Go Jules Go has been social distancing since Saturday, March 7th. What follows is her personal account from inside an unknown bunker in central Oregon. Please disinfect before -and after- reading.
Day 1
Thank you, Past Jules, for investing in that Scott 12-pack when you normally only buy one roll at a time.
Day 3
Have been introduced to “new” phenomenon called “stress baking.” I contend that I invented stress baking in 1991 when I realized no one could ever love me like peanut butter blossoms could.
Day 6
Local library announced that book return has been closed indefinitely. F$&*. No longer have excuse not to finish, “Memoir Writing for Dummies.”
Day 7
Attempted to explain Zoom to Babs (mother). Will to live beginning to wane.
Day 9
Watched first quarantine episode of “Last Week Tonight.” No live audience. No laugh track. Felt lost.
Day 11
Go Jules Go: Dog Enrichment Toy Inventor and Mastermind. New business venture?
Day 12
Re-watched “Outbreak.” Beginning to worry that all life-long obsessions -chipmunks, beheadings, Patrick Dempsey and pandemics- will prove to be modern society’s downfall.
Day 14
Waved to stranger across the street. Was nice.
Day 15
Sweatpants have become stretch pants.
Day 16
Got Cinemax trial subscription just to watch “Contagion.” Key takeaway: Both Matt Damon and I will always find ways to embrace our Dad bods. (See: Day 19.)
Day 19
Can now rest ice cream bowl atop middle stomach layer. Convenient!
Day 21
Re-counted toilet paper rolls. 6. How did this happen?
Day 23
Quarantine in effect until at least April 30th. My birthday. Plans to sleep in Justin Timberlake’s bushes and make day special now thwarted.
Day 25
Dark days lie ahead. May have to cut Uncle Jesse’s hair myself.
Day 26
OH MY GOD HOW ARE THEY GOING TO FILM THE “AMERICAN IDOL” LIVE SHOWS?!
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Go Jules Go 