Please, Don’t Try to Contain Your Raging Jealousy

Oh, Chipmunks. I can’t stuff a cheek without bumping into another compliment / award / congratulatory butt slap these days. So it goes when you have brains, charm and a disarming perma-grin honed from years of smiling and nodding.

Great! Whatever you say! …Wait, what?

This week I received not only a rad ‘stache-themed award from the lovely xdanigirl of The Life and Times of a Mom, but also my very first…



That’s right! The brand new “Jealous as F***” award from The Byronic Man!

Third Hub claims he’s wildly jealous of a video blog I made some time ago. I’ll take his word for it, though he couldn’t even find said video, because I know he’s heartbreakingly envious of my amazing memes everything I do.

He's always had exceptional taste.
The Byronic Man has always had exceptional taste.

Normally I try to revel in others’ successes, but let’s get real. There are some bloggers out there who make me want to hurl myself down a set of stairs. I’m talking about bloggers who, in the spirit of the Jafees, make me rip out my hair and scream, “DANGNABBIT I wish I’d thought of that first!”

So here, in random order, are my first Jafee Award winners! Please accept this nod as a token of my seething resentment.

(Note: Anyone can pass along Jafee awards; winners are under no obligation to do so.)


I’m not kidding when I tell you I’m shamefully jealz of Becca from 25tofly. She’s young(er), pretty(ier), funny(ier), has killer dance moves, a great following, and she can put together a video blog like nobody’s business. When I saw this, and this, I kind of wanted to cry. What’s more, Becca recently quit her day job in order to pursue making videos, so no, no, I’m not jealous at all.

Nina BadzinNina-Badzin

Nina is not only a social media guru who penned Twitter advice that’s garnered oodles of attention, but she writes for a bunch of other websites, a top source of my blinding jealousy. In addition to being a truly talented writer and all-around nice person, Nina’s got 4 kids and a rockin’ bod (hate her). She also just kicked her public speaking fear in the ass [by reading a piece on stage], which is something I so wish I had the nerve do.

JM-AccidentalStepmomAccidental Stepmom

I’m lucky enough to call JM of Accidental Stepmom a real-life friend. This confuses me, because she is way too cool to want to hang out with me. She does sound for Broadway for crying out loud! She’s authored some of my all-time favorite blog posts, and she’s the type of universally appealing blogger that non-bloggers love to read. She’s irresistibly smart and funny without trying too hard. Now that is envy-inducing.

Rian-TruthandCakeTruth and Cake

If you’re not jealous of Rian from Truth and Cake, it’s only because you don’t know her. Her second ever blog post was Freshly Pressed (i.e., featured on the home page of She came out guns blazing, with exceptionally sincere, thoughtful and well-written posts. Rian has one of those voices all writers strive for – you want to hear what she has to say, and feel confident taking her advice. What really gets my jealousy meter fired up, though, is the fact that she married a South African with an undoubtedly awesome accent her drool-worthy graphic design / photography skills and overall style.

Rachels-Table-gravatarRachel’s Table

When my dear friend Rache decided to go on video with her first ‘Peppermeister Roulette,’ I thought, “Well. This is it. Husband #1 is divorcing me.” Rachel took home some of my husband, Peppermeister’s, spiciest peppers with the warning, “Don’t tell me what any of these are.” Fearlessly, she ate one after the other, determined to conquer his hottest homegrowns. Don’t think someone can look amazing and offer cooking tips with their nose running, eyes watering and ears ringing? Guess again. The only thing hotter than the peppers was Rache.

I seem to be forgetting someone… Hmm… Nope. Can’t think of it. Happy Thursday! 

OKAY FINE. The man behind the Jafees-which-I-totally-don’t-wish-I’d-thought-of-first…

The Byronic ManBMan-Gravatar-stache

Just to be nice. I’m really only jealous of his intelligence, stand-up comedy, acting skills, stick figures, photo captions, and uncanny ability to get into the minds of animals and share their points of view how good he looks in jeans.

Bloggers: Feel free to pass along your own Jafee awards! Non-bloggers / All: Who drives you loco with jealousy (in and outside of the blogosphere)?


64 thoughts on “Please, Don’t Try to Contain Your Raging Jealousy”

    1. I found that at the 20-year most everyone had calmed down. There was the occasional “Everyone look at how awesome I’m doing” bottomless pit of need, but mostly people just had an air of, “Welp. We mostly all landed around the middle, didn’t we.”

  1. I am reading this and weeping with jealousy. But I’ll be okay. Just gotta suck it up. (sniff) No, I’m fine. Really. (sobbing)

    Whenever I read about JM’s job, I’m in awe of her skills/talent. And Rachel? I won’t even go there. So I’ll be sure to check out the rest of your sources of inspiration/jealousy (can Nina give me some tips on public speaking?)

    1. DP, I already have like 3 more Jafee posts written in my head because my jealz of you and others knows no bounds. I can’t really talk about it without sobbing. And then you went and got that incredible haircut. Just rub it in.

  2. Jules,
    Those are great nominations. I do have a special place in my clown nose for Becca, of course. But everybody knows that… Now there was a point to this… Yes! Darla… If I would be nominating some myself, she and Weebles would make the top of the list. So this is like a nomination post, but in a comment format. Like a condensed energy drink, bottled in a character of Game of Thrones, one that I will not name as I have class. And this is where I stop. Now for another cup of coffee.
    Le Clown

    1. Le Clown,

      You would have been on this list too if B Man hadn’t hogged the best rationale.

      I hear you re: Dame Darlesworth Maineington. (<— Is that too long for an energy drink?)

      Go Jules Gooooo

  3. Byronic Man has come up with an amazing award…that has filled me with resentment for not thinking of it first. You have listed some bloggers I am unaware of and now will be checking out so I can stew in my envy juices all day. It’s all right, I think tonight I’m having crap pizza for dinner so there’s that to look forward to.

  4. And now I get to be resentful and jealous of you some more. All of you uber talented and popular bloggers need to go take a flying leap in a big vat of whatever. I feel like I’m back in middle school, eating alone at lunch, whilst gazing wistfully at the packed full table of cool, mean girls. Sigh.

    Wait, was that too angsty? I think I let my envy peek out again. What I meant to say was . . . this is so fantastic! Fabulous bloggers all. What a neato award with well-deserved recipients. You and B-man are just the bestest.


    1. Maaaaybe if someone wasn’t so busy playing both sides of the fence during the epic dog vs. kids battle, she’d know how jealous I am of her and her ninja snaps. 😉

      1. Oh. So, basically you are saying that I can buy your love with praise and blind agreement? I thought that was just by vodka and mustache themed gifts? Huh. Duly noted.

  5. Say, I done hear-tell that that Jafee award and its corresponding button are open to anyone, and that it’s the hottest thing on the interwebs right now! That everyone’s doing it, and if not, should!

    I envy the living crap out of “Truth And Cake”‘s name. I actually meant to include that on mine. First time I saw it I felt like I’d finally figured out what I wanted to call my blog… Now I just have to wait for her to retire.

    1. I picture Rian busting through the saloon doors of WordPress: “All right you Plebs. Watch and learn, watch and learn.” I did feel a little better, though, after reading a post where she talked about how she prepared / learned Photoshop, etc., before even stepping foot on bloggy ground.

      I, on the otherhand, read one funny blog post and thought, “Sure. I can do this.” My first 6 months of writing to myself was really rewarding. Then you found me and I realized people would come to worship me.

    2. I hear Truth and Pie is still wide open. “Cake” allows me to link to and reference this as much as I like. That vibrating thing was totally me: only child, lover and hoarder of all things delicious and frosted.

  6. Those women all look really amazing and don’t appear to have wine or vomit stains on their shirts or permanent tear lines on their faces from crying so often about poor life decisions they’ve made. I’m going to check them all out, but they look like they’re waaaaaay to classy for me. You may be as far into that crowd as I can dip my toes without showing my ass, Jules.

    1. I finished the first draft of this list, and only then did I sit back and think, “Dang. This is a whole lotta foxy lady [B Man included. Let us remember the smokin’ red dress].” I think it speaks volumes about my vanity, but we won’t go there.

      1. Sadly, I did mention in the first draft of my comment on this that B man was also an overly handsome and talented fellow, but I didn’t want to out myself as being overly jealous of everyone associated with you except for your dog.

  7. Raging jealousy? check. Unbridled envy? check. Soul-destroying thoughts of “Why, oh why, not me?” yup. All present and accounted for.

    I’m not familiar with a couple of your choices, so thanks for the recommendations. They must have something going on to stir your green monster, Jules.

    1. Don’t you just get PO’d when you hear about new bloggers that sound great? (I’m thinking of your latest post as I ask this question.) I’m honestly at that point.

  8. What the … I somehow missed Byronic’s Jafee post. Both of you featured some tremendous talents that I’m JAF’d over – clown, Rachel, Becca, stepmom, etc.

    A week or two I had proposed The Smokin Hot blogger award that’s based solely on their gravatar. Lots if interest in that but I can’t figure out how to start it without sounding super creepy.

    1. I consider it part of my wifely duties to make sure none of B Man’s posts are overlooked. He’s making me pie later.

      I LOVE that award idea, ESPECIALLY because of the creep factor. Who’s first? Rache?

      1. Haha! First and foremost is me. You can totally award it to yourself. Rache Becca are definitely in the mix. You’d be on the list if I can get past the facial hair on ur Gravatar. And I’m comfortable enough to say Byronic is on it.

  9. Ummmmmm wanna make out? Three way make out between me you and BM? I think so.

    You made my whole week Jules! This is so wonderful! I’ve definitely been jelz of you, Rian and plenty of others. Thanks for the generous shout out, but I have to get back to the stoop where I’ll be begging for change until my YouTube channel takes off :).

      1. I’m not buying all this womanly jealousy stuff. There’d be more meowing and hair on the ground were this real jealousy. Am I right? Fellas? High five? *Cricket chirps*…damn.

    1. I totally would, but I’m afraid to find out you’re a better kisser than me, too.

      I HAVE thought about starting an etsy shop, but that seems like a lot of work. And I’m already soooo busy resenting people.

  10. Reblogged this on 25ToFly and commented:
    Jules is like the popular kid in high school that ISN’T a raging bitch. And she has some equally as popular and non bitchy friends (me included?! SWEET!). Check it out, ya dig.

  11. I’m J.A.F of you, Jules! With the ‘stache glasses, the great writing, the wit and cleverness. I can’t get enough of Go Jules Go.

    Thank you so much for mentioning me. I’m honored and I accept this award on behalf of my gravatar.

  12. West coast time has made me late to the party! Ay, ay, ay, Jules. I may faint from all of your super kind words. All of that sucking up and the secret booze I’ve been sneaking into your morning coffee via tiny Hunger Games parachutes finally paid off! You = that rare and *enviable* person who makes other bloggers feel cooler/smarter/prettier than they actually are. And we’ll take it! Thanks for including me in this lineup–the company is amazing. As are you, my attractive mustachioed friend.

  13. Because I didn’t remotely need to add MORE people to my new ending RSS feed. Can I give you another award for “Knowing Too Many Awesome Bloggers that Now I Have to Read”?

  14. I envy you, Jules! You’re so damn funny and a crazy talented singer/writer/blogger etc. etc. I so would love a pair of ‘stache glasses. However, you are inspiring me as I’m working on a “Sparkling horse shit” post as that was a search someone did that brought them to my blog. Hahaha, I have to admit, I think that’s awesome!!! Plus, you wouldn’t believe what comes up when you google that shit… 😉

  15. Jules, you need to cutback on the picking of yourself so much. I love reading your posts and I think you are beautiful. So, there…
    By the way, I am not jealous of Rian, but I think I am jealous of her husband. Rian was the first blog I ever followed on WP. We have been blogger-friends ever since and I do count her advice as very valid.

    1. Ha! What does it tell you that I had to read this several times before realizing what you meant by “picking on yourself” (I thought you meant I picked myself to win a Jafee… which I’m totally not above doing)! That’s very, very nice of you – thank you!

      Rian is a class act all the way. Too bad she’s so hideous-looking 😉

  16. I think I’ve been in a car for a week. No, my bad. Just most of four days. I can’t blog and drive at the same time, that’s my reason for being late with my thank you. This is so cool! I can’t wait to check everybody out that I don’t know yet. But, because for the first time in two years there is no grumpy older teen downstairs during the day, my husband is insisting that I spend some time with him. . .I’ll probably be back in like seven minutes.

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