I Tried My First GU! Oh And Ran A Half Marathon.

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in so long, but I wanted you to believe running my first half marathon last month actually killed me.

Entirely possible.

At least I lived to see BaconFest 2014.

Actually, it did something far, far worse.

It hooked me.

Me. The blogger with a penchant for vodka and chocolate-covered bacon everything.

Dependency? Moi?

Dependency? Moi?

This is my life now:

Note the deodorant-looking stick, Anti-Chafe. Its street name is "Chub Rub."

Note the deodorant stick, Anti-Chafe. Its street name is “Chub Rub.” This is seriously a thing.

Oh and see those little silver packets on the lower right? Those are GU brand energy gels. I don’t even like Gatorade, let alone creepy pudding packs with space-agey Nutrition Facts.

Finally, though, I listened to the advice of 10,273,047 seasoned runners and tried one during a recent training session, around mile 8, when I felt particularly sluggish. I went with the least offensive flavor I could find: Tri-berry. (Named so because GU berries run triathlons. Obviously.) Sure enough, 20 minutes later, I felt a sudden pep in my step that lasted the entire remaining 5 miles.

Fine, GU-lovers. FINE. You win this one.

Fine, GU-lovers. FINE. You win this one.

Speaking of winners, the rumors are true: I completed my first half marathon, The Wild Half, on Sunday, May 18th, in Wildwood, New Jersey!

Wild-Half-Wildwood-sign

I encourage you to caption this one yourself.

I chose the course because it ran alongside the coastline, i.e., it was FLAT. After 8 weeks of training, I still had no idea what I was doing, but my sister, a race veteran, was there to guide me every step of the way.

IMG_6715

Mostly we rode rollercoasters.

Her calming presence didn’t stop me from asking the obvious questions.

Wild-Half-Packet-Pickup

I can just hang it on the wall and say I did this? …Right?!

I was also careful not to disrupt my normal routine the day before the race.

Wild-Half-Hydration-1 Wild-Half-Hydration-2

The morning of, I lined up with the 10-minute mile pace group. My goal was simply to finish without walking, but I knew the faster I finished, the faster I could drink “celebrate.”

Stretching: More or Less Effective Than Vodka Shots? Discuss.

Stretching: More or Less Effective Than Vodka Shots? Discuss.

I programmed the 80’s cardio mix on my Pandora app and got ready to rock and roll.

I was feeling great until about mile 7, when the sun and endless stretch of pavement started to sear my soul. By mile 9, I hit the low point usually reserved for mile 10. Then, miraculously, I saw the mile 11 banner. I had missed the 10-mile marker altogether.

Wild-Half-thumbs-up

I was probably distracted by my sobriety.

Despite that mental boost, by mile 12, I was ready to stop running. Two of my oldest friends, shame and pride, pulled me through.

“But NOT finishing would make a much funnier blog post…”

With a stitch forming in my right side, I grimace-grinned down the home stretch.

The official finish line photo. I think I was disqualified for the rebellious-yet-jaunty placement of my race number.

The official finish line photo. I think I was disqualified for the rebellious-yet-jaunty placement of my race number.

I passed through a string of enthusiastic volunteers to claim my snazzy finisher’s medal.

Fried Twinkies here I come (thank you, Jersey boardwalk)!

Fried Twinkies here I come (thank you, Jersey boardwalk)!

So, not only have I become one of “those” people, I’ve also become one of THESE people:

Half-Marathon-bumper-magnet

To add insult to [inevitable knee] injury, what am I up to now?

Hamptons-Marathon-badge

If you were forced at gunpoint to run 26.2 miles, who would you drag with you?

chocolate-bacon***As promised, one commenter from my last post receives a Vosges Mo’s Milk Chocolate Bacon bar! The lucky winner is: WTF Elsewhere! Congrats, Lorien – I’ll be in touch via email to award your prize!***

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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94 responses to “I Tried My First GU! Oh And Ran A Half Marathon.

  1. Did you survive all the running, Jules? Blue Bell has the seasonal Pumpkin spice ice cream out now in case you’re done training… I’m just saying. I ate some for breakfast.

  2. I couldn’t run 26 feet. Even when I was in the best shape of my life (I was a mailman who walked 7 miles a day and a dancer who danced 5 nights a week) I still couldn’t run. So, I only run when I’m being chased-I’d get caught pretty quick though! Good for you!

  3. You are awesome!!! I did my second half this year and I concur- GU is gross! But they are totally effective. I love the photos and especially the thought bubbles. I feel we may be related. Just because we love vodka, bacon, chocolate and now running. And we are both funny. And humble. Keep it up! It only gets more addicting, just like writing 🙂

  4. How fun! Glad I stumbled onto your blog! A year and a half ago I was talked into doing a half marathon with a friend because she needed a reason to get healthy…After three halfs I finally got around to doing some 5 and 10K’s, and just did a 15K. Have another half and hoping to do a full in 2016. Always a pleasure to see another nutcase!

  5. ur just awesome in wrting posts.. y dont u train me in doing so?

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