Giveaway Junkie, humor

A BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY!

Marlon-bundo-giveaway-go-jules-go

A birthday  giveaway? It’s true, Chipmunks. This spry young bunny before you is turning another year older.

bleach-stache-2
Hang on. Is that a gray hare hair?

In an effort to distract myself from the merciless hands of time, I’m giving you a gift! Well, one of you.

DISCLAIMER: This post contains affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission if you purchase the linked product, at no additional cost to you. I only ever link to products that I truly love. Like this.

Back in March, I ordered a copy of A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo, whose proceeds go to The Trevor Project and AIDS United. It was so popular that I had to wait over a month to get my paws on it. Well, it has finally arrived, and it’s so wonderful I can’t possibly keep it all to myself.

It may seem like I bounce from topic to topic, but there’s one thing I’ve always hoped was a-bunny-dantly clear (OKAY FINE I’LL STOP): The blog is all about the love. When I started as “Go Guilty Pleasures!”, I wanted a safe place for people to come together to dish about their embarrassing delights, like gypsy weddings and farting. It evolved to Go Jules Go, where I now talk about all kinds of hopes, dreams, fears, and things that allow you to laugh at with me (um…right?). Regardless of the name, I always, always wanted you to know: You are celebrated here.

And that’s what this book is all about.

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This book was Last Week Tonight with John Oliver‘s response to another children’s book that came out on the same day. A book that shall remain unnamed here, because, like I said.

Love.

Yada yada.

To make things even more magical, Paperless Post sent me some coins so I could make a pretty (and environmentally-friendly) invitation for this giveaway! (Turns out, you can create posters like the one below completely free!)

I’ve had friends send me invites through Paperless Post in the past and thought, “Well aren’t we fancy?” while secretly seething with jealousy. Now we can be fancy together!

GoJulesGo-PaperlessPost-invite

Want to win?

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment below by NOON EST on Saturday, April 28th explaining what the world’s best birthday would look like to you. Points awarded for humor, creativity and ability to compliment me mentioning chipmunks.

I’ll announce the winner on MAH BIRTHDAY, April 30th! Now hop to it! I’m going to go back to playing on Paperless Post.

GoJulesGo-Paperless-Post.png
So. FANCY!!!

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Giveaway Junkie

GIVEAWAY: “I Know What I’m Doing and Other Lies I Tell Myself” by Jen Kirkman!

Oh chipmunks. Do you remember those days when I used to give away slap bracelets, shake hands with babies, and make rainbows out of rain?

Jules-Rainbow-Puke

I miss those days.

But wait! Thanks to the Simon & Schuster publishing house, we’re getting old school up in here!

That’s right – another giveaway! I’ve cleared the cobwebs, opened the Franzia, and invite you all to vie for a chance to win a copy of…

“I Know What I’m Doing and Other Lies I Tell Myself” by Jen KirkMAN!

Kirkman_IKNOWWHATIMDOING6
Okay, so perhaps I’m a tad tardy with this giveaway.

I don’t know why Simon & Schuster contacted me. Jen Kirkman is a hilarious, divorced, comedy writer with an empty refrigerator and flawless fashion sense.

Oh wait.

Jules at an 'NSync concert; circa 2000.
Jules at an ‘NSync concert; circa 2000.

Jen is also stand-up comedian, best-selling author, and occasional cradle robber. If you’ve seen her Netflix comedy special, I’m Gonna Die Alone (And I Feel Fine), you know this gal is the real deal.

Kirkman_IKNOWWHATIMDOING7

I could give you a book synopsis, but I’d rather share my favorite quote:

“I looked at the second cheese board and lost my appetite. I was happy talking to Allison. I felt like myself again. I was happy. And when I’m happy I don’t abuse cheese. Cheese is a privilege.”

HOW TO ENTER

Simply leave a comment describing some of the worst advice you’ve ever given or been given (or observed being given). I’ll let the magnanimous Babs (mother extraordinaire) choose a winner, announced the week of May 1, 2016.

ENTER BY MIDNIGHT EST ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!! SATURDAY, APRIL 30, 2016 TO WIN!

I-Know-What-Im-Going-Jen-Kirkman

P.S. – I’ve never stopped loving you. I’ve just been really busy. Reading this awesome book. And worrying about the apple slice I dropped between the driver’s seat and middle console of my car last week.

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Booze, Giveaway Junkie

And the Winner of the Wine Purse IS…

Last week, I introduced you to the unbelievably glorious wine purse by Vivajennz.

What's really unbelievable was that I only just heard about this.
What’s really unbelievable is that I only just heard about this.

Today, I announce the lucky Donald duck who gets to bring this Goofy puppy home!

Congratulations, Michelle! Your dedication to booze smuggling, coupled with your willingness to defile the Disney name, won the heart of our judge, Babs (mom)!

Michelle’s Winning Entry:

Thank you for letting me take such liberties with your profile image.
Thank you for letting me take such liberties with your profile image, too.

I’ll be in touch to award you with your BRAND NEW WINE PURSE! Many thanks to Vivajennz for exposing us to her ingenuity (and generosity)!

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Booze, Giveaway Junkie

THE BEST GIVEAWAY I’VE EVER DONE. Enter to Win by 10/26!

You know that feeling where you start to wonder if maybe you’ve taken something too far?

Yeah... me neither...
Yeah… me either…

Sometimes I wonder if my fondness for booze has overshadowed the real me. The genuine Jules. You know, the one who also enjoys quality time with friends and family hats.

Jules-Hersheys-Kiss-Hat-28Sep13

Nah. Because if that were true, if I ceased embracing my inner lush, I never would have heard from Jennifer, creator of Vivajennz and…

…wait for it…

…THE WINE PURSE.

Photo courtesy of vivajennz.com.
Photo courtesy of vivajennz.com.

I know. I can’t even. And now YOU can’t even, too – because Vivajennz sent me one of these bad boys gals to give away!

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This could be ALL YOURS.
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Cannot. EVEN!!!

To enter to win this reason for living, leave a comment below describing your most ingenious idea for concealing alcohol.

And don’t forget to check out more VivaJennz creations at VIVAJENNZ.COM!

Here are some ideas to help get the creative fermented grape juices flowing.

binocular-flask
Somehow I don’t think these will help you focus.
My personal favorite.
My personal favorite.
I actually have these.
I actually own these.

Entries accepted through midnight EST, Monday, October 26, 2015. And since today is Babs’ (my mom) birthday, we’ll let her pick the winner, to be announced Wednesday, October 28, 2015.

Happy 29th birthday, Babs.
Happy 29th birthday, Babs.

Cheers!

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Giveaway Junkie

GIVEAWAY WINNER: And The Most Miserable Bastard Is…

Wow. You know you’re an underachiever when a blog post writes itself, yet you’re still a week late in publishing it.

The-Happiness-AdvantageLast week Two weeks ago, I asked you to submit tales of run-ins with miserable bastards in an effort to win a copy of Shawn Achor’s “The Happiness Advantage,” a book about positive psychology (see what I did there? A little reverse psychology?).

I don’t know if I should say thank you or I’m sorry for your spectacular entries. You made my first eHarmony experience look like a fairy tale.

And thus, the winner of “The Happiness Advantage” is none other than…

Lorna from Lorna’s Voice!

Lorna
She’s going to use those stunning peepers to read this amazing book.

Lorna’s entry:

Okay. Here goes. The Reader’s Digest version of a blind date with a Miserable Bastard (MB) that ended up in a marriage proposal from hell.

The MB in question was a pompous ass lawyer. My friend set me up with him. I immediately began questioning my judgement in friends. During our first date all he could about was talk about:

1. himself
2. how much he hated the town we lived in (my home town, his new town)
3. his former girl friend who was of Nordic descent (I’ll call her Icelandic Dream Girl)

I thought it was a “one and done” kind of an evening, but he wanted to see me again for dinner, not just drinks, explaining that he only asked women out on first date for drinks because he didn’t want to waste his time and money for a whole “dinner thing” if the woman wasn’t his type. Charming, huh?

I accepted his dinner invitation. Why?

Because I was:
1. drinking heavily at the time
2. lonely
3. drinking heavily at the time
4. had low self-esteem
5. drinking heavily at the time
6. didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone

We dated for several months, during which time he berated me every chance he got, which was a lot. He even forced himself on me (like in rape) and blamed me for not liking it, which I apologized for due to (see above list).

After the rape thing, I kind of knew he wasn’t the MB for me. I tried to avoid him by making excuses not to see him. Clever MB must have figured out what I was up to. Icelandic Dream Girl must have pulled something similar.

In a moment of weakness (see above list), I agreed to go with him on an outside adventure. I’m not the outdoorsey type. He fancied himself an Olympian in canoeing. Out we went onto an angry lake in a yellow death trap. I sat on the floor of the canoe which was swamped due waves cresting over the sides, my hands were claws gripping the edges of the damn boat/likely casket. I thought his plan was to drown me. Imagine my surprise when he proposed marriage to me. I told him I had to think about it, wanting to be on terra firma when I told him to screw himself. Which I did.

The end.

Congratulations, Lorna! I’ll be in touch to award your prize. And a martini.

Any new run-ins with miserable bastards? Um, any plans for spring? Talk to me. I love you.

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Giveaway Junkie, Kvetching

GIVEAWAY CONTEST! Can You Stop Being A Miserable Bastard?

Recently, as part of a huge work conference I coordinated (okay, helped coordinate), we booked an external guest speaker. A guy named Shawn Achor.

I may have geeked out a little.
I may have geeked out a little.

Apart from having a viral TedTalk, Shawn is a New York Times bestselling author who’s even caught God’s Oprah’s attention. (If you do one thing today besides pretending to work, I hope it’s clicking that link.)

Why’s he so popular? Well, he’s super cute he studies happiness, for starters. And who isn’t obsessed with happiness but the most stressed out, miserable population since 1936 (I may have made that last part up)?

Shawn-Achor-Oprah-happy-cat

Shawn grew up in Texas, all set to become a firefighter, when he got accepted into Harvard on a full scholarship. As he tells it, no one was more surprised than him. He got to campus in awe, but eventually depression snuck up and bit him in the smart, adorable tuckus. Though he struggled, Shawn ultimately succeeded, and was even invited to stay on board as a resident adviser after graduation.

Over time, he noticed a glaring trend: He wasn’t alone. Every year, within a couple of short months, a huge percentage of freshman went from exulting in their good fortune to lamenting their overwhelming workloads. Gone was the excitement and gratitude they felt when they first got to Harvard; in swooped a laser-focus on stress and perfection.

perfect-meme

What was happening to these kids? And why? And most importantly, could it be helped?

Through some truly fascinating and entertaining research, Shawn discovered -and forgive the cliche as I oversimplify- that happiness comes from within.

Or you could just wait for your friend to give you a lucky bamboo. (DUDE. THIS THING WORKS.)
Or you could just wait for your friend to give you a lucky bamboo. (DUDE. THIS THING WORKS.)

How many of us tell ourselves, “When I get that promotion, I’ll be happy”? Or, “When I lose 10 pounds, I’ll be happy”? Or my personal favorite, “When bacon goes on sale again, I’ll be happy”? When we constantly define success as a goal that lies ahead of us, we never feel truly satisfied.

The good news is: There’s something we can do about it. And we can do it now. In The Happiness Advantage, Shawn outlines simple Happiness Habits we can all adopt to reverse our negative thought patterns. By putting some of these practices to use, in 21 short days, you’ll report improved levels of happiness in just about every aspect of your life.

If that’s not convincing? Wait’ll you read about how companies embracing positivity are hiring. They’re not wasting their money. They have proof: Optimism yields results, and staggering ones at that.

It isn't the world that'll change - it's you.
Shawn does not like this book cover. I know this because we’re best friends.

Want to win a copy of Shawn’s bestselling book, “The Happiness Advantage”? Simply leave a comment below describing a funny (or otherwise noteworthy) run-in with a miserable bastard!

(…What? That’s positive! That’s funny! I totally get what this book is about!)

I’ll [entirely subjectively] pick an entrant to receive of a copy of the book and announce the winner next week! Contest ends MIDNIGHT EST on Sunday, March 15, 2015. Open to awesome people worldwide.

Disclaimer: I was not given any incentive, monetary or otherwise, to write this. I am just bored waiting for Shawn Achor to accept a second wife. I seriously love Shawn Achor, and this book. 

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Giveaway Junkie

Finally! Another Giveaway. And This One is RAD.

NOTE: This post is not sponsored. Well. Except by me.

It feels like it’s been a thousand years since I gave away something. Or, you know, a month. I love giving away somethings.

Cue Rachel from Rachel’s Table.

Wow, I just really, really can't imagine a world without avocados. I would totally give up on life. I would.
Wow, I just really, really can’t imagine a world without avocados. I mean… why bother? With even one more day?

No, no. I’m not giving away Rache. Nice try. She’s mine.

I saw her on Monday (we have totally taken our friendship to the next level), and you can should must check out the rest of our adventure on her fabulous blog.

She gave me a fantastic Christmas present (see? Next. Level). “The kind of gift,” I told her, “that makes every day better!”

Booya.

Jules-Julie-Maida-coasters

Those are custom ‘stache glasses tile coasters! Yes! Handmade just for Go Jules Go! For when I put down my vodka / champagne / beer! Well, ha ha, I’m sure I can find another use for them!

I love them.
I “mustache” you to admire these coasters.

Julie-Maida

Rachel explained that she worked with Julie Maida, a talented artist out of Fredericksburg, VA, to make these coasters. Julie owns the best first name ever maidasomeart, and specializes in wedding gifts and nursery art. She describes her work  as “affordable, (mostly) utilitarian art.”

Julie’s been featured in Stitch magazine and locals can find her at Ponshop Studio in Fredericksburg. She also blogs at juliemaida.com.

Rache and Julie in front of Ponshop.
Rache and Julie in front of Ponshop. Don’t forget my stein, ladies.

Just a few of Julie’s treasures:

Julie-Maida-lovebirdssculpture

Julie-Maida-redbirdbowl Julie-Maida-bamboo2 Julie-Maida-birdcagecoasters1 Julie-Maida-bluemonogramM2 Julie-Maida-peacockcoasters3

I took one look (okay, lots of looks) at my new coasters and thought, “Wouldn’t it be amazeballs to give away something like this on my blog?” I contacted Julie and here we are!

The Prize

Custom artwork from Julie Maida (value: up to $40 US incl. S/H). That’s right! Work with Julie to design something that’s allll you, baby. Coasters, wine charms, jewelry, wall art, bowls, sculpture, trivets, etc. Once you decide what you want, Julie will work her magic and then ship your prize to you!

How to Win

Tell me, in the comments section below (or email me), a favorite “drunk person” story – you don’t have to be the drunkard. If you are, it’s okay, because you have a chance to class it up with some custom art.

Mine involves a couple of unruly chipmunks with the key to the liquor cabinet. Obviously.
Mine involves a couple of unruly chipmunks who stole the key to the liquor cabinet. Obviously.

Deadline

12 NOON EST, Wednesday, January 30th.

I’ll announce the winner on Friday, February 1st, 6am EST.

Thanks, Julie and Rache!!!! (I’m sorry. That fourth exclamation point was uncalled for.)