Food, humor, Marriage

What’s UP With That Lady?

***Psst: This is my 300th post! So you really should like it and leave a glowing comment. I don’t even care if you read it.***

So I’m married to this guy they call Peppermeister.

He likes peppers. A lot.
He likes peppers. A lot.

Which means I like peppers. A lot.

All kidding aside, I’ve learned to embrace my beloved’s hobby of growing insanely spicy peppers. This past weekend, I even agreed to go to Bower’s Chile Pepper Festival in eastern Pennsylvania.

We took his car, since mine decided it’s done with life.

The evolution of my transmission fluid, as depicted by Darrin, the auto shop guru.
The evolution of [two flushes of] my transmission fluid, as depicted by Darrin, Auto Shop Guru, Sep 7, 2013. “Yours was like nothing I’ve ever seen before.”
For $5, we found a sweet parking spot a couple of blocks away. In an Amish man’s yard. I appreciated both his entrepreneurial nature and his lawn accessories.

Pepper-festival-yard

We had no idea what to expect, but the festival was jalapeñopoppin’. There were plenty of vendors touting everything from mild pepper mustards and jams and homegrown delights…

Pepper-fesitval-colorful-peppers

…to “butt-puckering” demon-peppers:

Pepper-festival-Pucker-Butt-Ed

Mostly, I tried not to lose Peppermeister amid his people.

Seriously. They all looked like this.
Seriously. They all looked like this.

I even partook in the madness.

I actually love this one: Hinkelhatz.
This is actually one of my favorites (I know. I have a favorite): Hinkelhatz.

But my two favorite moments had nothing to do with peppers. Not really, anyway.

FAVORITE MOMENT #1

Pepper-festival-lady-1

“She just wanted the attention,” Peppermeister, the Psych major, said on the ride home. “Did you notice she wouldn’t eat it until everyone was watching?”

“I gave her a lot of attention. I told her she was insane. I thought she’d like it.”

“She didn’t want the attention of WOMEN.”

“Ahhhhhhh.”

FAVORITE MOMENT #2

Pepper-festival-lady-2

We took a wagon ride over to the nearby pepper farm, and they left it up to the passengers to decide how many could fit on the wagon.

“I think we should sit on opposite sides so both legs are touching strangers,” Peppermeister joked while we waited on line.

He never could have imagined a woman would squeeze herself onboard…and on his lap. Without a single word.

What are your favorite “people watching” places and/or moments?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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117 thoughts on “What’s UP With That Lady?”

    1. Ooh. I wish I could say I cropped that picture ‘just so’ on purpose. Although I think “puckerbutt” (what it actually says) might be funnier than the racier alternative.

      Cheers my friend!

  1. Jules,
    I can tell you what my NOT so favourite moment… And perhaps you’ll be able to help me. I am old, but pretty, but my body has received quite the beating over the years… I love spicy, I crave spicy, but my body can’t do spicy… When I eat a Ghost Pepper, it creates my least favourite moment the day after, when I sit alone in the bathroom sweating and crying and cursing the name “Bhut Jolokia”…

    How can I eat hot peppers without dying the next day?
    Le Clown

    1. Le Clown,

      I’m going to have to let Peppermeister answer this one. In the meantime, I’d like to state, for the record, that they should have a spicy pepper named after you. How terrifying does a “clown pepper” sound?!?!

      -G.J.G.

  2. Hot peppers are a really particular hobby to have! Could be worse. Could be whiskey, gambling and whores. Lots of guys go that route and it never works out.

    Nothing like this in our garden state? You had to cross state lines?

    NYC is a people-watchers paradise. Seriously. You see all the phases of humanity walk by. Sit at a fountain and cont the commandments being broken.

    Call me when you pass 900 posts, junior. Just sayin’.

    1. Ha! It’s true. This hobby not only keeps my hubby close to home, but my stomach full! Plus there’s the added bonus of getting to say douchey things like, “Once you get past the heat, the flavor is unlike anything you’ve ever tasted.”

      You’d be surprised how many pepper goings-on there are in the tri-state area. This has me concerned about other hobbyists. I do not want to be around when the ‘collectible troll dolls’ convention comes to town.

      1. Yes, but who needs a tummy full of PAIN?! Re: your quote, please step away from your copy of Gourmet magazine and nobody will get hurt. What you call ‘hobbyists’ others call ‘cultists’. Not me. I don’t judge! Think troll dolls are strange? Thank your lucky stars your hubby isn’t a Brony.

  3. Since I possess super strong taste buds, I am not a fan of spicy foods. That festival would be awful for me. They’d be telling me all about the different peppers and I’d just be all “It’s freaking hot! Get me some water!”

    1. She single-handedly inspired this entire post (seriously), which was going to be called, “Festivals: The Perfect Place for Displaying Attention-Seeking Behavior. A Social Experiment.”

  4. Years ago, we went to a Jerry Lee Lewis concert. The woman seated next to my husband had just had a fight with her boyfriend. So she gave my husband a standing-up lap-dance through almost the whole concert. She asked my husband if they could leave together. He was shocked. I was amused.

    1. Thanks, Sandy! Believe it or not, this wasn’t the first time Peppermeister has gotten unwillingly felt up. Maybe he’ll finally reconsider his ‘all shorts, all the time’ wardrobe… Those muscular calves are just way too much temptation

  5. Congrats, on the 300th post! The pepper festival looked like a lot of fun besides a random woman copping a feel on your husband!

    1. I really, really didn’t want to. She had the perfect crazy-face. You know what I mean? An attractive enough woman, but just RADIATING that ‘IF YOU TALK TO ME, YOU’LL REGRET IT!’ vibe. Her husband/boyfriend stood meekly in the backround the whole time.

  6. Congratulations on your 300th blog. I think that same woman has been on every hay ride my hubby and I have ever taken.

    I’m so feeling the pepper love. Last night, I put away a bushel of greens for the winter and made our annual fresh chili rellenos. Totally indulged the tastebuds, and then remembered why we only make rellenos annually. Nevertheless, that pepper-fest sounds awesome!

    1. Thanks, Piper! I think our favorite part was that she did it without so much as an apologetic smile. I kind of admired that she was so comfortable in her OWN skin, she was comfortable in a stranger’s. (Wow. That sounded just wrong enough.)

      Oh man. I’m stopping by your house for leftovers!

  7. I’m such a heat wuss! When I taught English in Mexico, my students once invited me out for lunch. And they ordered for me, so I’d have the best food in the house! I was so touched! Until I realized they ordered the spiciest of EVERYthing, to see if I could take it. Little &*@#s! I ate that whole dang meal, but ever since, I don’t force myself to eat things that hurt.

    1. Ha! Wow, that’s impressive. Most people without a spice tolerance (myself included, pre-Peppermeister) couldn’t muscle their way through a meal like that, no matter how much snot-nosed-motivation they had!

      1. I was an f’in mess. Snot barely begins to describe it. But I am the stubbornest person I know, and it paid off: my students were mildly terrified of me after that, even if only because they thought I was insane.

  8. I can relate to the smiley face lady – I am also a hot-pepper-eating-attention-whore. Didn’t you notice? I wonder what Peppermeister says about me…

    Did you know we have the same favorite pepper? That’s an Amish variety, right? Twinsies!

    1. R-Poo, you could never be a whore of any kind. However, should you choose to take a trampier path in life, just remember who makes really good breakfast.

      Twinsies! It IS an Amish variety! I should have figured out how to tie that back to the lawn jewelry…

      1. Jules,

        You have to try on footwear before you buy it. I can send you a gift card to REI or something but I can’t guess as to what shoes would fit you… that is just insane. Also, I would need a gift of equal value to make sure none of your manfriends thought I was competing for that coveted “seventh husband” spot. But still, some sort of exchange could probably be worked out.

        -Soul Walker

        p.s.- We want more Babs.

    1. Woot! Congrats to you, Sus!

      What about this (it’s my latest brainchild): a spicy apple pie with crumb topping and cinnamon ice cream (to cut the spice)? Would you eat that? I’m wondering if I can get away with making that for non-chileheads.

  9. Yay for 300!! Go Jules, it’s ya birthday, we gonna party like it’s ya birthday, sip Bacardi like it’s ya birthday . . .

    Where is this lap dancing stranger hay riding festival? Pretty sure my hubs is in the car right now on his way.

  10. You’re moments are the best moments I never actually saw. I had a Naga Jolokia in June. I still think I want to die. ‘Fire in the hole’ just doesn’t cut it for that experience. I think I may have destroyed some underwear just due to proximity. ‘Kay… ’nuff about that. On a more demanding note: are you going to join my Open Letter Ad-Lib contest? You simply MUST!! Come see it, Jules… please? I will post a pic (a real pic) of my sporting ‘stache glasses if you do!
    http://soiwentundercover.wordpress.com/2013/08/22/open-letter-ad-libs/

    1. Ha! That is an awesome compliment – thanks!

      And what a COOL contest… I’ve started a draft post for it, but I really need to brainstorm.

      P.S. – You have officially WORDPRESSURED me! And I respect that.

                1. I don’t think anyone is as big a fan as I am, but luckily he has enough sense to love it, too.

                  I was actually wondering yesterday if bacon grease would be a good skin moisturizer.

    1. EXACTLY. I’m not totally sure I fit in, but I support any festival that revolves around food, especially food that you can’t binge on without dying, because I have questionable will power.

    1. I always thought it was hot peppers and profound fear that went hand in hand, but I really learned a lot from this festival.

      I’m avoiding the next, though, since everyone knows runny noses horizontal stripes are unflattering.

      Thanks! 🙂

    1. Thanks, Mary! I was packing my lunch for work today, and put it in our ‘Puckerbutt’ bag (we got some of their hot sauces), and was nearly out the door before I realized that that might not be the best idea.

  11. Festival people sure are fun, aren’t they? We have been festival hopping this year and I’m worried that we are becoming a little too much like them. It’s contagious, ya know? Can I sit next you on the next wagon to the parking lot? I’ll call you Puckerbutt. 🙂 p.s. Congrats on the most awesome-amazing-incredible-wowtastic 300th post I have ever read. Really.

    1. ha ha ha ha Your P.S. is cracking me up! It reminds me of the time I married Peppermeister – totally the best wedding I’ve ever been to where I was the bride.

      I’ll tell you all about it on the wagon. Peppermeister’s lap is free. All aboard!

        1. That sounds amazing, as long as I don’t have to eat them all together?

          (We were surprised how many ‘strawberry’ hot sauces there were! The second one I tried was trindad scorpion and strawberry, and it was AWESOME, but it HURT.)

          1. I’m afraid I would pay for that so dearly the next day, if you know what I mean. And, uh, yes … those are separate festivals. We did the Garlic Festival in July, drove for 2 hours and then stood in an 1 1/2 long line to get a corndog in August as well as attended a massive rib cook off last weekend. We like a good fair/festival/reason to eat.

          1. Last time I drank I ended up marrying a totally selfish vamp who bled me dry for 18 plus years….. See why I don’t drink:)

  12. Did you take down the lap sitter? Because, if there ever was the perfect occasion to go all Real Housewives of New Jersey and throw a hot pepper in someone’s eye while manically screaming, this was it.

  13. I really liked your 300th post, as you can no doubt tell from this glowing comment.

    What is with the woman on Pepperhubster’s lap? She’s lucky you didn’t go crazy all up in her face. And how’d you get that picture without her seeing you? Or did you care?

    Miss Jules, love of my life, I have been so AWOL around the blogosphere lately, I’ve missed our fun banter. I’m resolving to get back into the swing of things right, damn quick!

    1. Why Peggles, how incredibly thoughtful of you to leave such a glowing comment that clearly displays your fondness for this post, which just so happens to be my 300th.

      I was totes stealth with my iPhone camera EXCEPT that I had the sound on, so it made a really loud ‘snapshot’ noise, ha! Thankfully, she was distracted by the meaty manliness of Peppermeister’s knees.

      Fun banter? You? Me? Who are you?

    1. If I wasn’t so concerned about ogling Darren Criss with unmarred vision, I would poke one out just so I could wear an eye patch. I’d have a whole collection, like Elton John with his glasses.

  14. Congratulation on your 300th post. I thought was a wonderful story on…ummm….. shingling a roof??? You said we didn’t have to read it!!!!

    Just kidding, I love hot peppers. The hotter the better.

    1. Well, if you like this roof shingling, you should see what I can do with a squeaky door [provided it’s the door to the liquor cabinet and I am properly motivated]!

      Thanks so much, Ervin! Do you have a favorite [pepper]?

      1. I’m a traditionalist at heart and love a good jalapeno. But I tend to add lots of habanero and romano peppers to my chilli. My wife just got me a rub made from Ghost Peppers, but have not found the right thing to use it on yet. Any suggestions?

  15. Congrats on the 300th post! And I was wondering the same as Peg, how did you snap that picture? You have stealth camera skillz.

    Also, I am in awe that there is such a thing as a pepper festival. Who knew? We only have lobster and clam festivals up heyah.

    1. I pretended I was showing Peppermeister something on my phone, ha He got a great shot later on of a family that carried BAGS of spicy peppers off the farm, by pretending to have me pose.

      I would go to a chowdah festival with you any day.

  16. oh glow glow glow. and i love the pix of you eating your favorite peppa – you look like you’re in a little pain. congrats!! have a double on me – a little sweet to balance the spicy!

  17. Congrats on 300! And I wouldn’t worry too much about the lady in Pepper’s lap. I’m sure your other two husbands would be happy to console you. Or beat her up. One or the other. Both would be preferable.

  18. Ha!! Love seeing Peppermiester with his people. That was hysterical. Loved “That’s not me.” I could just hear your voice, which says a lot about your writing skills because I have not actually heard your real voice. But through the writing I feel like I know it. Your photo labeling is a gift!

  19. OMG you are hysterical!!! So glad I found your blog. BTW, my husband loves the spicy SOOOO much I had to buy him Ghost Pepper powder in a shaker, he takes it with him to restaurants and sprinkles it on all his food. Thankfully he draws the line and doesn’t add it to his desserts.

    1. Thank you so much! It’s nice to ‘meet you’!

      Peppermeister is, without a doubt, two seconds from sewing special pockets inside his jackets to cart his ground peppers around.

      Something tells me our husbands should never, ever, meet.

          1. No clue why I showed up as anonymous.. LOL I chop up a fresh habanero for his omelet, he makes his own hot sauce that is more like a paste and he loves it on meat. I should send some to Peppermeister.. : )

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