I love MTV’s “My Life as Liz,” and here’s why. They make being uncool cool again. Now, I’m not into Star Wars and comic books like Liz and her nerd herd, but you won’t ever hear me saying I’m too cool for Twilight. Or Maroon 5.
I also like the show just because I like to see what t-shirt Liz is going to wear next. In the transition shots, she wears a red and black Fangtasia shirt. Nice. Her will-they-won’t-they boy “friend,” Bryson, sometimes wears a “Legalize Gay” shirt. Dig it.
There is, too, Liz’s hot-ass new love interest, Louis, that keeps me tuning in. He sings and plays the guitar, and you must know by now how I feel about that (wait, singing on MTV? What is this, the 80s?).
Liz has got some singing chops herself, which she FINALLY busted out again on this week’s episode (ironically, at an 80’s club). You can watch the full episode here (skip to minute 17:30 to get to her performance with Louis).
While I am eternally grateful that they made it to season 2, I wonder how much longer they can keep this going. As it is, after commercials, there’s only 20 minutes worth of show a week. And that’s the only reason I think this might be [kinda, sorta, maybe] based on Liz’s actual life. In 28 years and 363 days, I’m pretty sure I only have enough ‘interesting life occurrences’ for two episodes. Two and a half, if you count the time I almost died.
It’s that time again, you little guilty pleasure fiends, you.
Guilty Flavor of the Week!
Coming to you RIGHT NOW!
It’s like the time you graduated kindergarten, only better!!
It’s marginally cooler than when you rescued that turtle by the park right before it fell in the sewer!!!
And I dare say it is drastically keener than when you got that glass plaque at work for something you did two years earlier!!!!
This week’s prestigious Guilty Flavor of the Week honor goes to…
LUNCHABLES! They’re not just for depressing Monday lunches in your car anymore!
How else can you get two day's worth of sodium in one sitting?
…just kidding (not in the slightest. C’mon! Capri Sun?)…
Okay, the REAL guilty flavor of the week is THE FOLLOWING POST! Wow, you guys got a two-fer this week! It’s time to buy a lotto ticket!
9021-Oh My God
Yesterday morning I walked into the kitchen saying to my husband,
“You know what I just realized? The Walshes named their kids Brenda and Brandon.”
“But they’re twins,” my husband explained patiently.
“So?!” I retorted. “That’s terrible.”
Conversations like this are anything but rare in my house, because I’ve been watching 90210 since long before I knew what a merkin was (which is what happens when your only sister is 5 and a half years older than you and your mother is sick of your pre-pubescent whining).
But…
…I’m finally starting to feel old.
On Monday night, FOX aired a new episode of their reincarnation of the 1991 classic, and -I can’t believe I’m about to say this- I think they might have gone too far. They ‘somehow’ managed to corral the entire cast onto a private jet (no matter what leap of faith this required, like accepting that Adrianna and Silver would EVER share the same air space) so they could fly down to Mexico for Spring Break. Now, I’ve seen season one of Laguna Beach three times, watched every episode of The O.C., and can often be found ogling the Kardashian family, but nothing can suspend my disbelief long enough to swallow that:
Teddy Montgomery, High Schooler
1.)Annie and Dixon, the Brenda and Brandon of the 21st century, could afford this trip (even if they did get to fly on Teddy’s dad’s private jet for free). They’re supposed to be struggling for money, and I know this because I’ve had to sit through many boring scenes about their mother (the only parent you regularly see on this show, the ageless Lori Loughlin) trying to find a job.
2.) Every couple had their own room (with no mention of trying to hide it from their parents), where they all had blatant relations. Aren’t these kids JUNIORS IN HIGH SCHOOL? Someone please say it’s not just me.
3.)Teddy is in high school – this is so far from reality that it almost comes full circle, back into the realm of possibility.
4.) Teddy and ‘the first straight man he ever had feelings for‘ suddenly would a) show up in Mexico at the same resort, b) turn out to be a gay, and c) somehow look even older than Teddy! As if!
Teddy's Meaty Gordita, Fellow High Schooler
5.)Silver would be dumb enough to drink from an unsealed bottle of water in Mexico (after Adrianna swapped it with tap water so Silver would get sick, that sadistic
Adrianna, Wicked Witch of the West Bev
b*tch).
6.)Adrianna would be evil enough to THEN swap out Silver’s meds so she’ll go bipolar on the next episode (I can’t WAIT to see that…).
7.) Oh! Oh! I almost forgot! So then there was a whole scene with Ivy having a marijuana tweak-out on the beach at 7am (I’m making up the time, by the way) and Dixon is calmly talking her down!? Okay, I know times are a-changing, but to have it represented on 8pm network TV targeted at tweens and creepy guilty pleasure bloggers like it’s just ‘whatever’!? Amazeballs!
You’re probably wondering why I even bother with this show anymore. Well, here’s why:
Meet Liam (I dont know his real name and I dont care).
When I think of guilty pleasures, nothing fills me with more shame or more delight than a little TLC show called, “Toddlers and Tiaras.” Seen it? It’s okay, this is a safe zone (and the safe word is “glitz”). Go on, admit it. You love it, too.
It turns out there’s a lot to learn when it comes to little miss-guided pageants. My mom likes to tell me I was born during a Miss America pageant and that’s why I have this strange obsession. For example, do you know how they get those perfect smiles? Something called a ‘flipper,’ which is a fake set of snowy white teeth that the children snap over their gap-toothed imperfections. The parents shell out about $300 and send a mold in the mail to Never Never Land, even though their kids quickly outgrow this accessory. This says nothing of the thousands they spend on bedazzled dresses, ‘falls’ for the hair, fake nails and spray tans. All for a 2-foot tall trophy, if they’re lucky.
I was horrified when the previews first began to air, but alas, my will power was no match for the man behind TLC’s curtain. My moral compass imploded as I watched a 3-year-old, doing Madonna for her ‘talent,’ walk on stage in a gold, cone-shaped bustier. You know it’s bad when the other pageant moms gasp.
The pageant directors are a spectacle of their own, the ghosts of dreams past lurking behind the feverish glint in their eyes. They take their jobs VERY seriously, but can’t even seem to string a sentence together as they stand behind a rickety wooden podium announcing the contestants. They give you a glimpse into the corrupt world of pageantry, hinting that the judges already have a favorite or that the entry fees were misallocated and the pageant might have to be canceled. I drove all the way from Louisiana and all I got was a 5-year-old hyped up on Pixie Stix? I think not.
My absolute favorite element of all of this is the pageant fathers. Really? Really, Ava’s mom from Texas? Really, Jayla’s mom from West Virginia? Do you REALLY think he’s in it for moral support? You might want to check his closet for that missing feather boa. And don’t be surprised by what else you find in there.
Go Jules Go 