Kvetching, Uncategorized, Wipe the Drool

Dear Justin, Please Bring Sexy Back. It’s, Like, My Christmas Wish.

Sexy like this, Justin.

Dear Justin Timberlake,

Think of all the poor little children without denim in 2001.

I forgave you for the denim suit you wore to the American Music Awards in 2001. I forgave you for the cornrows you wore to…lots of places. But when you stopped going on tour and took up acting? Well, that one still smarts.

You’re a top-notch performer, J.T. We can all appreciate that (even the macho-macho-men). But that’s not acting.

Look at them! They're so straight and...teeth-y.

I’m so sorry.

I’m sorry because I love you. You have beautiful teeth.

Please remember that as I tell you I’ve finally figured out why you can’t act (something I’ve been pondering ever since I saw Model Behavior on ABC):

I wanted to like it. I really did.

You’re too confident and famous.

You have NO idea what it’s like to be normal. That’s not an insult. You just don’t. Why would you? It’s kind of like the way I don’t know how to be cool, or how to end an awkward conversation.

When you act, you try to pretend you’re the nice guy who finishes last, but it’s just pretend. I think you think by using your ‘breathy voice’ that you’re conveying vulnerability, but you’re not.

Oh. I feel so bad saying this. Did I mention I love you? You’re the only one who can bring sexy back.

But the thespian thing, it’s just not working out. I mean, you’ve been in some REALLY good movies. You’re tall and handsome. But I still don’t believe you. You’re not a superhero or the guy next door or the smarmy entrepreneur.

You’re Justin Timberlake. And you bring the sexy.

Please, Justin. Please. Bring sexy back.

Snuggles and Slap Bracelets*,


*don’t forget about my Slap Bracelet Giveaway!!!


Photo Credits

#1: ivillage.com

#2: askmen.com

#3: amazon.com

#4: content.hollywire.com