humor

Christmas Letter: 2020 Edition

Dearest Friends, Family & Adoring Fans,

Wow, can you believe another year has come and (almost) gone? It flew by in such a haze of joy, stability, and stocked shelves! I’m so excited to share some of my 2020 highlights – and, gosh, I hope your year was as awesome as mine!

In January and February, good friends gleefully gathered for birthday parties, clothing swaps, tubing with drag queens, and snowshoeing…

This is going to be the BEST YEAR YET.

In March, I–OH MY GOD FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE WHA-? WHY? HUH? TOILET PAPER??

I, like many others, focused on what I could control.

And by that I mean my carb intake. (I did not make this. I know my limits. I bought it here.)

I wasn’t worried about the calories because, hey, this would all be over soon and I was training for a marathon! Which wound up being steeped in cheers, medals, and merriment.

Wow, Uncle Jesse, look at this turn out!

Speaking of, April also found me “celebrating” my birthday alone, surrounded by friends I found in magazine pages.

Guys. GUYS. Wait’ll I tell you my summer plans!

And then I hit a new low.

…Why do you exist?

Once I realized the answer to my expanding waistline wasn’t in cauliflower form, I began weightlifting with a generous COVID bubble friend/former personal trainer.

Stacy, you say, “You made vegan mac and cheese 14 days in a row” like it’s a bad thing…

Feeling a little better immediately, I made the monumental decision to get bangs accept my first date in weeks months let’s not talk about it.

Quickly remembering why I don’t date, Uncle Jesse and I planned a series of hikes where no one would tell us they never called like they said they would because they were waiting to see if they could take someone ELSE out on a date that weekend (YES THAT’S A THING THAT HAPPENS).

We first tackled a spectacular canyon hike and had a great time both got burnt paws.

And then, a month later, just when we were sure things couldn’t get worse…

It would be many weeks before we trusted each other again.

Well, no matter, later in the summer, we scaled new heights during a hike that was supposed to have one of the best views in central Oregon!

The future looks so clear from here!

For our next stunning hike, we climbed on our hands and knees for a half an hour and found a pile of rocks! I wondered if we would need them before the next toilet paper run.

I am dead on the inside!

Not to be dissuaded, I sought my next pile of rocks atop the infamous South Sister Mountain.

The universe, sensing someone might be feeling a droplet of joy, quickly reminded us that it was still 2020.

Not fog. Wildfire smoke in Bend, OR (September 2020).

By Halloween, the only people willing to come out from under their blankets were:

The Witches of Bend, OR.

Early November summary:

And then, butt-puckering Election Night was upon us.

And soon (maybe “soon” is a tad subjective) signs of hope sprung up.

Feeling buoyed by thoughts of 2021, I buckled down on my new business venture

Which resulted in no fewer than 1,000 photos like this.

And I think we all started to see what would soon be in the distant past…

…Making way for something merry and bright.

May 2021 bring EVERYTHING you have on your wish list. Unless it’s Justin Timberlake. Dibs.

~*~*~*~*~*~

8 thoughts on “Christmas Letter: 2020 Edition”

  1. Thanks for a saunter down How Quickly Can I Repress This Memory Lane. I’ll be virtually smooshing you moosh at midnight NYE. Mwah!

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