Crap. I Am So, Like, Totally That Girl.

Well, we may have survived the Mayans’ prediction, but this holiday season still brought forth The Darkness.

Before I go any further, let me say that there’s no gift better than a homemade one. My mother, Babs, makes the most extraordinary gifts.

I actually danced when I put up the star this year.

Peppermeister’s aunt cross-stitches intricate, beautiful ornaments.

What truly lights up the tree.

Then, too, are the thoughtful gifts. The funny ones. The ones that say, I get you.

I don't know why anyone would think I'd want any of this.
I don’t know why anyone would think I’d want any of this.

I absolutely adore these gifts.

Deep down, I’m sentimental and romantic to a fault. I can’t write a serious card to save my life, but I treasure heartfelt words, and sometimes even carry letters in my wallet for good luck.




On Christmas Eve, this happened:


I gotย a Kate Spade bag. From my brother’s girlfriend. She totally forsook the Secret Santa price cap. (For anyone not gasping, this is sort of like the Mercedes of purses.)

I’m not proud of this picture. Look at it. Eyes that might roll right onto the tissue paper-littered floor. A smile that could crack marble. Pure, unabashed joy. I don’t even remember it being taken.

“You said you didn’t care about designer labels,” Peppermeister (Husband #1-Who-Didn’t-Buy-Me-This-Amazing-Present) teased once he saw this up on Facebook. “I’ve never seen you this happy.”

At least I think that’s what he said. I was too busy staring at my new purse, planning our future together.

What’s the overly indulgent gift you’re a little embarrassed to admit you want[ed]?ย 

84 thoughts on “Crap. I Am So, Like, Totally That Girl.”

  1. Haha. Your Consumer Shame Face isn’t so bad. Mine normally involves drooling. I am, like, that girl, too. In everyday life I’m all “No. I’m fine. A pair of K-Mart socks would be great. My one pair has a hole.” Recently I lost my wedding ring (one lucky toddler took it home in a party favor bag, I think). So we went to a jewelry store with an insurance check and I morphed into Kim Kardashian. Yes, I picked out the blingy-est, biggest ring I saw. It should go nicely with my K-Mart socks ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Nice handbag! I would have no clue what to carry in it. Garden gloves? Duct tape? No clue. Laughed at your calendar. Your moms are amazing stitchers. I used to be when I had extra time (notsomuch anymore). Happy New Year, Jules and Mr. Jules!

    1. I like this handbag because I can fit at least four water* bottles in it. I hope you find some stitchin’ time here and there – making my first ornaments this year, I realized how fun and relaxing it is (except when you realize how long each one takes, and you’re up against the clock!)!

      Happy New Year, Shannon! ๐Ÿ™‚


      1. Homemade ornaments are the way to go!! I still have about a dozen crocheted snowflakes I made for my tree when I was in my 20’s, and some wooden painted ones from when I was in preschool. It’s a tradition we carry on here at DirtNKids. The tree is always so much lovelier with thoughtful ornaments from people you love.

        Here’s what we did this year, coupling recycling of last year’s cards with personal touches like kids’ photos and a year circle. I did the cutting, they did the gluing and glittering. FUN! (

        Hm…that would have made a nice post. LOL

  3. I would have to say receiving the orignal cast member “Once More With Feeling” CD would produce the same face on me. The last time I had that smile was when someone gave me a Nancy Pearl librarian action figure. I rarely get kitchy gifts…that’s my kate spade desire.

    1. Oh you should make sure Misty (Misty’s Laws) sees this – she is the QUEEN of perfect kitchy gifts!

      You see, I already have the “Once More With Feeling” CD – this, my friend, is the PIANO MUSIC. Oh yes. We need to get you a copy, stat.

  4. an iPhone for me, but I got a Bose. Your “consumer face” is retailer’s heaven! I can see you are in “fantastic bag land”, and no wonder you didn’t remember. Fun and quirky post, and I just love the Advent calendar. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. Ok, here’s the part where you will probably take away my girl card, but I really don’t care about any of those things. One Xmas, the hubs bought me a super expensive Coach bag . . . which I promptly returned, and now have a $700 Coach gift card just hanging out in my purse. Meh. I am not a jewelry girl, either. He has bought me stuff in the past, and I never ever wear it (diamond necklaces, earrings, bracelets . . . sitting in a drawer). All that shit is just wasted on me. I am so ridiculously low maintanence it’s revolting.

    But send me a homemade bacon ornament, and it’s like I won the freaking lottery!! Something about thoughtfulness in gifts really strikes something in me. Anyone can purchase something with a lot of cash to make someone happy, but to truly figure out what another person would LOVE? That’s what gets me. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Oh, and it goes without saying that I absolutely ADORE Bab’s advent calendar. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Misty, I hear you! I’m always saying that to Peppermeister. I tell him I’d much rather GO somewhere or DO something than have expensive accessories. But then, oh, there are times when something just gets me. Buttery soft leather, or sparkly diamonds… sigh. I also love clothes, but RARELY pay full price for anything.

      You are the queen of thoughtful and funny gifts! One of the many things I love about you!

  6. so jealous of your Kate spade! I got so many lovely gifts it’s hard to say my favorite . most extravagant I love? definitely came in a turquoise box with a white satin ribbon .

  7. I ask every year for a massage, mani & pedi package… To me, that’s utterly indulgent and over the top… to everyone else, because it’s not tangible – they don’t purchase it. I would be on cloud nine if that’s all anyone bought me.

    1. Oooh Nancy, I LOVE your new gravatar! I’m not even sure I know what “coated” denim leggings are, but I trust that they’re awesome, because you have impeccable taste.

  8. I think that’s the secret to gifts – most of them should be small, meaningful, homemade is always great. Salted with just the occasional just-purely-materialistic-bordering-on-vanity THING you want.

    My mom decided, once, to get me a nice leather jacket. I showed her exactly which one I wanted. This one. No other. This one.

    And then the salesman talked her in to a different one.

    1. There is nothing like quality, buttery soft leather – that’s why I asked for a “nice black leather purse” this year – but I didn’t think I’d get one THIS nice.

      But normally a book of dog hair styles will do just fine.

      P.S. – I can’t believe you didn’t comment on the “Once More With Feeling” book. That’s the PIANO SCORE. Did I just top my own nerdiness? I think I did.

  9. My husband and his brother actually got me the same gift this year. It has been on my Amazon list for THREE years. You would think they would talk — but, they are men. Anyway, I lit up like the North Star when I opened my USB record player. It is awesome. And, I am in love with the dusty vinyl LPs that I made them drag upstairs from the depths of the basement. We’re talking Barry Manilow, Neil Diamond, Willie Nelson, Herb Alpert, Frank Sinatra … and many, many other obscure names from decades ago … heaven.

  10. I want my own jet airplane.

    I went purse shopping for my wife last year. I think a really good purse and a jet airplane cost about the same.

    And she would totally trade my plane for that perfect purse.


  11. Oh, man, Jules – I read that sentence and it gave me serious pause: “I got a Kate Spade bag.” And I’m the person who’s always said I’d NEVER pay that much for a purse! I have to say it’s pretty impressive that someone GAVE you the purse as a gift. Hmmm…I need to rethink this….

    As for my want – I really, REALLY WANT a big-ass 60″ LED TV to watch movies on.

    1. I know! The shock factor on this gift was through the roof! And I am such a sucker for the big, high-def TVs. Peppermeister created a monster. We got an LG floor model from Sears for a STEAL and it’s AWESOME. Already had it almost 3 years! Definitely recommend that approach, if you’re willing to risk it re: the warranty.

  12. Also, I kind of want to have Buffy’s baby… which is currently not possible… but I’m counting on science to come through for me. I mean, it mostly get’s used for nonsense… so I think it’s my turn to benefit.

  13. I got a suit this year. I expected a sport coat or a suit coat (you know, to wear over you suit. It’s a Mormon thing.) but no, I gut a brand new, top of the line suit. Mormons be pimping too.

  14. Me and my boyfriend agreed on $50 gift limit and I said i wanted something that was like an inside joke… something sentimental. He said he didnt know how to do that crap and i told him to try. I got him a half redskins jersey half cowboys (i stiched it in half)because i love cowboys and he redskins. He got me an emerald(my birthstone) promise ring. I am sure i cried with happiness.

  15. I have a “friend” that got a Michael Kors purse. She may or may not have screamed when she opened the box.

    Also, you look stunning in that photo. I don’t know if it’s your pure happiness or the color of your shirt.

    1. You should invite your friend the next time we get together.

      And seriously, now I know you’re lying. That picture is terrible. It’s a testament to what I’ll do for my blog that I put it up. But thank you – I’ll still let this go to my head.

  16. I would SO be this excited about a Kate Spade bag. I got Kate Spade sunglasses last year for Christmas and thought I’d pass out!

  17. Oh my! I laughed so hard that you don’t even remember the photo being taken. Truly a moment of utter joy.

    What did I want, but didn’t get? A certificate for a free hour-long massage good for every day for the entire year of 2013 from Leonardo DiCaprio. You’d think Jim would have been on board with that gift, but no. I’m not bitter or anything.

  18. Dude. I’ve so given up anybody giving me anything nice or THAT I WANT that I down-sized to what I NEED: I asked for 4 drip pans for my stove and a shower curtain rod. I got the SHITTIEST of both. I didn’t know they made $1.74 a piece drip pans. It’s basically aluminum foil. Same for the rod. Talk about rods…anyway.

    I’M SO HAPPY for your greedy little sparkly eyes! At least somebody’s getting decent shite. It’s buy my own, I tell you.

  19. I went crazy over a new flat iron. My Chi died, and along with it, my soul, or so you would think. I never knew I placed so much emphasis on straight hair. I got a Paul Mitchell straightener, (which is actually much better than a Chi), and you can now not convince me that I did not walk straight out of a Pantene commercial.

  20. The overindulgent gift I’m (almost) too afraid to admit I wanted was the $600 plane ticket to fly home and spend the holidays with my family. Which I got from my mom. To which I said “No mom, it’s too much… really” (to which I thought, hmm how much is it to upgrade to those really comfy seats?).

  21. Just because you’re emitting joy like the tractorbeam on an alien space ship at the sight of your new bag, doesn’t mean you don’t also love all that homemade crap. You do – practically EQUALLY as much. Theoretically.

  22. Ah! Your bag is truly beautiful. I adore Kate Spade!! I am terrible at building up gifts in my head. This year (and I cringe now) I thought I was getting a car. My sister and I have awfully old automobiles and they have given us so much uphill this year, spending just as much time in the shop than on the road, having to use my dad’s spare car (a boat-like Volvo). My dad is in the motoring industry so when he said in November that is definitely time for my sister and I to get new cars we were expecting two cute little matching cars in the driveway on Christmas morning. Which of course makes us sounds like awful spoilt brats. But I was very happy with gift cards! I went shopping! And now I have some fun items in my closet to kick off the new year ๐Ÿ™‚

  23. Nobody really gets me gifts at Christmas, or birthdays for that matter; no really and I’m not a Scrooge misery guts either. My wife gets chocolate, coffee beans and cigarettes for me from her and the kids and everyone else doesn’t bother. I tell them that they have given me priceless gifts during the year. I say I like the really expensive stuff, the stuff you can’t buy. I tell them their gifts are; being there to help and thinking of me and doing things that needed doing without me asking. Every kind word at the right time and every bit of time expended on me is a greater gift than money can buy. They all go ahhh when I say it, but come Christmas day they all look uncomfortable when everyone is opening presents and I have none, but then I see a lot of wrapping paper on the floor and piles of pointless crap by each person, so I know I’m not missing out; Christmas is for the kids, though I do get my wife presents and the fun is that my son and daughter are both old enough to go shopping with me and choose stuff for her; help at last. As far as luxury gifts go I got mine early; no luxury gift greater than me working nights for Royal Mail, getting sick at midnight and walking four miles home, puking, freezing and dizzy to have my fourteen year old son open the door and when I collapsed on the sofa exhausted to have him help me get my back pack and coat off, cover me with a duvet and get me a bowl and some water; what a gift! He didn’t complain at being woken at 1 am and he didn’t think I was too tough to have him help his old dad. That’s about as luxurious as any gift a man can get, knowing that after all these years there’s a strong, intelligent young man whose got my back when I need it watching. Ahhhh. (Too cheesy?)

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