Kvetching, TV Junkie, Uncategorized

INCOMING!! Conversation Bombs – Part TWO!

Photo credit (before delightful annotation): http://media.spokesman.com

That’s right, my last post about things people say that catch you completely off-guard just wasn’t cutting the mustard.

And speaking of mustard, who have I to blame?

Food shows! First, it was Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern on the Travel Channel, where Zimmern suddenly dropped into his monologue that he was homeless for a year. With no explanation.

And now? The same thing happened on Extreme Chef (Food Network) last week! One of the contestants casually mentioned in his voiceover, as I watched him run inside an ice warehouse for a rabbit carcass, that he had been homeless. Once again, no explanation. My husband looked at me and waited. I was already gesturing aggressively towards the T.V.

“Again?” I cried.

“I know! You should write about it,” he replied enthusiastically. “That is weird.”

“Is it a chef thing?” we wondered. Is that why they don’t mind the 100-degree kitchen and unreasonable hours? And why they always want to be surrounded by food? Any food?

Of course, this also had me going back through life’s little gems so I could provide you with a new list of conversation bombs. Yes,  these are all things people have actually said to me. Give a girl some warning, wouldja?

“You have really huge pupils.”

“You don’t have to go home for Father’s Day. I can find you some fathers.”

“I like all kinds of houses. Except bi-levels.” (I live in a bi-level.)

“It’s a good thing you lost weight. A girl your age shouldn’t be fat.”

“We bought a pet scorpion.”

“New York City. Where is that?”

And a special guest contribution from my hubster, Peppermeister – a conversation he had at work [with a fellow teacher] some years ago:

Ms. Teacher: Do you know anyone who wants a dog?

Peppermeister: No, why? Are you getting rid of your dog?

Ms. Teacher: Yeah. My husband’s leaving me, and taking the house, and the apartment I’m living in doesn’t allow pets.

Your turn (comment below!) – Bombs Away!

9 thoughts on “INCOMING!! Conversation Bombs – Part TWO!”

  1. As a favor to my boss, I let one of his friends stay in my apartment while I was out of town for a couple of months. When I got home, he greeted me with, “My parents tried to kill me when I was two.”

    I later learned that he liked to dress up in a cloth diaper and hang out on the front porch. All of my paper towels and tissues were gone, but none of my toilet paper was, and for months I kept finding large safety pins on the floor.

        1. You haven’t had cookies until you’ve had my cookies! We might be able to work something out, especially if you keep using my blog as a place to post hilarious, jaw-dropping comments that are too risky to post on your own blog. Really, that story is unbelievable – I made my husband read it right after me!

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