Dear Justin Timberlake,
I forgave you for the denim suit you wore to the American Music Awards in 2001. I forgave you for the cornrows you wore to…lots of places. But when you stopped going on tour and took up acting? Well, that one still smarts.
You’re a top-notch performer, J.T. We can all appreciate that (even the macho-macho-men). But that’s not acting.
I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry because I love you. You have beautiful teeth.
Please remember that as I tell you I’ve finally figured out why you can’t act (something I’ve been pondering ever since I saw Model Behavior on ABC):
You’re too confident and famous.
You have NO idea what it’s like to be normal. That’s not an insult. You just don’t. Why would you? It’s kind of like the way I don’t know how to be cool, or how to end an awkward conversation.
When you act, you try to pretend you’re the nice guy who finishes last, but it’s just pretend. I think you think by using your ‘breathy voice’ that you’re conveying vulnerability, but you’re not.
Oh. I feel so bad saying this. Did I mention I love you? You’re the only one who can bring sexy back.
But the thespian thing, it’s just not working out. I mean, you’ve been in some REALLY good movies. You’re tall and handsome. But I still don’t believe you. You’re not a superhero or the guy next door or the smarmy entrepreneur.
You’re Justin Timberlake. And you bring the sexy.
Please, Justin. Please. Bring sexy back.
Snuggles and Slap Bracelets*,
*don’t forget about my Slap Bracelet Giveaway!!!