It’s been 8 months and 11 days since my last post.
No tall tale explaining my absence could rival the truth. The past year was riddled with changes so epic, gains and losses so staggering, that I even considered shaving my ‘stache.
Clearly, I couldn’t figure out how to strike the perfect bloggy balance after a job layoff and divorce, so I did what any normal person would do – I went into hiding I sweat. A lot.
(In case you’re wondering, that was the Hamptons Marathon last September. 26.2 miles and all I got was a shitty medal and a stale bagel. Seriously? I drove all the way to Long Island for this? Seriously?!)
Now that the dust has settled, and now that I have dating stories too good not to share, I think it’s time.
It’s time to say hello to Go Jules Go 2.0: The Hot Mess Edition.
You’re welcome in advance.
So how the hell have you been?! Peg? Darla? Rache? B-Man? Anyone still out there?
P.S. – I missed you so much.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Go Jules Go 
Sorry if your life has been shitty… but at least take some comfort knowing that we MISSED you!!!!!
Oh, Nancy – likewise!!! I’ve been away from my home planet too long. I can’t wait to catch up with you and your blog!
I feel you on the Hot Mess edition of life – I`m in that phase of my life too.
Clearly, everything you went through didn`t kill you, it only made you stronger. Or I hope it did anyway.
Looking forward to reading more. I`m new here, by the way, and I love your blog!
Hi! So nice to see you here! And not just because I’m hoping two hot messes cancel each other out.
Looking forward to this hot jules edition and to your new adventures! Welcome back! 🙂
Thank you so much! You’re very kind in accepting my strikeout of ‘mess.’ 😉
And hang on – did even the smiley-faces change while I was away?! Wow. I got back in the nick of time.
Welcome back! So glad you survived the storm. Looking forward to more of you .
Tony! Hi! Thank you!
I have an entire array of umbrellas and galoshes at this point, if anyone needs any… (I hope not.)
Yay missed ya 🙂
Uncle Spike! High five!!! (That is all. For now.)
Everyone’s still here and glad you are as well.
Hi John! So nice to ‘see’ you again and to hear that the wonderful blog planet is still turning!
Welcome back! Remember me?
B-man hasn’t blogged in a while either. Many have stopped over the last year, so I started following new bloggers!
Now you can move on to searching for your “second” husband!
Susieeeeeee! I’m pretty sure you’re the glue that’s kept this blogosphere together. Seriously. Thank you!! 🙂
Ha! I’m sure of it… 🙂
It’s good to have you back, sweaty ashes and all. Maybe this might inspire me to write.
Please, speaker7 – take a cue from Jules and write again!
YES.
Oh, Speaker. Remember the good old days?! Let’s put some legs on them and bring them back.
PLEASE COME BACK, SPEAKER!
I think once the temperature rises above -14, I might be compelled to write. Until then I will continue to hold up in my blanket fort.
It’s 7 degrees right now. Even if you multiplied the temperature by itself, your (and by your I mean mine…okay maybe ours…come on, we’re in this bloggy shiz together) chin hairs would still freeze.
So GLAD you are back!
Thank you SO much, Toni! I feel like a new woman! (Maybe just because my jeans aren’t fitting? …Crap.)
I missed you…haven’t been blogging much, either. Okay. Maybe once. Weathering shitstorms isn’t for sissies. Can’t wait to read your dating adventures, although I’m saddened by divorce…Maybe I should try that to break me out of my slump!
Katy! I really missed you! I think it’s time we get the gang back together. (Cue Saved By The Bell-esque theme song.)
I’m in!!!
I have this in writing now… Mwa ha.
What about me? I definitely missed you. And I’m so glad you’re back. I look forward to hearing your tales. 🙂
Sandyyyyyy!!!!!!!!! *hugs to infinity*
Ah, I missed you, too! Of course, I love looking at the beautiful face you portray on your site. If someone divorced you – his loss and he’s not so bright! Sorry, Dear, rough times. Just know that your friends are here for you. I have been down that road twice. If you need to talk, let me know at bookman23@comcast.net.
Scott
Scott – you’re too kind. Thank you so much. It’s always heartening to see people come out ‘on the other side’ intact.
Awesome, welcome back! I just came back recently too after a year plus “retirement”. Lots of folks have vanished but lots of regulars still around. Sorry you had a tough year but glad you’re back!
Steve! Thank you! So great to ‘see’ you and I’m glad folks like you and Susie have been keeping the blogosphere rocking. I can’t wait to catch up!
Well, well, well. What have we here.
I was thinking just the other day that more than half of my old (not old, as in old, but old as in former) blogging buddies have fallen by the wayside. Then, today I see The Face in my Reader and think, “it looks familiar…where have I seen that before? Maybe on America’s Next Top Model?”
Missed you, Jules.
That face is familiar…maybe The Voice? The Apprentice? Victoria’s Secret Running Shorts Special?
Exactly. Although you’re one to talk, Miss Letting-the-trials-and-tribulations-of-a-brutally-cruel-world-stop-me-from-blogging.
Guilty as charged. Go easy on me…I’m home today with a migraine and a pithy attitude. With 100 lb dog asleep on my left leg. I’m trying to pull myself together and commit to once a week posting. As soon as I regain use of my arms. Just kidding! About the use of my arms, that is.
Feel better soon, Katy! (and blog more)
Peggglllleeeeesssss! You’ve always been too good to me. I think you saw me on Intervention.
Welcome back, Jules! Seriously, you were quite missed and I’m greatly looking forward to the Hot Mess Edition. Here’s to more bacon, booze, and boys!
Jess!! It’s so good to be back in good company! And that might be the best alliteration I’ve ever seen.
You are very much welcomed back, m’dear! I’m already jonesing for more and was a little disappointed not to have a new post in my inbox this morning. You need to make that right. 😉
Oh boy! I’ve been thinking about you a lot over the past few months, which isn’t as creepy as it sounds, I promise. You are a rising star, Jules, with the sparkle and energy of a whole galaxy! Here’s to you for having the courage to shine brightly rather than staying small to fit jobs, homes, or relationships that no longer served you. xx
Wait, NOT creepy? How disappointing. 🙂
Dana, if I had your way with words and ability to make people feel as good as you do, why… I’d have a WAY better blog.
Thank you SO much. You have no idea how happy your comment made me!
Happy to dispense happiness. Looking forward to the dating stories. 🙂
This is your very first blog that I’m reading; I’m very new to the blogging world. Your blog is really great. I will be following your blogging very closely.
I don’t know if I should say “thank you” or “I’m sorry”! Thank you so much, and welcome to the blogosphere!!
If you’re looking to make friends, you’ve come to the right place – the people you see commenting here are some of the best bloggy folks around. Let us know if you have any questions and buckle up – you’re gonna get addicted!
So much going on, I’m so sorry! But it’s SO SO nice to see you back here! I look forward to your stories. 🙂 Please don’t keep us waiting much longer.
Lilykins! Oh, how I missed that furry little face (…I hope this comment never gets taken out of context). THANK YOU! 🙂
Welcome back, Jules! I wondered about you. On to new heights and new adventures. Good to see you.
Amy, it’s so good to ‘see’ you again! Thank you so much! I can certainly promise adventures, and some of them even have bacon. ….I know.
Sounds juicy!
That does sound like quite an almost year. I’m glad you’re back, though. Just when I subscribed to your blog, your disappeared. I thought it was me…
Oh NO, it’s YOU. Forget it. Forget this whollllle blogging thing.
Too late, Jules. Too darn late… 😉
P.S. – It’s SO good to see you again, Lorna! 🙂
🙂
I know I don’t know you personally, but you’ve got flair and I’m glad to see you back here! Of course, thanks to you Vosges Haute Chocolate has gained me as a customer… 😉
PS – My cousin does the marathon thing & she lives in Long Island. She’s a teeny thing in her 40s named Linda S.
Welcome back Jules. I know its cliché but if it didn’t kill you then you’re stronger.
Looking forward to the the new Jules 2.0.
Cheers
Thank you so much! I think I might actually be dead, but that’s okay. Apparently WordPress is cool with ghost writing. (Oh, that was so bad, I know. I’m sorry. Jules 2.0 is still learning.)
P.S. – Your profile pic/gravatar is STUNNING.
Lol. Its not that bad at all.
Thanks for the compliment
Well, obviously we all missed you terribly and can’t wait to hear about all of your shenanigans. But….I’m one of those who have fallen to the wayside. Birthing babies tend to do that to you. But now that you’ve returned, I’m feeling all kinds of pressure to do the same. Damn you, Jules!! Damn you to hell!!
(No, but really…..I’m glad to see you back on your feet and ready rumble!).
Yes, feel the pressure, Misty, give in … by the way, something epic will come in your mail very soon…. mwa ha ha!
Uh oh. Should I be frightened that there’s something Bieberrific coming my way? Oh, Darla…you shouldn’t have. Really.
Ninja Snaps!!!! How can you possibly blog when you have 87 children to raise?!? Wait. That doesn’t sound right. 89?
But no, no. I don’t think I can let you off the hook, after all…
89? No, no Jules. You’ve got it wrong….that’s just how old I am now with all these dang kids sucking the life out of me.
I won’t cave. You can’t make me! Plus, you can’t give me extra hours in the day to blog, the energy to do so, or the material to write about. So there’s that! :p
I am freaking out! you’re back!!!! YESYESYESYES!
Does this mean you’ll post regularly now? Hmmmm?? This place just ain’t the same without ya….
Darly Pants, oh Darly Pants… I cannot WAIT to get caught up on all things Maineiac. You have no idea how many times in the past two months I’ve contemplated driving up north for another frigid road trip (but I don’t want to ruin my OWN car)!
I’ve got four new tires I’m willing to destroy…again. Worth it!
Glad to see you’re back, Jules. You’re awesome!
Jackie! Dang. Why did I EVER stop blogging?
THANK YOU 🙂
Hey Rosebud! Welcome back! Looking forward to hearing whatever gory details you care to share in the posts to come, or you can write about the weather, which may be even worse, topic wise.
Dave! Hi!! A friend just asked me about my awesome pig drawing and I got to tell them the story. (It is prominently displayed in my room, where I’ve been hiding under the covers, waiting for temperatures to hit double digits.)
Wait a minute. You’ve got a pig drawing? Like me? And Katy has a drawing, too? Now it’s all clear.
“My sweet baboo” Dave said, “I want you to have this original work of art because you are my original heartthrob.” And I fell for it, like women have been falling for that line since time began. He’s a gigolo.
It’s funny, but that pig gets a lot of mileage. Personally, I’ve always liked the Easter Rabbit drawing more
What I want to know is how in the world can you get into a fighter jet, and if you have connections…..hook me up so they take me for a wild ride.
I was waiting for someone to ask about that! And there are definitely ways… it’ll cost you a ticket to Seattle and (spoiler alert!!) 4 months of your life you’ll never get back, though.
It´s worth it
Oh. That explains the sad blue smiley face on Frank (i’m reading back from your last post to see where you have been all this time)
Look at you all…back! 🙂 Sorry you’ve had a crap time. I hope you do get back into posting regularly again, your posts are always such fun!
Aw, shucks! I feel so back-y and stuff! It’s so, so great to see you again, Vanessa-Jane! Thank you!! 🙂
Hooray!
Whoops double comment? Wth phone? Sorry. I guess double hoorays are in order
Not to worry! I see just one hooray. Wait. Why do I see just ONE hooray? 😉
HOORAY!
there, fixed that for you.
Yo!!! Welcome back! A lot of other bloggers disappeared during the same time – Rach, Bman, Pinot ninja.. So either a) you are a trendsetter b) you are a kidnapper or c) you are secretly them.
Yo!!! (Yo…yo…yo… that’s the echo of Rach, BMan and Pinot Ninja, who I may or may not have trapped down in the basement.)
I’m in the basement being forced to watch Glee on repeat and make slap bracelets. Help. Me.
Wow, this is like a bloggy reunion! All we need is Bman to chime in and it will be like getting the band back together.
And I’d help you, but she’s got me down here, too, making stache glasses and feeding her bacon and vodka.
Sneak me some vodka! PLEASE!
Ya’ll act like you don’t have it made in the shade. I let you take selfies with Uncle Jesse at least once a week.
Glad your back!
That makes two of us! Thanks so much!
I was just thinking of you the other day when my daughter found the pair of glasses you gave me in her toy chest. I was hoping you’d come back! Hooray!
Nicki! Hi!! I wonder what I should giveaway this year… Oh I know! Dates!
Hmmm….I resorted to a tall tale about going to Clown School in Florida as my Hot Mess erupted into my life. Writing keeps us semi-sane, so I’m here to send a huge “Welcome Back!” And yes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger– but you can’t say that in the middle of the mess, right? 😉
That is GREAT. Actually, can I get that school address??
I AM SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK! And yes, I know that looks like I’m yelling! I’m over-the-moon happy to see your bloggy face again. Even tho’ I know the ending to this craptastic year’s highs and so-lo(w)s, I can’t wait to read your cleverly funny spin on them. Guess this means Babs is back, too?
We missed you, too, Babs!! 🙂
Stop trying to steal my thunder, Babs.
To heck with Jules, we missed BABS! But you should get out more, Babs. Your avatar looks awfully pale.
Gosh. I surely have missed all the love! Jules had me trapped in the basement refolding her fitted sheets. That’s why I turned 50 shades of pale. I’m so happy she’s back!
oops. Forgot to put my name by this comment, Peggles. Guess you knew it was me, though!
Still here!! Glad that you’re back!
Thank you thank you thank you!!
Hi Jules! Good to see you back ’round the blogosphere. I’m curious about your marathon and dating stories 🙂 I don’t normally pimp my posts, but I just wrote one about dating after divorce and it’s chalk full of hot mess wisdom as I call it. Cheers to dating! (I nickname the ones I write about after cocktails, it’s fun and kerps me on my toes matching the imbibe to the guy!
http://arenaissanceglow.com/2015/01/18/dating-after-divorce-the-unfiltered-truth/
Kristy!!! Let’s see if I can actually reply today (I’ve had so much trouble!)!
I read your amazing post, and all I can say is, WE need to go on a date!! (If only so I can finally have a cocktail named after me!)
Come to Portland and I’ll totally take you out, we can swap dating stories 🙂 Let me think of a cocktail, but vodka has to be in it!
What? No give-away contest? Whaaat? Kidding. I kid. Because I love you. And I love that you’re back. And I love that you’re posing next to a smiley face with legs, because that is going to be one epic story. Welcome home.
Debbieeeeeee! Didn’t you hear? This year I’m giving my heart away!!
(And thank you. It is SO nice to be back – and in such good company!)
SO happy to see you back! I had to idea things were so rough over there. But I’m glad you came out ahead. You look amazing, and now it’s a fresh start. Welcome back! Your internet people missed you. 🙂
Nina! Hihihi! You are as much an inspiration as ever – thank you and LIKEWISE!! 🙂
YAY!!!! She’s back! Sorry life has sucked. Hopefully all is on the upswing now. You’ve been greatly missed. ❤
Hiya!! Yays to infinity!!!! And DITTO. Thank you!!
Welcome back!
ps I’ll finally have some decent comment threading to entertain me thru all these damn renovation projects.
Dee!!! Thank you! And if they entertain, I can take no credit, considering this is the third time I’ve tried to reply to this comment and apparently WordPress is still playing the, “Who are you again?” trick!
What timing…Just the other day, I was asking Peg where you’d gone. And then, viola, you posted this gem.
You’ve got what I consider the A-List of WordPress bloggers commenting here, welcoming you home. Feels like a reunion!
Can’t wait for your memoir on the adventure you’ve endured.
Welcome back! 🙂
It was YOU! I heard a little voice a couple of weeks ago that said, “Get back on the saddle, girl! A ridiculous amount of praise awaits!!”
Seriously, though – THANK YOU 🙂
Awwww…Jules is back! I say that like I ever blog anymore. But your posts were my first stop!
Thoughtsyyyy! You’ve always been too good to me. Be honest: Is that just because I’ve never tried to steal any of your Pop-Tarts?
Jules! OMG! I wondered where you’d been! I’d assumed that you were pleasantly running off into the sunset somewhere with your new found love of running. Now I guess I can finally take off my neon pink snap bracelet, that you sent me so long ago, that I’d vowed to wear until your return.
I’m sorry your year has been so shitty, but I’m glad you’re back. I have full confidence that you’ll make lemonade out of the lemons that have been hurled your way–or maybe lemon pie! Take care xx (Sherri–formerly known as Sprinkles)
Sprinkles!!!!!!!! I was just over on your blog – I’m so, SO happy everything is going well!
And I found my way back ONLY because I followed the bright neon pink glow coming from your svelt wrist! So thanks for that 😉
P.S. – I never liked lemons!!
You’re very welcome! I’m so happy to see you back. 🙂
So.
I was making lentil soup on Sunday and thought, “I need to find a great recipe and I know just where to look – Rachel’s Table!” BUT when I googled my own blog, I received this error message, “Domain not found.” What the WHAT?
Like MacGyver trying to blow up a concrete wall with a tooth pick and a sprig of rosemary, I went into full-on problem solve mode and now I’m back online.
All that to say, I’ve been away too, and my panic in finding Rachel’s Table just GONE made me want to get back at it and reconnect.
So. I looked in my reader for the first time in three thousand years and there you are. In all your glory. Writing. Creating. Telling a story.
I’m glad you’re back. Will you write my “I’m back in the game” post?
RACH! Jeez, looks like Jules’ milkshake brings all the missing bloggers to the yard. Hope to be reading more from you, too.
I’m afraid there’s way too much shaking and jiggling happening here these days. And I can’t even blame Rache’s cooking! (Although I’d like to. When are you having us over for dinner, Rache?)
I hope Jules’ milkshake is local and organic. Either way, I’m here and THINKING about making a comeback. It’s nice to know that someone as awesome as you wants to read more from me, Peg! Seriously.
Rachey-Poo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Before I even answered this comment, I had to make sure Rachel’s Table hadn’t actually disappeared. And not just because it’s our virtual recipe box.
I can’t wait to read your “I’m baaaaaaack” post. My version would be pure fiction. Yeah. Hang on. I NEED ANSWERS, Missy!!!
Speaking of ‘miss’ – golly, I/we missed you!
JULES!!!!! I could use some fiction in my life! This real life stuff is HARD.
I’m getting back at it. You’ve inspired me.
RACHE (you’ve put me on permanent caps lock)!!!! I emailed you at Rachel’s Table. I need more YOU!!
I’d been wondering where you’d been! Do tell. Welcome back!
Holy canoli you’really back! I’ve been checking on and off for an embaressingly long tI me lol. Welcome back I missed you!
Hey there, fellow hot mess. It took me a year and half to climb out of my divorce hole and return to blogging. Now I feel like we’ve been to war together or something. Divorces, blog hiatuses. Oh, Jules. I’ve missed you.