humor, Just For Fun, Lists

Do You Have the Right Quarantine Skills?

Go Jules Go Do You Have the Right Quarantine Skills Title Graphic 13MAY2020

Recently, my friend Dakota asked, “If you could acquire any two skills during quarantine, what would they be?”

Apparently, running three marathons in nine days didn’t count.

Uncle Jesse double rainbow Maston 2020
It’s okay, Dakota Rainbow Cloudjumper. Uncle Jesse and I forgive you. (In all seriousness, Dakota and his wife, Chelsea, are two of my biggest cheerleaders and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.)

Based on Dakota’s prompt, I wrote a blog post within minutes. Before I could hit ‘Publish,’ SOMETHING MAGICAL HAPPENED.

A deep-seated wish come true.

A phoenix rising from the ashes!

A…much better version of the post I’d already drafted…what the f#%@?!

After 3+ years of waiting and peer pressuring hoping, my bloggy BFF, sparring partner, and doppleganger, The Byronic Man, HAD A NEW POST.

This is the part where I could have put up photos of B-Man in drag, but I’m a good friend.

And it looked like not much had changed: HE WAS STILL INSIDE MY HEAD. So, I’ll let him cover the quarantine goals category, and I’ll gladly move on, my party hat slap bracelet firmly in place. (Although it’s worth noting that I already had the rest of this post written as part of my original draft, including the retro B-Man shout-out.)

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When bloggy BFFs collide. After a run. In the rain. …Whose idea was this anyway?

Acquiring new skills seems kinda hard, anyway. Besides, if these are end times (and who says they aren’t?), what are the most marketable skills we already possess? How can we prove to our quarantine comrades that they shouldn’t eat us first? I’ll take a crack at it, and then I want to hear from you!

Go Jules Go’s Quarantine Survival Skills

I…

1. …give fantastic compliments. Did you know you’re the only person I write this blog for?

Go Jules Go title graphic In the Middle of the Woods Naked_3JUL2019
And would I ever lie to you?

2. …can make anything out of raw cashews.

3. …can sew. …Assuming you only need cute Christmas ornaments.

GotC-bacon
They’re vegan.

4. …have long arms = strong selfie game.

Babs Jules NYC May 2019
YOU CAN’T EVEN TELL I’M THE ONE TAKING THIS.

5. …will carry 15 extra pounds up a mountain if it means we get to have potato quesadillas in the morning.

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FACT.

6. …know how to say 1,000+ words in French. None of them go together, but never mind that.

duolingo_french_owl_p3g1Kr8
Pain! Chouette! Chapeau! …See?

7. …write excellent thank you notes. This can only help our diplomacy efforts with neighboring communities.

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It’s the thought (and not the penmanship) that counts, right?

8. …know when to hold ’em and when to fold ’em. Wait, we’re talking about fitted sheets, right?

Seasons-Sheetings-2012-FINAL
It was a whole thing. What? You weren’t here in 2012?

9. …understand the ancient art of numerology. Sort of. I’m pretty sure we can stop worrying about 666.

666 angel numer
Toldja.

10. …am a follower. Even though my head was clearly made for a crown, I’m most comfortable standing in someone else’s shadow and won’t upset the group dynamics.

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We are all in this together.

11. …don’t really understand the ancient art of numerology and think that ending on #11 means we won’t die. (My superstitions could save us all.)

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Then again, maybe don’t rely on me for survival.

~*~*~*~*~*~

So, what are your top quarantine/end of days skillz?

~*~*~*~*~*~

20 thoughts on “Do You Have the Right Quarantine Skills?”

  1. While I have a visceral aversion to nuts and will avoid your raw cashew concoctions like the plague, I admit to being in awe of your gorilla arm selfies. Kudos.

  2. i can solve complex jigsaw and crossword puzzles, as i have lots of time to work on them and let my brain help, my kindergarten spanish has gotten better, and i now am killing walking in the rain.

  3. SO hilarious. I have long suspected that Go Jules Go was written specifically for me and all these comments come from random hackers. Thank you for confirming. And the crown is the perfect accessory.

  4. HA, you wish marathon running was a skill! I suppose we could slot that under “ability to suffer.” I tried to come up with some skills beyond “can out pedal a zombie any day” and “motivates friends to make lists,” but came up empty. Oh well, good thing you turned it up to 11 with your map management skills!

  5. I want the crown Jules (lol). Let’s see…..I can manage to not shower for several days at a time and still look and smell decent. My vocabulary is improving with the many words with friends games played and I have become a very proficient poop picker upper. I have also cooked some killer meals – I have never been a cook! PS. We have a contract on a house in Bend šŸ™‚

    1. I love everything about this comment!! That crown was handmade for me by fellow Bendite (and Dakota’s wife), Chelsea! Your not showering/smelling skill is truly useful during end times, and also handy for Central Oregon camping. (So excited for you! Feel free to email me if you want to chat about any Bend stuff! JKSchnedeker@yahoo.com.)

      1. I will definitely reach out! We won’t actually move there for a few years – we have to rent the house for a couple of years to avoid dreaded taxes. But we will be visiting regularly!

  6. OMG! Jules! I am so sorry I confused your chipmunk enthusiasm for squirrel enthusiasm in the star card šŸ˜¦ And yes 666 is nothing to be afraid of. There is no devil anyways. šŸ˜› and I love that you included “Chapeau” as one of your 1,000+ French words that don’t go together. Apparently I dreamed and spoke French out loud in my sleep…which kinda makes sense because I took 4-5 years of french when my mind was still flexible enough to learn languages, ha!

      1. When Mary Pat commented, I thought the same thing – “Hey! Champeau/Chapeau!” My dream is to dream in French (har har). And no apologies necessary; squirrels have long been overlooked on this blog and it’s probably about time they got a shout-out.

  7. Love your mad skills! My quarantine skills involve not killing my husband, who decided to take 3 three week vacations (staycations) in May, June, and July, when we’re in quarantine. To be fair, he had to pick his vacations last November. A new quarantine skill I’m developing is counting carbs, because apparently even developing Type 2 Diabetes happens, quarantine or not. The good things is there will be no quarantine 15 here. And my last quarantine skill is cutting hair. Well, in truth I’ve had to cut my son’s hair for years. But with the quarantine on, not only is our local salon closed, it folded for good. So, my husband, who is beginning to look like Bozo the clown, needs a cut. I can wait.

    1. Oh gosh, I’m sorry to hear about the health surprise! On the plus side, you could probably start charging a premium if you offered ‘outdoor’ haircuts…

  8. So cool to take a trip down memory lane…seasons sheetings! God those were the days, my friend (we thought they’d never end…)

    My end of days skillz are (as I’ve already mentioned in a previous comment) balancing a gin and tonic on my bloated belly, going braless for over 2 months straight, and thriving on a diet that consists entirely of carbs.

    If/when this pandemic ends, I might not survive back in the real world and I don’t care.

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