DAY 1 – BED, BATH & BEYOND – EVENING

CASHIER

Hi! How are you doing?

JULES

Good, thanks.

CASHIER

What nationality are you?

JULES

Uhhh… German, Irish. And…English…

CASHIER

Oh yeah, ’cause your accent is just great.

JULES

Thank…you.

How I Think I Sound:

How THEY Think I Sound:

DAY 2 – JULES’ CAR – NIGHT

JULES

Are those flashing lights? Are we being pulled over?

PEPPERMEISTER (HUSBAND #1)

Yes. Calm down!

POLICE OFFICER

Do you know why I pulled you over?

PEPPERMEISTER

No.

POLICE OFFICER

Both of your headlights are out. Both of them. Both…of…them. You only have one fog light on.

DAY 3 – JULES’ HOUSE – BATHROOM – MORNING

JULES

(stepping on scale)

LIES!!!!!!

JULES picks up PHONE and dials PEPPERMEISTER.

JULES (CON’T)

I need you to find kale. Like yesterday.

DAY 4 – JULES’ HOUSE – KITCHEN – LATE AFTERNOON

PEPPERMEISTER (HUSBAND #1)

My mom would like a dark chocolate cake with cream cheese frosting for her birthday.

JULES

I’m on it. I shall prepare everything from scratch, just as I’ve done since I was 9. In fact, I have the perfect recipe! I normally use it for cupcakes, but no matter! What could go wrong?

30 MINUTES LATER…

DAY 5 – JULES’ HOUSE – BEDROOM – EVENING

JULES

(cleaning)

Oh, what’s this under the side table? An old fortune! Well whatever it says, it’s going to shed some light on my life and tell me what I should do next, I just know it!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Did you have any ‘off’ experiences this week?

Pssst…next week is my 2-year blog-o-versary! I’m not even sure you’re prepared for what I have in store. Here’s a sneak peek: