Isn’t it weird how one person can ruin a perfectly good name for you forever? Like, you’d sooner sit on the surface of the sun than name one of your kids after that person. This is such a universal feeling that it makes me laugh. (As universal as the idea that you need at least 3 snacks and 5 bottles of water for a 45-minute-long car ride.)
Here are just a few names that are ruined for me for all of eternity.
Clara
Oh Clara, Clara, Clara. I will never forget you, scary girl in one of my college creative writing workshops. You would tear down every word of every piece I ever wrote for that class. No one else did this, to me or anyone else, in any other workshop.
Clara was one of these angry people who hated me on sight, for no reason I could ever determine, except maybe that I smiled a lot. There’s a good chance that wherever she is now, she’s either 1) telling children Santa Claus doesn’t exist, 2) stealing ice cream from a toddler, or 3) pulling the wings off a butterfly.
Mike
I should probably let my hot-ass sister (seriously – any sexy, rich, single guys out there?) explain this one. Suffice it to say, she has one or two ex-boyfriends named Mike.
Phil
When I was in 7th grade, the slang term phat came out, meaning what today we (and by we I mean me) might call amazeballs. I will never forget the day a delinquent in my Social Studies class wrote “Julie is phat” on his desk, and proceeded to tell everyone it was because I was actually f-a-t. Hilarious, Phil. How’s jail treating you these days?
So, who’s ruined a name for you??
Go Jules Go 
Well, Fil sure sounds like a jackass and a half.
I haven’t had any names ruined, yet. My husband does. His two girlfriends he had right before me were BOTH named Nicky. They both broke his heart and/or cheated on him. So if he brings up a bad memory I have to ask, “is this Nicky number one or two?” The sad things is I love the name Nicholas for a boy and he vetoed that one pretty quick.
Wow, I’m so impressed that you have a clean name slate! But since everyone has to carry their spouse’s name burdens, technically you don’t. I know so many people who date multiple folks with the same name. I wonder if there’s something to that… hmm… time consult the Google oracle.
Thanks for the shameful plug to try and get me a man…love ya my famous sis! BTW…as a teacher there are SO many names that are unacceptable.
Yeah – you have it worse than anyone [as a teacher], having to deal with Phils every year! Luckily, my middle name is still available if you decide to have another daughter and name her [sorta] after me, too.
Phil is ruined for me as well. Former boss/best friend. Bad combination. Patricia is a no-go (CC’s ex). I think your sister makes a good point about having lots of names be out of the running, as a teacher.
Are you allowed to get mad at a sibling because they name one of their kids one of your no-go names?
Just Say No to Phil(s)!!! All ex names are DEFINITELY out.
Um, yes. Yes you are.
Kill Phil! As a former teacher, I have had so many perfectly great names ruined for me, although my time away from the classroom is fading some of the horror associated with them!
Let’s see, all boys named Jessie will cause you to pull your hair out and call the jail to reserve a cell for them.
All boys named Connor will be little assholes who brag about their possessions and pick on the poor kids for wearing the same clothes twice in one week.
I can’t think of any horrible girls names because most little girls–other than the wretched Clara–are sweet, kind, and oh so well behaved!!
(PS- I appologize in advance for offending any well behaved, sweet, kind, thoughtful and caring Jessies and Connors out there!! 🙂
You always make me laugh out loud! My sister said the same thing – and I believe it! I could never be a teacher. (For oh-so-many reasons; this is just one more. You guys are so brave.)
I’ve definitely known some Connors and Jessies… I hope the nightmares continue to fade for you.
Oh noes! What if I were to tell you “Phil” was my senior-year nickname in high school? (Nope, I can’t tell you why, and not in a because-then-I’d have-to-kill-you way. More of a can’t-for-the-life-of-me-remember way!)
Here’s my proof, not that I ought necessarily be shouting it across the rooftops that look like intarwebz. 😉
The name “Rusty” meant “perverted uncles” (yeah, that’s plural!) for me for a long time. I was sure I was going to find a 100% correlation between being a pervy uncle and being a Rusty straight up until I crossed paths with another FTIAT guest blogger, Rusty Fischer.
Now I understand it’s more like a 99.9% correlation. Ahem.
Get out! Well, okay, now I saw the actual picture of your name tag as proof so I know you’re not pulling my [very easy to pull, by the way] chain! If the memory ever floats back, I’d love to hear about it.
Rusty = perverted uncles. I can definitely get to that. It just seems like one of those nicknames a guy would be given by his doggy guy friends. “‘Ey, Rusty! Did you gedda loadda ‘dat rack?” (Okay, I don’t know why Rusty’s friend has to have a NY accent, but he does.)
I’m also extremely gullible! I can find ways to build plausibility into almost anything another person can say, so I’m constantly asking, “OK, before I really reply . . . is that true?” 😀
We are so cut from the same [fabulous, luxurious, super-special] cloth! Did you know we’re actually made of cloth? Yeah. That stork is a really good seamstress.
Everybody has for sure such names on their list. It is sometimes fun to fall back in memory for the reasons of such names to be there, they usually would have irritated you somehow, or sometimes that bit of jealousy..
Yes, you’re definitely right! I think sometimes it can be jealousy, although most often in my case I think it came down to irritation! Or whatever comes after irritation. (Disgust?) But it always makes me laugh, because in the end it seems so trivial! How much of a person’s true ‘essence’ is really tied to their name, after all? (I’d better stop before I start quoting Shakespeare! Ha! ;))
Both me and my older brother had long-term relationships with Debbies who ended things in their own pretty ugly ways.
Oh no! Yes, I can see how that’d ruin Debbie for both of you indefinitely. And there’s also an icky Debbie on “True Blood” now, LOL. Although having said that, Deb of The Monster in Your Closet (deborah.bryan.com) fame certainly gives D-E-B a good name. Wow, sorry for the terrible pun. I’ll go finish my coffee now.
Oh wow… yea so many names from past friends/relationships, relationships of my friends, family members (unlike many other people, i would never name anyone after people in my family!), stories of people with specific names that haunt me, memories of TV/film characters and of course I have a list of names I just don’t like aesthetically that don’t have any story behind them.
Being trilingual I also am more specific because some American names would work horribly in French and Spanish-speaking countries (for example: “Peter” in French is a verb.. which means “to fart”!.. not to mention its other meaning…). I’m glad I like my name and my boyfriend’s name a lot- and both work well in French and English. Your name is French and is cute in anglo & francophone countries so that’s nice! I am so used to my name in a sexy French or Spanish accent; so now I’m not fond of how it sounds with an American accent! Oh I’m spoiled now I guess, ha.
I LOVE this post- you are hilarious!
Dana
I am so impressed. I can barely speak English. This was really interesting (and I think I need to drop my cousin Peter a line…ha!)! I hated my name as a kid, but I’ve grown to embrace it! You have lovely name, and even lovlier taste in bloggers. 😉