Blonde Moments, humor, PSAs

Top 5 Signs You’re Losing It

I admit it, Chipmunks. I’m slipping. Between working full-time, embarking on a 130+ hour practicum project, writing a Masters thesis, and designing a new website (…stay tuned!), I’m starting to crack. I’m even getting other people to write posts for me.

On the upside, this post totally wrote itself.

Go Jules Go Top 5 signs you're losing it title.png

1. You find yourself posting things like this to Facebook:

Jules-losing-it-FB-post-inside-out-pants
Always the butt of your jokes, I am.

2. You Could Give the 3 Stooges a Run for Their Money

I have spilled not one, not two, not three, but FOUR dinners in the past few weeks. First, there were the freshly grilled veggie burgers that flew out of the container and down the stairs, making friends with all of my stinky workout shoes. Then there was the bag holding popcorn kernels that gave up on life just as I was about to dump its contents into a pot. And let’s not forget the tray of vegetables that took a detour from the grill to the house via the grass on Mother’s Day.

features-roasting-pan

The crowning jewel was a tray of general Tso’s tofu, smothered in bright, red sauce, gleefully leaping from the confines of my plate and landing all over my gray living room carpet. I’m still finding sticky sauce in fun places, like underneath the dog’s bowls.

I would have recreated some of these moments for the photo op, but I promised Uncle Jesse I’d stop scaring him.

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For the love of God, woman, sit down. Sit. Down!

3. You Can’t Even Select the Right Address On Amazon

I’ve now sent a grand total of three packages to my parents’ house this month. Luckily nothing too embarrassing. Like ‘stache bleach.

bleach-stache-apply
I’m kidding. It totally was ‘stache bleach.

Now that I think about it, I’ve also gone to the grocery store and walked away with everything but the one thing I really needed, lost or misplaced an umbrella, a phone charger, a water bottle top, a child, and even ordered a Redbox movie and tried to pick it up at the wrong location.

Losing it Redbox rental
I didn’t want to hear you try to do a Russian accent for 141 minutes anyway, Jennifer Lawrence! …Yes I did. I so did.

Oh, and I asked the woman at DSW Shoe Warehouse last weekend why my gift cards weren’t working.

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Ma’am…those don’t say DSW anywhere on them.

4. You Mistake Someone for a Different Person…and They Look Nothing Alike

The other day my sister texted and said, “Come meet Joe and I at the pizza place!”

“Give me a few,” I replied. “I need to put on pants and stop crying over my nonexistent love life a really sh*tty Netflix movie.”

I greeted my sister and Joe fifteen minutes later, and after we chatted for a while, Joe said, “Oh, what’s your thesis about?”

I tried to cover up my confused expression. Hadn’t we just discussed this a few weeks ago over drinks in my sister’s yard when we first met? Was my project that boring? I bit my tongue and simply explained it again.

It wasn’t until the next day that my sister cleared up the confusion.

“Um… we had drinks with Chris in the yard. Wait. Wait. You thought Joe was Chris? They don’t even look alike!” she sputtered, breaking into hysterics.

“It was dark!” I tried to defend myself.

While she got her ab workout for the week, I realized, “Huh. That explains why only one of them had an accent.”

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I also think this is a normal-sized pretzel.

And the number one sign you’re losing it…

5. Halfway through writing this post, you realize you wrote a post with the same title six years ago.

Go Jules Go Losing It original post

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I hope you’ll share some of your own ‘losing it’ stories so I don’t feel so alone.

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21 thoughts on “Top 5 Signs You’re Losing It”

  1. These things all feel very familiar to me too, that’s because I do things like this regularly.
    Am losing it a bit myself at the moment, hence, can’t remember specific examples tonight, but trust me, I’m feeling the vibe!

    1. Ha! YES! Another advantage to tiny living that I’ve just now appreciated thanks to you: fewer rooms to wander into and go, “Why did I come in here again…?”

  2. I am pretty sure I would be trying to stab my eardrums with a sharp object if I tried to listen to JLaw attempt a russian accent for more than 5 minutes. If you lasted the entire movie, that likely explains your premature senior moments.

    If it makes you feel better, I went to a party a few months ago while wearing a new shirt, only to discover when I got home that there was a stick on tag on the back of the collar. No one said anything to me the entire evening (about the tag), not even my date. I have not decided on my method of revenge.

  3. Well, not to be a big flirt or anything (totally am though), you can come and cry on my shoulder anytime, Dear. You are a very beautiful woman.
    Scott (I would get embarrassed, but it’s all true)

  4. Loved this post – so funny :O) No you’re not alone! T-shirt on inside out through whole 2 hour gym session, washing up liquid in the fridge and milk in the cupboard, 3 attempts to put on a pair of pants the right way round and the right way in…the list is endless ;O)

    1. And I love this comment!! Milk in the cupboard – oof. I was just cleaning sink water that dripped down under the sink cabinet earlier today and that was bad enough!!

  5. No worries! It only gets worse as you get older! Hell, I don’t even know my name or who’s blog this is! Ain’t it bleeping awesome?

    By the way, I think the inside-out clothes is the next big fashion trend. (I’m secretly hoping wearing your bra on the outside of your shirt also catches on)

  6. I fail to recognize people that I totally should constantly. A couple of months ago, I was shopping with the girlfriend. We had gone down different aisles and, as we reconvened, I walked up behind her and leaned in to kiss the back of her neck. At about an inch away, I realized that the person I was about to accost was actually a dude, with a full and glorious beard, and who did not look even slightly like my girlfriend, even from behind.

    So far, she has not let me forget it. At least, I think it’s her.

    1. This is so delightfully almost-disturbing. If I were her and things go well, I’d totally send my sister down the aisle at your wedding to see how long it would take you to notice.

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