Giveaway Junkie

GIVEAWAY: 10 States in 10 Days and All I Got Was This STUNNING BEER KOOZIE

Go Jules Go title graphic 10 States in 10 Days Beer Koozie Giveaway 20JUN2019

Ohhhh chipmunks. Things are so real right now. On Monday afternoon, after 10 days of driving across the U. S. of A.

Okay, so five were for a hiking break in Salt Lake City with Janeen, Renaissance Woman and Lover of Breakfast Pizza.

…I landed in my new home in Bend, Oregon!

Before I was allowed into town, they checked my resting heart rate, “Oregon” pronunciation, and facial symmetry.

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What I’m trying to say is everyone here is insanely fit. And hot. And smart. And nice.

I haven’t sat still for a minute, and I’m not sure I have enough years left to do all of the fun things on my Oregon checklist.

Completely unpacked and settled in by hour eight. Project manager 4 life.

I’m ticking one of the boxes next week, sans cell service, which means I won’t be putting up my usual Wednesday blog post, but I promise -PROMISE- the following post will make up for it. I mean it’s probably going to be the best thing I’ve ever written. Because it will involve your very favorite topics on this blog, based on the search term analytics that led you here: my suffering, sweating and -possibly- nudity.

To help the time fly, I’m going old school Go Jules Go-style and doing ANOTHER GIVEAWAY!

Did you know that all you have to do to acquire THE BEST BEER KOOZIE (and deck of cards) EVER was drive 2,777 miles? Somewhere in the land of…well…LAND, I started to spot curious signs.

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Forget your Exxon Mobil. Forget your BP gas. I bring to you…

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Naturally, I couldn’t walk away from Kum & Go without a trinket or ten. And because I’m living the dream, I want to pay it forward. To you, dear reader.

ALL OF THIS CAN BE YOURS:

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Not the flowers. Sorry.

To enter, simply leave a comment describing your worst road trip (or other car) moment by 12 midnight PST (awww yeah, my first PST deadline!), Tuesday, July 2, 2019. The winner will be extremely subjectively chosen by whatever cute Oregonian is jogging (or stand-up paddle boarding or kayaking or mountain biking) by at that moment.

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Giveaway Junkie, humor

Is it…could it be…the BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER?!

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THE DAY HAS COME, Chipmunks!

The day everyone showers me with attention, compliments, and permission to drink at 9 AM I announce the winner of my latest giveaway!

For this contest, I asked you to (pretty please) leave a comment describing your ideal birthday, with bonus points awarded for mentioning chipmunks. This particular commenter nailed it. I love word-y puns almost as much as I love sneaking “water” into the movies.

And thus, the winner of Last Week Tonight with John Oliver’s “A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo” is…

SHENRYDAFRANKMAN!

Go-Jules-Go-birthday-giveaway-winner-2018Congratulations, SHENRYDAFRANKMAN! I’ll be in touch to send you your delightful spoils.

Oh. What’s that? You’re wondering what my ideal birthday would look like? That’s so sweet of you! I hadn’t really given it much thoug—

Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-1Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-2Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-3Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-4Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-5Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-6Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-8Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-9Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-10Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-11Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-12Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-13Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-14Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-15Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-17Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-18Go-Jules-Go-2018-dream-birthday-Darren-Criss-19

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Photo Credits: Darren CrissChipmunksKetchup dogOreo dogBanana dogPopcorn dogTater tot dog; Justin Timberlake

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Giveaway Junkie, humor

A BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY!

Marlon-bundo-giveaway-go-jules-go

A birthday  giveaway? It’s true, Chipmunks. This spry young bunny before you is turning another year older.

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Hang on. Is that a gray hare hair?

In an effort to distract myself from the merciless hands of time, I’m giving you a gift! Well, one of you.

DISCLAIMER: This post contains affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission if you purchase the linked product, at no additional cost to you. I only ever link to products that I truly love. Like this.

Back in March, I ordered a copy of A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo, whose proceeds go to The Trevor Project and AIDS United. It was so popular that I had to wait over a month to get my paws on it. Well, it has finally arrived, and it’s so wonderful I can’t possibly keep it all to myself.

It may seem like I bounce from topic to topic, but there’s one thing I’ve always hoped was a-bunny-dantly clear (OKAY FINE I’LL STOP): This blog is all about the love. When I started as “Go Guilty Pleasures!”, I wanted a safe place for people to come together to dish about their embarrassing delights, like gypsy weddings and farting. It evolved to Go Jules Go, where I now talk about all kinds of hopes, dreams, fears, and things that allow you to laugh at with me (um…right?). Regardless of the name, I always, always wanted you to know: You are celebrated here.

And that’s what this book is all about.

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This book was Last Week Tonight with John Oliver‘s response to another children’s book that came out on the same day. A book that shall remain unnamed here, because, like I said.

Love.

Yada yada.

To make things even more magical, Paperless Post sent me some coins so I could make a pretty (and environmentally-friendly) invitation for this giveaway! (Turns out, you can create posters like the one below completely free!)

I’ve had friends send me invites through Paperless Post in the past and thought, “Well aren’t we fancy?” while secretly seething with jealousy. Now we can be fancy together!

GoJulesGo-PaperlessPost-invite

Want to win?

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment below by NOON EST on Saturday, April 28th explaining what the world’s best birthday would look like to you. Points awarded for humor, creativity and ability to compliment me mentioning chipmunks.

I’ll announce the winner on MAH BIRTHDAY, April 30th! Now hop to it! I’m going to go back to playing on Paperless Post.

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So. FANCY!!!

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Giveaway Junkie

GIVEAWAY: “I Know What I’m Doing and Other Lies I Tell Myself” by Jen Kirkman!

Oh chipmunks. Do you remember those days when I used to give away slap bracelets, shake hands with babies, and make rainbows out of rain?

Jules-Rainbow-Puke

I miss those days.

But wait! Thanks to the Simon & Schuster publishing house, we’re getting old school up in here!

That’s right – another giveaway! I’ve cleared the cobwebs, opened the Franzia, and invite you all to vie for a chance to win a copy of…

“I Know What I’m Doing and Other Lies I Tell Myself” by Jen KirkMAN!

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Okay, so perhaps I’m a tad tardy with this giveaway.

I don’t know why Simon & Schuster contacted me. Jen Kirkman is a hilarious, divorced, comedy writer with an empty refrigerator and flawless fashion sense.

Oh wait.

Jules at an 'NSync concert; circa 2000.
Jules at an ‘NSync concert; circa 2000.

Jen is also stand-up comedian, best-selling author, and occasional cradle robber. If you’ve seen her Netflix comedy special, I’m Gonna Die Alone (And I Feel Fine), you know this gal is the real deal.

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I could give you a book synopsis, but I’d rather share my favorite quote:

“I looked at the second cheese board and lost my appetite. I was happy talking to Allison. I felt like myself again. I was happy. And when I’m happy I don’t abuse cheese. Cheese is a privilege.”

HOW TO ENTER

Simply leave a comment describing some of the worst advice you’ve ever given or been given (or observed being given). I’ll let the magnanimous Babs (mother extraordinaire) choose a winner, announced the week of May 1, 2016.

ENTER BY MIDNIGHT EST ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!! SATURDAY, APRIL 30, 2016 TO WIN!

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P.S. – I’ve never stopped loving you. I’ve just been really busy. Reading this awesome book. And worrying about the apple slice I dropped between the driver’s seat and middle console of my car last week.

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Booze, Giveaway Junkie

And the Winner of the Wine Purse IS…

Last week, I introduced you to the unbelievably glorious wine purse by Vivajennz.

What's really unbelievable was that I only just heard about this.
What’s really unbelievable is that I only just heard about this.

Today, I announce the lucky Donald duck who gets to bring this Goofy puppy home!

Congratulations, Michelle! Your dedication to booze smuggling, coupled with your willingness to defile the Disney name, won the heart of our judge, Babs (mom)!

Michelle’s Winning Entry:

Thank you for letting me take such liberties with your profile image.
Thank you for letting me take such liberties with your profile image, too.

I’ll be in touch to award you with your BRAND NEW WINE PURSE! Many thanks to Vivajennz for exposing us to her ingenuity (and generosity)!

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Booze, Giveaway Junkie

THE BEST GIVEAWAY I’VE EVER DONE. Enter to Win by 10/26!

You know that feeling where you start to wonder if maybe you’ve taken something too far?

Yeah... me neither...
Yeah… me either…

Sometimes I wonder if my fondness for booze has overshadowed the real me. The genuine Jules. You know, the one who also enjoys quality time with friends and family hats.

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Nah. Because if that were true, if I ceased embracing my inner lush, I never would have heard from Jennifer, creator of Vivajennz and…

…wait for it…

…THE WINE PURSE.

Photo courtesy of vivajennz.com.
Photo courtesy of vivajennz.com.

I know. I can’t even. And now YOU can’t even, too – because Vivajennz sent me one of these bad boys gals to give away!

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This could be ALL YOURS.
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Cannot. EVEN!!!

To enter to win this reason for living, leave a comment below describing your most ingenious idea for concealing alcohol.

And don’t forget to check out more VivaJennz creations at VIVAJENNZ.COM!

Here are some ideas to help get the creative fermented grape juices flowing.

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Somehow I don’t think these will help you focus.
My personal favorite.
My personal favorite.
I actually have these.
I actually own these.

Entries accepted through midnight EST, Monday, October 26, 2015. And since today is Babs’ (my mom) birthday, we’ll let her pick the winner, to be announced Wednesday, October 28, 2015.

Happy 29th birthday, Babs.
Happy 29th birthday, Babs.

Cheers!

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Giveaway Junkie

GIVEAWAY WINNER: And The Most Miserable Bastard Is…

Wow. You know you’re an underachiever when a blog post writes itself, yet you’re still a week late in publishing it.

The-Happiness-AdvantageLast week Two weeks ago, I asked you to submit tales of run-ins with miserable bastards in an effort to win a copy of Shawn Achor’s “The Happiness Advantage,” a book about positive psychology (see what I did there? A little reverse psychology?).

I don’t know if I should say thank you or I’m sorry for your spectacular entries. You made my first eHarmony experience look like a fairy tale.

And thus, the winner of “The Happiness Advantage” is none other than…

Lorna from Lorna’s Voice!

Lorna
She’s going to use those stunning peepers to read this amazing book.

Lorna’s entry:

Okay. Here goes. The Reader’s Digest version of a blind date with a Miserable Bastard (MB) that ended up in a marriage proposal from hell.

The MB in question was a pompous ass lawyer. My friend set me up with him. I immediately began questioning my judgement in friends. During our first date all he could about was talk about:

1. himself
2. how much he hated the town we lived in (my home town, his new town)
3. his former girl friend who was of Nordic descent (I’ll call her Icelandic Dream Girl)

I thought it was a “one and done” kind of an evening, but he wanted to see me again for dinner, not just drinks, explaining that he only asked women out on first date for drinks because he didn’t want to waste his time and money for a whole “dinner thing” if the woman wasn’t his type. Charming, huh?

I accepted his dinner invitation. Why?

Because I was:
1. drinking heavily at the time
2. lonely
3. drinking heavily at the time
4. had low self-esteem
5. drinking heavily at the time
6. didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone

We dated for several months, during which time he berated me every chance he got, which was a lot. He even forced himself on me (like in rape) and blamed me for not liking it, which I apologized for due to (see above list).

After the rape thing, I kind of knew he wasn’t the MB for me. I tried to avoid him by making excuses not to see him. Clever MB must have figured out what I was up to. Icelandic Dream Girl must have pulled something similar.

In a moment of weakness (see above list), I agreed to go with him on an outside adventure. I’m not the outdoorsey type. He fancied himself an Olympian in canoeing. Out we went onto an angry lake in a yellow death trap. I sat on the floor of the canoe which was swamped due waves cresting over the sides, my hands were claws gripping the edges of the damn boat/likely casket. I thought his plan was to drown me. Imagine my surprise when he proposed marriage to me. I told him I had to think about it, wanting to be on terra firma when I told him to screw himself. Which I did.

The end.

Congratulations, Lorna! I’ll be in touch to award your prize. And a martini.

Any new run-ins with miserable bastards? Um, any plans for spring? Talk to me. I love you.

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