Well, Chipmunks, I finally finished scrubbing dried dog blood off my bathroom walls, so you know what that means…
…Time to announce this month’s Sun-Staches ‘stache glasses giveaway winner!
Oh fine. I’ll back up.
I’d been pressuring encouraging my BFF, Jenn, and her dog, Shunderson, to come check out the local hiking trails with me. My town recently installed trailheads on my street, and I love exploring west Jersey’s splendor.
On Friday, Jenn agreed to come with me. We ate some Thanksgiving leftovers and headed out.
We made it about, oh, three-quarters of a mile when Shunderson bounded off the trail in search of squirrels. Or deer. Or dead bodies.
Which is when he got caught in a briar patch. He yelped, freed himself and forged ahead, undeterred.
But it was too late.
The cuts on Shunderson’s ear were small, but they bled a lot, and every time he shook his head, the wounds reopened. Witness the Psycho scene in my bathroom:
Anyway. So that happened. And, um, no animals were harmed during the making of this post let’s move on.
P.S. – The ‘stache glasses winner of the century is My Life is the Best Life, for donning her glasses during labor. Yes. Yes, I know. Awe-inspiring. Congratulations, MLISTBL!! You win a lifetime supply of r-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I only have two pairs left from Sun-Staches, but don’t worry – the winner can pick out any from the Sun-Staches website. Because I would never want you to feel like I felt when my mom, Babs, said I couldn’t get that Samantha American Girl doll. (And then she rubs it in 20 years later, telling me they made a Julie doll, who has blonde hair and drives a blue VW bug, just like I used to drive. And maybe Julie has roller-skates, too. And maybe it’s not too late and Christmas is just around the corner, Babs.)
Last Thursday, I asked you to submit a comment describing a sibling rivalry or ridiculous parental rule, and of course, you didn’t disappoint.
It’d make sense for me to now tell you some memorable sibling rivalry stories, but who wants to hear about the time I crushed my brother’s finger in the sliding door of Babs’ van, or when he sent me to the ER by hurling a baseball cap at my face and scratching my retina? I’m sure you don’t want to see the scars my sister has from both of us. Nah!
It’s time to announce the winner! This lucky guy or gal ‘munk gets a free 11 x 16-inch canvas print from Printcopia.
A print like the one I just gave my sis for her birthday:
Wait, you’re probably thinking, what’s going on in that picture?
Oh, well, thank you for asking.
Babs asked Peppermeister and I to leave Uncle Jesse at home on Saturday for my sister’s birthday celebration, because my niece would be there and she’s allergic to dogs.
Obviously, we couldn’t have him missing out on the festivities.
Isn’t he so cute? That pic is life-size, too, because he’s a li’l nugget. Wait…what were we doing again?
Oh right – the winner of the canvas print!
In typical blonde fashion, I forgot to find out if I could award the prize to non-U.S. residents, so I’ve selected a winner and a runner-up. If the winner can’t cash in on the canvas print, I’ll personally send them Sun-Staches ‘stache glasses instead, and the runner-up will receive the canvas print. Otherwise, the runner-up will receive the ‘stache glasses.
I like the way you operate, my friend. And might I suggest your long-awaited revenge include a bag ‘o back hair?
Who cares that it’s Friday, all that matters is: It’s ‘stache glasses giveaway time!
This month is EXTRA chipmunkalicious, because Sun-Staches sent me ‘stache glasses to give away for free! That’s how awesome you are!
To win a pair of Sun-Staches glasses, tell me in the comments section below about the funniest way to quit a job. What would you say? How would you make your grand exit? Whether or not you’re a disgruntled employee, I encourage you to go all out, and use some part of a current or previous job as inspiration. Extra points for puns and creative use of office supplies.
I’ll choose a favorite and announce it on Monday, October 1, 2012. The winner can pick a pair of ‘stache glasses from the below and I’ll have them shipped faster than you can say, “Does polygamy really only apply to multiple wives? Because I’ve looked this up and frankly it’s unclear. And, P.S., polyandry is not nearly as fun to say.”
Deadline: Midnight EST, Friday, September 28, 2012.
Print that’s way less fun than this video (thanks, Darla!): This giveaway is open to anyone who’s willing to enter and provide their mailing address in the event that they’re the winner. If you have any trouble leaving a comment in the comments section below, you can enter via email: Julie(dot)Davidoski(at)yahoo(dot)com. One submission per person.
When I was leaving my job to run away with my husband, they threw a little farewell party for me for my last day. One of the board members I barely knew shook my hand and said, “Nicole, just remember you’ll always be welcomed back here, should your husband hit you for any reason.”
By the way, if you’re not reading Nicole’s blog, you’re seriously missing out. Even the WordPress Editors recommend her blog on their short list, and for good reason. She makes absolutely amazing, handcrafted comics.
It’s that time again, you hungover, sunburned burned-out Chipmunks (…just me?)!
To win fame and fortuneSun-Staches glasses like these, tell me in the comments section below about a conversation bomb you’ve witnessed. I’m talking about those conversation-stoppers that leave everyone scratching their heads, unsure whether to laugh or cry. (If you’d like some examples, why, allow me: Click here or here.)
I’ll choose a favorite and make their wildest dreams come true on Monday, September 3, 2012. This winner can pick a pair of ‘stache glasses (by browsing here), and I’ll have them shipped as a gift, from my guilty pleasure-full heart to theirs.
Print that’s way less fun than talking bears: This giveaway is open to anyone who is willing and able to enter, and to email me their address in the event that they’re the winner. If you have any trouble leaving a comment in the comments section below, you can enter via email: Julie(dot)Davidoski(at)yahoo(dot)com. One submission per person.
I love you so much.
I think about you all the time.
It’s time to ditch your insignificant other and come live with me.
You Chipmunks are so clever. That’s why I do these things.
And you’re no fools, either. Most of you wisely appealed to my vanity and/or fantasy life with your amazing ‘win a pair of mustache glasses‘ entries, in which I asked you to submit a juicy, probing question.
As promised, I have picked a favorite question and am answering it here. This particular entry really stuck with me; much like scorpion paperweights, I couldn’t stop thinking about it, even when I wanted to.
So please, raise your tiny, adorable, chipmunk paws and give a warm round of applause to…
If you and [your mom] Babs had a cage fight, who would win and how?
Louise, needless to say, it got really, really ugly between Babs and me. Before I reveal the winner of the cage fight, let me take you back in time, to how it all started…
Babs and I were spending another typical Saturday out shopping, me shielding her from mom jeans, her encouraging me to spend actual money. Of course we were ultimately killing time until booze o’clock. We figured we could make it until at least noon.
A few [dozen] Long Island Iced Teas in, Babs decided she couldn’t stay away from Talbots any longer.
“If you do this, Babs, we’re through,” I threatened. Had she forgotten so soon? This was the very same clothing store that suggested, just one year ago, I try their curvy line of pants.
“Just five minutes,” she pleaded. I watched her pass through the wretched red doors in disbelief.
She emerged, as promised, five minutes later, wearing pleated khaki pants, a braided leather belt, white mock turtleneck and navy sweater vest with apples and pears stitched on it.
“I can’t even look at you,” I muttered.
“Listen, Chipmunk-san, do you want to take this to the cage?”
I considered her for a long moment. In that get-up, she wasn’t my mother. She was the enemy.
“You’re on!” I cried.
A Talbots saleswoman in a referee jersey appeared, and pretty soon we were pulling out our best roundhouse kicks and other things that people may or may not do while cage fighting.
“I loved you too much, was that the problem?” Babs cried, shielding herself from my [cute yet affordable] high-heeled kicks.
“You never bought me that American Girl doll!” I hollered back. “Samantha was all class, all the time! I had to learn how to eat petit fours by myself! What did you think was going to happen?”
“You never comment on my Facebook pictures,” she continued in the same martyred voice.
“Tap shoes! I said. “Remember those? Of course you don’t! I don’t either!” I ducked before she could ruin my make-up.
“And we never talk about ‘NSync anymore. Remember when you bedazzled that striped fleece shirt to say ‘Justin’ for the one concert?”
I narrowed my eyes, “Just for that, I’m never having kids.”
Babs paused, her fist in the air. She lowered her arm and replied, “Good. I don’t even like your dog.”
My jaw dropped. While I tried to gather myself, she clocked me right where it counts – in the heart.
And so, unsurprisingly, the winner of the cage fight is:
Now that my slap bracelet giveaway/comeback campaign has wound down, I feel a little empty inside. Or I did, until I realized something.
Those amazing glasses in my header and profile picture! Why did I not buy them when I had the chance?! Back in April, I simply tried ’em on, took that picture, and moved on. While I loved them, the price tag seemed steep. I had no idea they’d become the new me.
Last week, I realized I had to rectify this grave error in judgment. Immediately. So I went hunting for that same pair of mustache-y goodness.
I was deeply moved to find there is an entire ARRAY of ‘stache glasses to tickle your follicle fancy. (Note: I am in no way associated with this company, but am happy to sell out at the first opportunity, so please. Email me.)
Now that I’m marvelously mustachioed once more…
That’s right. I want to send you a pair of mustache glasses! So, in the comments section below, ask me a juicy, probing question (PG-13 or safer please, Chipmunks; Babs [my mom] reads this blog).
I’llchoose a favorite and answer the question in a post on Friday, June 22, 2012. This winner can pick a pair of ‘stache glasses(by browsing here), and I’ll have them shipped as a gift, from my guilty pleasure-full heart to theirs.
Deadline: 12pm noon EST, Thursday, June 21, 2012.
…I love you.
Print that’s as fine as that Liam guy from “90210”: This giveaway is open to anyone who is willing and able to ask a kick-chipmunk-tail question, and to email me their address in the event that they’re the winner. If you have any trouble leaving a question in the comments section below, you can ask your question via email: Julie (dot) Davidoski (at) yahoo (dot) com. Multiple submissions are acceptable.