I'm Going To Chop My Ear Off Any Day Now

Christmas BLT: Bacon, Love & Talent

Well, Chipmunks. There are Christmas crafts and then there are Christmas crafts.

I’m not even sure you’re ready for this, but we’ll give it a whirl.

Last year, I convinced my two bestest friends to come over and get their gingerbread on, because it’d be fun fodder for my blog. Fueled by vodka and armed with duct tape, this [eventually] happened:

Gingerbread_2011

Needless to say, I was sure I’d scarred them for life.

Nay! This year, they asked for Christmas Crafty Corner!

I smugly set out to find a worthy craft. And, oh-hoh, I found one.

“Even if we do a sh*tty job,” I explained, “all will be right in the world [if we make these].”

Thus, Jenn and M-Dazzle showed up on Saturday afternoon, full of optimism booze; things soon got so intense, the conversation came to a screeching halt.

Bacon-Serious-crafts
Silence! …But please pass the googly eyes.

‘Twas not long before Jenn attempted to make a finger puppet out of her craft. This is the PG version:

Bacon-finger
I can’t take her anywhere.

Then something magical happened. In one shot, Peppermeister (First Husband) captured…

Bacon-collageSo what the fudge were we making? …Are you sure you’re ready for this? Really? Okay then.

BACON ORNAMENTS!!!

Yes. You heard me.

Bacon-Ornaments
Honestly, I have no idea how we pulled this off.

The craftiness doesn’t stop here, my Chipmunks. On Friday night, I received my much-anticipated Seussical Christmas tree from Peg, of Peg-o-Leg’s Ramblings!

Peg just opened her own Etsy shop, Peep, where she sells beautiful items made from repurposed materials, namely wool and cashmere.

Peep-tree

And look what she included in the package!

I love you, Peggles.
I love you, Peggles.

Life is good. Almost as good as bacon.

I seriously can't stop making these. ...The scarf was Peppermeister's idea.
I seriously can’t stop making these. …The scarf was Peppermeister’s idea.

***P.S. – Speaking of craftiness – you still have until MIDNIGHT PST ON WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 19th to enter THE GREATEST BLOG GIVEAWAY OF ALL TIME!***

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82 thoughts on “Christmas BLT: Bacon, Love & Talent”

      1. I am sure her gift for me is in the mail…I’m pretty sure, anyway. Well – I’m not actually sure at all. Yet another reason I cry myself to sleep every night. I am starting to feel like the (formerly) red-headed step-child…

        You know that was supposed to say “stache” right? Stupid auto-correct and typing without my glasses!

        1. Ha! My brain actually interpreted that as ‘stache’ without hesitation. Although satchel is another favorite word of mine.

          You should totalllly order a tree from Peggles / Peep. They’re amazing – I want the whole tree village!

    1. Tee hee! Uncle Jesse has a strange relationship with our tree every year. He sees me watering it, and hears “tree” which sounds like “treat,” and gets, frankly, a little jealous.

  1. I NEED A BACON ORNAMENT!!!

    Ahem . . . sorry. Got a little carried away there. Those ornaments are super rad, and it looks as if a fun time was had by all. But my only question is . . . why don’t ALL the baconaments have mustaches?? I mean, it IS Christmas, isn’t it? Jeesh!! 😉

    1. That’s exactly how I felt when I saw it for the first time, Misty. My thought process went something like this,” Yes. …Yessss. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! …Oh. Sewing? …FINE I’LL DO IT.”

      Can you believe I didn’t even THINK of staches? I was too busy following the instructions to the letter, like a Boring Betty. I love love love the glasses M-Dazzle put on hers!

    1. Right? Jenn pulled that [Santa] out in the 11th hour. They seriously showed me up this year. I don’t know how I feel about this.

      Damn! I should have made a Sexy Stalin bacon! I could turn that scarf into an ascot…

      OMG. One guess what I’m doing when I get home.

    1. Susie, those cards are the Christmas cards to end all cards. Even though I read the post, I’m STILL not sure I know how you made them. I think you made a deal with elves or something.

  2. I love the Peg’s tree! It could become the Valentine tree, and Easter tree, Patriotic tree – get crafting on those ornaments! And the bacon with glasses? Who made those itty bitty things? Guess I know what the family (better) be getting from you this year…

    1. Amen! I noticed this on your Byronic Man comment about great things, and my [clogged] heart rejoiced. Thank you for representing bacon across the blogosphere.

      Oooh. Bloggers-4-Bacon. Maybe that’ll be my 2013 ‘thing.’

  3. I was going to make friends put together a gingerbread house but decided to gift the pieces-parts…cos I’m lazy and cheap. It was a filler-gift.

    1. Did they each get all the pieces to make a full house, or just one piece each?

      Hey – wouldn’t that be a really messed up, but hilarious, Christmas gift, to give someone ALL the pieces but one? They’re nearly done, but then, “Sh*t! Where’s the other half of the chimney!”

      1. Your cheap bastard kungfu beats my cheap bastard kungfu! I meant we were going to do it as a team (get ready, bitches! I’ve got mojitos and GINGERBREAD HOUSE CRAFTS!) but then I decided that I needed another gift, so I’m giving the whole kit to that one person. I’m incredibly generous when you look at it that way…

          1. When people ask, ‘What shall I bring?’ I say, ‘Well, I’ve got whiskey, vodka, bubbly, creme liquer, triple sec, coke with lime, tonic water, fresca and … bring whatever that doesn’t cover.’

            Then they ask about food. Me? ‘Oh. I got some jalapeno cheetos?’

              1. Cos seriously, they don’t drink my shite. I’d share but I think they’re afraid what would happen if they touched Sister’s bottles.

    1. Mustacha Stewart!! I love that! Oh, wait, I mean:

      Dear Clever Fan,

      I believe, deep down, you’ve already answered your own question. I heart you. Stay out of jail.

      Love,
      Mustacha Stewart

  4. Jules, I love, love, LOVE the bacon ornaments. I can’t believe how well-done they are, especially since copious amounts of champagne were involved in the crafting process! You should give classes – I don’t know anybody who wouldn’t want to spend the evening drinking, yucking it up and crafting. You put the elves to shame.

    Thanks for being my first Etsy customer! The stache gift-with-purchase isn’t available to just everyone, I must admit. When you wear it you can feel goofy AND smugly superior, because it’s made with recycled materials.

    I think there may be a big market for bacon ornaments, and I just so happen to know somebody who has a website for selling crafty stuff. How’d you like another job? Because I’m sure you don’t have enough to do being a full-time project manager, wife, dog- mother, taking a computer class and setting the writing/blogging world on fire.

    1. Peggles!!!!! I realized you can see the tree in the background of the ‘finger puppet’ pic, so you now know what I mean when I say it’s on the sideboard! I love it so much. Babs does, too. I am HONORED to be your first customer – and farrrrr from the last, my friend.

      OMG. I would totally sell bacon things at Peep. Don’t joke about this.

  5. Those bacon ornaments are truly amazing. We tried gingerbread houses last year, but they were a sad, failed project. I didn’t use real egg white in the frosting so all the candy drooped off 😦

    1. Aren’t they? <— I swear I'm saying that objectively.

      Oh no. You tried to do too much. The part of this post I failed to mention was that Jenn and M-Dazzle wound up gluing (not sewing) most of their ornaments together. Hey! Maybe next year you could glue your gingerbread houses together! I won't tell.

  6. Will you be giving out bacon ornaments as consolation prizes in tomorrows contest? Those are so amazing. I officially challenge you to make a bacon nativity

    1. I seriously thought about that, Erin! I’d totally make one for all of the entrants, if it didn’t take an HOUR to make each one (OY! …Voice of experience talking, right here).

      Bacon nativity. You are a genius. Imagine if we joined forces on a Christmas card?!?!

  7. A few things –
    1. Do you always wear sexy black boots when you make bacon crafts?
    2. When are you sending me both a bacon ornament and an Uncle Jesse ornament?
    3. I’m jealous of your red Kitchen Aid mixer. So jealous.
    4. What kind of bacon craft are WE making in January?

    1. 1. Thank you for noticing. I heart my new boots so much (they’re brown, but you can’t really tell). And yes. Don’t you?
      2. Stay tuned, my friend. Stay. Tuned.
      3. Don’t tell my sister (she got it for me), but that thing kind of drives me insane. I’d still be using my handheld mixer if it didn’t short out on me (probably from overuse).
      4. That is a phenomenal question. ….Bacon wine cozies, perhaps?!!?!

  8. I kinda want to weasel my way into your friend circle like a Donna Martin gone bad just so I can get invited to next year’s craft party. Oh, hell, did I just think that out loud?

    I have (and love) that red mixer. Some days, that mixer (and my Le Creuset cookware) are what get me out of bed in the morning.

  9. Oh, wow. I’m so behind on blog reading, but this post was so worth the long wait. Even as a vegan, I LOVE THOSE BACON ORNAMENTS!! They are quite possibly the cutest things I’ve ever seen. Kudos to your mad crafting skillz.

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