Dating, humor, TV Junkie

Stranger Danger: The New Dating App Sweeping the Nation!

“So what dating app do you use?”

“Mostly Tinder.”

“How is that going?”

“It’s fine, especially if you’re not looking for anything serious.”

My eyes darted back and forth between two women, a friend and a fellow partygoer, having one of those conversations that went from ‘Nice to meet you’ to ‘I’ve been in therapy for eight years’ in 7.6 seconds.

“What kind of guys are you meeting?”

“A mix. I have a thing for dark-haired guys.”

I opened my mouth and…took a big gulp of bubbly. I was pretty sure my only dating apps had been designed by guys who looked like the dad from 7th Heaven.

“Now listen up, Mary. Just because I’m a known child molester whose left hand could be headed anywhere doesn’t mean my dating advice blows.”

Frequenting such upstanding apps as eHarmony and Match had resulted in stories like this. And this. Annnnd this.

Spoiler alert.

“Oh really? You would like the guy I just met a couple of months ago. Caramel skin, dark hair, green eyes…”

“Why didn’t you like him?”

“Too young for me, but he’s perfect for you.”

I watched the conversation between my friend and a complete stranger unfold, wondering if it would outlast the Prosecco supply.

‘Cause then we might have a problem.

“I’ll see if I can find his number.”


I blinked. Hang on. What just happened here? A stranger we’d met an hour ago was giving my friend the number of a stranger SHE met three months ago and… My head started to spin, not unlike when my girlfriends plan things.

I want my Mommy.

Then I started to wonder… Was this really any less creepy than swiping your finger across a stranger’s likeness to indicate that you might want to share awkward conversation and unlimited breadsticks? Was this, in fact, a far more appropriate vetting system?

I know I just met you, Rose, but I’m telling you. Don’t ever let this one go. #titanicpuns Photo credit.

The next morning, the woman from the party called my friend.

“Hey, it’s Stranger Lady from last night! Great news! I found Stranger Guy’s number!”

Without a moment’s hesitation, my friend texted Stranger Guy with a few cute lines and a couple of photos of herself.

What do you think? Should we create an app for this? 



15 thoughts on “Stranger Danger: The New Dating App Sweeping the Nation!”

  1. That app would be a huge hit. It should include an option to include a link to prison records on each profile.

    I negotiated the online dating scene a little over a year ago. Lamentations are not necessary, although I was inundated with “date me or else” responses from women who included “roller derby” in their list of interests.

    1. Have you been watching “GLOW” on Netflix? It’s not roller derby (it’s female wrestling), but your comment reminded me of it! …I think it’s obvious by now why I don’t have time for dating apps.

  2. Wasn’t there a dating app where the people who met you for a date could actually leave a review or a score for you after the date?
    Or am I thinking of an episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia?

  3. Haha that’s a great approach on online dating! There’s a good saying that goes that before we used to have been told to not talk to strangers on the internet and not get into strangers cars… now we have Uber!

    I guess now we also call strangers to go on a date!

  4. Your blog is very very funny!!! Thank you! I am single. Dating online. For almost 3 years. I’ve got hair growing out of my ears waiting for someone who is not a scammer/fake profile/sex addict/mummy’s boy/narcissist to turn up!!! Please can you take a look at my blog and share? “inflateyournostrils”. Hope you enjoy xx

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