Lists, Uncategorized

My Top Ten Guilty Pleasure Professions

Lists in and of themselves are a guilty pleasure for me, and I can often be found tallying up tasks I’ve already completed, just so I can cross them off. Like this one.

1 down, 9 to go…

10. Keebler Elf

First order of business: deep fryer. (You thought those Fudge Stripes were good before?)

9. Debbie Downer Sound Effects Specialist

We all know one. In my case, let’s call her Phyllis. Because that’s her name. Exhibit A:


ANONYMOUS COLLEAGUE: How you doin’, Phyllis?

PHYLLIS: Oh, you know. It’s just too much. I’m having a mental breakdown. How are you?

ANONYMOUS COLLEAGUE: Oh pretty good, thanks. TGIF!

PHYLLIS: They even replaced the paper towels. How are we supposed to dry our hands with these?

Sad Trombone

8. Merkin Maker

Don’t know what a merkin is? You’re better off. Don’t Google it. Do-on’t do it!

7. Robert Pattinson’s White Chest Make-up Applicator

Time is running out on this one.

6. Demotivational Speaker

“Thanks for joining me today. Have you guys all seen ‘March of the Penguins’?”

5. “Jersey Shore” Stand-in

I would go to jail for you, Snooks. Cawl me!

4. Character Actor, Harry Potter Theme Park, Walt Disney World

When you wish upon a star…that star usually gets a restraining order.

3. Bubble Wrap Packaging Popper

Click here only if you dare:

2. Baby Lamb BMI Calculator

Looks like Bonnie’s at 35. It’s time.

1. “Dawson’s Creek” Background Actor

Oh wait, been there, done that.

1 thought on “My Top Ten Guilty Pleasure Professions”

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