Booze, Giveaway Junkie

And the Winner of the Wine Purse IS…

Last week, I introduced you to the unbelievably glorious wine purse by Vivajennz.

What's really unbelievable was that I only just heard about this.
What’s really unbelievable is that I only just heard about this.

Today, I announce the lucky Donald duck who gets to bring this Goofy puppy home!

Congratulations, Michelle! Your dedication to booze smuggling, coupled with your willingness to defile the Disney name, won the heart of our judge, Babs (mom)!

Michelle’s Winning Entry:

Thank you for letting me take such liberties with your profile image.
Thank you for letting me take such liberties with your profile image, too.

I’ll be in touch to award you with your BRAND NEW WINE PURSE! Many thanks to Vivajennz for exposing us to her ingenuity (and generosity)!

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Booze, Giveaway Junkie

THE BEST GIVEAWAY I’VE EVER DONE. Enter to Win by 10/26!

You know that feeling where you start to wonder if maybe you’ve taken something too far?

Yeah... me neither...
Yeah… me either…

Sometimes I wonder if my fondness for booze has overshadowed the real me. The genuine Jules. You know, the one who also enjoys quality time with friends and family hats.

Jules-Hersheys-Kiss-Hat-28Sep13

Nah. Because if that were true, if I ceased embracing my inner lush, I never would have heard from Jennifer, creator of Vivajennz and…

…wait for it…

…THE WINE PURSE.

Photo courtesy of vivajennz.com.
Photo courtesy of vivajennz.com.

I know. I can’t even. And now YOU can’t even, too – because Vivajennz sent me one of these bad boys gals to give away!

Viva-Jennz-giveaway-purse
This could be ALL YOURS.
Viva-Jennz-giveaway-purse-2
Cannot. EVEN!!!

To enter to win this reason for living, leave a comment below describing your most ingenious idea for concealing alcohol.

And don’t forget to check out more VivaJennz creations at VIVAJENNZ.COM!

Here are some ideas to help get the creative fermented grape juices flowing.

binocular-flask
Somehow I don’t think these will help you focus.
My personal favorite.
My personal favorite.
I actually have these.
I actually own these.

Entries accepted through midnight EST, Monday, October 26, 2015. And since today is Babs’ (my mom) birthday, we’ll let her pick the winner, to be announced Wednesday, October 28, 2015.

Happy 29th birthday, Babs.
Happy 29th birthday, Babs.

Cheers!

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Booze, humor, Kvetching

5 Stages of Exercise Grief

Now that I’m living life with a Fitbit (a.k.a. the pedometer on crack), I feel I owe you some dieting advice and exercise tips.

It'll only cost you $100 and your soul.
It’ll only cost you $100 and your soul.

For example, did you know either 8 shots of vodka or a bottle of champagne is a perfectly valid meal substitute, calorically speaking?

And you don't even have to chew!
And you don’t even have to chew!

As for exercise, just take a gander at my personal trainer:

8-minute-legs-Tad

Isn’t he magnificent? I call him Tadd, with two D’s, because he looks like he inspired every DoubleMint commercial ever made.

Slide1

Tadd leads my 8-Minute video work-outs, and is very beautiful and nice. Tadd reminds me to “keep smiling, gang! After all, it’s only 8 goddamn minutes!”

There are four DVDs in here. You do the math.
There are four DVDs in here. Tadd’s not very good at math.

Despite Tadd’s belief in the power of tomato cans as handheld weights and unitards as a general life choice, I leave him feeling less than optimistic.

Sure, my buns are burning up, Tadd, but so is my will to live.

5 Stages of Exercise Grief

Slide2 Slide3 Slide4 Slide5

6-Stages-of-Exercise-Grief

What’s your least favorite exercise? 

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Booze, Just For Fun, Marriage

It Wouldn’t Be A Proper Vacation Without…

What day is it again? Where am I? Who are you? (Just kidding – I’ll never let go, Chipmunks.)

I’ve been living it up vacation style, and just wanted to pop in to let you know that both my liver and I are still alive and kicking.

How do I know I’m doin’ this time off thing right?

For starters, leisurely breakfasts have consisted of no fewer than 3 of the following: Croissants, coffee, champagne, cheese, fresh fruit, and/or BACON.

breakfast

Breakfast-2

I’ve stopped to smell the roses (or whatever the hell these are) on my morning walks.

early-morning-walk-flowers-2013 early-am-walk-shadow-2013There’s been double rainbow ogling.

ferry-rainbow-2013

Stops at the bank when I’ve run out of singles for the strip club.

Jules-single-dollars

Or, you know, the local farm stand.

Jules-farm-stand-2013

I’ve loaded up on all the fresh seafood I can get my claws on.

whole-lobstah-2013 lobstah-salad-2013I’ve done my new Fitbit (pedometer) proud and hit the trails with Uncle Jesse. (Note: Your own vacation success should not ride on this particular activity.)

highlands-hike-sweaty-2013 UncleJesse-highlands-hike-2013

I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time in the kitchen, making things like homemade mid-east feasts.

homemade-mideast-feast-2013
I can still taste the garlic.

And of course, there’s been booze. Lots and lots of booze.

beer-2013

But the real reason I know I’m on vacation? I’ve only turned on my computer once.

The very best part? It’s not over yet! Today First Hub, Peppermeister, and I celebrate our 5th anniversary, and have another week of this to look forward to:

Long-Island-sunset-2012

Ed-Jules-Long-Island-smooch-2012

But just so ya know, it’s not all smooches and sunsets. We like to exchange meaningful gifts, too.

A wolf t-shirt to go with his BB guns.
A cutting-edge wolf t-shirt to go with his BB guns. You’re welcome, Peppermeister.
And his gift to me: Clever methods for stashing booze.
And his gift to me: Clever methods for stashing booze.

Stay tuned next week for the much-anticipated Peppermeister Roulette, where Rachel’s Table and Peppermeister go head to head to see who can handle his hottest homegrown peppers.

Peppermeister-Roulette-2013

What does vacation success look like to you? It wouldn’t be a vacation without _____?

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Blogging, Booze

Gone Drinkin’ (Again)

Drinking-Champagne

It’s that time of year again, Snookums.

When I can’t come up with a damn thing to write about.

Time for a very short blogging hiatus. Now, now. Dry your wee little chipmunk tears. I’ll be back next week!

My money's on Rache.
My money’s on Rache.

Psst: This Friday at the Go Jules Go compound, it’s Peppermeister (Hub #1) vs. Rachel’s Table. That’s right. Those two are finally going head to head in a Spicy Pepper-Off to see who can handle the hottest homegrowns! I’ll have plenty to report next week.

If you want a delicious sampling of what’s in store, check out Rache’s fantastic “Peppermeister Roulette” videos (video one and video two)!

Don’t have too much fun without me. I love you.

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Booze, Just For Fun

Long Island: Short on Good Drivers, Long on, um, Land

Chipmunks! I’m back from Long Island!

I feel less than chipmunky for putting up a new post before even responding to your kind comments and well wishes from my last post, but, psst

…I have something in the works for later this week, and it requires me to get to my ‘200th blog post,’ which means putting up three more posts before the end of the week.

Wait. That came out wrong. I just really wanted to share some highlights from my extended anniversary weekend (truly extended – we decided to stay an extra night and just got back today!) in Long Island.

We were fortunate enough to stay in a family-owned summer home, for free, alone.  It’s the same house my dad spent every summer in as a kid, and where my paternal grandparents lived full-time later in life, so it was a booze-filled terrific walk down memory lane.

I had a wonderful time, but I missed you so much that I kept seeing mustaches everywhere:

I had big plans for this chair. Then I just got drunk.

And I finally had that lobster roll I’d been coveting ever since Rachel’s Table‘s husband ate one while wearing a slap bracelet:

I also had the opportunity to reenact a tragic moment from my childhood – when my sister got clocked in the head by a mini golf club. Let’s just say my brother had an overzealous swing.

This would have been a better reenactment if we had had fake blood. A LOT of fake blood.

Oh and there was this – bonus points if you know who I’m impersonating:

I’ll give you a hint: WHOA.

Also? Lest you think I said I had gone drinkin’ in vain…

Day 1.
Day 2.
Day 3.

Oh my gawd. I almost forgot. Peppermeister (Husband #1) didn’t want me to say that he likes to take ‘arty’ pictures, so, um, I made this collage instead:

Speaking of not arty pictures, Uncle Jesse wants you to know he also had a great time:

Have you had any memorable (and/or guilty pleasure-ful) trips or experiences so far this summer?

P.S. – If you’re wondering about the title of this post, I don’t want to talk about it.

Let’s just say we found this secret garden and it’s full of secrets.
Booze, Chipmunks Forever, Marriage

Gone Drinkin’

Drinking-Champagne
I know! My supply is running low.

The title of this post implies that I’ve gone off to do something I don’t normally do. Ha ha. Well. Let’s go with it.

That’s right. I’m going fishing drinking.

Peppermeister and I celebrate our 4th anniversary today, and we’re headed to Long Island ’til Sunday. My extended family has a little house by a bay where I haven’t visited in 10 years, so I’m pretty excited to return. Even if the weather is crap.

Chipmunk-Painting-by-Schmetz
This piece of Schmetz is my anniversary present. …What? The artist’s name is Schmetz!

The house doesn’t have internet access, which I’m nervous depressed confused about okay with. We’ll have, um, cruiser bikes…and bocce ball…and love. So that’s something.

I guess this is goodbye for a few days?

Holy chipmunks.

Don’t forget me.

I love you?

P.S. – Oh who am I kidding? My phone has 3G.