humor, Marriage

Vote For My Third Spouse!


Welp. The preliminary polls have spoken! While I’d narrowed it down to four “3rd spouse” candidates all on my own, you fine chipmunks joined forces to determine candidate #5:

The Byronic Man.

Remember our Christmas ‘sheet set’ giveaway? There are a lot of jokes here about beds and keeping warm, but I am far too classy to make them.

I certainly can’t blame you. In fact, I’m pretty sure nine out of ten bloggers already think I’m married to The Byronic Man.

It occurs to me that finding my third spouse is like completing the final layer of my Dream Cupcake. Have you heard of these cupcakes? I hadn’t either, until I was roped into volunteered to help my parents cook for Easter Sunday.


1st layer: Chocolate chip cookie dough.

2nd layer: Reese’s peanut butter cup.

3rd layer: Brownie batter.

Cook 30 minutes at 350 F. Then eat. Then just crawl into a hole and die. Because life can only go down from there.

Um, anyway, okay, so, with the final 5 candidates selected…

It’s time to vote for my third spouse! (If you missed it, Click here to review their entries!)

Polls close NOON EST, Wednesday, April 3, 2013. My third spouse and I will regale you with some of our misadventures on Friday, April 5, 2013!

52 thoughts on “Vote For My Third Spouse!”

      1. Well duh! I wish my birthday hadn’t passed already, I’d pick this as the cake I want my wife to make me! It looks like a lot of work and mess to make cookie dough and brownie mix both for no particular reason on my own…not sure I could convince the wife that we should do it! Maybe I’ll just kill my way to death row and request it as a last meal? Is it worth that?

        1. I usually don’t cut corners, but for this, I used the premade Tollhouse cookie dough and just sliced it and put it in the bottom of each, and used the brownie mix where you just add a few things, so it was actually REALLY easy.

          Maybe try, “If you were a good wife who really loved me, you’d make these for me.”

          If that doesn’t work, tell her to sleep with one eye open.

    1. I’m not sure which would inspire more jealousy in the blogosphere – you or bacon. You two are leading the polls! (Unlike me in your latest caption contest. Holy gawd.)

  1. What the? I could have sworn I’d already commented on this. Hmm… maybe my mind was too clouded by the horrible fact that you seem to have lost your ever-lovin mind and left out RYAN GOSLING. My heart might never recover, JD.

    But then you redeemed yourself by that lovely brownie/cookies/peanut butter cups mash-up.

  2. OMG. That recipe looks sinfully divine. And since I have access to Sweet Martha’s cookies, it will be epic. Sweet Martha’s are so much better than Tollhouse x1000- sorry you can’t get them anywhere outside of Minnesota and Wisconsin. Now you have two reasons to come visit Minnesota- Sweet Martha’s chocolate chip cookies, and Petey P. Cup.

    Bacon won’t give you a Red Room of Pain. Just saying. Although I suppose I can’t speak for the Byronic Man on that one.

    1. You don’t have to tell me twice – I’m booking a flight right now!

      I think The Byronic Man’s Red Room of Pain is metaphorical. It starts with showing only half his face, leaving his helpless victims wanting more.

  3. Sorry, after I looked at the Orgasmic Cupcake picture I was unable to concentrate on anything else. Also, there wasn’t a single, Reese’s egg to found in my house on Easter (somebody forGOT to buy any), so I was already pretty messed up.

    1. Oh, Peggles. No no no. And here I am, rubbing it in your face. Would you like an extra spouse? I’ll have four candidates who’ll need some comforting later this week…

  4. You should marry Adam Levine while he is eating bacon and wearing a BM t-shirt. Then, because you are so happy that I gave you this suggestion, you will convince BM to marry me. Win/win!

    1. Now really, everyone: we can ALL get married! Then we’ll drop out of society, arm ourselves and move to my compound in the hills off… well, I’m getting ahead of myself. One thing at a time.

  5. Consider this my official entry into the race for your 4th spouse. There will be mud-slinging ads. Be ye warned.

  6. I don’t think so. Also, can we ask him to cook for all our friends and family at the reception? That would be great!

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