I was half-watching an episode of “Bizarre Foods” with Andrew Zimmern earlier this week when something alarming happened. You know, it’s the show where the bald guy travels the globe eating the most disgusting looking-sounding-smelling foods known to man. Normally, it’s all light-hearted fun, and you can easily half-watch while you’re busy a) working on blogs, b) wrestling the dog for the frisbee, and/or c) drunk. On this episode, though, he suddenly had my full attention.
“I was homeless for a year,” Andrew Zimmern said, which, no matter in what context, is ALWAYS out of the blue.
My head snapped up and I stared at the T.V. Did the effeminate host in the pink button-down shirt holding a scorpion kebab just say he was HOMELESS? For a YEAR? (And is THAT why he’s willing to eat anything?)
Yeah, he did just say that.
Naturally, this got me thinking about conversation bombs. Those little one-liners people drop, mid-conversation, that bring the discussion to a screeching halt, while you, bug-eyed and cotton-mouthed, try to figure out a way to get things back on solid ground or run away without being noticed. I always thought one of my own conversation bombs was a real show-stopper:
“I didn’t go to high school. …I was home-schooled.”
But really, homeless bomb trumps home-schooled bomb any day. Don’t you think (vote below!)? Here are some of the more memorable conversation bombs I’ve ever heard, all said directly to me over the past fifteen years. Recognize any?
“I don’t really like music.”
“Well, you get married at 17 because there’s nothing else to do.”
“Do you want to buy some of my homemade jewelry?”
“Don’t say ‘yeah.’ It’s rude. Say ‘yes.'”
“I started smoking when I was 10.”
“I don’t eat white food.”
“How much did you pay for that dog?”