Fountain of Uncouth

Let’s see. We’ve already covered the fact that I was an extra on “Dawson’s Creek,” am obsessed with Glee, Harry Potter and little miss pageants, and that I named my dog after a “Full House” character. You might be thinking this well’s about to dry up.

Nay, friends, I’ve only just begun. (It certainly helps that blogging about guilty pleasures is, in and of itself, a guilty pleasure. That shouldn’t be allowed. It’s like trying to stare at the sun.)

Here are a mere few of the things I plan to bring to your [rapt] attention over the coming weeks. (Please feel free to express your gratitude by subscribing. Or by sending pictures of animals dressed as other animals.)

1. What to expect if you see Daniel Radcliffe naked, live, as I have.

2. What NOT to say if someone asks if you want to attend a week-long Project Management Boot Camp in Blue Bell, Pennsylvania.

3. 9021-Oh My God.

4. Robert Pattinson SINGS! (Holy sh*t, how have I not gotten to this yet!?)

5. My Plan to Save Mankind, a.k.a. The Power of Haikus


See you on the flip side, Crackers (have you not tried these yet?)!

Lists, Uncategorized

My Top Ten Guilty Pleasure Professions

Lists in and of themselves are a guilty pleasure for me, and I can often be found tallying up tasks I’ve already completed, just so I can cross them off. Like this one.

1 down, 9 to go…

10. Keebler Elf

First order of business: deep fryer. (You thought those Fudge Stripes were good before?)

9. Debbie Downer Sound Effects Specialist

We all know one. In my case, let’s call her Phyllis. Because that’s her name. Exhibit A:


ANONYMOUS COLLEAGUE: How you doin’, Phyllis?

PHYLLIS: Oh, you know. It’s just too much. I’m having a mental breakdown. How are you?

ANONYMOUS COLLEAGUE: Oh pretty good, thanks. TGIF!

PHYLLIS: They even replaced the paper towels. How are we supposed to dry our hands with these?

Sad Trombone

8. Merkin Maker

Don’t know what a merkin is? You’re better off. Don’t Google it. Do-on’t do it!

7. Robert Pattinson’s White Chest Make-up Applicator

Time is running out on this one.

6. Demotivational Speaker

“Thanks for joining me today. Have you guys all seen ‘March of the Penguins’?”

5. “Jersey Shore” Stand-in

I would go to jail for you, Snooks. Cawl me!

4. Character Actor, Harry Potter Theme Park, Walt Disney World

When you wish upon a star…that star usually gets a restraining order.

3. Bubble Wrap Packaging Popper

Click here only if you dare: http://fun.from.hell.pl/2003-11-24/bubblewrap.swf

2. Baby Lamb BMI Calculator

Looks like Bonnie’s at 35. It’s time.

1. “Dawson’s Creek” Background Actor

Oh wait, been there, done that.