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For the Love of All That’s Holy


Dear Catholic Church One Block from My New Apartment,

Since moving to your neighborhood late last year, your house of worship has turned mine into one of horrors.

Today, a cold, rainy Saturday perfect for staying in bed, your bells rang out at 7:24AM, 8:00AM, 9:37AM, 10:32AM, 11:24AM, 12:00PM, 5:24PM, 6:29PM, 8:01PM and counting, each time lasting no less than one full minute.

Have you a gargoyle in training?


I wish I could say this event was extraordinary, but alas, your belligerent bells remind me daily that sleep is for sinners. Were I to understand the reasoning behind your inventive cadence, perhaps I could rest soundly.

Concerned Heathen Citizen,



Can anyone explain this? Am I missing something (besides sleep)??


27 thoughts on “For the Love of All That’s Holy”

    1. I was thinking of you, DP, but I bet YOUR church doesn’t sing loudly for all to hear (“Elf,” anyone?) at 11:00PM and 3:00AM and 8:00AM (yes, these are the actual times I recorded since publishing this post)! Or if they do, it’s probably a cool song. Like “Ring My Bell.” Is that why it’s stuck in your head?

      P.S. – I really like it! Who knew I could fit all of my hopes and dreams (and dog) in 300 square feet? I bet I can even find room for the air mattress when you come and visit!

      1. Thankfully, I have no clue really what my church does as I make sure to stay far away on all actual service days! I’ve heard they have one service full of music and one with no music. I’ll only attend if they start serving Krispie Kremes during coffee hour. (and play some funky music….)

        P.S. When can I visit?!

        1. I think if they served Krispie Kremes, or at the very least munchkins, instead of those little paper wafers, a lot more people would show up on Sunday.

          P.S. – I think you should get here around 3:00AM on Sunday so you can really appreciate all my neighborhood has to offer.

      2. The late night and very early morning singing can be a problem, but I tell you – call the police – and report a “disturbance” every time this happens. In my town from 11-6 is “quiet time” and illegal to disturb others. Just cuz it’s a church should not mean it is exempt…put a notice in the paper. The paper will love it.

  1. When we moved into our dream house 14 years ago, we had a wonderful spot for our precious grandfather clock – a place of honor in our beautiful foyer. The foyer is 3 stories tall. The echo was incredible. On the hour every hour. And a half-strike every quarter hour. How did I not hear that in our old house? Grandfather clock has been put on silent for 14 years.

  2. Catholics thought the Muslims were getting too much press, so we instituted a call to prayer 10 times a day. Just drag out your kneeler, wherever you are, and go with it.

    1. It ACTUALLY rang three times at 3:00AM this morning, after going off at 11:00PM last night. I’m starting to feel like Claire Danes in Homeland when she goes off her meds.

  3. I think they are saying what people keep saying to me…”Normal people are up at 7am and to bed around 11pm.” This would make the bells not going off during your sleep. I get the same from sales calls who “bother” me at 9am, 11am, 2pm, and, sometimes 4pm, when I am in bed…I don’t answer the phone when I don’t know who it is (leave a message) or I hang up when I realize it’s a sales or ad call.
    Can’t tell you what to do about it…caller ID won’t work.

  4. If it makes you feel any better, I grew up living across the street from a big old Catholic church. After a while, we just didn’t hear them anymore.

    You cracked me up with your mention of the exact minutes that the bells would go off. 🙂

    1. I hope you’re right Terri! Four months and counting and it’s still waking me up, with the windows closed. I dread Spring.

      I’m thinking of recording the exact times for a couple of weeks (I’ve got a head start as the above times are accurate for this past weekend) and filing a police report. And not just because it would be fun to blog about. 😉

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