It’s 7am somewhere.

There’s really nothing I enjoy more than drinking, and I’d like to take a little time out to debunk drinking myths and challenge the pervasive taboos.

Drinking Before 5pm

If you’ve ever been to a St. Patrick’s Day parade or to an all-inclusive resort, you’ll see that I’m not alone in ignoring this ridiculous rule. There’s a reason mimosas and bloody marys exist. And what about people working the graveyard shift? They’re not allowed to pop open a brewsky when they get home from work at 7am? That’s not a very nice way to treat our police force and medical professionals, you know.

Drinking Alone

Who ever decided that this was the surefire sign that you’re 3 seconds away from locking yourself in the garage with the car running? If you go out to dinner alone, it’s all, “Good for you, Larry!”, but taking yourself on a wine and cheese date in front of the T.V. is out of the question? I don’t drink alone because I’m lonely, I drink alone because sometimes I’m the best company around and L.I.T.s are delicious. Cheers, dammit.

Drinking to Get Drunk

Drinking isn’t so much about the flavor of the alcohol (winos, ‘fess up)  as it is the entire experience.  No one likes a slob spilling merlot on your amazing new shoulder-padded sweaterdress, but everyone who drinks likes a buzz. If they didn’t, the virgin daquiri enterprise would be a lot more successful, and non-alcoholics would know what a Coors Cutter is. Drinking is so popular because it Feels Good!

Situational Drinking

Let’s face it, there are simply some things that one cannot bear without a little help from Jimmy or Jack. For some, it’s family events, for others, it’s work. Or baby-sitting. For me, it’s club music, overcrowded bars and “Citizen Kane.” After a few Blue Moons, the 20-deep line to the bathroom doesn’t seem quite so horrendous, and combatting film snobs about their greatest movie of all time is sporting good fun.