Dating, PSAs

I’ve Hit the Shallow End

DISCLAIMER: Names have been changed because this is a very, very small town.

Go Jules Go title graphic_Ive hit the shallow end_21AUG2019

What’s that? How’s my dating life going, you ask?

Well, after the guy who yelled at me and the guy who scarred my friend for life, things started looking up. A few days ago, I attended a community event and an attractive man looked very familiar. Had he been there last month? Was he someone I might have briefly met through an acquaintance?

“Hey Carrie,” I whispered to my friend. “Who is that guy? I swear I know him. Oh my god, wait, I think he just ‘liked’ me last week on my dating app!”

What were the chances? Maybe this small town thing could work for me after all! The fact that we were at the same event meant we already had a few key things in common. Score!

Carrie, in typical Carrie fashion, smiled demurely and said between her teeth, “I’ll tell you about him later.” Her eyes widened by a fraction of an inch and I nodded conspiratorially.

I kept my distance and Carrie texted me after the night ended, including a link to a social media frenzy.

Turns out my latest prospect was suspected of first degree murder.

Go Jules Go Title Graphic Dodged a Bullet Possibly Literally_31JUL2019
Oregon is a lot bigger than New Jersey, from where I just moved. The dating options, however, ah, well, may not reflect this.

“Make sure you text all of your friends before you go on any dates!” Carrie reminded me warmly.

Thankfully, I’ve been too tied up with visiting friends and family to fraternize with Oregon’s Most Wanted.

I thought back to the prior week, when I’d invited another dating app fellow, Adam, to join me for happy hour with a few friends. He had been visiting to see if he’d like to move here, and we had all regaled him with our own Relocating Success Stories. Adam had been smart, laughed at my jokes, had had an adorable rescue dog, and looked like Darren Criss.

For those of you who are new here, I’ve been blogging about my Darren Criss obsession infatuation totally healthy crush since 2011.

Adam had texted a few times afterwards, but I’d suspected wasn’t going to move here. Would I ever meet someone swoon-worthy who actually lived in my town? Or did I just keep upping my sidewalk chalk game with the neighbors?

This picture really doesn’t do us justice.

Then there was the Australian gentleman who bought my groceries for me this weekend when my debit card acted up. Yes, that’s a thing that happens here, because I live in Shangri-La. Unfortunately, he was my father’s age.

And I’ve had enough therapy for one lifetime.

So what’s my next move? Well, considering I signed a year lease, it won’t involve another physical move.

And seriously. Who the f&@* would ever leave this place?

You know what? I think I’m just gonna hold out until Darren Criss gets a divorce.


Has your dating life ever been so rife with the criminal element? That, much like, “Are you, grooming facility, accepting new dog clients?” is a question I never thought I’d ask until I moved to central Oregon.


12 thoughts on “I’ve Hit the Shallow End”

  1. Yikes! The dating pool does seem to have some terrifying prospects in the Pacific Northwest… but look at all that gorgeous natural splendor. Maybe you could just date a tree instead?

  2. You really know how to pick them! Just kidding. I hope things look up soon. But in the meanwhile, looks like you’re keeping yourself well entertained.

    I discovered a few years ago when I was hanging out with a psychic girlfriend that when I was your age and dating, I had a guy in spirit who protected me from getting hurt during my dating years. I mean physically hurt. And in one case, my date’s car died, preventing us from going on a trip to Atlantic City. When my girlfriend looked psychically at the likely outcome if I’d gone on that trip, she said I probably wouldn’t have come back alive. (Forgive me if I’ve told this story before). But I tell it because as much as the fellows you’ve been connecting with are absolutely not the one for you, I love how protected you are. Keep looking, listen to your gut and your friends.

    1. Oh wow, you never did tell me that! It’s funny, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I definitely feel surrounded by a protective energy – via friends here and also something less tangible. When I got here in June, my landlords talked about the bizarre sunflower crop busting out everywhere in their/our yard this summer. My (late) grandmother’s favorite flower was sunflowers, and I’ve always thought of her in a guardian angel context. That was one of the MANY things I took as a positive sign that I’d made the right move in coming here!

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