Right now* my head is covered in ketchup. Literally. (Would anyone ever say that figuratively?)
A summer of swimming has left my blonde hair green, and even the supposed miracle swimmer’s shampoo (which I consistently use immediately after each dip) has done jack-all, despite its horrifying sticker price.
If you try to do an internet search on any variation of “HELP I HAVE GREEN F*#$ING HAIR!!!”, you’ll find a lively debate raging on about the true cause of this affliction. The top two theories are copper pipes and chlorine. Since there’s not much I can do about either of those, I began searching for alternative methods to rid the punk rocker hue in my hair (though obviously not before researching local garage bands in need of a 29-year-old project manager who plays a mean triangle).
Which is what brings me here, to this slimy, vinegar-scented moment. Hearing about any or all of your hair disasters would probably make me feel a whole lot better… 🙂
*Not actually right now, of course, because I’m at work and that would just be weird. But I wrote this last night. And yeah, it’s still green. Thanks for asking. I feel great about being at work with green hair.
Psst…Are you dying to know what happens? It’s a real cliff-hanger, isn’t it? I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. Click here for the follow-up post!
36 thoughts on “You Say Tomato, I Say Desperation”
I once let my girlfriend (now wife) bleach my hair in her mom’s bathroom. My hair was orange for a week. sad.
I knew you were going to bring this up.
So one time, at band camp…. no wait- that’s someone else’s story.
Many (eh hem) years ago, I dyed my hair jet black. It was charming, for a while. But I soon grew tired of my raven tresses, which were bob length at the time, and decided I would dye my hair back to red.
Anyone who has tried (tried being the operative word) to dye over black hair can tell you that… well… that shit doesn’t work.
I ended up leaving the red dye on for a VERY long time, because I figured I would defeat the black dye by waiting it out. Patience – virtue… all that.
In the end, I was not only proven wrong, but visibly wrong. Think pumpkin orange from roots to upper ear and black as rap rap rapping at my chamber door from the ears to the ends.
I feel your pain, Chlorine Girl! Perhaps you can play it off as a homage to the Green Lantern??? He’s very big right now.
hahaha Oh. This is why I love you.
Wait. Wait. Peppermeister used my sink to get orange hair??
I remember the frightening time I went to get my hair colored and the first step (unbeknown to me) was to strip all the color. I thought I’d have a heart attack when she turned the chair around towards the mirror and I had WHITE hair. Not a good look at 40. But the idea might work, meaning a trip to a salon could probably fix it. I’ll hold your hand.
Then again, the world is going green these days.
ha! Yes, at your house (back when I used to live there), I tried to bleach his hair using the same kit I normally use. Big mistake.
Sure, you’ll hold my hand, but who will pay? I spent all my money on swimmer’s shampoo.
Green, orange, blue, whatever. Count yourself lucky… I’m balding fast!
LOL! Boy, people are really doing a good job in making me feel better! I knew I could count on you guys.
I have naturally dark blond hair. About 10 years ago I decided to get some lighter blond highlights at the salon. They came out purple!! My stylist fixed it, but I was at the salon until 11pm! I was going to suggest the swimmer’s shampoo. It might be timet to call the salon! Look at it this way, you have such a cute face that very few people with notice your hair! 🙂
Oh wow – 11pm?! Although I think purple highlights could work under the right circumstances…
Thank you so much for making me feel about a billion times better! 🙂 I will keep you posted – you’re right that this could be a job for professionals!!
Aw, I’m sorry your hair is still green! I have no major hair issues to report, apart from the crazy horrible hair hacking of roughly ’96. In that incident, I was left with about an inch of hair . . . which, come to think of it, was a fairly major issue for me at the point. And the stylist, who’d been asked to cut my waist-length hair to shoulder length? He couldn’t for the life of him understand why I never stopped by for a hair cut again. (He actually tried grilling me on this point a year or so later!)
Oh boy!!! How does someone confuse “shoulder length” with “1 inch shy of Sinead O’Connor”!?!
Right now I’m trying to decide if it’s worth swimming for the last few weeks of summer/warm weather (even a bathing cap doesn’t work!) or if I should just throw in the towel (pun kinda intended).
Oh, I don’t know. Green isn’t so bad! 🙂 I once had a horrible haircut AND color. My hair is very thick, dry, frizzy and I thought a shorter cut would help it look less like a brillo pad. Instead I ended up with “helmet” head (think: Darth Vadar). Plus I colored it myself at home to add to the sexy look. The box SAID it would be blonde, but it came out bright brassy orange. So basically I ended up walking around looking like that annoying comedian, Carrot Top
Oh, wait! Another quick bad hair color story for you (are you feeling better yet?) I won a free makeover through a magazine at some swanky salon. The stylist had a mohawk so that should’ve been my first clue things weren’t going to go well. She talked me into “auburn highlights”. But I ended up with chunky streaks of fire engine red. Looked like someone dumped Kool-aid on my head.
hahaha Oh, I hope you know I’m laughing with you!! That is just TERRIBLE about the contest – this is why I don’t trust most salons! So ovepriced and risky. I was thinking now that I live out in the sticks, I might be able to find one of those places where a chain-smoking woman in a housecoat cuts hair in her kitchen. (No offense to any chain-smoking women in housecoasts who cut hair in their kitchens. This is actually a compliment to you if you dig really deeply.)
My guilty pleasure is my desire to see said hair…. I still have never touched dye but did recently get scalped for locks of love… Every 2 years but never this extreme… Good cause, bad hair…
You’re so nice, Tiff! I don’t think I could give my hair away right now if I paid someone to take it.
Oh bummer! My story is that of a friend in high school, who had thick, long blond hair and after having the pool turn it green, had to cut it completely off. Wait, did that make you feel better?
hahaha So what you’re saying is, if my life were a TV show, this is the very special episode where Julie grapples with vanity vs. necessity?
I was at a concert once with a friend who went reeeeaaally prematurely grey – but very salt & pepper cool grey. A girl with dyed hair came over and said, “Oh wow, you’re hair is SO cool! How did you get it that color?”
“Um, dunno. Stress? An inability to express my feelings?”
p.s. – aren’t internet searches for bodily problems nightmarish? I’m surprised your search didn’t lead you to conclude that you have either leprosy or shingles.
LOL! I really hope that’s exactly how he responded. I definitely got lucky with my internet search. Except the part where they convinced me to put condiments in my hair.
P.S. – You’re a rock star now! I’m totally getting hits from your blog. I’ll give you royalties, as long as you understand I deal with currency that is illegal if you’re under 21.
Haha I really enjoyed this blog, it’s so funny! I suppose no-one would actually have ketchup on their head figuratively… I subscribed 🙂
Hi Callum! Thank you SO much for reading, commenting and subscribing – you totally win the ‘make Julie feel better’ contest!! Your prize is sitting in your liquor cabinet, if your liquor cabinet has anything good in it. Cheers!
so funny!! hope the green goes back blonde!
Thank you so much! And that makes two of us!! Speaking of two – I might have to blog a follow-up post to this!
I had about shoulder length hair in third grade I think? And I had the smart idea of getting a perm. A tight curl perm…. And on picture day I let one of my friends help me fix my hair. (I carried a spray bottle of hair stuff and a hair pick ((pic?)) everywhere.) Now with the perm in my hair, my hair came to about my chin. And if you messed with it too much it just poofed out and I looked like I had a poodle on my head. Which is what happened. For picture day. It was horrible….
I think you should blog about this, and post lots of pictures, as a way to deal with your emotions. Thank you in advance. 😉
Unfortunately I don’t have any pictures anymore. My house burned down a few years ago and all my pictures got ruined. I can probably come up with some crazy hair disaster perms though… Thanks for the idea!!
Oh no – I’m really sorry to hear that!
Thanks. My dad rebuilt the house right after it happened but now he’s about to sell it ): I’m more sad about him selling it than it burning down!
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