Giveaway Junkie, humor, Summer is Hot, Wipe the Drool

In the Middle of the Woods…NAKED.

***Winner of my latest blog contest announced below!***

Go Jules Go title graphic In the Middle of the Woods Naked_3JUL2019

“Just past the two topless women circling the labyrinth…”

I sat in a large Adirondack chair, my chin tilted skyward. It was only 70 degrees, but the sun was determined to make an impression and I took full advantage.

“…Keep going until you hit the river, then turn left….”

I flexed my feet in the sandy grass, my calve muscles twinging.

Still with me? Okay, now keeping going until you see a yurt on your left. HI!”

I snorted, entertaining myself by imagining how I’d describe my location to friends back in New Jersey. Fleshy, human-shaped blurs passed in my peripheral vision every 10-15 seconds. Hey! Maybe my Duolingo app works off-grid…

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Me. Relaxing Taking blog notes (and selfies).

Don’t get me wrong. I know how to chill.

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See? CHILL.

But there was a lot going on here.

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By here I mean Breitenbush Hot Springs.

Never heard of it? Allow me. Breitenbush Hot Springs is a place in the middle of the Oregon woods where people go when they decide they’ve had far too much caffeine and/or clothing.

“I help coach a running and yoga retreat [there] in June! It’s right up your alley! As ‘Oregon’ as it gets! Blog fodder for days!” The Byronic Man, my oldest bloggy friend, marketed it to me late last year.

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Remember the good ol’ bloggy days?

That’s right. The Byronic Man! After eight years, we decided to meet in person for the first time under the most mundane circumstances imaginable.

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Oh. I slay me.

When the running-yoga-hot-springs-retreat topic was broached, I was prettttty sure I was calling Byronic Man’s bluff by saying, “I’m in!”

“The hot springs are ‘clothing optional,’ so we’ll be going from 0 to 60 in the getting to know you department,” he cautioned.

“Sounds like I can pack light!” I replied. “Just promise to ship my ashes back to New Jersey if there’s another cougar this year.”

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I may have had some fun with this.

It was on. I was brave now, after all. I did things like quit my job and sell all of my stuff. In fact, by the time I got to Breitenbush, I was already moved out of New Jersey and unpacked at my new apartment in Bend, Oregon – a plan that magically came together just before this intriguing hot springs retreat.

So, three days in the middle of the woods filled with nudity, shared showers, running uphill in front of strangers, and no cell service, wine or caffeine? BRING IT.

After descending a long (and I mean long) gravel driveway that gave me Maine road trip flashbacks, I checked into my Breitenbush cabin, heart in my throat. Thankfully, The Byronic Man and I had had an opportunity to meet for a beer just before the retreat, so that left only 10,327 things to worry about.

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I’m just going to say it. My hands were shaking.

The first evening kicked off with an “easy” 3-mile run.

I approached the group -ultimately 13 women and 4 men- with a big smile, hoping to make some new friends.

And you know what?

I TOTALLY DID.

I fully intended to turn this experience into a fabulous, ongoing series about how awkward and awful the whole thing was, but… it was… kinda… AWESOME. I mean, I was the only person there who wore a bathing suit, and I’m pretty sure the retreat coach has several videos of me running uphill, but… I LIKED IT. No wine or cell service in 72 hours and I’D GO BACK.

And I’m not just saying that because I lost five pounds.

I’m really sorry. I’m disappointed for both of us. But hey! I’m sure I’ll be mortified again soon!

~*~*~*~*~*~

And the winner of THE WORLD’S BEST BEER KOOZIE AND DECK OF CARDS IS…

Encounter Soul!

Her entry begins…

The minivan was packed. Travel games galore were in easy reach of our 10, 8 & 4 year old boys. My meticulously planned itinerary was a glance away as we began our 3,000 mile, 55+ hour adventure from San Diego, CA to see my sister in Seattle, WA…”

For the rest of the tale, click here!

Encounter Soul, CONGRATS! I’ll be in touch via e-mail, and soon, this will alllll be yours:

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Summer is Hot, Wipe the Drool

Summer is Hot and So Are You – Issue #4

Cover Story – Kate from Old, new or true

Something old: Well, not that old, but never you mind. Kate runs a very fun ‘Scribble Challenge’ on her blog. This weekly writing prompt encourages you to hush your inner critic because you’re on a time crunch – you only have 15 minutes. Let your creativity wander in whatever wacky and wonderful direction it chooses!

Something new: Kate’s blog design! Go ogle. Go compliment. It’s snazzy.

Something true: Kate’s a med school student, an avid reader and apparently a cartoonist. If she tells me she models in her spare time, I’m going to jump off a bridge. Look what she drew for me us! (Kate, please tell me where I can send you some complimentary ‘stache glasses and slap bracelets.)

By Kate from oldnewortrue.wordpress.com.

Featured Article – JM from Accidental Stepmom

After a year and a half of bloggy friendship and two NYC meet-ups, JM and I have officially crossed over. Get ready for raging jealousy: I met #5! The infamous, hilarious, bacon-loving #5! He showed me his fort!

In case you’re confused, JM numbered her stepkids 1-5; number 5 is the youngest, and only boy. He’s almost 10. (I was put to the test on Sunday night, trying to keep the names of 2 adults, 5 kids, 2 dogs and one AWESOME 1966 Mustang straight. I think I’ve got it.) I met nos. 1-4, too, and they were all sweet, social and funny. And seriously handy when it came to housework.

#5 (putting leftover steak in a large Ziploc bag and getting some ‘juice’ on the tablecloth): It’s okay. It only cost $12.

I can’t think of any stronger endorsement for JM than the truth: Thanks to this Freshly Pressed post, hers was one of the very first blogs I read and fell in love with. My best friend, Jenn, a talented writer herself, will tell you the same. JM’s not only a wonderful person, but an extremely gifted writer.

She also knows the best pie EVER when she tastes it.

That Fun and Quirky Last Page of Every Magazine – Renee Schuls-Jacobson from Lessons from Teachers and Twits

Nothing says ‘fun’ like Renee. (Exhibit A: Her winning ‘guilty pleasure gift basket giveaway’ entry.) I had the pleasure of talking to Renee on the phone for the first time recently, and we had so much to say, I killed her car! For reals. Her cell phone was plugged into her car and both batteries died.

But Renee’s internal battery never dies (eh? Like that?) – she’s full of positive energy and humor, just like her blog. If you’re not already reading, please head over there and say hello. I’m a huge fan of her direct (yet often poetic), funny and heartfelt writing, and she’s got something for everyone (that’s what she said).

And guess what? Even though Renee just had to splurge on a new car battery because of me, she still sent this!

Thanks, Renee! Too bad it’s just going to collect dust since everyone knows I don’t drink!

The quality of this photo was saved only by Peppermeister’s photo bomb. Side note: This is as full as our wine rack ever stays.

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Why have one ‘stache picture in this post when you can have three?

Reminder: The latest mustache glasses giveaway contest ends MIDNIGHT EST on Friday (August 31st)! All you have to do to enter is share a ‘conversation bomb’!

Thank you for being so hot this summer, Chipmunks! I like to think you have made me hotter by association.

humor, Summer is Hot, Wipe the Drool

Summer Is Hot and So Are You – Issue #3

Editor’s Note: Your favorite blogger (ahem) did an ongoing slap bracelet giveaway this year, but the bracelets feature my old blog name, “GoGuiltyPleasures!”. For a full listing of all Slap Bracelet pictures and posts, please see my Slap Bracelets page.

Cover Story – Don’t Quote Lily

Lily is a relatively new blogger and a fellow Jersey girl, and I could tell you how sweet, supportive and fun she is. I should do that. Right now. But you’re not going to believe me once you see how f&@#$% hot she is in one of my slap bracelets.

I should charge you to view these. But why don’t you pay Lily instead, in compliments (in the comments section below)?

She will store your compliments in here.
Screw honey.
Annnd THIS is what I’m saying. Pay up.
Oh, Lily. Can I quote you on that?
This is perfectly normal, Lilykins. I mean, it is Tuesday morning, right?

Featured Article – Ruminations on Love & Lunchmeat

Love & Lunchmeat is badass. There’s really no other way to put it. Both she and her blog are fresh and funny –  as if you couldn’t tell by the name. She claims to have a favorite kid and has been skydiving, for starters.

She was also recently Freshly Pressed (i.e., featured on the homepage of WordPress.com)! And more importantly, Babs (my mom) likes her.

Here’s a sneak peek of what Love & Lunchmeat orchestrated all in the name of slap bracelets! Click the picture to see the rest. (I mean, the blog post title is “Because Bacon is Sexy.” C’mon.)

I hope this one is the favorite.

That Fun and Quirky Last Page of Every Magazine –  Erin from Catstache

You may recall Erin from her mind-blowing ‘guilty pleasures gift basket giveaway‘ entry, which earned her a runner-up spot:

And it’s STILL one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen.

Her chipmunkitude so does not stop there. She’s a very talented photographer (I’m especially fond of these pictures), and she just, you know, gets me. I mean, she recently gave this Pot Head something to really geek out over.

…I’m talking about Harry Potter. Why are you looking at me like that? My pupils are always this big.

It says my devotion to chipmunks, slap bracelets and second husband, Darren Criss, have earned me a Prefect position in the Gryfffindor House. You know that’s right.
Instagram and I tried to make our pictures pretty for you, Erin.
Erin, you put the magic in my wand. Or something.

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My first and only husband, Peppermeister, is hosting a photo contest on his blog. Email or Tweet him your best pepper pics by noon EST Sunday, August 26th and you could win a pepper roasting rack!

Click the ‘stache glasses to check out the contest details:

He’s practicing safe salsa.

Summer is almost over. OMG. What are you still hoping to do? …Oh, what’s that? Win some ‘stache glasses? Well stay tuned this Thursday, Chipmunks!

Slap Bracelets, Summer is Hot, Wipe the Drool

Summer is Hot and So Are You – Issue #2

Oh-hoh am I ever looking forward to this issue, Chipmunks. Also I may or may not be wearing pants.

Given that I focused on lovely lady-bloggers last week, I figured it was only right to focus on steamy menfolk this week. Grab an ice-cold lemonade and fire up your Scoville scales because it’s about to get hot like Peppermeister‘s (Husband #1) peppers up in here.

Editor’s Note: For those of you still experiencing WordPress Reader issues, email help@wordpress.com and they’ll get you squared away. Thanks so much for the tip, Jess!

Cover Story – The Food and Wine Hedonist

The Food and Wine Hedonist (FWH) and I were destined to meet. You may recall this blog was once GoGuiltyPleasures!. The FWH contacted me back in January to invite me to guest post for his Friday feature, where he blogs about guilty pleasure songs.

That’s right, I said guilty pleasure songs. FWH goes far beyond food and wine. And even if he didn’t, I’d still read, because food and wine are my favorite FWH is hilarious. His humor is fresh and fun, and when it comes to making a fine meal or infused vodka, he’s the guy I want on speed dial. If you’re not sure where to start, here’s one of my favorite posts.

If you need any more proof of his chipmunkitude, check out what he tweeted me the other day (don’t you want to follow him now, too?):

Let’s just say I spend a lot of time wishing he invited me to his parties.

Featured Article #1 – The Byronic Man

He almost bled to death for this picture.

Everything’s coming up roses for my bloggy BFF, the better half of JuJuBees, the always crackerjack and sometimes cross-dresser, Byronic Man!

This week he wowed the blogosphere not only with his “7 Deadly Sins: Lust” entry over on k8edid’s blog (this is seriously good. Read it), but also by posting a couple clips of his stand-up comedy. Bloggy prayers were answered. Chipmunk wishes granted. Oh yes. The clips were -unsurprisingly- worth the wait.

But we still need to work on this.

Of course, I give myself complete credit for B-Man’s slow reveal to the blogosphere. Remember when he wouldn’t even show his swoon-worthy face, and then slap bracelets happened? You’re welcome.

I wonder what I can get him to do next. I think it will involve a chipmunk costume. And a synthesizer. And Pig Latin. Just off the top of my head ead-hay.

You can also click on this awesome picture I made to see the aforementioned stand-up clips:

But only if you like the finer things in life.

Featured Article #2 – 1pointperspective

I like to imagine Dave’s gravatar having conversations with Byronic Man’s half-face.

Dave at 1pointperspective is a riot. I don’t know what’s more thoughtfully funny – the comments he leaves around the blogosphere, or his blog posts. That is really saying something.

What’s more, he’s a fantastic artist. For k8edid’s “7 Deadly Sins” writing contest (which he’s already won twice, ahem), he also creates illustrations. Here’s my favorite – can you guess which sin this was for? (Just kidding, this one was done for another incredible story, Forty-Seven Shades of Pink or as I like to call it, Ode to Bacon.)

By D. Lovett at 1pointperspective.wordpress.com.

If you’re new to Dave’s blog, this is one of my favorite posts.

That Fun and Quirky Last Page of Every Magazine – MJ Monaghan

His gravatar is a perfect imitation of Darla’s (shesamaineiac.com)!

Many of you already know and love Mr. Monaghan. He’s one the nicest bloggers around, and one of the silliest (the highest compliment from this chipmunk enthusiast). Case in point: his uproarious entry for k8edid’s “7 Deadly Sins: Lust” contest.

If you need a friend -or a laugh- in this cold, cruel world, please head over to MJ’s blog (or follow him on Twitter). I’m especially fond of this post.

And let us not forget he is our best hope for getting In -N Out burgers:

Hello, Friends.

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I’m woefully behind on reading your blogs, and even on responding to some of your comments. It humbles me beyond words that you continue to visit Go Jules Go despite my negligence. Thank you. I have vacation time starting next week. Which means I’m about to stalk the shiz out of you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Now. Please shower these smokin’ fellas with attention and compliments in the comments section below, and/or let us all know what else we should check out in the blogosphere! 

Sometimes I feel like I love you so much I want to cut you into pieces and carry you in my pocket.

But I don’t have any pockets.

Because, as I told you in the second sentence of this post, I’m not wearing pants.

Maaaaybe you should try taking me seriously once in a while.
Slap Bracelets, Summer is Hot, Wipe the Drool

Summer Is Hot and So Are You – Issue #1

I mentioned recently that I was so inundated with your awesomeness that I was planning to install a weekly feature for the rest of the summer.

Much like when I mentioned bringing back slap bracelets in my very first video blog, I am following through on my word.  This time, I expect it’ll be cheaper easier just as great.

Because you’ve done all the heavy lifting. So enough of me. Onto you.


In our inaugural issue, we’re going to once again prove that sexy sells. It’s all about the ladies today!

Editor’s Note: Your favorite blogger (ahem) did an ongoing slap bracelet giveaway this year, but the bracelets feature my old blog name, “GoGuiltyPleasures!”. For a full listing of all Slap Bracelet pictures and posts, please see my Slap Bracelets page.

Cover Story – Rachel from Rachel’s Table!

If you thought I was lying when I said this series was “hot,” consider this picture my blowing a raspberry at you.

Rache is totally smart, talented, stunning, and funny, and could have any blogger she wants as a friend. Yet one of the highlights of my bloggy life was finding out Rache had mentioned me on another blog as a blogger she would really like to be friends with. I told her this made up for all the years of sitting at The Geek Table at lunch. Now I’m at RACHEL’S TABLE, ya’ll!

Rache’s blog focuses on natural, locally grown food, which is a plus on its own, but her unpretentious and humorous attitude make reading her blog heaven on earth. You’ll get a lot more out of it than [delicious!] recipes, I promise.

As if that wasn’t enough? This summer, she took her slap bracelets on vacation, and, well, you just need to see this for yourself. Rache’s slap bracelets crashed a wedding! Even I couldn’t pull that off!

That’s Rache. On the right. Wait’ll you see what she accomplished at that wedding.

Things started off harmlessly enough on Rache’s vacation, in Plymouth, Massachusetts…

Then it was onto the beaches of Cape Cod…

Bookmarks! Gah! The cross-promotional possibilities! If I had but known…
I am in love with this picture.

And while seeing the sights is all well and good, I started to wonder if Rache really knew me. But then…

Rache’s hub enjoying a lobster roll. A lobster roll that I should be enjoying. A lobster roll that I’ve been obsessing over ever since I saw this picture.
Rache knew a drive-in movie theater viewing of “Brave” needed enhancement. As I told her, I have this exact ‘single serving wine juice box’ in my refrigerator at all times (duh).
That’a girl.

And now, onto the wedding extraordinaire…

I can honestly say this makes me all farklempt.

Rache told me the groom looked like Run-DMC’s son, Diggy (she was worried I wouldn’t ‘get’ that, hahaha…Please), which is why she took this picture:

And then the kicker, Rache actually accosted the bride and groom (he’s totally Diggy, right?!) to take this next picture! Yes. Yes, you should be giving her a standing ovation right now.

You are an inspiration to us all, Rache!

Featured Article – Angie Z. from Childhood Relived!

In today’s featured article, I’d like to point you towards another gorgeous, slap braceleted lady, Angie Z., who didn’t get nearly the attention she deserved in her original unveiling (I’m thinking a Ladies in Slap Bracelets 2013 calendar might be in order this holiday season, no?).

If people don’t understand why I love Angie and her blog so much, all they need do is read this slap bracelet letter and see the accompanying photos, which take us back to a simpler time, when slap bracelets weren’t yet shanks.

Dear Jules,

I received my snap bracelets in the mail and couldn’t be happier.  They are everything I ever wanted in vinyl wrist accessories.

In fact, what I would’ve given to have them years ago.  (I could’ve been the coolest girl in high school.)  What I would’ve given to have them in the summer of ’93, just in time for my senior year photo shoot.

Can you believe we’re seniors?  It’s gone so fast!

After giving it some thought, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands — quite literally.  Because who says you can’t reinvent the past?

That’s right — with my very own snap bracelets, I decided to recreate my senior pictures.  I happen to have some of my old clothes even — the early ’90s certainly paved the way in high fashion.  I think you’ll agree that we gave up the hair bump far too soon.

I’ll always remember the homecoming party at T-Bone’s house when we karaoked to Ace of Base.  I’ll always remember how you proposed marriage to Mark Calderon from Color Me Badd.  I’ll always remember how we ruled the school in our band uniforms.  My memory is a little fuzzy on that last one.

Stay cool, never change, and never stop wearing your velvet choker,

Angie

P.S.  Why does my old letter jacket stink like Cool Ranch Doritos?

Angie, I still dream about you.

That Fun and Quirky Last Page of Every Magazine – Lady-Blogger Contest Shenanigans

PEG-O-LEG’S RAMBLINGS: THIS WHATCHAMACALLIT IS THE GREATEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD CONTEST

Peg would do anything for me, I mean, you, and you won’t even enter her contest? I guess I was wrong about you.

Win some bloggy loving over on Peg’s blog by coming up with a sales pitch for a fascinating, glowing piece of hardware. (You have to see it to believe it.) DEADLINE: 1PM EST, FRIDAY, JULY 27th.

k8edid: 7 Deadly Sins Series Writing Contest 

Katy’s [slap-braceleted] pooch, Shelby, wants you to enter, too. Don’t make Shelby cry.
Katy runs an ongoing “7 Deadly Sins” writing contest, which supports charity and writing and you and other awesome things. I am entering the current round (“Lust”), though I should have stopped while I was ahead…at “Gluttony.”  The Deadline for “Lust” entries is MIDNIGHT (12am EST), SATURDAY, JULY 28th.

She’s a Maineiac: Get Your Lobster Lollipop Here Contest!

Darla (my favorite Maine-iac) does me soooo proud.

To celebrate two years of blogging, Darla’s offering some FABULOUS Maine-themed goodies. All you have to do is sell your soul tell your most embarrassing childhood stories! I’m sure you don’t have any of those! Yeah! Me either! DEADLINE: NOON (12pm EST), MONDAY, JULY 30th.

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Stay tuned for Summer is Hot and So Are You Issue #2 hitting newsstands WordPress Readers (ha ha, no.) inboxes next week! I don’t know exactly what that means yet, but not because you’re not HOT, but because there’s SO MUCH OF YOUR HOTNESS to pick from! Wooo!

Please shower these lovely ladies with attention and compliments in the comments section below, and/or let us all know what else we should be checking out in the blogosphere! I know you will, because you’re amazing like that.

Wow. I never knew I could love you like this.