Blonde Moments, Family Ties, humor

Oh F%#&. My Mom Got A Smart Phone.


You heard correctly, Chipmunks:

My mom, Babs, got her first smart phone!

Sticking with this would have been smart.
Sticking with this would have been smart.

The adventure started when my dad gave her a Radio Shack gift certificate for Christmas, intending to let me help Babs actually purchase the phone. Because he never really loved me.

Now, I love my iPhone, but wouldn’t exactly call myself a smart phone expert. My only solid advice was, “Get the gold one, it’s pretty.”

Wow, I really need to stop biting my nails.
Wow, I really need to stop biting my nails.

Two hours at Radio Shack and the death of my soul later, Babs got her first lesson from me:

“See this blue icon with the A? That’s your app store. Click it and type in Macy’s.”

Any good teacher knows you have to speak your student's language.
Any good teacher knows you have to speak your student’s language.

While she took to the shopping apps like nobody’s business, the past few weeks have looked like this:




And my very favorite:


…Wait for it…


I [just called to say I] love you, Babs. Thanks for letting me use those screen shots for the world’s amusement.

How do you/your parents fare with technology? Any gadget gift fails?

P.S. – I suck royally for not responding to recent comments. Rest assured my absence has only made my heart grow fonder, and I totally want to have 10,000 of your babies.


102 thoughts on “Oh F%#&. My Mom Got A Smart Phone.”

  1. Yeah, my parents rely on me for their tech support as well. My sister and I got my mother a Kindle Fire as a present, and my father quickly started using it himself. And then the questions began, many of which I had no clue how to answer since I’ve never actually used a Kindle Fire.

    1. Ha! I swear the only difference between the generations is the courage to click on everything without the fear of breaking it. Or maybe that’s just my approach to technology. “What does this button do?” (Good thing I’m not a pilot.)

    1. Dumb phones are better than numb phones. Let us not forget a certain person who has to use her husband’s phone to text people and preface it with “This is from Angie…”

  2. A friend of mine’s mom used Google for research for her real estate assignment. After days of working on it, she asked my friend if there’s a way to see more than only two lines of info on Google. She managed to write a paper using only search results screens.

    My own mum still doesn’t know where to switch a PC on. Maybe it’s better that way. Imagine her near a smartphone…

  3. I’m a horrible texter. Takes me forever, and I can’t get the hang of that curt, abbreviated “text-speak.” Plus I’m correcting so much that I’m swearing like whoever I’m texting just ran my car into my other car.

    Also: best approach to “what apps do I need?” is just go to iTunes, and “select all.” That way you have all 7.5 million if you need them.

    1. That’s got me thinking that they should totally make an iPhone with a capital I, the IPhone, and it would be parent-friendly. Get it? The big “I” to the little “i.”

              1. Broken toe no where near zombie attack but it will have to do.. Your words make me smile:)… See

  4. I had a premonition! I was just thinking about you this morning and was going to PM you on Facebook! I was getting worried….
    Go Babs! There’s a learning curve with everything. Give it a few months and you’ll be Snap chatting, Tweeting and Instagramming like a pro!

    1. Sus! You’re so sweet, thank you! I’m alive! Just sucking ROYALLY with all things blog-related lately. I have really, really great excuses, though…

      Speaking of being behind, look at your new gravatar!!!! STUNNING!!

  5. This is the very reason I’m thankful my parents still have a flip phone -pay-as-you-go. My dad’s voice message greeting literally says “Yeah, this is *John Doe, don’t bother to leave me a message because I don’t know how to check it anyway.” **CLICK**
    *His name is not really John Doe. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Ha! I like your dad. I think mine still does the pay-as-you-go, too, but is actually very gadget/tech savvy. Which is why it was especially classic that he made me take Babs to RadioShack.

  6. I so completely regret teaching my mom how to text. She drives me crazy(ier) now. She will text me to tell to me to have my brother call her. He still lives with her … 2,500 miles away from me. Go figure.

    Oh, and, uh, ya. My 30 year old brother still lives at home. Failure to launch. That’s another story.

    1. Ha! “Failure to launch” – you really got me with that. Related note: Texting each other from under the same roof…I confess, I’ve been guilty of that.

  7. Your mom reminds me of my grandmother-in-law when it comes to technology, complete with the spam wall of texts and fifteen questions per day. What the word I’m searching for?… let’s go with “endearing”

    1. Ah yes, I know those endearing moments well. “You need to enter your password. …The same one you came up with yesterday. …The one I emailed you because you thought you might forget.”

  8. 10,000 babies? EEK!

    My dad was playing Wii with my nephew, Ethan. Ethan kept trying to explain to him how the controller worked; my dad kept saying he knew how to do it; he clearly didn’t; Ethan just kept sighing and eventually just sat on the couch and gave up.

    I went to yoga with my mom Monday night – not technology related – but a challenge in its own right.

    1. So, Rachey-Poo, feel like doing a guest post?! This mother-daughter yoga trip sounds mighty blog-worthy… In return, I could give you a post about how I make Grape-Nuts into oatmeal by microwaving them… Okay so maybe this isn’t exactly a fair trade.

      P.S. – 9,999, at least.

  9. My mom got her employer to get her an iPhone. At this point, she has no idea how to do anything but make calls and has just figured out how to text. So . . . money well spent. I have no plans to teach her anything else, in case you were wondering. Yes, I am daughter of the year.

    But, I predict that Babs will have this thing down by the end of the week! Also, I could really go for some shrooms right now.

    1. Dude, sorry this reply is so late, Babs shared her stash with me. Hoo. She’s got the hook-up. Oh wait. No. Was just the glasses.

      I don’t know if i’ve ever used my iPhone as an actual phone, come to think of it…

    1. Oh hoh. No no no. Merely gave me permission to take them from MY phone. (Confession: Took me a year before I knew, too, and hey! Seeing screenshots of your Twitter feed in your blog posts is what made me go figure out how to do it! Aw, look! You’re paying it forward and you don’t even know it!)

  10. Oh thank God my mom is so old she doesn’t know what a telephone is anymore. Her big challenge in life was learning to use the VCR. That was enough for her. And me. May the force be with you, my friend.

  11. It’s from so very long ago, back in the days of msn messenger, but I once left a messaging conversation with my mother for a moment with this: “BRB”. 10 minutes later, I come back to my computer to find she’s sent me about 20 messages… “what does that mean?”… “BRB?” … “What?”… “Did you leave?” “Are you coming back?” … etc

  12. Oh, Babs already is better than me with the smartphone. Jim called me on mine last week and I honest to God had no clue how to answer the damn thing. I honest didn’t know people really talked on them. Mine is just for playing Candy Crush Saga.

  13. I read a statistic somewhere that most everyone has a smart phone and only 5-10% use it for things beyond calling and texting. Considering that my iphone is my most prized position and I probably use it LEAST for calling (I get confused when it rings) I find this shocking. I’m impressed that Babs is already using Siri for texting!

  14. My dad desperately wanted a Windows 8 Micrrosoft Surface for Christmas this year. Stupid me I got it for him. So he’s trying to learn windows 8 the same time as he’s learning he touch screen tablet. Result: AAAAaaaaAAAAAAAhHHHHHHhH!!!!!

  15. Oh boy. I wish you tons and tons of patience. Although your mom seems to be doing pretty well. My mother in law not so much. She has a dumb phone and will ask me why it’s not working and I have to repeat to her that she must turn it on. I can’t tell you how many times I have to help her with her computer. Ay!

  16. I am feeling so smugly superior to Babs because I have had my smart phone for almost a year and already I know how to turn the ringer-sound off. Have her call me for tips.

    1. Fortunately, Peg, Julie wasn’t around when I couldn’t figure out how to get my phone to start making sounds again. Even my husband couldn’t figure it out and he’s had a smart phone for awhile. My older dgt suggested the button on the side. I didn’t even know it was there! Think I’ll go take a class at the AT&T store…

  17. So funny! I love a good babs story. My mom also got an iPhone recently. Even worse, she got on Facebook. It’s been all kinds of painful. Did Babs use Siri to get a semicolon on there??!

    1. Geesh, I did’t know Siri and the little microphone on the keyboard when I text, had anything to do with one another. You mean she’s the one typing after I talk? If so, she’s not too bright; I have to speak slowly and very succinctly in order for it/her to work.

  18. Jules,
    This post cracks me up so hard, babe. I LOVE your mom. And, you are a trooper for helping her with the smartphone maze of confusion. Honestly, to this day, I still call my daughter and ask her how to work my iPhone. It’s been five years. I’m only 47. This does not bode well for me and my future relationship with her. LOL! Thanks for the gut-laugh today, honey. XOXO

    1. Thank YOU, Liz! And Babs would definitely approve of your “XOXO” sign off – that’s how she rolls, too.

      If your daughter is half as lovely as you, she’ll always be in your technology corner! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      1. Awww…you are so sweet, Jules. Thank you for the kind words. Your mama-Babs is the bomb. I’m STILL laughing at her Miley C. tree topper. It was so friggen’ funny, sis. You both crack me up routinely! Hugs to you both. ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. Love it! The only way to really bond with technology is to go on a trip together — looks like your mom has got that down. Now let’s just hope that the psychedelics aren’t a gateway drug for the little iPhone….

    1. I totally boarded a ‘shroomy-train-of-thought just now and started wondering if there were ‘drug dealer’ apps. Like in Colorado, I bet you can use an app to order your oh-so-legal ganja right from your phone.

      On a TOTALLY unrelated note…I think I know where I want to go on a trip with my iPhone.

  20. I have the gold one, too! (You saw that coming, right?)

    I just got my mom an iPhone – she’s 86. I expected a thrice daily calls on a million different things but she’s completely rocking it. I’m pretty sure she’s now one of the most addicted Face Bookers I know and she has made killer comments. She NEVER struck me as THAT witty. So proud. (Or as she would put it #soproud)

  21. Hey Jules! That is soooo super cool that your Mom got a smart phone! I wish her lots of luck in operating it!

    Also, I am participating in the 2014 Pledge For Pets Fundraiser for the Animal Protective League again this year (my fourth year too) and if you would like to make a donation again to the APL, here is the donation link:

    We once again need all the help we can get to raise the much needed donations to help those animals in need. Our heart is in full gear getting the word out to those who can help make a difference in an animals life and help them find their “Forever Home”. Please help us and spread the word to all who are animal lovers! Thanks much! Hugs from all of us at Nikitaland!

  22. Too funny. My grandmother uses her phone on facebook and didn’t realize that she was putting everything in caps and using periods between every letter she thought she was using a space bar. Lol!

  23. Babs just lapped me around the track. My parents have smart phones and are like the Jetsons compared to me. Which doesn’t exactly make sense since the Jetsons were invented in the ’60s.

    I’m so glad you mentioned having my babies. We want more and I don’t want to carry them. I’ll be sending you a surrogacy contract in a moment.

  24. I’m currently hiding in the bathroom. Stalling till when I go to work. My mom got a smart phone and keeps asking me random questions. Google became her best friend because it can talk. She keeps accidently deleting things and that’s just the beginning of it. Ahh

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