humor, Summer is Hot, Wipe the Drool

Summer Is Hot and So Are You – Issue #3

Editor’s Note: Your favorite blogger (ahem) did an ongoing slap bracelet giveaway this year, but the bracelets feature my old blog name, “GoGuiltyPleasures!”. For a full listing of all Slap Bracelet pictures and posts, please see my Slap Bracelets page.

Cover Story – Don’t Quote Lily

Lily is a relatively new blogger and a fellow Jersey girl, and I could tell you how sweet, supportive and fun she is. I should do that. Right now. But you’re not going to believe me once you see how f&@#$% hot she is in one of my slap bracelets.

I should charge you to view these. But why don’t you pay Lily instead, in compliments (in the comments section below)?

She will store your compliments in here.
Screw honey.
Annnd THIS is what I’m saying. Pay up.
Oh, Lily. Can I quote you on that?
This is perfectly normal, Lilykins. I mean, it is Tuesday morning, right?

Featured Article – Ruminations on Love & Lunchmeat

Love & Lunchmeat is badass. There’s really no other way to put it. Both she and her blog are fresh and funny –  as if you couldn’t tell by the name. She claims to have a favorite kid and has been skydiving, for starters.

She was also recently Freshly Pressed (i.e., featured on the homepage of WordPress.com)! And more importantly, Babs (my mom) likes her.

Here’s a sneak peek of what Love & Lunchmeat orchestrated all in the name of slap bracelets! Click the picture to see the rest. (I mean, the blog post title is “Because Bacon is Sexy.” C’mon.)

I hope this one is the favorite.

That Fun and Quirky Last Page of Every Magazine –  Erin from Catstache

You may recall Erin from her mind-blowing ‘guilty pleasures gift basket giveaway‘ entry, which earned her a runner-up spot:

And it’s STILL one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen.

Her chipmunkitude so does not stop there. She’s a very talented photographer (I’m especially fond of these pictures), and she just, you know, gets me. I mean, she recently gave this Pot Head something to really geek out over.

…I’m talking about Harry Potter. Why are you looking at me like that? My pupils are always this big.

It says my devotion to chipmunks, slap bracelets and second husband, Darren Criss, have earned me a Prefect position in the Gryfffindor House. You know that’s right.
Instagram and I tried to make our pictures pretty for you, Erin.
Erin, you put the magic in my wand. Or something.

Backcover – Peppermeister

My first and only husband, Peppermeister, is hosting a photo contest on his blog. Email or Tweet him your best pepper pics by noon EST Sunday, August 26th and you could win a pepper roasting rack!

Click the ‘stache glasses to check out the contest details:

He’s practicing safe salsa.

Summer is almost over. OMG. What are you still hoping to do? …Oh, what’s that? Win some ‘stache glasses? Well stay tuned this Thursday, Chipmunks!

Just For Fun, TV Junkie, Uncategorized

The Book Series That Lived (and Lived and Lived and Lived)

On Saturday night, I positively GOGP-ed to the Biography channel’s “Harry Potter: Evolution” special. Geeked. Out.

Harry Potter is a subject matter that, like Buffy, Glee or Twilight, I could discuss ad nauseam. Beyond reading the books each at least twice, I’ve watched ALL of the DVD special features. If you’ve done this yourself, you know Harry Potter special features trump them all. They’re very thorough, and it’s just so damn cool to see how they create this magical world. To think it all started in the mind of a lil’ writer named Jo! A lil’ writer like you. …Or me!

So, yes, I watched this Biography feature, fixated. I pondered very serious things: How did they know Emma Watson would grow up to be so pretty, and not taller than Daniel or Rupert? When my boss told me I reminded her of Luna Lovegood last Friday, what was the proper reaction? Peppermeister knew better than to interrupt. Until he couldn’t help himself and added his own deep thoughts.

“How much money does J.K. Rowling have?” He paused. “All of it?”

Well...she's brave. And she makes her own jewelry. That's...something.

If you were called a Harry Potter character, who would it be and why? (And what have you been geeking out on lately??)

I'm Going To Chop My Ear Off Any Day Now, Wipe the Drool

I’ve Really Outdone Myself This Time. Thanks, Harry Potter.

I won. Everyone, I won. That contest you didn’t know was happening? The one where I try to top my own guiltiest pleasure geek out? Well, I won it. Last night.

Let me take you back in time. To last night, I mean.

I decided to order tickets to “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2” for next Saturday – the first showing, at 11:30am, like the old lady I am. Normally I enjoy ridin’ solo to the movies, but since they’re all now dine-in theaters around these parts, I feel a little awkward going alone. Thus, I told my sweet manly husband he had to accompany me.

“But I’ve never seen any of the movies,” he argued.

I merely grinned. “You have time to watch them all before next Saturday!”

“I haven’t read the books,” he reminded me.

His protests fell on deaf ears, but then he, like most married folk will eventually do, wizened up and busted out the Big C. No, no, geesh, the other one. Compromise. Condescension.

“How about you make a 5-minute presentation so I’m prepared?” he smirked.

“Yes! I would love to do that!” I exclaimed gleefully. I wasn’t about to let his sarcasm stand in the way of this incredible opportunity to not only write about Harry Potter in bulleted format, but also to use my knock-off PowerPoint software (thanks, Macintosh).

I got cracking right away, and at 10:30pm last night (well past my bedtime), it was ready. “It” being…

The most SPELLBINDING [less-than-]5-minute Harry Potter presentation you’ll ever see, sure to get any HP half-wit ready for the final installment!!!!! 

…I really should get out more.

HP-Presentation-for-Ed_Jul2011v2

Guilty Flavor of the Week, Lists, Uncategorized

A NOTE-worthy Guilty Pleasure

There’s nothing better than a guilty pleasure born of what shouldn’t be funny, but in fact soooo is! I have 3 notes to share with you, and the best part is they’re all real. As in, I’ve seen them with my own two beady little eyes just this past week!

#1 – Dangerous Mind

My husband has been helping out a new fellow teacher at work, whose taste in memo pads makes a little piece of him die inside. Last week, he left her an ‘inspirational’ note, quoting one of her many memo pads. Just to see if she would notice. She didn’t. She now operates under the very false assumption that my husband is a dream-weaver, and, well, I really can’t think of anything better.

#2 – The Backed-Up Boy Who Lived

Spotted this weekend outside of our local Wal-Mart, there’s no way this can be considered vandalism.

#3 – Neighborly Love Hate

A dear (the dearest) friend of mine often receives notes like this from her neighbor, which is something to consider if you’re thinking about moving into a gated community. This note is one of many from Unit 12 and will be filed with the rest – under Trashy Fiction.

Music, Uncategorized

How to Succeed in Theater-Going by Really, Really Trying

I try. I really, really try to get into theater. But unless you’re naked, John Leguizamo or The Little Mermaid, I’m just not interested. For the first ten minutes I always think, “This is amazing.” About halfway through the first act, though, I find myself day-dreaming about “Scrubs” and Swedish fish, neither of which I actually like. Despite my penchant for shows about glee clubs, I stand with the large majority who feel it’s completely unnatural to break out in song at the deli or in math class.

Some people are really into it. They see every Broadway show there is, and must be of very tiny stature and unlimited means in order to truly enjoy this.

I’m not one of those people, in any way.

Nevertheless, I was thrilled to receive tickets to Daniel Radcliffe‘s new play for my birthday, “How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.” Hirschfeld Theater isn’t very big, so from the second row of the balcony I had no trouble enjoying a decidedly clothed Radcliffe (side note: I was able to convince my husband that Radcliffe shows his toosh in this one).

I wasn’t familiar with the play, but could appreciate the gross generalizations of a company too large for its own good, producing a product (wickets?) that no one really understands. I don’t want to spoil anything for you, but the play is about how to succeed in business without really trying. 

If you haven’t seen the commercials, turns out Radcliffe can do more than just strip down – he can really shake that money maker! And sing! He had one of the strongest voices in the cast, and though this time he was dwarfed by John Larroquette instead of man-beasts, it was only in physical size, not talent. He received a full standing ovation and the loudest cheers, though to my great disappointment, no one shouted, “You’re a wizard, Harry!” as I’d heard happened in a previous matinée performance.

I’m very glad I saw the play, but my theater-mate, Babs, and I both agreed it was no “Equus.” We have bruises on our knees from the seats in front of us, and Babs got food poisoning, but I remembered to pack flip-flops this time, for the inevitable 14-block race back to Penn Station to catch the train home (we made it). I’m learning.

Uncategorized

This Post STINKS

Photo courtesy of http://www.allhealthsite.com

There’s something that no one is talking about, and I often wonder if it’s because they’re afraid to open their mouths. I say that because the thing no one is talking about is:

HALITOSIS.

(Not a guilty pleasure, per se, but something I take great guilty pleasure in blogging about.) I’m not sure why I have to keep explaining this unfortunate ailment, but here we go: Halitosis is the medical term for someone with odorous breath.

And usually, it’s CHRONIC.

As in, IT NEVER GOES AWAY.

The other night I went out for Indian, and the fact that I noticed (and by noticed I mean I think my eyes were tearing up) a table mate’s breath in that environment should tell you everything you need to know about halitosis.

Part of me wonders if it’s sort of like a patronus, where the smell is unique to the smeller. To me, halitosis breath smells like old man poop. And that’s the nice way of putting it. The other part of me wonders if the afflicted know they have it. My biggest fear is, of course, that I have it, and no one is willing to tell me.

There are official ways you can test this, one being a Halimeter. I’m not making this up. According to reference.com, a Halimeter is a portable sulfide monitor used to test for levels of sulfur emissions in the mouth air.

There is also something called halitophobia, or delusional halitosis. This is the intense fear that you have bad breath, and apparently may effect 0.5-1.0% of the adult population. (I’m not sure if that statistic includes me.)

In other words, this is serious stuff, people, and I don’t know why there aren’t charities and 3k walks set up for halitosis sufferers and those willing to stand in their immediate vicinity. It stinks of conspiracy, if you ask me.

Guilty Flavor of the Week, Music, Uncategorized

Introducing…Guilty Flavor of the Week!

I’m feeling a bit down, and I think I just figured out the reason: Reruns! One look at my DVR and you’ll feel as empty as we both do.

It’s time we both focus on the positive things the Guilty Pleasure Gods have to offer this month: 1) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 1) is available on DVD beginning April 15th, 2) “The Warblers” CD drops April 19th, 3) Water for Elephants is coming to theaters on April 22nd,

…AND…

4) GOGP‘s Guilty Flavor of the Week Starts RIGHT NOW!

My amazing new blog feature!

You’re going to love it!!

It’s almost as great as when he/she said he/she’d marry you!!!

And it’s so much better than when all one/two/three/seven of your kids were born!!!!

This week’s Guilty Flavor of the Week honor goes to:

VOYEURISM!


…just kidding (sort of)…

BRUNO MARS!

I swore I wouldn’t fall in love with “Grenade,” but I. Just. Can’t. Help. It.  Enjoy (I double dog dare you not to)!!!