Well I’ve gotta tell you Chipmunks, it makes a gal feel good to know some of you are so willing to snuggle up as my 3rd spouse, joining the ranks of First Husband, Peppermeister, and Second Husband, Darren Criss (of Glee fame).
When I put the question out there on Monday, I was delighted by your responses.
I don’t know why I think it’s so flattering, though. Taking a brief glimpse back in time, why wouldn’t anyone volunteer for Go Jules Go back rub duty?
I face a tough road ahead. Figuring out how to keep those pics from popping up on your blogs who’ll be the 5th candidate (along with my BFF, Jenn, Adam Levine, Justin Timberlake and Bacon) for 3rd spouse.
The Candidates
- Speaker7‘s Boy Toy, Hugo
- Heavily influenced by 50 Shades of Grey; sure to overcompensate for lack of bottom half
- Sandy from SandyLand
- Cleans during bouts of insomnia; curious about New Jersey
- The Good Humor ice cream man (courtesy of Ice Scream Mama)
- “Brings the goods and good humor”; may lure additional spouses with said goods
- Misty from Misty’s Laws
- Will not hog
coversother spouses and has “huge…bathtub”; will bring bacon, booze and thoughtful gifts
- Will not hog
- Ryan Gosling (courtesy of She’s A Maineiac)
- Abs; also abs
- Rache from Rachel’s Table
- Cooks, writes loving haikus, enjoys pillow fights and long walks
on the beachin the brewery
- Cooks, writes loving haikus, enjoys pillow fights and long walks
- The Byronic Man
- Can borrow wardrobe, will share pie crust secrets (editor’s note: unconfirmed), believes bears have feelings, too
- Chris Brown (courtesy of PILCHARDRABIES)
- Lends diversity; has tattoos
- The wizard troll doll (courtesy of Katiepede’s Blog)
- Will “make me feel ‘Oh so special’ in that kind of crazy hair way that no other doll can do” (take note, Hugo)
- The Former Pope, Benedict XVI (courtesy of GINGERFIGHTBACK)
- “Great wardrobe, lovely condo in Rome and can always get his hands on some nice candle holders for a romantic dinner”
- Seth MacFarlane (courtesy of The Sacred and The Profane)
- Super rich; most likely to already have a Red Room of Pain
Clearly I need your help. Who’s your pick For the final 3rd spouse candidate? (Vote for up to 3!)
Cast your vote(s) by NOON EST on Saturday, March 30th. On Monday, April 1st, we’ll put the final 5 candidates head-to-head (because why do something in one post when you can draw it out in 3?)!
Go Jules Go 
The former Pope, Hugo or Seth MacFarlane? I never thought I’d see these three lumped together, but it kinda makes sense to me.
Who to pick….who to pick….this is too much for my brain to process at 7 am…
I’m thinking of just getting a bigger bed.
Wow. Now I understand why we only have TWO choices for President of the United States. That was freaking hard, Jules. I might login under TechSupport and vote again. Whaaaat? Is that unfair? I just want to make sure you have the best spouse.
Things are definitely hard around these parts lately. IYKWIM. 😉
Giggity!
But I don’t KWYM, JD. I don’t. God, I’m so sheltered. 😉
Oh DP. Just rest your sweet little head on your beautiful pillowcase and go back to sleep.
P.S. – Tickle time when you wake up.
You know, if I win this thing I’m totally telling Blair (and all the men of the world) that we have pillow fights in our underwear. 🙂
Thanks for making my morning, doll.
Of course you would tell Blair about our pillow fights, because that’s absolutely happening, voting poll or no voting poll. That’s how we roll in Jersey, in case you were curious.
VOTE FOR ME!!!
Oh, I mean, whatever. You know, I don’t really care or anything. It’s not a big deal. I won’t be completely crushed and irreparably injured if I don’t get to share Jules’ bed. You know, it’s fine. That’s why the Russians invented vodka. I’ll just be over here in the corner . . . by myself . . . drinking. As it was meant to be . . . . . .
Vodka. You know all the right things to say to me, Misty…
It was a close call between me voting for Misty and voting for the Good Humor Ice Cream man, but I ultimately decided on Misty. Even though I know you’d share the GHIC man, long distance never works.
Thank you for being so thought
syful in your vote. Though I’d expect no less.This is a tough slate of candidates. We have to really think about who would best lead us in these troubled times, turn the ship around, return us to fiscal responsibility and listen to what all Americans have to say, not just his inner cadre of clueless yes-men. Oh wait…the country is already f**ked about that stuff.
So I vote for Ryan Gosling.
His rock-hard abs rock the vote. They could at least provide a much-needed distraction, sort of like the importance of comedy during dark times.
Ryan, are your abs up to the task? Put down that croissant!
I meant, put it down IN MY HAND. Man. We’ll have to work on you, Ryan.
Just think, though – if DOMA is struck down, you can FORCE all of them to marry each other! And you can throw in a vacuum and a pony in to the marriage mix! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
Oh, crap, I wasn’t supposed to say anything yet. Don’t tell the Republicans about the plan…
Vote Byronic Man.
The pie crust secret(s) shall be mine! MINE!
whispering The most important part of this plan is that someone use the vacuum to clean my house (do ponies shed?).
May the polls be ever in your favor.
Thank you for picking Seth. Although my daughter will fight you for him.
Please assure your daughter I give my spouses every Tuesday night and every other weekend off. It seems only right.
Perfect! Tuesdays are the only nights she doesn’t have an activity! Thanks!
Perfect. You are as cool as Babs (who, B-T-Dubs, loaned me HER copy of 50 Shades of Grey).
I vote for Hugo because, well, he needs someone to complete him. Ha! Get it! I kill me…
Okay that pun made my day.
Go for the Pope. Gotta love those red bedroom slippers…
Do they have rough soles? I’m worried about the sheets getting “holy”.
ha ha ha ha
Sorry.
Since I’m saving my loving haikus for our marriage vows, I would like to make a short speech as to why the blogosphere should vote for moi:
As I stand here before you today thinking about my future, I can only see Jules. In her underwear, under a sheet. That’s why if I am chosen as 3rd husband I promise to make sure MORE photos of Jules’ in her unmentionables are posted at regular intervals on this very blog. And over at my blog too. I also promise to be in some of these photos with her, wearing a bikini and a satisfied smile. And remember, a vote for me is a vote for marriage equality. =
And now all I can think about is you, in a bikini, with that smile I like to think I already know so well…
‘Til the next haiku,
Jules
xox
I voted for Byronic Man. He seems the safest on the list. Both Hugo and Chris Brown seem suspicious and I have a feeling that they may be the modern-day Harvey Two-Face. (Chris on the front of the head, Hugo on the back, sort of like Lord Voldemort and Professor Quirrell on the first Harry Potter movie.)
Bonus points for Harry Potter reference!
But I don’t know about The Byronic Man. In that dress, he is red hot danger.
I see Hugo is not in first place. Hugo sees this as well. He says the only poll he believes in is his.
Oh Hugo… Our love can’t be confined to, or writhing about, any
polepoll.I think I would have to go with Seth, by the time you have 3 husbands one of them has to be for the money. Plus, he can sing.
Ahhh, good call – I wasn’t thinking about the
moneyvocal chops!Psssst! Pope Benny is praying fervently…….
I can’t believe that someone voted for Chris Brown! (You must have a secret enemy.) I went with Seth–he would be endlessly entertaining and I feel like the two of you would have fun making up songs together. If you want to add Alexander Skarsgard to the list, I’ll share him with you! 🙂
You are endlessly generous, Sprinkles!!
Honestly, I’m not sure who scares me more: Chris Brown or Seth MacFarlane. At least with one, you KNOW you’re in trouble. Seth is hiding something. I can tell.
Well, I missed out on being in contention and I have so much to offer…
Scott
Please tell me it’s vodka. Or champagne. I’m not picky.
Late entry (this one could steal the whole show): Toothpaste Man http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=B6rdxYMWOfw
I’m certain this post had words and probably said something or another, but honestly I was too busy increasing the size of the “on the bed” picks.
I’m a little late to the party here, but I’m thinking you might want to make this a video blog show and allow contestants to submit videos you will post and judge. I of course would play the role of the dreamy host.
Please don’t let the fact that the contest is nearly over deter you from making a vlog. We all need a little more dreamy host in our lives.