Dear Blog: I’m Sorry

April 11, 2013

Dear Blog,

What my love of bacon earned me.

What my love of bacon earned me.

I’m worried you’re starting to feel neglected. You barely look me in the eye, and your Stats page, is, frankly, a bit of a slap in the face. Between juggling 3 husbands, alcohol dependency and finding new and exciting uses for bacon, I really haven’t given you the attention you deserve.

F*ck. 10 months younger.

Sh*t. 10 months younger.

Sure, I’ve still found time to make epic memes and Google the age of every celebrity I like, hoping they’re older than me and I still have my shot at the elusive EGOT. And honestly, I would be famous already, but I’ve been so busy having fake conversations with actual famous people that the last 30 years week has just really gotten away from me.

You know I still love you, right, Blog? Remember all the good times? I really made you giggle that time I put ketchup in my hair, and don’t forget the slushie to the face. You like physical comedy, don’t you, Blog? (Did you see Melissa McCarthy on Saturday Night Live this past weekend? She’s a physical comedy goddess, and I worship her. Should we write a post about it? Oh, check! Look at us, Blog. What a team.)

Yes. This really happened, Blog!

Would I lie about this?

In all seriousness, Blog, you know how crazy things have been lately. Heck, by the time you read this, I may be en route to Texas for an undoubtedly blog-worthy wedding. So I hope you’re ready to spend some quality time with me next week. I know, I know. There are so many blog-worthy things happening RIGHT NOW that I can’t blog about, but you understand. After all, one of them involves work. And Uncle Jesse’s role in a marathon interview process. I know, Blog. I know! It’s killing me, too.

I really do love you, Blog. More next week.




What’s your favorite procrastination method / ‘time suck’?


85 responses to “Dear Blog: I’m Sorry

    • Seriously! I didn’t even MENTION the bit about time for reading other blogs! My inbox is hating me as much as my blog.

      • I’m thinking about changing my posts to digest form. That way I can red at least ONE post per person each week. Right now, it’s just not manageable. At all. Hit delete, Jules. Seriously. Just do it.

        • I’ve deleted more than I ever thought I would/could. Prior to summoning up the courage, I had created a special email file just for unread blogs. I really love reading the blogs I follow but there are times when I’ve got not even a spare minute. It happens. It’s a season.
          P.S. The nightmares of a file with hundreds of unread posts began haunting me in my sleep so I deleted it, too. Renee’s right. Just do it.

  1. Jules,
    Enjoy the wedding. Your blog may have a new task for you… I mean, Le Clown has been wasting time on Google trying to find a picture of a young Tim Gunn. How great would that be on your blog? S/he would be forever grateful.
    Le Clown

  2. Favorite procrastination method is to find something really fun to do and do it. If that makes any sense.

  3. I just read this phoned in Go Jules Go blog post! Not my favorite time suck though as getting passed out drunk, losing several hours of my life and waking up in strange places only to find out it’s my very own living room is my fave!

  4. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who googles celebrities’ ages.

  5. I took like a 4 month break… so whose blog is more neglected? I bet I have more cobwebs than you!

  6. Don’t have a favourite – they all work for me

  7. You’ll be back. They allllllways come crawling back.

  8. Big enjoyable worthless time suck.

  9. I could straight nap my life away if I didn’t have a toddler with a 5 am internal alarm clock.

  10. we know you love us!!! 🙂

  11. Yeah, your blog called me late last night. Pretty sure it had been drinking. I didn’t come over, even though it begged. I really think you need to put some more time in with the blog, Jules. It may not stick around for long.

  12. Say…whaaaat? A Full House marathon is ALWAYS a viable excuse!

    Oh and visiting your blog. That is my biggest distraction this morning. I have my chapter on the reproductive system all set and ready to read but I came here instead. This is how much I love you, JD.

  13. You don’t call….You don’t write…. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

    I’m sorry. I love you. Just try not to let it happen again.

  14. I recommend never having a baby or naming your blog with any title involving the word ‘daily’ in it. I’ve done both of these and have immediately regretted the aftermath of these two decisions battling against each other. Still, my daughter is adorable.

  15. That trophy looks good on your blog. It makes you look like, 22. My favorite time suck is reading blogs when I am supposed to be doing housework, or doing housework when I am supposed to be blogging.

    Apropos of nothing, there is a baby snapping turtle on my kitchen counter right now. I’m not sure whether that falls into the housework category or the blogging category.

    • That trophy? Amazing. It now has a place of honor in my craft room, but I’m thinking of displaying it in the living room picture window.

      I’m SHAMEFULLY behind in blog reading, and now will get even more behind because I’m obsessively picturing the scene at your kitchen counter.

  16. Also, I neglected my blog for the better part of 2012. I stopped even checking my stats until last week.

  17. Don’t apologize to your blog (or us). When I’m too busy ( = too lazy) I just recycle an old post. Seriously thinking of re-posting one about Backstreet Boys tomorrow because I’m crazy “busy”.

    • I haven’t reposted any old posts yet – I don’t know why I’m so hesitant, since it really is a great idea! I’m sorry, I guess I’m being close-minded. I’m sorry! GOD I SAID I’M SORRY. 😉

  18. My newest time suck (and perhaps a guilty pleasure) is playing Candy Crush Saga on my phone. Yes, it’s embarrassing. I wish I could say something like, “My time suck is reading Shakespearean plays so I can explain them to my friends” but alas, Candy Crush Saga is what my brain wants.

    It also wants to see more of this presentation with Uncle Jesse and Full House references.

  19. PS – I love Emily Blunt, too. Imagine how old I feel! I better stop playing Candy Crush Saga and get to planning my famousness.

    • I couldn’t BELIEVE she was younger than me. But then I actively found a few people much older to make myself feel better.

      Candy Crush Saga. I need to pretend I never heard about this.

  20. WHAT THE FRAK? You’re coming to TEXAS (you know, the place where I am) and didn’t email me???!!!! Oh Jules…..the betrayal…..

  21. This state is too big sometimes. Let me know exactly what you eat here and how much you love it. 😉

  22. Ummmm…..try to fit in a Tex-Mex or BBQ meal. 😉

  23. I think I’ve amply whined about my busy-ness levels, so I’ll resist. But I find it really unfair that just because I’ve basically had no time to read & comment on anyone else’s blogs at all that fewer people are reading and commenting on mine.

  24. By far my biggest time suck is facebook. Followed by my own blog. Followed by other people’s blogs. Followed by youtube. God, I just realized how much I have to do today.

  25. So funny, Jules! Just this morning, I was thinking that if going from (I am pulling random, not actual-factual, numbers here) 128 hits a day to 34 hits a day is a let down, imagine going from 3,862 hits a day to 154 hits a day? Now *that* must be a hard one to stomach. Perhaps even worthy of crying a pint of beer. My rambling point? I feel your pain. Blogs don’t do well unattended. Perhaps putting the words “world’s biggest nipples” in a post with a picture of Jennifer Lopez would help. Of course, you can’t use that one because you’d be stealing my traffic. But maybe “world’s largest c**k” and a picture of… I dunno…. *Adam Levine? Just a thought. You know what? Never mind. I am going to use that one, too. I need all the help I can get because 45 hits seems so…. so…. pathetic.

    Glad you’re back, at any rate. 😀

    *The author of this comment has no idea if these two terms are related in any way.

  26. There’s an interesting double standard in the world of blogging; when I don’t write for a while, it’s because I’m lazy and under-achieving. When one of my favorite bloggers isn’t writing, I imagine it’s because they’re rock-climbing, working on their novels, auditioning for sitcom pilots and feeding the hungry. Needless to say, doing all of those things at the same time is pretty impressive. Please be careful.

    • Damn! I forgot to mention the rock climbing and auditions in this post!

      Never mind that the “rocks” are piles of laundry and the “auditions” are me singing Katy Perry in the shower. Never. You. Mind.

  27. May I wish you every happiness – been to Texas so I really do wish you luck!

  28. Ever played those Story games (Dragon Story, Fashion Story, Nightclub Story, Restaurant Story- the list goes on and on…) on your iPod/iPad/smartphone? Yeah. That will derail me for hours at a time. Must. Uninstall.

  29. I used to like reading… I’m lucky if I can even muster up the desire to watch TV these days. I do run, ride my bike, swim, and eat doughnuts though.

  30. Pingback: Bad Advice Lady: Orphan Blogs and Avoidable In-Laws | So I Went Undercover

  31. i love this post, i can relate….

  32. It dawns on me I’m like a month behind on blogs 😉 but leaving that aside – have you tried bacon and chocolate ice cream yet? I realize I might be asking a silly question, but if I am not – you should. I was skeptical at first but it’s not bad, you don’t really need to mix them per say just have a plate of bacon and a bowl of ice cream and eat them together – it’s like a flavour symphony!

  33. Can I have some advice? How do you get so many people to read your blogs? Could you check out mine? I’m new to this and I’m not sure how to get my blogs noticed x

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