You’ve heard of the Body Mass Index (BMI), right? A handy dandy formula for figuring out just how many bacon strips past healthy you are?
I didn’t think it could get worse until I saw it in Comic Sans.
Well, then, I’m glad you put down your vodka and Valium long enough to read this post, because: I know. That shiz is unforgiving.
July 2013.
This past summer, I felt compelled to finally take note. I’d been struggling with a 2 year-long weight loss plateau, and even hiking every mountain in New Jersey wasn’t helping.
Thanks to 1 FitBit (my pedometer on steroids) and 6 months, I realized vodka does, in fact, have calories…
This can’t be right.
…and have gone from “obese” to “normal.”
Clearly this scale isn’t measuring mental health.
And you know what that means for Go Jules Go…
In all seriousness, this blog has changed my life. I’m 100+ pounds lighter than when I started GoJulesGo.com in February 2011, and while weight may just be a number, I’m also lighter in spirit in ways that cannot be measured.
And that is invaluable.
So thank you.
P.S. – I can totally still celebrate with vodka, right?
Now that I’m living life with a Fitbit (a.k.a. the pedometer on crack), I feel I owe you some dieting advice and exercise tips.
It’ll only cost you $100 and your soul.
For example, did you know either 8 shots of vodka or a bottle of champagne is a perfectly valid meal substitute, calorically speaking?
And you don’t even have to chew!
As for exercise, just take a gander at my personal trainer:
Isn’t he magnificent? I call him Tadd, with two D’s, because he looks like he inspired every DoubleMint commercial ever made.
Tadd leads my 8-Minute video work-outs, and is very beautiful and nice. Tadd reminds me to “keep smiling, gang! After all, it’s only 8 goddamn minutes!”
There are four DVDs in here. Tadd’s not very good at math.
Despite Tadd’s belief in the power of tomato cans as handheld weights and unitards as a general life choice, I leave him feeling less than optimistic.
Sure, my buns are burning up, Tadd, but so is my will to live.
What the sugar-free fudge is a Fitbit? Thanks for asking. It’s basically a pedometer on crack.
The only thing I HAVEN’T tried to lose weight.
Two weeks ago, a colleague showed me a nifty little device, about the size of a money clip, attached to her belt. “It tells you how many calories you can still eat for the day! It even monitors your sleep!” she said. Much like how Anna made pickle juice sound delicious in my last blog contest, the seed was planted. I wanted one. Bad.
“It costs about 100 bucks,” she continued.
Yeesh, never mind, I thought. Surely with my 40 mile/week fitness regimen, I can lose weight for free.
Except I couldn’t. I’d been stuck in a plateau, halfway to my weight loss goal, for almost two years.
I was sick and tired of taking blog photos from only certain angles.
Do you think Adam finds this acceptable?
Of not wanting my profile captured.
Ah, those carefree, single-chinned days!
Don’t even get me started on full body shots and bathing suits!
Back in 2005, I thought I could even get away with a fanny back.
On Thursday morning, I hopped on my whore of a scale and the writing was on the wall. An hour later, one thing was already lighter. My wallet.
And now this little piece of black plastic between my breasts tracks my every move, dictating my remaining caloric allowance based on activity, height, weight, age and gender. (Provided I honestly report my food intake using my Fitbit online account.)
Thankfully, for the project manager in me, it displays all of these goodies in some pretty neat dashboards and charts, which I can view on my computer or smart phone.
It wasn’t long before I realized I was a walking stereotype (pun intended). Despite my self-proclaimed diet savvy, I was severely underestimating my calorie consumption.
Yikes. Guess I should cut back on the zucchini.
I even signed up for a trial premium subscription to check out how I compared to other Fitbit users in my country.
Competitive? Moi?
So now that I know every calorie going in and out, how am I doing?
Super!
I’m not even sober, hungry and cranky!
Have you ever used any fitness gadgets? What are your dieting pitfalls and how do you cope?
Go Jules Go 