Booze, I'm Going To Chop My Ear Off Any Day Now

Gingerbread Pillage

There are a lot of reasons I heart my besties, Jenn and Mary. Namely:
  • They are funny.
  • They think I am funny.
  • They are smart.
  • They think I am smart funny.
But when it comes to enumerating their many qualities, the word crafty (like Martha Stewart-crafty, not Wet Bandits-crafty) doesn’t necessarily spring to mind. Nevertheless, this holiday season, I decided to push them out of their comfort zones, right into gingerbread village. To help them cope with the shock, I provided the following:

1.) A home-cooked roast chicken dinner.

2.) Encouragement Vodka.

3.) Uncle Jesse in a sweater.

4.) John Denver and the Muppets.

5.) Duct tape.

Mary says Jenn was 'icing with rage.' I say her candy cane suicide threats were empty.

We set to work.

"All the vodka in the world can't make this right."
"You will not defeat me, Gingerbread!"
One Two hours later…
Mary's gingerbread creation puts the "tree" in "treeat."
The stuffing Uncle Jesse immediately ripped out of his new toy from Mary made for really nice snow around my sleigh.
"Gingerbread houses divided will not stand." -Jenn (Image courtesy of Google Earth, Gingerbread Edition)
And in the end, the gingerbread creations [couldn’t stand the long drive home for Jenn and Mary and] were mine…all mine! Merry Christmas, me!

Any holiday crafts going on in your neck ‘o the woods, Chipmunks?

38 thoughts on “Gingerbread Pillage”

  1. You guys did a great job! I did the little gingerbread village this year too… only with 6 kids (ages 5-10). Ours did not look half as nice as your village turned out. The santa and sled turned out great too… I am loving the reindeer.

    1. Thank you so much! Those reindeer faces were a BEAR. I got more black icing on my hands than the cookies! I hid the really crappy two behind the front two. 😉

  2. I can’t believe that you convinced them. I am a non crafter, and not all the vodka in the world would lure me into a night of gingerbread house making. Maybe my daughter would though, I suppose… anyway it looks like it was super fun. -kate

    1. Kate, I can’t believe it! With all of the beautiful pictures and stories you and your sisters post on your blog, I would have thought you’d have gingerbread construction in the bag! We did have a great time, even when everything was (literally) falling apart! All hail to the magical healing powers of vodka, I mean, royal icing. 😉

  3. You guys are crafty! I love all the photos, well done! I couldn’t even attempt to build one gingerbread house without the kids grabbing part of the roof and then running away to hide in the closet to eat it. (oh, wait…that me…)

    1. Why thank ya, Darla! I am quite impressed with my girls. The only thing stopping me from devouring these things (’cause they smell pretty darn good) is the suspicion that they sat in some Target factory for the last 8 years before making it to the shelves.

    1. This comment thrills me to pieces! I’m always paranoid that I’m over-using the strikeout, but I cannot seem to stop myself!! In fact, if I knew how to use it in comments, there’d be no end to it!

  4. Sometimes we go check out the finalists in the Gingerbread House contest here, and I always come away with grand plans for some epic Gingerbread MIddle Earth or Gingerbread Woodstock or something.

    That often lasts over half of the drive home.

    1. Yesss. Those competitions are amaaazing. This reminds me, I need to do a DVR search to see when they’re airing because I haven’t caught any this year! I love watching the kid competitions, even though it makes me feel like a total underachiever. And I love when they try to make things move. “Dammit, Rick, I’m not going to win this year unless this carousel spins on peppermint bark alone!!!”

    1. Huzzah! I’m so glad you noticed/commented on that caption (although, full disclosure, Peppermeister gave me the idea when he said it looked like a Google Earth picture)! 🙂

  5. Consider me inspired. I will be sugar-cookie decorating/designing tonight and your post convinced me vodka needs to be a part of that process. I owe you a debt of gratitude.

    1. Ooh I want to hear more about your baking adventures in a future blog post! I know you refuse to be defeated in both Taboo and the kitchen.

      Cheers, my friend!

  6. The tree is genius!

    Uncle Jesse made the greatest addition. I mean, seriously: he is the ONLY one of you who SACRIFICED for art. The rest o’ you bitches just got tanked.

  7. Duct tape is magical, and so is that picture! Actually, all of this post is magic. 😉

    Think Uncle Jesse would be up for instructing my dog in the fine art of canine sweater wearing? I would be ever so delighted!

    1. All hail duct tape! Thank you, Deb 🙂

      I think Uncle Jesse could. After all, he’s on the second revision of his first memoir, “Putting the Sweater On Makes You a Good Boy.” It’s a little ruff (er, rough) around the edges, and he’s got to learn to reign in the run-on sentences, but I smell a hit.

  8. I am holding my breath and wishing and hoping so hard to be shrunk down to miniature so I can go live in your magical gingerbread world. Um, could I pre-order a really tiny vodka martini?

    ps How did the Muppets get involved with this? Did you start “seeing” Muppets after lots of vodka?

    1. See, now, I am totally on board with the shrinkage, but don’t you want the vodka to stay the same size?

      When it comes to Christmas time, John Denver and the Muppets are involved in EVERYTHING I do 😉

  9. So cute!! You and your buds did a job that would make Santa smile!! That chicken dinner looks great. I’m starving!

    I’ve not made any Holiday themed crafts, but I did do framed art for each of my daughters.

    1. Thanks, Sprinkles! I agree they did a fantastic job, and I get to enjoy them all every day! 🙂

      Ooh, the art sounds like a wonderful gift – did you draw/paint/photograph?

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