Blonde Moments, humor, Just For Fun, Lists

#NeverInNewJersey Round 3!

#NeverInNewJersey Round 3 title graphic 19AUG20

When I moved to Bend, Oregon in June 2019, I knew there’d be an adjustment period. (See: #NeverInNewJersey Round 1 and Round 2.) What I didn’t realize, but probably should have given that I lived in New Jersey for 37 years, was that my people prefer clothes more than your average West Coaster that adjustment period would continue well into my second year in Bend.

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For a woman who hates dating, I sure have seen a lot of naked butts this year.

Which means it’s time for…

#NeverInNewJersey: Round 3!

(For Exhibits A-G click here and here!)

#NEVERINNEWJERSEY EXHIBIT H – Finders Keepers…Or Not

These photos are just from this summer – that’s how common this central Oregon phenomenon of being…what’s it called…honorable…is. Lost glasses, keys, jackets, and water bottles are constantly placed in logical, visible spots, clearly with the hope that their owners will return. I’ve even seen a $200+ bike helmet.

And things like this [on a local community Facebook page] are far from uncommon:

FB found wallet

#NEVERINNEWJERSEY EXHIBIT I – BEHOLD ALL OF OUR RULES…Or Not

Deschutes National Forest dog rules

I just love this sign so much. This is where my mind went as soon as I read it:

A group of stodgy, suited stiffs enters a windowless conference room, each taking a seat around a long, mahogany table. 

“THIS MEETING OF RULE SETTING FOR CENTRAL OREGON IS NOW IN SESSION,” the woman at the head of the table booms, while her assistant jots down her every word with quill and ink. “RULE ONE: NO ONE MUST PARKETH AT ANY NATIONAL FOREST SITE WITHOUT A PASS.”

“RULE TWO: NO ONE – I REPEAT NO ONE – MAY MAKETH A PEEP ONCE THE CLOCK STRIKES TEN P.M.,” another councilperson adds. 

“RULE THREE: CANINES MUST BE KEPT ON A LEASH AT ALL TIMES,” a third man continues, frowning. “AT. ALL. TIMES!” He clears his throat. “You know…except if the sweet little boofalicious doodle-y wonderfulness gets hot and needs a wittle drinky poo for his wittle mouth oh yes who’s a good boy he is yes he is.”

See what I’m saying? So. Great.

Uncle Jesse Duffy Lake Summer 2020
Uncle Jesse agrees.

#NEVERININEWJERSEY EXHIBIT J – No, Really. It’s lawlessness here.

Look at these rogue cows, on hiking trails, giving zero f*@%s:

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Not unlike these these cows:

Cows on trail OR 1

This parking spot shouldn’t be allowed:

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This beach-all-to-myself definitely shouldn’t be allowed:

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And who does this frog think he is?

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#NEVERINNEWJERSEY EXHIBIT K – DON’T YOU PEOPLE WORK?

I noticed something strange as soon as I moved to Bend last June. No one seemed to follow a schedule. “It must just seem that way,” I told myself. “Because it’s a tourist town.”

But then I started seeing lots of these:

img_20200709_1928112

That’s right. Mid-week yard sales. They’re everywhere out here. They’re everywhere, and I don’t understand. In New Jersey, yard sales happen on Saturdays and Sundays. You know. When people are…available.

#NEVERINNEWJERSEY EXHIBIT L – That family inside a new picture frame? They live here.

I was scrolling through Instagram the other day and did a double-take. “Wait. Do I know these people?” I thought.

I had to stare at the gorgeous family for several long seconds before realizing it was an advertisement.

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~*~*~*~*~*~

Do you live in a place that catches you off guard? Are these examples surprising or commonplace to you?

~*~*~*~*~*~

7 thoughts on “#NeverInNewJersey Round 3!”

  1. I’m from New Jersey…. and now live in a town whose FB page posts alerts for goat traffic jams and flyers for lost cows. It’s like another planet.

  2. There was a time you loved NJ. How close it is to NYC and all those Broadway shows. Which of course, are shuttered now. And those big-name concerts we could easily get to. But aren’t happening anymore. Amazing restaurants? Nope. Can’t go in. OK. I got nothing…

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