Recently, my friend Dakota asked, “If you could acquire any two skills during quarantine, what would they be?”
Apparently, running three marathons in nine days didn’t count.
Based on Dakota’s prompt, I wrote a blog post within minutes. Before I could hit ‘Publish,’ SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED.
A deep-seated wish come true.
A phoenix rising from the ashes!
A…much better version of the post I’d already drafted…what the f#%@?!
After 3+ years of waiting and
peer pressuring hoping, my bloggy BFF, sparring partner, and doppleganger, The Byronic Man, HAD A NEW POST.
This is the part where I could have put up photos of B-Man in drag, but I’m a good friend.
And it looked like not much had changed: HE WAS STILL INSIDE MY HEAD. So, I’ll let him cover the quarantine goals category, and I’ll gladly move on, my
party hat slap bracelet firmly in place. (Although it’s worth noting that I already had the rest of this post written as part of my original draft, including the retro B-Man shout-out.)
Acquiring new skills seems kinda hard, anyway. Besides, if these are end times (and who says they aren’t?), what are the most marketable skills we already possess? How can we prove to our quarantine comrades that they shouldn’t eat us first? I’ll take a crack at it, and then I want to hear from you!
Go Jules Go’s Quarantine Survival Skills
1. …give fantastic compliments. Did you know you’re the only person I write this blog for?
2. …can make anything out of raw cashews.
3. …can sew. …Assuming you only need cute Christmas ornaments.
4. …have long arms = strong selfie game.
5. …will carry 15 extra pounds up a mountain if it means we get to have potato quesadillas in the morning.
6. …know how to say 1,000+ words in French. None of them go together, but never mind that.
7. …write excellent thank you notes. This can only help our diplomacy efforts with neighboring communities.
8. …know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em. Wait, we’re talking about fitted sheets, right?
9. …understand the ancient art of numerology. Sort of. I’m pretty sure we can stop worrying about 666.
10. …am a follower. Even though my head was clearly made for a crown, I’m most comfortable standing in someone else’s shadow and won’t upset the group dynamics.
11. …don’t really understand the ancient art of numerology and think that ending on #11 means we won’t die. (My superstitions could save us all.)
So, what are your top quarantine/end of days skillz?