condition…
…I sing.
Oh god.
Merry Christmas! …I love you. Maybe too much.
Posted in Music, Vlogalicious
Tagged Echo Movement, peppermeister, reggae, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Chipmunks, when I dream, I dream big bad.
And by dream I mean scheme.
I set my sights on things like embarrassing my friends. Or my in-laws. Or my web design classmates.
It almost never backfires. (Except for when it always backfires.)
Up until last week, I was still dissatisfied, though. A nagging, long-time dream eluded me:
Making my Current Husband, Peppermeister, jealous.
You see, he’s always been incredibly secure, and, well, it’s maddening. Like, who is he to steal all the confidence in the world and leave nothing for the rest of us? Am I right?
What’s more, in order to keep the relationship balanced, I assumed the surplus jealousy he was unwilling to feel. Exhausting.
I yearned to put this pepper-lover in his place.
I tried talking about other men, crafting elaborate schemes to secure a second husband, flaunting my assets… Nothing. Nary a raised eyebrow or passive-aggressive-taking-of-the-last-Hot-Pocket.
Argh!
The closest I ever came? Justin Timberlake hosting Saturday Night Live:
“You know he’s not as funny as you think he is,” Peppermeister commented, watching me howl as J.T. brought it on down to Omelet-ville.
My heart fluttered. Could this be it? Was it not perfect teeth, rock hard abs, unfathomable wealth and a melodious voice, but another man’s comedic talent that would rile him?
“Are you jealous?” I asked.
“No. I’m funnier,” Peppermeister calmly replied.
Double argh!
Is it time to finally give up and accept his constant praise and unconditional support? I wondered.
Then, as if the chipmunk gods had spoken, last week Peppermeister caught sight of something resting on the kitchen counter:
“What the hell is this?” he asked, eyes as fiery as his homemade sriracha sauce.
Bingo.
“Oh that?” I batted my eyelashes. “This guy at work gave it to me. He said he has more peppers than he knows what to do with.”
I paused.
“And you don’t grow that kind.”
“This isn’t organic,” he spat.
“He said they were,” I replied innocently.
“Get this out of my kitchen.”
“He sits right next to me,” I sighed. “I just love the regular bell peppers.”
He stormed out of the kitchen, and I laughed and laughed and laughed.
At last.
At long last.
So. What keeps your relationship spicy? (PG-rated, please, Chipmunks.)
***BLOGGY NOTE(S): The deadline for my “Hold Onto Your Hats” Halloween Contest is Oct 27th! The prize is amazing: A jack-o-lantern designed and carved just for you by yours truly…and Sun-Staches mustache glasses!
Also? I’m sorry I’ve been pretty M.I.A. lately; lots of fun things to share with you soon. In the meantime, please know that you and blogging are an important part of my life. I really mean that. I hope it makes you as uncomfortable as my coworker [with the bell peppers] would be if he read this post.***
Editor’s Note: Your favorite blogger (ahem) did an ongoing slap bracelet giveaway this year, but the bracelets feature my old blog name, “GoGuiltyPleasures!”. For a full listing of all Slap Bracelet pictures and posts, please see my Slap Bracelets page.
Lily is a relatively new blogger and a fellow Jersey girl, and I could tell you how sweet, supportive and fun she is. I should do that. Right now. But you’re not going to believe me once you see how f&@#$% hot she is in one of my slap bracelets.
I should charge you to view these. But why don’t you pay Lily instead, in compliments (in the comments section below)?
She will store your compliments in here.
Screw honey.
Annnd THIS is what I’m saying. Pay up.
Oh, Lily. Can I quote you on that?
This is perfectly normal, Lilykins. I mean, it is Tuesday morning, right?
Love & Lunchmeat is badass. There’s really no other way to put it. Both she and her blog are fresh and funny – as if you couldn’t tell by the name. She claims to have a favorite kid and has been skydiving, for starters.
She was also recently Freshly Pressed (i.e., featured on the homepage of WordPress.com)! And more importantly, Babs (my mom) likes her.
Here’s a sneak peek of what Love & Lunchmeat orchestrated all in the name of slap bracelets! Click the picture to see the rest. (I mean, the blog post title is “Because Bacon is Sexy.” C’mon.)
I hope this one is the favorite.
You may recall Erin from her mind-blowing ‘guilty pleasures gift basket giveaway‘ entry, which earned her a runner-up spot:
And it’s STILL one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen.
Her chipmunkitude so does not stop there. She’s a very talented photographer (I’m especially fond of these pictures), and she just, you know, gets me. I mean, she recently gave this Pot Head something to really geek out over.
…I’m talking about Harry Potter. Why are you looking at me like that? My pupils are always this big.
It says my devotion to chipmunks, slap bracelets and second husband, Darren Criss, have earned me a Prefect position in the Gryfffindor House. You know that’s right.
Instagram and I tried to make our pictures pretty for you, Erin.
Erin, you put the magic in my wand. Or something.
My first and only husband, Peppermeister, is hosting a photo contest on his blog. Email or Tweet him your best pepper pics by noon EST Sunday, August 26th and you could win a pepper roasting rack!
Click the ‘stache glasses to check out the contest details:
He’s practicing safe salsa.
Summer is almost over. OMG. What are you still hoping to do? …Oh, what’s that? Win some ‘stache glasses? Well stay tuned this Thursday, Chipmunks!
Posted in humor, Summer is Hot, Wipe the Drool
Tagged Catstache, Don't Quote Lily, Harry Potter, Love and Lunchmeat, peppermeister
This is the kind of magic that happens in my craft room.
While my best friend, Jenn, is the woman behind the nickname Jules, my husband, Peppermeister, is the man behind this blog.
Here’s how he first won me over, complete with a mustache-themed shirt.
Last February, he tried to explain how great WordPress was, and how I should use it as a vehicle to start writing again. I knew nothing about blogging, but then I read a hilarious WordPress blog and thought, “Oh. Well. This could be fun.”
And now here we are, a year and a half later, Peppermeister begging me to write him a birthday post. I mean, he just won’t shut up about it.
“I mustache you to give me the greatest gift you ever could. A blog post,” he said last night.
Please note: That last paragraph is all lies.
Except for the part about his birthday, which is today.
How do you do someone named Peppermeister justice? This is the man who texted me on Friday to say, “Want to know what the best part of making chicken tacos is?”
And then followed-up with this picture:
How do you measure up to someone with whom you once had this conversation?
“She’s going to be home in 5 minutes,” I said, hanging up the phone. It was June 2003 and we were a month into dating, cuddling on the couch of a friend’s apartment. My friend let us hang out there because Peppermeister and I both still lived at home [with our parents].
He loves this picture. …Ahem.
“Great,” Peppermeister replied. “That gives me 3 minutes to convince you, and 2 minutes to do it.”
“Two minutes?” I answered, raising my eyebrows.
“Yeah. I thought we could do it twice.”
How do you write a post for someone 
who cordially invites the dog onto the couch, complete with trumpet calls? Or tells you you’re “pretty” and “svelte” every day? Or convinces his whole family, after stubbing his toe on a boat in the Bahamas, that he was bitten by a shark? Or plays a mean harmonica? Or finds fulfillment in teaching cognitively impaired children?
Well. You don’t. You just give him another funny t-shirt, bake some cupcakes and hope he doesn’t realize you didn’t clean the bathroom he could do a lot better.
Gawd, I’m getting sentimental in my old age.
P.S. – In case you’re wondering about Peppermeister’s [former] band, they’re called Echo Movement and they’re on the Warped Tour again this summer. We lurve them and you should, too.
Tagged birthday, blogging, Echo Movement, humor, Listful Thinking, peppermeister
Photo credit (before amazing annotation): geekisland.com
“You are trying to kill me.”
This is the quote [of mine] that Hubster, the one and only Peppermeister, used for his latest blog post*. The other night he made guacamole and salsa containing twelve Serrano peppers and one lethal jalapeno. I don’t know where these jalepenos come from (oh, who am I kidding? I’m married to the Peppermeister - they’re called Biker Billy jalapenos and the plant came from Cross Country Nurseries), but let me assure you they throw the whole Scoville scale off. They’re the hottest mother loving thing I’ve ever eaten. One seedless, spineless, centimeter-long sliver has me researching ways to exact my revenge chugging milk.
The perfect accomplice.
I’m tentatively willing to let this one slide, because otherwise I’ll get stuck on dinner duty. My husband is a great cook, and takes no small amount of guilty pleasure pride in measuring his peppers, insisting I take daily tours of his organic pepper garden, and trolling pepper-related websites. He’s helped me build an impressive heat tolerance, but on Sunday night, he went too far.
If I suddenly stop blogging, please alert the Spice Authorities. I’m pretty sure they can still be reached at 1-800-DIE-WIFE.
*If it seems like I’m shamelessly promoting my spouse’s new-ish blog even though he just tried to snuff me, I’m sorry. On a totally unrelated note, I have really high hopes for my Christmas present this year.
Posted in Food, Marriage, Uncategorized
Tagged Biker Billy jalapeno, gardening, humor, jalapenos, peppermeister, peppers, serranos, spicy food
My name is Julie, but you can call me Jules, because I sense you're ready to take our friendship to the next level.
I like to write about ridiculous things. Also serious things. Like my dog, Uncle Jesse.
Check out my About page for more. Or just go drink. That's what I'm doing.
