Signs You’re Losing It. Or Blonde.

Sigh. Just another guilty pleasure.

I’ve always been a blonde at heart, even after I had to start dying my hair to maintain the golden hue on the outside. I can’t tell left from right, Clueless is my favorite movie, and I truly believe stuffed animals can talk.

The thing is, up until this past week, I considered myself a very high-functioning blonde. I can walk and chew gum at the same time, and even figure out how much to tip my girl crush colorist.

This week, things took a nosedive.

Exhibit A-lzheimer’s

It started on Tuesday, when I wrote out a GoGuiltyPleasures slap bracelet letter for The Mad Queen (I try to make every handwritten letter completely unique, because I can’t remember what I wrote the last time so you are not only getting the hottest fashion accessory, but a little piece of my soul. It’s the least I can do for my Chipmunks), and I felt a strong sense of déjà vu. My jokes about the meaning of life seemed so overdone. I shook off the feeling, and mailed out her letter with a few others.

I'm smiling because I'm confused.

When I got home from the post office, I had an email from The Mad Queen, thanking me for her brand new slap bracelets, which had just arrived. Because I’d already sent them. Four days earlier.

“You will never believe this…” began my immediate response. “Oh god. I should really stop drinking,” I concluded. (The Mad Queen told me to do nothing of the sort, solidifying her chipmunkitude.)

Exhibit B-E More Aware of Obvious Facts

On Wednesday, I  went shopping on my lunch break for a baby shower gift for a co-worker. Her surprise shower was at 2pm, so I set out for one of the many nearby malls (let’s hear it for Jersey!). I almost doubled-back to my desk to check the invite, to see if she was having a boy or a girl. “Screw it,” I decided, since I was only getting a gift card.

For a blonde, I had a surprising amount of difficulty navigating the mall. The mall is our motherland. I couldn’t find the store I was looking for, and wound up at Hallmark instead. They actually sold some baby clothes, including hilarious gender-neutral onesies, so I got one of those (for baby), and some equally funny chocolate bars (for mom). I scooped up a card and gift wrap, feeling smug that I wouldn’t be a part of the ‘group gift’ (er, because I missed the deadline to contribute).

I got back to work and showed our administrative assistant what I’d gotten. “I don’t really know [this person], so I didn’t get her anything,” was her response. We have a very large department, not all located in the same building (or state, for that matter), so this isn’t unusual to hear. I answered, “We went to boot camp together, and have gone to lunch, so I thought I should get her something. She’s really nice.”

I decided to check the online invite before I wrote out the card, so I could congratulate my colleague on her little ‘boy’ or ‘girl.’ I opened the invite and my jaw dropped:

No wonder she looks so thin.

Do you have any memorable blonde moments (or have you forgotten what they were?)?

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72 responses to “Signs You’re Losing It. Or Blonde.

  1. Haha! Well, uh…yeah. (ahem) I’ve got too many blonde moments to go into it here. The problem I have is now my hair is dark brown so I have no visible proof as to my ditzy ways. But I do have pics of me as a kid to show I WAS in fact a blonde once upon a time (as you know!)

  2. My hair is brunette with a few strands of grey but…I have gone to the wrong airport for a flight, I’ve gone to party on the wrong night, and I recently called a girlfriend, we had a long chat and only the next day did I realize it had been her birthday. Dunce! I’m going with the theory that everybody does this kind of thing? (hope?)

    • Ha! Oh, these are GREAT! Thank you for sharing. I once went to a Christmas Eve party at my boss’s house…but I’d never been there before, and went to the house next door instead (where they were ALSO having a Christmas Eve party), and no one noticed for several LONG minutes! LOL They all just kept trying to figure out how I was connected to the people there. “Are you a nurse?” they kept asking me.

  3. I consider myself a platinum blonde now…and I’ve got some moments – mostly Alzheimer type. Like looking for my glasses or sunglasses when I have them on. Searching for the house keys when I left them in the lock (all night long, door locked on the inside, keys hanging from the lock on the outside). Fortunately, anyone breaking in would be mauled and licked by the ferocious Shelby – if they didn’t trip over her sleeping hulk first. Putting the butter in the “miscellaneous drawer” and the playing cards in the refrigerator. I could go on and on, but my memory is bad…which is probably a good thing. If I remembered all my stupid moments I would probably be depressed.

    And don’t you dare stop drinking (but if you do, can I have the vodka?)

    • Ha! Aside from this being an overall awesome comment, it also encourages my continued drinking. THANK YOU, Katy! I am laughing out loud at the butter one. I’ve definitely left the keys in the front door – and that was when we lived in an apartment complex, eek! Luckily our upstairs neighbor was a cop (that I went to elementary school with! Small word! He used to eat the paste. And now he’s a cop. I try not to think about that too much) and he found the keys before too long and rang the bell!

  4. At my age, the blonde moments have morphed into dementia moments. I scare myself on a regular basis now. I wrote a post about having lost my keys awile back. A couple weeks later, a catalog clothing company that I had returned something to, sent me my keys back in the mail. When I returned the garment, I threw my keys into the mailing envelope. All I can say is, I’m glad my kids are grown and gone. Otherwise, they’d all be in mailboxes somewhere.

  5. My blonde moments were much better than what have become my bald moments.

  6. “I truly believe stuffed animals can talk.”—Me, too.

    Hmmmm…blond moments…I almost dropped my ID in the mailbox the other day instead of the Netflix envelope. Does that count?

    • LOL! Thoughtsy, that definitely counts! My stuffed animals told me so.

      And it reminds me – when Peppermeister and I were on our honeymoon, we were eating outside on this wooden deck (but it was not really off the ground, you know?) and Peppermeister went to hand the waitress our credit card. It fell, and it somehow fell perfectly enough to slip RIGHT through one of the tiny slats in the deck. They would have had to tear it up to get it out! Luckily I had other credit cards, but Peppermeister was furious. (He kept insisting that it must happen all the time.)

  7. That made me laugh out loud. Thanks for starting my morning out right.

    • Aw, this comment made my EVENING! Thank YOU! As soon as it happened (the bridal shower one) I felt like a jacka*s, so I consoled myself by thinking it would make a good story. Okay. Let’s be honest here. I was cracking up as soon as it happened. 😉

  8. No blonde here, but lots of grey. Does that count?

    And nope, I am perfect in every way. I never ever make any mistakes or forget things. Really, I should be cloned, that’s how special I am! 😉

    When I was younger, I used to leave my purse at the mall all the time. I never used to carry a purse, then when I started, I wasn’t accustomed to carrying one around and would forget it. Once I left it hanging on the back of a bathroom door . . . also in the mall. Somehow, there were always nice people that would find it and return it to me.

    • Oh, Misty, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve left a wallet/purse somewhere, and was NOT so lucky! I’m much better now, but my best friend used to be on constant ‘purse’ duty, asking me if I had it with me. I’m glad yours always found its way back! 🙂

  9. AM I A BLOG WHORE??

    Hey Blondie, great post as always! You mentioned your email correspondence with The Mad Queen, and it made me wonder how much “off-blog” correspondence you do in support of the blog. I find that a lot of people like to communicate with me other than in blog comments — lots of IM’s, Facebook, Twitter, etc — it makes sense that they’d speak back to your blog post via whatever media they use most or are most comfortable with, but I feel like that’s all fragmented/lost vs a “discussion” in the comment section that’s visible to a wider community and preserved over time.

    It seems silly to care, but it’s funny that my blog gets more “comments” off-blog than on. And anyway, blondes are supposed to be “ditzy” not “anal” right? So if I even notice where the comments come from, I can’t be a “real” Blonde Blog Whore (BBW) can I? Am I a fake? Are my roots showing?

    • hahaha If you ARE a blog whore, Vaneeesa, I want your calling card! Yeah, baby! 😉 Oh did I tell you I sent your slap bracelets yesterday? It’s SO funny because I was going to email you that yesterday, and then decided I would post it in a comment instead!

      So I totally get what you mean. I like when people comment here if they have a comment on my blog, but some people comment on FB because they don’t have WP accounts and it’s easier for them. Most of my offline convos with other bloggers have been about slap bracelets, guest posting or just life stuff, or sometimes people ask me to take a look at a post before they publish it. I’ve talked to one blog buddy on the phone and one on Skype, too! (And met one in person – twice!) I love that offline interaction, but again, if someone has a comment on a post, I do prefer it goes here…where everyone can see how awesome I am 😉

    • P.S. – Vaneeesa, speaking of serious blonde moments, I just realized in my slap bracelet letter to you, I (spoiler alert, ha!) used the wrong syllable count in the haiku; I think I did 5-8-5 instead of 5-7-5. For shame! Oh, someone save me from myself!!

      • FRAUD!!!!!!!

        “Real” “blondes” don’t even know how many syllables are in a haiku… if they even know what a haiku — bless you! — is!

        You’ve been outed sista!

        Show me your roots!!!

  10. Ha! So funny! I do stuff like that ALL the time and am a true brunette, so I can’t blame it on being blonde. I’ve just accepted the fact that I’m a total ditz. 🙂

    • Thank you, Mandy! So it sounds like you might be a blonde at heart, too?? I love it. (Although of course brunettes are GORGEOUS!) My best friend encourages me to go dark with my hair (I did once before – my natural color is the dullest, mousiest light brown, so when I dyed it I went more auburn), but I have to keep reminding her that I am blonde. I just am. In every way. 😉

  11. I’m sure the baby shower pressie will come in handy, just give a few months post wedding 😉

    • hahaha Katie, I just Facebook commented to my sister about your response because it’s so hilarious!! You could be right… but if not, 3 other women at work ARE pregnant (I know because I went around to verify their bumps after Wednesday’s incident… ;))!

      • Well, I hope to be updated as to whether my prediction is correct! There must be something in the water, as everybody seems to pregnant at the moment 🙂 that, or they’re trying to get their babies born within the Chinese year of the dragon, which is apparently very good luck! 🙂

  12. Like Katy and Renee mentioned, the cute blonde moments turn into scary senile moments past a certain age. Pass that vodka!

    Did you feel worse about messing up the event, or finding out about it while bragging about how you really wanted to do something nice for your BFF in the department who may or may not be pregnant/engaged/buying a new house or retiring.

    • Peg, I’m having a drink for you as we speak! 😉

      hahaha I know, it served my smug self right!!! I tried to casually walk by the admin, actually, but she asked me what was in the bag! To think, I almost got away with my blonde-itude without anyone knowing… We were both in tears (from laughing so hard).

  13. Yesterday, I asked two students to lug in a big bottle of water I had in my car (I like to keep a lifetime of water in my classroom in case I ever feel the need to drown myself). I told them I drove a Nissan. I told them my car was black. I told them where I had parked. But I could not remember what kind of car it was. I think I said “hatchbacky thing”. Yes, it’s a Nissan Versa, but that alluded my brain…

    • hahaha Oh I totally get that, Leanne! Please tell me you don’t know your license plate number either. Because I sure as heck don’t.

      The other day, the I.T. guy at work asked me to enter my domain into the computer along with my log-in info. I just looked at him and said, “Is it just me? Do other people really know this and I don’t?”

  14. As a natural ginger (who went DIRTY BLONDE and WHITE with age–bastard age), I’m pretty much known as an absent-minded professor type. I know a bunch of stuff, if I could only remember it.

    I shit my pants (wearing a dress, so that’s underpants) yesterday at work…does that count for anything? Cos I say I deserve something nice. I’m just thankful nobody was there at the time.

    • hahaha Oh no, madtante! BTW your comment made my husband burst out laughing (he read the comments on his lunch break and texted me). But Celiacs is the PITS.

  15. I’m strawberry blonde/dirty blonde, kind of depends when I last washed my hair to be honest. I have so many of those moments I wouldn’t know where to start. I just wanted to say that I see no issue with believing that stuffed animals can talk. I do it all the time. That is all. 😉

    • I wonder if I should make Blonde Moments a regular feature here, Eleenie! But I’d never remember when I was supposed to put up the posts 😉 If only stuffed animals could help write blog posts, too…

  16. oh yes… from eating wasabi to running into things with my mower, I have plenty of “der” moments. 🙂 Glad you caught the shower gift beforehand!

    • hahaha I still maintain that that waiter is to be blamed for the Wasabi Incident, and not you! THANK FRIGGIN’ GOODNESS I checked that invite! Although I suppose I would have noticed the balloons had wedding bells on them once I wondered over to the party location…but by then it could’ve been MUCH too late…

  17. I have to admit, my fiance is like that. She forgets little things, though. Like waking up to the alarm blaring because she doesn’t have to go to work and set it anyway. And then waking me up, and making me think we have to go to work. Despite the fact that we work at night. And she’s waking me up in the morning. Fun times.

    • Ha! Rosie, my hub does the same thing! It just happened this morning, and it makes me WAKE UP (like, this is my mind: ZZZzzzzz…!!!!!!) and my heart races thinking I’ve got my day wrong, or we had some commitment I forgot about it. I totally resent him for it. Lots.

  18. just give the stuff to her anyway and draw a little shotgun on the outside…at least it will give everyone else in the office something to rumor-monger…

  19. …so I had a male student teacher this year. We were talking about his lesson he had planned, and I called him “Babe.” I couldn’t believe it slipped out. I call my husband that when we are discussing, well, anything, and I hadn’t had to have a real conversation (you know, more than just hi and bye) with a man other than my husband, dad, or brother in a while. It freaked me out more than it did him, but I’m just glad my students weren’t in the room. I couldn’t imagine trying to explain that one to them. What I learned: I need to talk to men more often.

    • Oh, Marilyn, that is GREAT!! You know, I bet he liked it. If you have trouble finding men to casually interact with, might I suggest stuffed animals? They don’t just do all the talking – they’re great listeners, too. 😉

  20. Hilarious! You know, in some countries it’s a tradition to give baby stuff for a wedding gift. You can just said you’re being cultured.
    Last night I couldn’t remember my boyfriend’s parent’s names – and we’ve been dating for 4 years.

    • ha! Me and cultured. Now THERE’S an idea…if I could pull it off! 😉

      That is hilarious. I’m getting worse and worse with names, too, especially co-workers! I’m definitely going to be one of those people soon who’s like, “You know, the actor! In THE MOVIE. THE ONE IN THE MOVIE.” LOL

  21. I’m a natural blonde (though I color now to hide the grays) and I’ve always had big boobs, so obviously, I’m challenged! My number one blonde issue has to do with my keys. I lose them and I lock them in places that they shouldn’t be locked. I once locked my keys in my car three different times in a 2 day period. I keep extra house and car keys everywhere just in case!

    Your baby/ bridal mix-up is priceless blonde work. Wouldn’t it be funny if you found out she was actually pregnant?!

    • Of course – my blonde, bloggy soul sista! That is hilarious about the keys in a 2-day period! I used to be the same way about my purse and wallet.

      LUCKILY, a few people in the dept. ARE genuinely pregnant, so the gift won’t go to waste, LOL

  22. When I was a child I believed stuffed animals, couldnt talk, but were alive and had feelings. I had to make sure I slept with a different one each night so they wouldn’t be jealous. Sometimes I’d have a chat with them justifying my choice for the night.

    • Ha! “Justifying my choice for the night” – that made me laugh out loud! I totally get it. We’ve got a whole thing going on with Uncle Jesse’s toys. They talk, and he favors his newest toy always, but also this giant, long, body-pillow looking dog we call Nate (“his best mate, Nate,” to be exact). Nate is almost as long as Uncle Jesse, so it’s hilarious to watch him tote it around everywhere and sleep with it. I was thinking of doing a post about it. LOL

  23. I have lots of moments like this. I think? I’d tell you if I could remember . . .

    . . . what we were talking about.

    (No, but really.)

  24. thats hilarious, maybe keep the onesie in your present drawer in case you go out to but a bridal shower present and it turns out to be a baby shower? 🙂

  25. Richard Wiseman

    You should worry about the whole blonde thing… I’ve got grey hair at the temples… being blonde is one thing… being grey is another… grey moments are worse because they’re tinged with being crotchety, pedantic and pretending it’s someone else’s fault one forgot stuff or cocked up. I’m not all grey, but I can feel the greyness creeping over me. Soon I’ll be totally grey, shop in slippers, buy people weird presents that I’m convinced suit them, wear tartan trousers even when I don’t play golf, forget people’s names and try to convince them that their name is Terry when they tell me it’s Kevin…. be happy being blonde… for those of us going grey there’s a whole non cute range of personal ignorance and insulting forgetfulness to engage in.

    • Ha! ‘Feel the grayness creeping over me’ – how ominous, and yet, I feel I completely understand. (I have exactly 1 more week of being in my 20s. Gahhhhhh. None of this will be cute anymore.) But being crotchety is not without its perks! I’m looking forward to starting most sentences with, “When I was your age…”

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  27. You could always have tried to cover: “Yes, I believe in being ahead on things. This is for when you have a baby, should you choose to. You didn’t get my bridal gist last year? Oh, that personal assistant is fired.”

    • Ha! I now realize the infinite possibilities…when I got there and handed her the gift bag (which read in huge letters, BABY), and everyone stared at me strangely, I could have leaned in to the girl and stage whispered, “Oh. Shoot… You didn’t tell everyone yet?”

  28. Enjoy your writing and blondness. For the record, no one can have enough slap bracelets. Consider yourself followed.

  29. OMG I love it. Jules, I can’t believe you got her a baby gift and it was her bridal shower. How absolutely hilarious. I’m hoping that the blonde dye I’m using doesn’t have this affect on me.

    When it is time to buy a baby shower gift my post that publishes tomorrow has some of my favorite baby gifts 🙂

    • Marta, I hope it’s not affecting you either, because things are getting ‘hairier’ (har har) by the minute over here, LOL!

      I can’t wait to read your latest post! I promised myself I’d get a number of things done before I start doing anything fun (although I did give myself permission to answer comments, obviously, tee hee), so this will give me extra motivation to get crackin’!

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  31. One of my best blonde moments was when i suddenly realized i had missed my sisters birthday. I phoned her up and apologized profusely and promised that i would take her to a movie and some other things but she laughed and told me that her birthday wasn’t for two months. Her birthday is in may and for some reason in march i suddenly had this totally misguided idea that it was the right time. She still brings it up lol

    • hahahaha Oh this made me burst out with the giggles – thank you so much for sharing – that really does make me feel better about my own blonde moments (similar to this, I once accidentally ruined the ‘surprise’ part of my sister’s surprise bridal shower. She asked if a certain woman was coming, and I blurted, “DUH. It’s at her HOUSE.” LOL!).

  32. Oh, this is so something I would do. My first similar blonde moment occurred when I was 7 or 8. I was invited to this boy’s party, which I assumed was a birthday party. My mom and I picked out this awesome GI Joe, wrapped it all pretty and took it to the party. Turns out it was NOT a birthday party and that I was the only one with a present. I hid it away in embarassment. All of my Barbies loved dating that GI Joe, so he wasn’t a total waste. But every time I do something like that, I’m reminded of that first awkward incident–and I think “oh well, once a blonde, always a blonde.” 😉

    • hee hee You really made me giggle with your Barbies dating G.I. Joe comment – I bet they were glad that WASN’T a birthday party! They know all about blonde moments, but I think we could learn a lot from Barbies. Hmm. Future blog post idea?? 😉

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  35. Blonde moment? I have no idea what this may be…. Nope. Never ever have I had one of those.

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  37. Thanks for finally writing about >Signs Youre Losing It.
    Or Blonde. | Go Jules Go <Liked it!

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