Back From the Stupid, Sweaty Ashes

It’s been 8 months and 11 days since my last post.

No tall tale explaining my absence could rival the truth. The past year was riddled with changes so epic, gains and losses so staggering, that I even considered shaving my ‘stache.

Do not.
Just kidding.

Clearly, I couldn’t figure out how to strike the perfect bloggy balance after a job layoff and divorce, so I did what any normal person would do – I went into hiding I sweat. A lot.

This experience was f&*#$%^ awful!
This experience was the worst of the three.

(In case you’re wondering, that was the Hamptons Marathon last September. 26.2 miles and all I got was a shitty medal and a stale bagel. Seriously? I drove all the way to Long Island for this? Seriously?!)

Now that the dust has settled, and now that I have dating stories too good not to share, I think it’s time.

It’s time to say hello to Go Jules Go 2.0: The Hot Mess Edition.

You’re welcome in advance.

We're headed for new heights, baby.
We’re headed for new heights, baby.

So how the hell have you been?! Peg? Darla? Rache? B-Man? Anyone still out there?

P.S. – I missed you so much.


143 thoughts on “Back From the Stupid, Sweaty Ashes”

  1. I feel you on the Hot Mess edition of life – I`m in that phase of my life too.

    Clearly, everything you went through didn`t kill you, it only made you stronger. Or I hope it did anyway.

    Looking forward to reading more. I`m new here, by the way, and I love your blog!

    1. Thank you so much! You’re very kind in accepting my strikeout of ‘mess.’ 😉

      And hang on – did even the smiley-faces change while I was away?! Wow. I got back in the nick of time.

  2. Welcome back! Remember me?

    B-man hasn’t blogged in a while either. Many have stopped over the last year, so I started following new bloggers!

    Now you can move on to searching for your “second” husband!

        1. It’s 7 degrees right now. Even if you multiplied the temperature by itself, your (and by your I mean mine…okay maybe ours…come on, we’re in this bloggy shiz together) chin hairs would still freeze.

  3. I missed you…haven’t been blogging much, either. Okay. Maybe once. Weathering shitstorms isn’t for sissies. Can’t wait to read your dating adventures, although I’m saddened by divorce…Maybe I should try that to break me out of my slump!

  4. Ah, I missed you, too! Of course, I love looking at the beautiful face you portray on your site. If someone divorced you – his loss and he’s not so bright! Sorry, Dear, rough times. Just know that your friends are here for you. I have been down that road twice. If you need to talk, let me know at

  5. Well, well, well. What have we here.

    I was thinking just the other day that more than half of my old (not old, as in old, but old as in former) blogging buddies have fallen by the wayside. Then, today I see The Face in my Reader and think, “it looks familiar…where have I seen that before? Maybe on America’s Next Top Model?”

    Missed you, Jules.

        1. Guilty as charged. Go easy on me…I’m home today with a migraine and a pithy attitude. With 100 lb dog asleep on my left leg. I’m trying to pull myself together and commit to once a week posting. As soon as I regain use of my arms. Just kidding! About the use of my arms, that is.

  6. Oh boy! I’ve been thinking about you a lot over the past few months, which isn’t as creepy as it sounds, I promise. You are a rising star, Jules, with the sparkle and energy of a whole galaxy! Here’s to you for having the courage to shine brightly rather than staying small to fit jobs, homes, or relationships that no longer served you. xx

    1. Wait, NOT creepy? How disappointing. 🙂

      Dana, if I had your way with words and ability to make people feel as good as you do, why… I’d have a WAY better blog.

      Thank you SO much. You have no idea how happy your comment made me!

    1. I don’t know if I should say “thank you” or “I’m sorry”! Thank you so much, and welcome to the blogosphere!!

      If you’re looking to make friends, you’ve come to the right place – the people you see commenting here are some of the best bloggy folks around. Let us know if you have any questions and buckle up – you’re gonna get addicted!

  7. I know I don’t know you personally, but you’ve got flair and I’m glad to see you back here! Of course, thanks to you Vosges Haute Chocolate has gained me as a customer… 😉

    PS – My cousin does the marathon thing & she lives in Long Island. She’s a teeny thing in her 40s named Linda S.

    1. Thank you so much! I think I might actually be dead, but that’s okay. Apparently WordPress is cool with ghost writing. (Oh, that was so bad, I know. I’m sorry. Jules 2.0 is still learning.)

      P.S. – Your profile pic/gravatar is STUNNING.

  8. Well, obviously we all missed you terribly and can’t wait to hear about all of your shenanigans. But….I’m one of those who have fallen to the wayside. Birthing babies tend to do that to you. But now that you’ve returned, I’m feeling all kinds of pressure to do the same. Damn you, Jules!! Damn you to hell!!

    (No, but really…..I’m glad to see you back on your feet and ready rumble!).

    1. Ninja Snaps!!!! How can you possibly blog when you have 87 children to raise?!? Wait. That doesn’t sound right. 89?

      But no, no. I don’t think I can let you off the hook, after all…

      1. 89? No, no Jules. You’ve got it wrong….that’s just how old I am now with all these dang kids sucking the life out of me.

        I won’t cave. You can’t make me! Plus, you can’t give me extra hours in the day to blog, the energy to do so, or the material to write about. So there’s that! :p

    1. Darly Pants, oh Darly Pants… I cannot WAIT to get caught up on all things Maineiac. You have no idea how many times in the past two months I’ve contemplated driving up north for another frigid road trip (but I don’t want to ruin my OWN car)!

    1. Dave! Hi!! A friend just asked me about my awesome pig drawing and I got to tell them the story. (It is prominently displayed in my room, where I’ve been hiding under the covers, waiting for temperatures to hit double digits.)

      1. Wait a minute. You’ve got a pig drawing? Like me? And Katy has a drawing, too? Now it’s all clear.
        “My sweet baboo” Dave said, “I want you to have this original work of art because you are my original heartthrob.” And I fell for it, like women have been falling for that line since time began. He’s a gigolo.

    1. I was waiting for someone to ask about that! And there are definitely ways… it’ll cost you a ticket to Seattle and (spoiler alert!!) 4 months of your life you’ll never get back, though.

      1. Wow, this is like a bloggy reunion! All we need is Bman to chime in and it will be like getting the band back together.

        And I’d help you, but she’s got me down here, too, making stache glasses and feeding her bacon and vodka.

  9. Hmmm….I resorted to a tall tale about going to Clown School in Florida as my Hot Mess erupted into my life. Writing keeps us semi-sane, so I’m here to send a huge “Welcome Back!” And yes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger– but you can’t say that in the middle of the mess, right? 😉

  10. I AM SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK! And yes, I know that looks like I’m yelling! I’m over-the-moon happy to see your bloggy face again. Even tho’ I know the ending to this craptastic year’s highs and so-lo(w)s, I can’t wait to read your cleverly funny spin on them. Guess this means Babs is back, too?

        1. Gosh. I surely have missed all the love! Jules had me trapped in the basement refolding her fitted sheets. That’s why I turned 50 shades of pale. I’m so happy she’s back!

  11. Hi Jules! Good to see you back ’round the blogosphere. I’m curious about your marathon and dating stories 🙂 I don’t normally pimp my posts, but I just wrote one about dating after divorce and it’s chalk full of hot mess wisdom as I call it. Cheers to dating! (I nickname the ones I write about after cocktails, it’s fun and kerps me on my toes matching the imbibe to the guy!

    1. Kristy!!! Let’s see if I can actually reply today (I’ve had so much trouble!)!

      I read your amazing post, and all I can say is, WE need to go on a date!! (If only so I can finally have a cocktail named after me!)

  12. What? No give-away contest? Whaaat? Kidding. I kid. Because I love you. And I love that you’re back. And I love that you’re posing next to a smiley face with legs, because that is going to be one epic story. Welcome home.

  13. SO happy to see you back! I had to idea things were so rough over there. But I’m glad you came out ahead. You look amazing, and now it’s a fresh start. Welcome back! Your internet people missed you. 🙂

      1. Dee!!! Thank you! And if they entertain, I can take no credit, considering this is the third time I’ve tried to reply to this comment and apparently WordPress is still playing the, “Who are you again?” trick!

  14. What timing…Just the other day, I was asking Peg where you’d gone. And then, viola, you posted this gem.
    You’ve got what I consider the A-List of WordPress bloggers commenting here, welcoming you home. Feels like a reunion!
    Can’t wait for your memoir on the adventure you’ve endured.
    Welcome back! 🙂

    1. It was YOU! I heard a little voice a couple of weeks ago that said, “Get back on the saddle, girl! A ridiculous amount of praise awaits!!”

      Seriously, though – THANK YOU 🙂

  15. Jules! OMG! I wondered where you’d been! I’d assumed that you were pleasantly running off into the sunset somewhere with your new found love of running. Now I guess I can finally take off my neon pink snap bracelet, that you sent me so long ago, that I’d vowed to wear until your return.
    I’m sorry your year has been so shitty, but I’m glad you’re back. I have full confidence that you’ll make lemonade out of the lemons that have been hurled your way–or maybe lemon pie! Take care xx (Sherri–formerly known as Sprinkles)

    1. Sprinkles!!!!!!!! I was just over on your blog – I’m so, SO happy everything is going well!

      And I found my way back ONLY because I followed the bright neon pink glow coming from your svelt wrist! So thanks for that 😉

      P.S. – I never liked lemons!!

  16. So.

    I was making lentil soup on Sunday and thought, “I need to find a great recipe and I know just where to look – Rachel’s Table!” BUT when I googled my own blog, I received this error message, “Domain not found.” What the WHAT?

    Like MacGyver trying to blow up a concrete wall with a tooth pick and a sprig of rosemary, I went into full-on problem solve mode and now I’m back online.

    All that to say, I’ve been away too, and my panic in finding Rachel’s Table just GONE made me want to get back at it and reconnect.

    So. I looked in my reader for the first time in three thousand years and there you are. In all your glory. Writing. Creating. Telling a story.

    I’m glad you’re back. Will you write my “I’m back in the game” post?

      1. I’m afraid there’s way too much shaking and jiggling happening here these days. And I can’t even blame Rache’s cooking! (Although I’d like to. When are you having us over for dinner, Rache?)

      2. I hope Jules’ milkshake is local and organic. Either way, I’m here and THINKING about making a comeback. It’s nice to know that someone as awesome as you wants to read more from me, Peg! Seriously.

    1. Rachey-Poo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Before I even answered this comment, I had to make sure Rachel’s Table hadn’t actually disappeared. And not just because it’s our virtual recipe box.

      I can’t wait to read your “I’m baaaaaaack” post. My version would be pure fiction. Yeah. Hang on. I NEED ANSWERS, Missy!!!

      Speaking of ‘miss’ – golly, I/we missed you!

  17. Hey there, fellow hot mess. It took me a year and half to climb out of my divorce hole and return to blogging. Now I feel like we’ve been to war together or something. Divorces, blog hiatuses. Oh, Jules. I’ve missed you.

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