Happy Halloween, Chipmunks!! Do you like my costume? I’m dressed up as a serious writer today.
Terrifying, I know.
And all because I bumped into a certain someone last weekend and suddenly felt 19 again, reeling from that…
…crazy, head-over-heels first love.
…can’t-stop-wondering-what-they’re-doing-right-now-and-how-about-now-and-how-about-now first love.
…overwhelming, exhilarating, exhausting first love.
Almost as exhausting as carving a custom jack-o-lantern seemed to me this year.
When an experience kicks up those old emotions -in my case, heartache, rejection and unworthiness- there’s so much I wish I could tell my younger self.
So I did.
Dear Younger Me,
Your first love has a sacred place in your unfolding. These wounds will heal, though the phantom pain will be, at times, very convincing. What an amazing gift to feel so much for another. Tap into this heartbreak and transmute those tears into the stuff that will fortify your soul. You are full and bright and beautiful.
You have this person to thank for showing you what you need from another: Someone who will be there for you in every moment and honor you as an equal. Someone who will strive to build you up as they build themselves up, too.
This person is an important part in strengthening your spirit, for the love you seek requires a heart that knows itself.
How else will you recognize its reflection?
Love,
Wiser Older Me
~*~*~*~*~*~
What did your first love teach you? What do you wish you could tell your younger self about it? (If this question makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to post pictures of dogs in costume instead.)
~*~*~*~*~*~
Go Jules Go 
Aw, love this so much; I’m forwarding to my two favorite, young, easily heartbroken millennials whose first loves are already behind them, and who, I hope, will someday be wise enough to write such a letter to themselves.
Thank you so much, MP! And ooh, we could create a workshop and call it: A Write of Passage.
I LOVE THIS IDEA!
I have had this experience too…of writing to my younger self. My first real love (not crush) was intense and it was heartbreaking when it ended. It took me a very long time to get over it – years! But, that relationship was a stepping stone and a learning experience. My love now can’t even be compared to what I felt then. My love now is healthy and fun and peaceful. It’s not full of turmoil and fear and all the “what ifs?”. xo my friend.
Ahhh, that makes me so happy to hear. I think that’s a telltale sign of the real deal – when it gives you that uplifting, expansive feeling versus restrictiveness and borderline panic.
Oh wow, this is beautiful! 🙂
Thank you so much!
My first, love, believe it or not, was in third grade. I never forgot her (she moved soon after) and I didn’t see her again until I was around 16. I thought she was just as beautiful and wonderful, but we didn’t reconnect. It’s all okay. I have my children, my memories, and my fantasies. I can live well those 3 in place.
Scott
By the way, your post was a beautiful way to describe those first love feelings. They seem almost unreachable to me now, but hat is just live getting in the way. I am not concerned anymore that I am really looking for Mrs. Right. I will just go through life looking and see…
Scott
Thank you so much, Scott! It sounds like a lot of us have that similar feeling when we think of our first love – it seems so far away. Even after this recent experience, it was easy to see how that kind of love won’t happen again for me, and there’s DEFINITELY a blessing in that!!!
all works out in the end
See, that’s why I stay the hell away from my home town! She doesn’t even live there anymore, but her parents do, and even that is awkward.
I’m citing adult autonomy (not cowardice!) and refuse to answer your question. Instead, I parry that Fencing Sword of Early Love with what I’d tell myself at 23. BOOM. A touché! https://www.traipsingabout.com/2015/09/02/what-would-you-say-to-yourself-at-23/
Ha! Huh. I would have thought you’d say something more along the lines of, “Oh, my first love and I are besties and hang off cliffs together all the time.”
I would continue sparring with a counter post, but if you chose not to click on the custom jack-o-lantern link, I’m afraid you’ve already lost.
Hey Jules, it’s so easy for you to write your feelings and share it. I really admire it…
Thank you so much, Rita! I must confess, the the sharing part still gives me the stomach flutters!
Everybody cannot do👍
I wish I could tell my younger self to get a grip. I was a bit over dramatic in the relationship department back in the day…
Also, lay off the chips and dip. Your 54 year old self will thank you.
Ahh maturity. It’s a mixed bag. On the one hand, less drama. On the other, less chips and dip.
If only that were true…
You are full and bright and beautiful–Yes!! THIS!!! It is so true and what I would tell my younger self. This is what I tell my kids all the time. We all need to hear this and BELIEVE it’s true deep in our bones.
You might not believe me when I say this, but it was YOU I pictured when I combined those particular three words!
This just made my day, no year. Thank you, B.S!
What did my first love teach me?
To swim. Yep.
Back in the 1st or 2nd grade, I was obsessed with a girl who had mentioned that she visited a swimming class at a local pool. So I threw a giant crying fit trying to get my parents to send me to the same pool. So they did, but I ended up in a class that met on a different day and had no choice but to learn how to swim.
This is so poetic that I think you should base an entire memoir around it.
It’s like Romeo and Juliet, only with zero sex and violence, and a lot of swimming.